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Kee Sep 2015
My soul cracked,
The world spun.
You could the hear the voices that were once in my head,
And for once I didn't feel crazy.
I didn't feel like a complete **** up.
It was blissful in so many ways but,
The storm never ends.
Kee Mar 2015
Im hurt
I just want you-
I need you-
I miss y- everything
So wrapped up in your presence
I forgot what life was like before you
I thought you made **** easier.
Now I always stress
about you
I don't know where this went, I needed to write.
Kee Oct 2017
I was supposed to write this out like a journal entry but it ended up being more like a poem

I feel stupid for loving someone who doesn’t give a **** about me
And I’ve spent four, almost five years loving him even when I couldn’t love myself
And for that, I feel dumb
I feel dumb for waiting on something that will never come
And I feel especially dumb for those times I believed all those sweet nothings you murmured in my ear
Dumb for my heart soaring at the text messages you would send m
Dumb for thinking the impossible
The inevitable
Dumb for believing you were the one
Sad because I still love you
And that will never change
But one day I will move on
And somehow I’ll forget your name
And it might hurt too much to even go back through time in my brain
And think about how close we once used to be
And all the things we said
Because those things no longer matter
When you can’t say to me anymore
It’s as if those words fade
And they no longer mean anything to you or me
But I’m stuck here loving you
Stuck here in alternating universe where you love me too
Kee Nov 2018
is what i want to say
when i look at you
in your eyes
the curve of your lips
and the color of your eyes
all of you is intriguing to me
and like a nightmare all at the same time
i can never get you out of my head
in my mind is where you have always nested
images of you
playing over and over again
and although its haunting me
its not really like i want it to go away
because you are a beautiful but bitter sweet memory
and in my mind is where you have always nested
why would i take you away from that?
why would i take me away from that?
maybe i could rip out whatever you left in me out
and watch myself bleed tears
or i could continue
because you are a beautiful but bitter sweet memory
because in my mind is where you have always nested
because you felt safe enough to close your eyes
because you felt safe enough to lay your head on my chest and finally rest
but its not fair to either of us
i noticed you before you noticed me
and i begin to wish that i never looked your way
or gave you the time of day
because now everytime I think of your name
my body is set aflame
Kee Nov 2017
You’re Satan’s lover
You have to be because I haven’t met anyone as evil as you
I stumbled upon you
It’s the one regret I  will always have
Because you sneaked your way in
And you clutched tight
Worn down but I still fought
And tried to rip you off
But your lies made sense in my mind
And for a while I  let you stay
But you hurt me again
Then whispered in my ear another time
And for a while I let you stay
Because I once thought of you as mine
Now I want you to be ****** to hell
And I want to be the one to do it
I’ve waited so long for my freedom
And now I have it
But I no longer seek to be free
I’m too broken from rescuing myself
My hands tattered and ******
Eyes wet with tears
Lips scowled in pure rage
My mind blank with nothing but the thought of your face
And your mind
Your pride
Your voice
Your fear
At an all time high
I wanted you to feel the same way I did so bad
But now that I’ve done it
I realized that this is my greatest accomplishment in life
And I  have nothing left to look at
And to think of myself
But a wilted flower
Who tried her best to stay alive
Kee Nov 2017
“Drugs are all fun and games until you watch someone you love become someone you don’t know.”

