I saw you the second you entered the room
Not that I was watching there just wasn't much else going on
My heart flutters a little cause seeing you is like coming home
And I smile
Four hours to go

You finally enter and I don't think you see me due to sheer distance
Your laughing and well
It brings back memories
I glance over to you from time to time
Same quirky boy I loved
Three hours to go

By now I'm sure you've seen me
But you didn't say hello
Something feels horribly wrong  
I can feel your eyes on me when I turn my back
But otherwise it's like I don't even exist
Two hours to go

I give up
You're not going to see me
Not the way you used to anyways
And part of me understands
But part of me wants to grab you buy the shoulders  
Bring you back to reality
One hour to go

I watch you walk out the door
Too afraid to approach you
And I know you will never approach me
I can't quite put my finger on it
But I feel so sad
Zero hours to go

Red drops onto the spotless counter
Bright crimson against the pale white
A singular red circle in a sky of while
Another drop falls and joins it
Smaller than the first
Then another and another

She looks in the mirror
Maskera streaked like smoke trails against her skin
Pain in her eyes
Her lips quiver and she bows her head
Clear drops falls among the red on the counter

The tears continue to fall as she looks up again
She wipes the tears from her face
As her hand moves over the skin a trail of red appears
Her eyes focus on the smear of blood
She once again wipes her face and she knows what she must do

She takes a breath and looks to her arms
The small cuts seem like whispers in the night
She opens up a makeup compact case
Inside a dozen pieces of broken glass
Just as broken as her

She picks up a curved one
Originally from a glass she broke in the kitchen
About two months ago
Just another incident in a never ending stream
It looks like ice as she sets it against the white counter top

She lines each piece up in a line
Almost like a small army
Preparing for battle
However the war rages inside her
And the end is nowhere in sight

She looks over them
Some duller, older than others
She mulls over them as she makes a decision
And sets a few to the front lines
Looking up once again she takes a breath

Her tears have halted
And her breath stills
All waiting, anticipating
She chooses one
The glass feels so familiar in her fingers

The tip sits pressed against her skin
She winces as she pushes harder
And finally rips through
Skin tears from skin
As the glass glides through her flesh
Like a marathon runner crossing the finish line

The red arises from the depths
It pours over the edges of skin and slides down her wrists
It drips to the counter with ferocity
And soon the drops of red become puddles.

She chooses another recruit
This time a flat piece of glass from a window she dropped
Again it tears into her as she holds her breath
Blood flows and spills against the white
And the tears begin to flow again

Looking down she sees her wrists
Blood covered
They feel so weak
She begins to sob as she lets them fall to her sides
The pain of existence right there on her hands

She sits against the wall until she finds the strength to stand again
The blood on her writs gone from a running stream
To a dark paste
Blood on the counter a aftermath
Dried and black

She picks up a piece of clean glass
Presses it in the open wound and slides it through
The dried blood quickly overcome with a fresh spring or crimson
Once again the drops fall along with her tears

She turns the water on in the sink
It flows clear as day
Clear as the glass sitting beside it
She runs her writs under the cool stream
And winces as the water hits her wounds

The blood runs away and the gaping gashes are all that's left
She grabs a towel and puts it under the water
It dances across the counter as it smears the blood
She wipes it again and again until it all disappears
She runs her arms again under the water cleansing them

Lastly she looks to the glass
Bloodied soldiers only partially lined up
Several scattered around the counter
Like bodies on a battlefield

She scoops them up and washes each one
One by one
She sets the sterile glass back into the makeup compact case
Laying them to rest
Until they will be called to duty again

She looks down at the clear white counter
And turns off the water
She tosses the towel and looks up
A shell of a human being is reflected in the mirror
She wipes her tears again and leaves

Off to fall into the inky blackness of sleep
Hoping and wishing
That if it be even remotely possible
She could wish herself to death
And never wake up

I can remember the first time I saw you like this
You were sitting in the same spot
And you seemed like a good person to talk to

I can remember the first time I saw you like this
You were wearing that same white shirt
And my chest felt heavy

Oh how far we have come

Close my eyes and I'm there again
The cold floor of the kitchen and the heat from the wood stove
Into the hallway and you're there
And it feels too good to be true
Together again
And we can watch old monster movies
Ride dirt bikes through the mud
Shoot arrows at imaginary deer
Just as long as we're together again

She thrashes violently
She can't awake
Can't get away
So she fights like her life depends on it
Maybe she's squirming under the weigh of an invisible monster
Or another dream filled with death
No matter the subject
I hold her in place
Cradle her to stop the movement
I call her name over and over
Until she joins the world again