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Mar 2016 · 406
Team
Rose Mar 2016
I feel alone
Surrounded by people
I know that's cliche but
**** it I'm saying
That life ain't same
When people don't play on
Your team or against it

I've got scars
The length of my forearm
I once felt ashamed
But now we just are.
Mar 2016 · 441
Stages
Rose Mar 2016
Stages keep me moving

In directions

I've avoided

WELCOME signs

Towns I've never dreamed

Until I'm

Standing center stage

Guessing, staring

At my feet

Creepin dirt

Between my toes

It's time to run, I know

Twigs breakin neath my weight
Dust and dirt carry me
Heaviest cloud ever seen

I don't belong in a field full of green
Blooming bright and blooming clean
Oh baby I'm going to a

Tree top canopy

That's the place for me
Rose Feb 2016
People say that newborns are difficult
They don't sleep through the night
They don't eat at predetermined times
They don't communicate with words
No, a newborn won't play by your rules

A newborn can't grasp your concept of "life"
They are aware of only a need
for parental affection
They are tiny and helpless, so
Learn their feeding cues
Or notice if they just need you,
Not necessarily want the ****,
Because daddies are important too
They need your warmth, your breath, your scent

Don't be upset at a tiny babe for crying in the night
Respond to their heart wrenching cries
Which wake you from your slumber
Do it gently for their comfort is far more important
Than what ever schedule you're under

The hazy fading days blur into one another
until they're gone
and life becomes much harder
Suddenly, you've got yourself a toddler.
I realize we aren't all your generic mother/father combo, this is mostly about me reminding myself to be as patient with my toddler as I once was with my newborn. But, also, love your babies endlessly. Because every day they are growing and developing their attitude and wit.
Feb 2016 · 337
I like to think so.
Rose Feb 2016
Smile at a photo
From 1989
My brother was born
Into my mothers arms
With my father smiling
Proud

Can he feel the warmth of my heart
Reaching him, all the way to heaven?
Rose Jan 2016
hunger
like towering walls
of water

i won't give in though i
crave crave crave*


they won't let me get drunk
won't let me do drugs
won't let me do nothing
so nothing gets done


two miserly words
self sabatoge
Jan 2016 · 241
tweenaged
Rose Jan 2016
run upstairs
and cut your arm
open deep and wide
open sweetie look inside
blood vessels spilling cries
its 2am
do you know where your kids are?
Nov 2015 · 393
Blue Poison
Rose Nov 2015
I saw you
I'm not afraid
I saw you
Living inside me
I saw you
And I'm not afraid

Blue poison
You sleep in my veins
And memories
Just memory
Drives me insane

Let me live in this place
Let me get to your face

Blue poison
Remember my name
Nov 2015 · 1.0k
canopy
Rose Nov 2015
my words:
a parachute,
over your
Earth of
problems -
deflated and
tethered long
before landing
Oct 2015 · 822
felonious
Rose Oct 2015
3 grams of
spring green
delivered to the door step
alongside
bright yellow and
blue russet

an unused paint brush
dips into each
and speckles
on glossy paper
turn us into

jackie, jessie,
john
alfred, kate,
and dawn

packaged and sold
as 21 yr old frauds
Oct 2015 · 563
Health Republic
Rose Oct 2015
Ya ever read a book
N think
"**** I'm in this book"
I am Sarah Grimke
Sally from A Nightmare
I am Jodi Picoult's
version of a heroine
But it isn't much a nightmare
But a life so much like mine
Just lacking uncertainty
Regarding fear
Anxiety
These women knew what to do
And I

I feel your mission
I know why you did what you've done
It was so clear, but
for me,
who is my enemy?

I want to hide
Under or in a tub
So long as
You can't find me

Is this my millenial
sloth, gluttony?