She called her daughter a ***** today
Something she said she’d never do
She treats her boyfriend better than her child
And she can’t even see it
Her lies fly out of her mouth like it’s been recited to perfection
And I’m tired of listening to them
I wish that my mothers life wasn’t so ******
So that my sisters could’ve had something
I wish for a lot of things
But a family is what I want the most
I wish I could tell them all how much I love them
But how do I do that
When the drugs are so strong that they can’t see past it?
When the need is so strong they’ll do anything to be high
And I know I should try and help
But how do you help someone who doesn’t want help?
How am I supposed to do all these things
When I’m only one person?
How do I tell them that their life will be ****
If they don’t pick it up and do something with it?
Kee Dec 2018
i pretend that it doesn't hurt
that tears dont drip down my cheeks too
that i dont hold my face in my hands
and weep while i wish for a better life
i hurt too
but i'd never let you know
when my world falls
i keep it to myself
because no one can save me from the destruction inside of me
and i smile
because i know that it's easier to say 'im fine'
instead of 'i want to die'
i hurt too
but i'd never let you know
how much my my mom just wants me to be okay
yet she doesnt have a clue
of how much her words slice through my skin
and make me bleed
apart of my chaos too
and i smile
because no one can save me from the destruction inside of me
from the ache in my heart
from the gun in my hand
im the only person that handle my monsters
and im honestly losing this war
Kee Dec 2019
If I don’t let it out soon
All my troubles and worries
All my trials and tribulations
If I can’t open up my mouth soon
I will wither
I will shrivel up like a beautiful rose
That’s been depleted of its nutrients
I shed my last tear and haven’t watered myself since
If I don’t let it out soon
I will be still addicted to something
That isn’t even good for me
Addicted to someone
That isn’t even good for me
But is everything I could ever need
But if that’s so
Then why am I still withering?
If I can’t open my mouth soon
I will never be able to change
“I just want happiness”
Is all I have to say
How can I have that when I won’t let myself
Trapping myself in this box
Was not intended
Now I’m too comfortable
In a place I don’t even want
All things that I feel every second of the day
If I don’t let it out soon
I’m going to be just like you
And that doesn’t mean you’re a bad person
But I can’t see myself being happy like this anymore
I love you so much
I never would’ve thought leaving you would be the only way to break free
From everything holding me back
If I can’t open my mouth soon
I’ll just be the next stereotypical black female
And I can’t have that
Kee Jan 2018
i wonder
what it feels like
to be confident in everything i do
i wonder
what it feels like
to know someone loves you
i wonder
what it feels like
to wake up with a smile on your face
i wonder
what it feels like
to be happy for longer than an hour
without wanting to wither away
i wonder
what it feels like
to stop thinking these thoughts
i wonder
what it feels like
to stop thinking at all
Kee Jan 2018
They say that I’m better off dead
And that my mother should’ve swallowed
They say that I’m nothing but a *******
And that’s where I’ll remain
They say plenty of things
But none of those things are nice
I’m their bestfriend
But it never feels like it
Especially when they hand the blade to me
And help me slice my wrists
Or when they make it too loud in my head
And I feel like I’m going to explode
Especially when they tell me
To find a rope
They are my bestfriend
And I hate that I can’t get rid of the monsters in my head
They know me so well
Too well
So well that I can’t escape them
Clutching onto me with their claws
Sinking their sharp teeth into my soul
And holding me hostage
Because they can’t take being alone either
And maybe it’s why sometimes I stay
Because I know they’ll never leave
And although they’re terrible
They haven’t left me behind
Like some other bestfriends
Kee Mar 2017
i didn't get to say no.
i didn't  have a choice.
you did with me what you want, and i've hated myself  because of it.
i've dreamed of me kicking you off, screaming at the top of my lungs, calling for help.
but that doesn't change the fact that it still happened.
you hurt me.
you took away something that was my decision.
why would you hurt me like that?
why did you do it?
does your heart hurt at night like mine?
do you scream at yourself in the mirror like i do?
do you feel  like a coward, the same way i do?
did someone do this to you too?
*did you ever get to scream for help?
random poem, i got in the mood and couldn't stop thinking about writing this.
Kee Mar 2017
i hate looking at you.
i hate that you're  in front of me in class.
that i have to  talk to you.
participate with you.
pretend that everything is fine.
it's not.
i'm not.
i'm not okay.
but i pretend that i am, because no one will believe me.
if i tell them what you did they'll say "him? never."
and it hurts.
i try to tell all the other girls you woo but they're too caught up in being your lover, or should i say next victim.
one by one, you toss them out like garbage.
like you did me, as if what you took from me is replaceable.
it's not.
i'm not.
i'm not replaceable.
what you took from me isn't replaceable.
i will live this pain forever and never able to tell a soul.
i can't tell them about the nightmares.
the scars.
the feeling of dirt on my body that will never go away.
i'll only continue to imagine what it would be like if it never happened to me.
Kee Mar 2018
Let me tell you a secret of mine
I think it’s time
That everyone knows
How broken I am
Because no one knows
How much my heart is shattered
No one knows
That my fate may be death
