I am a tree
At least, that’s how I see myself right now
My leaves have turned green and inevitably they will fall off and I will become barren, even the trees change
But we don’t want them to
I always admired my strength, though lately I am not strong
I feel the warmth of the late spring breeze on my skin
Something I waited for all winter,
But now that it’s here it feels wrong
Everyone is in a blissful stupor
Screaming none-sense at the local bar
******* and flirting with intoxication
Drowning whatever sorrow or filling whatever void with mindless stupid things
I hate them
I hate the men brawling in the streets, after a night cocking about trying to impress females
Silence can be comfortable which is why I’m drawn to winter
Spring is a hopeful time, but how come it’s never easier each time you have to pick yourself back up?
Twenty eight and I don’t know what I’m doing
Two months, coasting through this tangible blissful ******* proud for all the wrong reasons
Maybe I never had anything
The trees sway, rustling of leaves through the breeze
I can’t imagine they enjoy when they lose their leaves, either.

Snow capped trees, barren otherwise
Lifelessness embodied, an empty space
Missing the swaying leaves, breathing life across a vacant sky
You can be home, happy, whole and yet still find little cracks in the foundation of your mind
A drifter caught within a sea of self concern
Medication is a mask, incompleteness wrapped like a bandaid lacking self care
One is not the definitive answer or solution without extradition of the mind
The crime being expecting happiness to be the cure for all
Twenty five versus twenty eight is ample, delusions burst through effort, finding security and peace
Lost became foundation, trivial expedition became vitality
Imagine unrelenting happiness with nothing holding you down
Not clinging to others problematic existences became necessity, a long relationship with my wellbeing
Visible weight lifted my psyche, and I rose
Winged creatures exude strength and I consider myself an enigma
Defying the odds set out, engraved deep within the roots of my youth
A powerful message of succession crawling forward trying to heal my mind from years of ignoring mental illness
Echoes of the psychological pain
Being a product of a schizophrenic ruled woman, melding myself into all that I am
I’ve had little to offer in my lifetime besides kindness, I stand behind myself and my family
Despite my flaws and after all this time
Battling through the ages of time,
I am home.