We try try try
Nothing becomes of it

You are so drunk and you say that
You're dying
I ask you,
*What is your insurance policy?
Oct 2015 · 780
Walls
Rose Oct 2015
There I go
I lost again
A competition
No one else was in
Me against
My very own
Self against
The outside world
Locked in a groove
Of "Not this
Not that
Just a fool"
So I stay home
Scratch the walls
Till the overgrowth
Is gone
thank you for being my "dark place"
Oct 2015 · 1.4k
Pros and Cons
Rose Oct 2015
Eyes fallen through
The back of my head
Which rattles with every turn

Quicker thoughts and
Scribbled words
Ideas I've had before

I do what I want
And feel empowered by my
Decision making skills
Although the decisions are poor
And consequences linger

I feel I'm
Honoring my deepest wishes
But I'm just
Giving in to darkness
Listening to demons
writing gets it out and helps the feeling fade
Rose Oct 2015
Hey, Hello
what's going on
It's been a minute
since I've said what's up
Your almighty smile
Your all-knowing face
gazing at me,
and I feel ok
I've talked to you, sure
I've pleaded my case
but it's been so long
since I've felt such grace

We disguise it as God
but it's really just us
forgiving ourselves
for the **** we have done
It's all in your perspective
the power you hold
It's in your own hands
You know this,
You know
Sep 2015 · 265
Hello?
Rose Sep 2015
I should think more
More about the greatness
my father was
and made me feel
as opposed to
the absolute emptiness
when he's gone.
Spit it out
Jul 2015 · 569
good morning molly
Rose Jul 2015
Sounds like
Feels like
Tastes like
Must be
Tinfoil
Breathe  in
Undertow
Blood doesn't have time
To splatter
Jul 2015 · 370
what good is it?
Rose Jul 2015
inhale smoke
burn on the
deep way down
shrieks outside
of a slid-
ing glass door
exhale less
hurt, more fren-
zy of mind.
yellow light,
not so kind
with my heart,
still I call.
though I fight,
no one knows
anything
you're a ray of light and I want an answer I'll never get
Jun 2015 · 1.6k
an open letter
Rose Jun 2015
I was numb to
everything you
said or did
almost like I was
drugged or something
the time I got to your house
she was there before me
and I
should've ****** you
right there in the driveway
her sad crazy eyes
watching

instead you left bruises
from trying to keep me
Jun 2015 · 1.1k
Catholic School
Rose Jun 2015
Maybe we can go back
Try undoing the past
Where is the thrill of
Anticipation?

In the last grade of
Elementary
They allowed us
To sign our
Virginal names in
Blueorblack ink
I was ten, I
Had already written
My script then
I did it in
Permanent pen

There was no time to erase

Mother wasn't excitable
some days, she was
She tore up my script
My script after script
Every idea
To her
Just ****

And I'd begin
Again in pen
And then it just ends.
Jun 2015 · 533
Mother Nature
Rose Jun 2015
I am
The damp weight of summer
I am a day of blue skies

I am
The storm
An eruption of wind
And light

Taking you
And your confidence
Beneath
The waves

Tomorrow
When you awake
Saved by a barrel
Of gun powder
Remember
I am the soft breeze
The seagull screech
I am your savior
You were a fool to think
the sun would keep
smiling
May 2015 · 767
Adulterated
Rose May 2015
Were you a pie
Laid out sweet
Cherrylace
In my flushed wet face
I'd eat you
From the inside out

     Ice cream as
     A side dish
I'm ignoring it

You're the real treat
This ain't about no ****.
May 2015 · 2.6k
Dear Preteen Girls
Rose May 2015
Behind me and my daughter
In line for the Ferris wheel
Perhaps when you are older
You will find breastfeeding
Is the least nasty thing
Your child will do

Wait for the projectile *****
The diaper explosions
Snot handed to you
So kindly like a present
Wait for the strangers to ask you
"So when do you plan to get your body back?"

My body never left
It did the most badass thing
Any body could ever do
What have you done
With the beautiful sharp mind and body
God has given you?
Used your eyes and words
To judge other women
Looked at your tummy in the mirror and thought
"I should be skinnier."