And I don’t know if that’s my happy ending or not
I miss my old self so much
That sometimes it’s hard to remember why I changed in the first place
And I want to go back
But I don’t know if I could go back
I don’t know if I want to go back
I was shy and fragile back then
I’m shy fragile and bit less of a crybaby now
It’s just that no one knows
That I still cry at night
And I wish I could die
And that I’ve wanted to place the razor to my wrist so many times
No one knows
That I miss me
I miss me so much
I want to be me again
But I don’t know how
I don’t know how
I don’t know how
Maybe I shouldn’t try at all
I guess I’ll pretend to be okay
Kee Mar 2017
leaves fall
scattered in vast colors
auburn, green, pale yellow, burnt orange
a beauty not appreciated
a beauty passed up
a beauty misinterpreted
a beauty forgotten
a beauty gone
Kee Apr 2017
Green was his favorite color.
He hated spinach.
It was funny, the face he made when he had to eat it if he wanted ice cream after dinner.
He loved Clifford the Big Red Dog.
He wanted a dog just like him.
He was a very sweet boy, one that everyone loved.
I loved him the most.
He was my son.
I stood over his casket and my tears dropped on his face.
I almost thought he would wipe them away for me, "Don't cry, mommy. I love you."
It wasn't his time.
He was 4.
You took him away from me.
I want him back.
Give him back to me.
kinda didn't know what to do with this, i had it in my book of poems and I wanted to finish it. I have a story behind it, I don't know if I want to tell it though.
Kee May 2017
I fought for you
like it was the only thing I knew how to do
I loved you
more than anyone else in this world
I held you
when no one else would
I taught you
how to be the man you are today
I cherished you
because I knew that one day
you would leave me
I was there
When no one else was
I was your rock
I was your savior
I was
Kee May 2017
she was soft and gentle
eyes big and bright
full of happiness
i watched them die that night
they turned dull
i wished over and over that i could've been there
because she didn't deserve to be treated so cruel
she was just a little girl
who wanted love
just like you
Kee May 2017
my feet are pounding the ground
but it feels like im flying
my heart is beating like drums
but i can't feel it at all
all i know is that im a few steps away from freedom
can my feet take me there?
maybe i can leap to it
i can't fail
i need this
i need to be free
i want my own air in my lungs
no, not want
i need
i need to be free
in economics class
mr. gardner is talking too much
Kee May 2017
He doesn't know what his purpose is.
Does he even have one?
Is he a giver?
A taker?
What is it?
All he does now is wash dashes in a nasty restaurant with cheap, foamy soap that barely cleans the dishes.
Not that anyone would notice that.
He doesn't want to live this way forever,
But his bad luck is ceaseless.
There's no way that something good would happen to him.
At least not in this life.
I used four random words to create this poem. Purpose, giver, foamy, and ceaseless. Hope you like.
Kee May 2017
why does it hurt so bad
when does the pain ever stop
when will my tears dry
when will my love for you vanish
why are you always invading my thoughts
i'm tired of seeing you in my dreams
your face on other peoples body
i want to reach out
but you're happy now
happy without me
Kee May 2017
Don't preach at me.
Don't spit those words.
Shut up & keep it to yourself.
I didn't ask for your opinion anyways.
Not everyone needs or wants to hear what you have to say.
Shut up & keep it to yourself.
Not everything you say to do is the right way.
I want to live my life free, not constrained by your rules.
So shut the **** up & keep it to yourself.
Kee May 2017
It's stupid.
I'm this sad over love.
Why am I so caught up?
I'm supposed to be emotionless.
Free of my ties from you.
But I still see your face everywhere I go.
Haunting me in my dreams.
It's not necessarily your fault but I'm going to blame you anyways.
You made me this way.
Why'd you have to pretend to care?
Say all those sweet words...
The lies leaping off of your tongue and diving into my heart,
making me believe you were really *the one.
Kee May 2017
exempt from your hands,
from your cruel demeanor,
from your lies,
from everything that is you.
looking at you makes me sick,
and the thought that one day i will have to return to you,
to stand over your grave,
and stare at your pale face,
isn't enough to make me happy.
i need to know,
that you won't ever hurt another again,
like you did me.
i have to be certain.
and until then,
i won't rest.
exempt abuse pale happy hurt rest sick grave fright
Kee Jun 2017
all of these people say they really need me
but they're never around
all of these people say they love me
but weren't there from the get go
things get too hard and i'm the one that needs love
everybody's like casper
a ghost
and i just think it's funny how
i'll sit at this computer all day
looking for messages that never came
concern that never come around
a simple 'are you okay' never even crossed the screen
so how should i feel?
should i be the stupid one for staying around?
for pretending to act like im still happy in this friendship?
that what they say warms my heart?
or is it the ****** up voice in my head
and the insecure thoughts in there too
let's add a sprinkle of anxiety
that'll help me too
help me decide
just what to do
how to fix
my broken life
Kee Jun 2017
I've lived my life long,
No longer shall I fight.
I've cried hard,
Now my tears will dry.
I've yelled for help,
But ended up saving myself.
There's nothing left for me,
I must die.
I was born to make a change,
that change was within myself.
Destined to become different,
But saw nothing was normal about me.
I've been different since birth.
Kee Jul 2017
I hate myself
It's not a surprise
Most teens are
Filled with anxiety
Ready to jump.

