Dare do I speak my mind
There is no mask to hide behind.
I have courage in my potential
Though the times you gave up on me were
Sequential enough for me to stop believing
You are the man I believe in.
You are the man who craves perfection
Though what changes from day to day is its definition;
Your values are skewed and it’s safe to assume,
That I could never truly do right by you,
Unless I learn how to paint the sky
In the hue that suits your mood;
Unless I can devote my time to you
But only on your schedule.
Only you have the upperhand
In every conversation- I can’t stand
That I can’t speak my own, you speak for me.
Every time you pause, I’m interrupting.
Every word I speak is another excuse
You see, I could never truly do right by you.
Or at least that’s how I feel.
It’s hard to know what’s real.
I do not owe you my existence,
And pardon me if I show resistance,
My feelings can come off pretentious-
I am not licentious!
I am not any of the names you spit at me
You claim respect and honor,
But throw respect out the window when it comes to your daughter,
To your daughter who loves you;
Who cleans you and bathes you.
At the drop of a pin when the date is past due,
When a clock has struck midnight
There’s nothing left to say.
Only one question, why treat me this way?
The love you lend is hard to give
Your pride is a house which I cannot live
If my love does better on the outside
To protect my heart I won’t come in.
You can raise your knife and prepare for a slaughter
But please put the knife down,
I am your daughter.
This is part one of I think will be three parts exploring my feelings regarding my relationship with my father. I don't know if I will post the other parts. The first part is the most painful, and as it continues, it gets easier as with time.