It is a shame,
Women ought to stick together
So I'm going to tell you now
Your bodies are amazing
Magical, you might say
Life giving, you're **** right
Do not judge me
Say that my nursing toddler is nasty
Look at her face,
How can you be so cruel?
For ***** sake,
It's just a ******
I can see more of you
Pre-thirteen
In your crop top and skinny jeans
Than you can of me
May 2015 · 761
March Against Monsanto
Rose May 2015
After a day of
Rally
Sweat
Skin to skin

We come home to

Creamsicle colored sunset
Dog on the back deck
Laughter in a tree canopy

Earth's sweet nourishment
Yielding natural supply
-
It's what I march for
May 2015 · 1.1k
Daisy
Rose May 2015
My mind is waging a war
With the old girl next door
She's full of joy and hope
Sunken in quick sand
Too thick to reach out a hand
And grab onto her rope

Life's little beauties
Have the power
To astound me

Life's little horrors
Have the power
To paralyze with anxiety

and
*I'd rather just feel nothing
May 2015 · 1.1k
love to hold you
Rose May 2015
love to hold you
while you are still
after the stars
sprinkle their dust
it hangs in sparkles
from your lashes
your skin still damp and pink
love to hold you
after the waves
wash over the clouds
all the days creatures
paint a navy sky
leaving tiny holes so
glimpses of heaven
can peek its eyes through
love to hold you
Rose May 2015
Grab my face,
Turn me away from the light
"Ten more minutes.
They're coming
I promise,
Just stay awake please."
You beg as crimson seems to
Cover the night

I am walking, wearing
A pink dress with ribbons
Blonde hair striped with
Milk and honey
Blushing rose cheeks and you
Are laughing
In your suit with
A yellow bow tie
And your teeth are so white
There's a man with brow sweat
And a face like a pig
Illuminated
By street light
I'll never forget this

Purple blue blood
Taking over my dress
Momma's gonna be so upset
So upset
May 2015 · 1.4k
Pet Goldfish
Rose May 2015
Cleaning the fish bowl today
I realized
Not even goldfish
Enjoy swimming
In their own ****

Unlike you and me
We wallow in self pity
May 2015 · 308
Thanks For Raising Me
Rose May 2015
It was red when it first erupted
And red when he left it
Blue, green, yellow, and
white in between
On the side of a mountain
He blasted apart with his son
And other explosives..

He raised us and taught us
The proper way
To take care of your property
I am his youngest grandchild
That's something I will always be
Someone in his eyes
I'll always be.

It's hard when you think
no one can see you
When you're eleven
and cutting yourself
When you're puking from crying
And you hurry to turn off the lights
So the tired old man checking on you
Thinks you're asleep and well
I got so tired of talking
Of thinking I was not worth the trouble
The trouble it takes to let a child
of abuse and divorce
Cry on your shoulder
I never thought I was a guest
Always knew you were fleeting..

But I was persistent on insisting
That I was the only person existing
I am sure I was wrong about that.

I  hope you've asked Jesus to forgive me
for all the wrong I've done
All the lies I've told and
All the hell I put myself and everyone around me through
You didn't know what I was doing
up there in that room
But I wish you did
So someone could've told me "no"
Someone I'd of listened to.
But I don't blame you
I don't blame you.
this is such a rough draft but I'm not going to change it. Sorry if it is hard to read or feel the flow.

9/2/25-5/4/15
r.i.p to my amazing Grandfather.
May 2015 · 654
Sleeping Beauty Spring
Rose May 2015
If I could paint a picture
It would be of this tree
Sun shining through
Branches tickling me
I rest at its trunk
Read aloud to a bee
Two small spotted skunks
Are both here to see
The sun and the tree
Listen gently

100-something ants
On a voyage
All around your uneven terrain
One-by-one,
I hear their little voices
So full of hope and promise
"We're gonna make it today!"
Your Mind Is A Powerful Thing
May 2015 · 1.3k
Papa
Rose May 2015
I saw Death creeping
Licking his chops
Preying

I watched him
On his tip-toes
Polish fruit and
Smell old ladies perfume

To him the days are
Light and easy
Moments don't add up
Time won't get heavy

But when the clock struck 8:01
You went with him
Where to, I don't know
I wish he would leave us alone
Apr 2015 · 565
Thinking Inside
Rose Apr 2015
I wonder
If your eyes are twitching
If your chest is shaking
Heart rattling inside
With each breath
My skin gets tighter
My thoughts run faster
Faster and faster until
My mind is a track
Scarred from burned rubber
I wonder I wonder I wonder
Apr 2015 · 595
Motherhood (To Me)
Rose Apr 2015
The thing is
I wouldn't blame her
If she grew up hating me
For staying how I am
I too find myself
Intolerable
Yet
Desirable
And
Impossible to learn from

Can't go a moment without saying
I am madly in love with all she is
And could be
But won't be
Because she and I both know
You can't please every need