I remember being 8
I've always thought that one day I would just get smaller
But I got bigger
And my circle of bullies got bigger
And my friends smaller
My sobs louder
And my laughs nonexistent

Here comes middle school
And the kids are even crueler
I wished and prayed that this fat would just go away
And I could have friends again
I lost more
And I gained some again
I got bullied for everything
And I hung my head in shame
I didn't speak
I wished that they couldn't see me
That I was invisible
Out of sight

Third but not last
High school
My not so old friend
I sliced my skin more than once
Cried a lot
Discovered pieces of myself
And lost some pieces too
Loved some
But hated most
Wished that it would be better
But it was all a lie
I didn't go to prom
I barely graduated
I was glad when I left
That I would never have to come back

I learned what my mental illnesses are
And the voices in my head aren't real
But I can't stop them from saying these terrible things
I'm stuck in my own mind
How does that even happen?
Well it did
And now I can't tell the difference between me and trash
Because we're so alike
Nobody wants us but ourselves.

Not like we'd let anyone in anyways
We're too broken to love someone else
Too ashamed to tell our secrets and how much we've failed
Too scared of letting go
Of the things that make me us safe.
We're fried in the head
Too much to manage.
But they don't know how crazy in the head we really are.
Kee Jul 2017
I just get so tired of all the lies
And the regret
Tired of all the tears that I've wept
Tired of being me but not being me all at the same time
Tired of feeling like I'm empty inside
Tired of being tired even though nothing changes overnight
It's been 18 years and I'm starting to lose this fight
So how can I get back to the times where it all made sense
And I'm no longer depressed or feel like I'm in somebody's else's head
How do I tell my parents that I live with this illness and although they can't see it
It's been apart of me for a while
How do I tell them that I'm ready to die at any given moment
And I've already written my letters goodbye over and over
Trying to get it just right?

