I saw forever in your eyes. . .


                Then you closed them.

When the sun went away and the moon turned his way, I hope he thought of me.
When his sense flew away and his mind became crazed, I hope he thought of me.
When he stopped praying and wishing for his Juliet to come, I hope he thought of me.
When she broke his heart and his life burst apart, I hope he thought of me.

When his mother was widowed and he cried in his pillow, I hope he thought of me.
When the thunder and the lightning wouldn't go away, I hope he thought of me.
When her boyfriend decided to come and beat him up, I hope he thought of me.
When his sister closed her eyes for her very last time, I hope he thought of me.

Because I thought of him all the time and wished only for him to be happy.
Because I loved him more than anybody in the world and wanted always to be with him.
But now its too late. Now its too late. Now it is just simply too late.
He didn't think of me when he took a deep breath and killed himself.

I made a list of the things I need
And it’s only ten lines long
You were almost all of them
Except for the very first one

I let myself skip over the first line
And didn’t even know
I saw you for how wonderful you are
Not knowing butterflies wouldn’t grow

to live
     every day
     in morbid dread
sharp cold spikes
     driven deep into
          the chest
anxiety
  conditioned,
  learned, pressed

screams

     in my head,
          and yet
               remains unsaid