Becoming who I am to you
Has made all the things I was to me
So minuscule
My life is now for giving thanks

Your happiness
Is everything
To me
Apr 2015 · 639
mental
Rose Apr 2015
i fell in love with you
on nights scrambled with vyvanse
your tight little *** in sweatpants
so high was i on your love

you wore these once
but now i wear them
when i'm feeling my very worst
i wear them when i need the reminder
i'm no longer your girl

for years, after you left me,
my heart was sick and bloated
so now i wear your sweatpants
when i've got my period
do you ever even think of me
waste of time and mental energy
Mar 2015 · 316
It's Like You
Rose Mar 2015
It's like you
Wore me as a sweater

As soon as I was
Fitting comfortably

You tore me at the seams

All it takes is
One loose thread

Pull it
Take the chance

*My only hope
Is to hang onto you
I believe in forgiveness.
Rose Mar 2015
i remember the dream, it was
the heart of summer's heat
stars played across the sky
you pulled a rifle from your
grandfather's cabinet
and shot your ex in the chest

i still wish that was real life
a dining room table and a swing set
wood paneled parlor and a king bed
two hearts dancing in the kitchen,
the world in their hands at last
Mar 2015 · 810
Fooled Ya
Rose Mar 2015
Like a shark I
Strike at the first sign
Vulnerable, innocent blood

I will make it all your fault
I'll make you wanna quit your job
Make you wanna pack a bag
Huff a chloroform rag
Just to get away from my setting sun
You'll crawl back to me
Riddled with anxieties
About all the wrong
I made you think you've done
When, truth be told,
It was me all along
Cheating, lying sneak
Feb 2015 · 962
Tongue Tied Together
Rose Feb 2015
I like it when you
Come home and **** me
There's nothing left
In the world worth happening
And our skin to skin
Gives all the electricity
Needed to power the home we share

They say marriage is monotonous
Marriage is a dead end street
Baby we're in an ocean current
Never ending rip roaring waves
We moan in ecstacy, inhale each other
Sweet salty skin flavor lingers
Tongue tied together
I love you forever
Heating Up The Winter Sheets
Feb 2015 · 252
I Miss It
Rose Feb 2015
Who'd of figured*
Oh, me, me, me!
I offer with my hand raised
I wake from a muddy haze
And clarity returns to me
I wore a lovely veil for days
Stared ahead, rose color my gaze
All glories fade

I miss it when the lights
Well the lights, they would come on
And I was thankful
just to breathe the beauty in
Now it's like I expect this
burning bulb to do something for me
But there's nothing to be done

There's nothing to be done for me
Longing for you I realize
It's time to put out the light
Feb 2015 · 470
V-Day Song
Rose Feb 2015
I've got a song in my head
I'll sing it out loud for you
It goes like this
Well a la-da-dee-da
It goes like this for you

But I stand
I shiver
I fall
Lips quiver
In love with you
And you didn't even have to try that hard all along

So if there comes a day when you're wanting me
Know that I'll never be free
Free from your arms that entangle me
Know that I'll never be free

I stand
Shiver
My stained
Lips quiver
I'm in love with you and you didn't even have to try that hard all along
Feb 2015 · 990
Seasonal
Rose Feb 2015
Come so hot but go so soon
Pads of our prints prune in the water
I'd hold you under if it meant
You'd be mine, forever
I've lost every step along the way
Praying you go back home with me
I bore you in the dead of winter
You were but a sapling
Clinging to splinters
I breathed love into you
Sweet, guilty love
I breathed smoke into you
Burning sweet, sticky lungs
You came so hot,
You were supposed to go so soon
But now,
I'm not sure what to do with you
Feb 2015 · 454
Sense of Self-ishness
Rose Feb 2015
This ***** got me digging a hole
Big enough to fit 10,000 souls
Which is exactly how many
I plan to take
Aw hell, what's one more,
for bad lucks sake
Ya'll can sit in here with me
Wallow in self pity

