Darken my eyes
and tear my heart out.
That last goodbye was the hardest.
Since then i've walked a thousand miles,
Looking,
Searching,
For another lover,
One better than you.

You took my breath away
You made my heart race so fast I thought it might stop
I told myself I didn't want to love anyone
I had seen what love can do
But your beautiful brown eyes drew me in
Your sweet words blinded me from your real intentions
The first time you touched me you turned me into your slave
People had only ever touched me out of hate
But you were showing me tender love
I trusted you, loved you, wanted you
But something changed
Of course life could never be perfect
You were angry with me all the time
Why could I never make you happy?
I wanted to give the world to you
To show you how much I adored you
But you closed yourself off from me all the time
I tried not to worry, not to suspect you of devious actions
But I think I knew who you truly were all along
But you always came back and so did I
I tried to please you by not stopping you when your hand slipped between my legs that night
Even though you knew I didn't want it
That was the first night you bit me
Said it turned you on
Though I never told you, it turned me on too
But you always went too far
Pushing me to places I never wanted to go, wasn't ready to go
If I told you to stop, you left bruises on my skin
No one should tell you what to do and I had to learn my lesson, didn't I?
You never apologized when you let your anger get the best of you
Never even held me while I cried
So why did I go back?
Why did I always forgive you?
Why did you let me?
How could you hurt an innocent girl who was too young to understand how you were deceiving her?
Nevertheless, you eventually gave up on me
I wanted to hate you but still I couldn't
You came back to explain yourself
Told me you no longer loved me like you used to
You told me things could never be the same
But what even went wrong?
You couldn't even tell me
You made your best friend do it
Turns out we were living a lie
There was a bet between you and your friends and I was a part of it
Who would lose their virginity first?
Definitely not you because we never went that far
But somehow you did win
Multiple times
With multiple different girls
Did they love you too?
Did they give you everything you had hoped for?
Everything I couldn't give you?

You don't see me coming yet,
but I have already cleared a drawer for you in my heart.

Our first argument will be about how I hog all the covers in my sleep,
or maybe about how I can never shake away the feeling that I am left
with after a bad dream.

I want you to know that I am other worldly.
Which of course means that I am not from this Earth.
My mind travels to and from other universes and galaxies,
other realms of thought.
But I will try to leave a note reminding you I will return.

For future emergencies-
I keep a bottle of Zoloft in my ***** drawer
and a bottle of wine under the sink.
I am not allowed to take them together.
I hope my episodes won't make you think less of me.

I hope you won't forget the way gravity shifted when we first met.
Tape that memory to the forefront of your mind.
So when I am sobbing uncontrollably about the ending of a movie,
or the last line of a haiku
you will remember why you love me.
And I will do the same for you.

You see, I am not that great at endings.
I am not a person with promising follow through .
I get caught up in the beginning of things,
the middle of things,
the twist and turn
thrashing momentum
of things.

I just can't bare to see it all end.

So when or if it does end,
I ask that you lay me gently down and make your exit swift.
Do not linger by the door frame,
because when you tell me it's over,
that is it.

You don't see me coming yet,
but I want you to know I have had day dreams about our first kiss.
I imagine it like an orchestra inside your chest
and angels begin to sing when you part your lips.
The symphony hits its crescendo when we finally get to the kiss.

You don't see me coming yet,
but soon we will be in love.

Why does pain  hurt?
Why do you cry when you are sad or angry?
How can we do what we do?
This world our lives
Could it all be just a dream?

Lost within the fear.
One too many times now.
I can feel my heart slowly,
breaking into a million shattered dreams.
In between irratic palpitations and bursts of nervous energy.
Of course.

I think my soul is ascending to its purest form.
It's both terrifying and beautiful.
Almost like I'm dying and living simultaneously.

Because of you, I have drowned my hopes.
I would kiss your words,
But I do not hear them because you do not feel me here,
On this sad sky
Where sleeping thoughts glide.
Fall in love with my attempts,
Understand that I have nothing more.
My faded smiles seek for you
In these cold corridors of my heart,
But your steps have become unattainable, strange.
You looked at my longings,
Caught by contours that are touching
This restlessness of our non-existing breath
Frosted in your turn on some another love.
And I'm alone,
Destroyed shadows that surrounded me,
Blighted all gateways that are leading to you.
And through this wage contours now I'm sinking,
I call your eyes, to hear me,
To raise me over the hands of despair.
I no longer recognize your face,
The tone of your lips and the line of your neck.
I sank in the salinity of the pain, wondering
Have you changed the way you walk
And how much rain drops you keep on the lashes.

Because I used to know their exact number.