growing up they didn't tell you that love hurts
only that it's one of the best things you'll ever experience
and also one of the worst things you'll feel
they don't tell you how stressful love is
or how late you stay up crying
they only tell you how good it feels to be with someone
and not how to keep living when they leave
they don't tell you that one day someone will decide that they don't love you anymore
and you can't change their minds
they don't tell you that you'll be on the ground watching him leave right out the front door
they don't tell you that your first love won't be your last
but the first of many because you're looking for all the other fish in the sea but none of them could even amount to that first love you had when you were young, foolish, and naive
they don't tell you that love is only a chemical state of mind
and all of this that you're feeling is because you let it be more than what you think
and
they don't tell you that heartbreak hurts much more than falling
they don't tell you that once you fall, you might not get back up
they don't tell you that love may never come your way
and while you're waiting there's others who have that love they don't deserve
which is what you deserve
yet you're here...
alone...
sad...
stuck
wishing for a love
that may never come

I just get so tired of all the lies
And the regret
Tired of all the tears that I've wept
Tired of being me but not being me all at the same time
Tired of feeling like I'm empty inside
Tired of being tired even though nothing changes overnight
It's been 18 years and I'm starting to lose this fight
So how can I get back to the times where it all made sense
And I'm no longer depressed or feel like I'm in somebody's else's head
How do I tell my parents that I live with this illness and although they can't see it
It's been apart of me for a while
How do I tell them that I'm ready to die at any given moment
And I've already written my letters goodbye over and over
Trying to get it just right?

And how do I tell my friends that I love them when I can't love myself
That they make me happy
But bring so much guilt
How do I tell them how I feel when I don't even know what this feeling is
I'm just TIRED all of the time
And when I'm not I think of why I shouldn't be happy
And why the worlds so ****** up
Or how things just aren't meant to be perfect
Just a little damaged but I'm completely ****** up
With no hope
And I don't know how to crawl out of this deep hole
I can't break the chains
Or move the hand from my mouth
I'm just stuck here like this
And it's been like that for a while

Thirteen roses in a row
Red rain falls,
Don't you know
Down the window
Pain it goes
In the gutters
Through the nose
Where's the thunder
When it flows...?

(Chorus)
Wrapped around
The gauze that's stained
What difference snow?
The same as pain
When it melts
It's just rain.

Withered flowers.
Falling leaves.
It's a howling in the eaves
It's the cult the
Maimed believe
No one cares.
No one grieves.
Cover up.
Long jeans & sleeves.

Razors are a water slide
On track like
A carny ride
Over arms & over thighs
Release all
The pain inside

(Chorus)

It's an ocean
Where we sail
A coin that can be
Heads or tails
A lover's letter,
Or junk mail
A piece of garbage.
Holy grail.

(Chorus)


SøułSurvivør
(C) 7/23/2017