And in the dark dark night
Not even you can see the days light
Nothing touches us down here
Has Taylor Swift trademarked any of these phrases yet?
Jan 2015 · 362
confessional
Rose Jan 2015
baby go ahead and
stick every last needle in my eye
i've been telling lies
since the first time i cried in your bed

held my hand as i sobbed
spilled wine on the rug
i'm a filthy person
in need of a hug

say i'm not that person anymore
i'd love to hear it, boy
tell me something,
how will i die?
i know not the answer
to nothin
Jan 2015 · 3.7k
drunk sex
Rose Jan 2015
oh boy i*
fight so hard to stay awake
as your fingers trail across me
you make my skin shudder and shake
you see my day was long and muddy
i can't quite wash it all away
liquor didn't rinse it either
but please don't turn away cause

i can make your earth quake
disrupt precious soil and tear patterns in the roadway
a tornado to the heavens and a free fall down on me
i won't let you regret coming home tonight

baby
please
Jan 2015 · 1.7k
Bubble Bath Distractions
Rose Jan 2015
"There must be quite a few things that a hot bath won't cure
but I don't know many of them."
Sylvia Plath

Unfortunately for me
I don't have a tub
Just a shrinking shower
Reminiscent of a coffin
It can be enough
If you put some music on
I let my little miss jam on the keyboard
More like slamming out a tune
Something my mother
Always encouraged me to do
But I never did
I had a bathtub then
i am a huge fan
Jan 2015 · 740
Happy Anniversary
Rose Jan 2015
Over hearing conversations
To the likes of
"Do you think I should text him"
And waitresses like chickens without heads
In a 12 table establishment
My eggs are runny I find
I've grown quite fond of
Slurping up their insides

This scene is unappealing
So it's time for me to leave
Snow slushes beneath my feet
Winter gets the best of me
Jan 2015 · 4.2k
warning, warning, warning
Rose Jan 2015
through all the heartache
through life and death
through all the chaos that lives in my head
we can all be certain of one thing
i was much more clever when i was on ******

way too often i imagine a life where i've never met him
(i never end up any place good)
but in all these imaginings
i always feel like me
i always feel like i'm enough

so now can you un-save me?
Rose Jan 2015
for a few hours
i sat in front of the fire
and watched wood pellets burn
i came to when the dryer was done with its cycle
if i'd never heard the squirrels burrowing
if i'd forgotten about the cold,
about the bitterness,
about the hollow shell i'm in,
my mind could be sunbathing
permanently
Dec 2014 · 733
past life
Rose Dec 2014
she slips down the hall
heels click in her hand
with a peek through the doorway
all hope fails to stand
she's lured in by its glow,
she sees love interlaced, sweating its sheets,
such tenderness is to her unknown

as she snakes out the house
she wonders aloud to herself,
"who is this hollow shell
taking my soul for a walk?"
Dec 2014 · 715
Jerk Off
Rose Dec 2014
You're self centered its relentless
How far you'll go to convince us
That your life is perfect
Better than the rest
While I struggle to stay put
Leave the knives in the drawer
Struggle to be good
What if some of us are meant to be sweet
And the rest of us mean?
I think I'm both
I certainly see a resembling insecurity about us each but also the sharp turn of head when you say something dumb,
I'll eat you for breakfast you little ****
Instead I say yes please, oh baby I'd love to
Your eyes are like meadows mowed
Rose Dec 2014
i am the sadness
i am the hurt
i am the thickness of the ammonia
seeping out the walls
don't wanna be around it anymore
but what makes me feel best
is a little bit of yip
a little bit of puff
somethin small and hard
to slow me down
zone me in
clear me up
i don't wanna be around it anymore
*no dear you're not enough
is that what you wanted to hear?
Dec 2014 · 332
pricey
Rose Dec 2014
you can't read these
oh no you can't

while a claw foot
dances
tiptoed prances
i  just  lay  in  the tub
and the bubbles fill my lungs

with a porcelain skinned
perfect pink baby lips
puckered smile face plastered on
laughter reaches into your soul
Grips and Pulls it outside
(your soul is saturated
and  *pruning

from all the  soaking
in the tub)
you notice
somehow still intact
is the sparkle
on your finger
somehow still showing
up

**** who'd a thunk huh?

there's a blue to her
a sort of hue to her
that makes her shine more than all the rest
she hasn't got a clue in her
not a clue about her
own self she's living in
i love you baby i love you baby
its so easy to say it ain't it
i love you baby i love you baby
in reality **who's paying?
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