I have hair dye all over my face, and yet haven’t been able to recognize myself in months.
It all hurts, knowing that what you felt was supposed to be forever got derailed somewhere along the line.
You aren’t mine, but I’ve been holding on desperately hoping that you’d come back to me.
That first month, the year and a half that followed.
I guess I believed you when you said you weren’t going to date anyone anytime soon.
8 months isn’t soon, but it’s pouring salt in wounds that haven’t healed.
That wide **** over an excessively bleeding heart.
Hopeless.
Romantic.
But never with you.
Hopeless.
You gave everyone else so much more than you gave me.
Hopeless.
I don’t know how to come back from this... pain.
This feeling that I was never enough through the unfolding of our lives.
But seeing you wrap your arms around someone else, when I craved physical affection from you and you couldn’t give it.
That’s the worst part.
The idea in which you can be happy without me.
And they keep getting younger.
Twenty six.
I guess I’m getting old, thirty in a few months.

How do I bring yourself back from months of heartache after you?
bur more importantly, how do I manage to still stay friends with you while you date someone else.

Will the hopeless romantic be anything less than hopeless?
And when will someone love and dedicate time to me?

Outside the leaves turn yellow and I’m struggling
My mind becoming my enemy, replaying memories from a time which doesn’t exist to me any longer
Two years ago we became one, something I never imagined
We spent days and days together until you asked me to move in with you
Two years later and five months since we broke up yet it’s all I think about
Cascading liquid tears fall from tired eyes as I remember the life I never wanted to leave behind
My eyes are mourners, dressed in black visiting the gravesite of what we were, together  
Each blink is a silent goodbye to pieces I’m still not ready to leave behind
How do you stop loving someone who gave you everything and seemingly took it away just as fast?
Those moments my heart remembers despite fleeting time and energy
Fall apart, fall asleep and dream of then when leaves changing colours meant falling in love with you and building a family.
A family I still see almost every day, but it’s no longer mine.
So yes, five months after the fact I’m still coming to terms with you being gone.
Feelings I cannot control and memories hovering like an unresolved ghost.
I am haunted by what we were and the fact that you can still look me in the eyes after the way you left without a second glance.
Twenty-nine years old doesn’t make heartbreak any less significant and difficult.
Perhaps someday I’ll be able to make sense of being alone.

I am a tree
At least, that’s how I see myself right now
My leaves have turned green and inevitably they will fall off and I will become barren, even the trees change
But we don’t want them to
I always admired my strength, though lately I am not strong
I feel the warmth of the late spring breeze on my skin
Something I waited for all winter,
But now that it’s here it feels wrong
Everyone is in a blissful stupor
Screaming none-sense at the local bar
******* and flirting with intoxication
Drowning whatever sorrow or filling whatever void with mindless stupid things
I hate them
I hate the men brawling in the streets, after a night cocking about trying to impress females
Silence can be comfortable which is why I’m drawn to winter
Spring is a hopeful time, but how come it’s never easier each time you have to pick yourself back up?
Twenty eight and I don’t know what I’m doing
Two months, coasting through this tangible blissful ******* proud for all the wrong reasons
Maybe I never had anything
The trees sway, rustling of leaves through the breeze
I can’t imagine they enjoy when they lose their leaves, either.