And how do I tell my friends that I love them when I can't love myself
That they make me happy
But bring so much guilt
How do I tell them how I feel when I don't even know what this feeling is
I'm just TIRED all of the time
And when I'm not I think of why I shouldn't be happy
And why the worlds so ****** up
Or how things just aren't meant to be perfect
Just a little damaged but I'm completely ****** up
With no hope
And I don't know how to crawl out of this deep hole
I can't break the chains
Or move the hand from my mouth
I'm just stuck here like this
And it's been like that for a while
Kee Jul 2017
growing up they didn't tell you that love hurts
only that it's one of the best things you'll ever experience
and also one of the worst things you'll feel
they don't tell you how stressful love is
or how late you stay up crying
they only tell you how good it feels to be with someone
and not how to keep living when they leave
they don't tell you that one day someone will decide that they don't love you anymore
and you can't change their minds
they don't tell you that you'll be on the ground watching him leave right out the front door
they don't tell you that your first love won't be your last
but the first of many because you're looking for all the other fish in the sea but none of them could even amount to that first love you had when you were young, foolish, and naive
they don't tell you that love is only a chemical state of mind
and all of this that you're feeling is because you let it be more than what you think
they don't tell you that heartbreak hurts much more than falling
they don't tell you that once you fall, you might not get back up
they don't tell you that love may never come your way
and while you're waiting there's others who have that love they don't deserve
which is what you deserve
yet you're here...
wishing for a love
that may never come
idek where i was going with this, i just wanted to write something lol.
Kee Aug 2017
confined in my mind and looking for a way out
it's not so easy trying to get a hold of whats reality and hallucinations
im just wondering and looking for certain locations
places i don't remember but the scene speaks to my soul
and im afraid of whats going to happen with all these holes in my mind
and wondering who i've hurt
Kee Sep 2017
I'm scared of the future
And how I'll be
Filled with anxiety
Will I have a handle on my life
Or will the wheels fall off?
And I'm left to die
Will my feelings for change
Do they remain?
Does love exists in my dictionary
Or is it replaced with hate?
Do I see clearly?
Or is it all a blur?
Do my friends stick by me?
Do I sit in the house alone?
Do I grow old and forget my nae?
Or does the noose come to claim me?
Am I happy or sad?
Do I have kids?
Am I lost in my imaginations
Or living them instead?
Kee Sep 2017
A witness to the ****** of my best friends heart
He was her first everything
And he tore her apart
It was terrorizing to see her cry
I wanted to help but what do you say
When the person who was your everything
Suddenly disappears one day
What do I say
When her tears don’t stop
And what do I say
When her eyes aren’t filled with the love she once felt
How do I tell her that one day another love will come
And although he will be new he won’t compare to the one who made your heart soar
And your knees lock
Or your brain fuzzy with the thought of just seeing him
As if it’s the first time all over again
You search for love but cry at the thought of having to share all your secrets
And the things that make you cringe
It hurts having to share that
All over again
Kee Sep 2017
Falling off a bike is like breaking your heart for the first time

You don't know this strange pain that's hitting you in your knees or your chest
And it hurts but you don't know this feeling creeping inside your body and making you numb with pain
There's tears because you can't understand why something so simple could hurt so bad
It's a shame because you have to go through it over and over again
You'd ride the bike again but you'd give up on love
One hurts just a little bit too much
Knee pads won't save you from the eternity of pain because you decided to fall in love
Kee Sep 2017
It's as if
The clock is
And there's nothing I can do to stop it
It's as if
My life means
And I can't find a way to make it meaningful
It's as if the music beating in my ears doesn't
And I don't know what to do without it because I'm
With no one to turn to or tell my story but...
Would they even
To know that I'm dying inside?
Kee Nov 2015
i thought we had a dream to be together forever,
i guess that was a lie.
you said, "i'll never love another."
so who was that you were with in the schools bathroom stall?
don't tell me this just to do the opposite.
i need the truth, and if i can't get it from you then i don't want it at all.
we, we were suppose to be together forever.
our life use to seem worth living, and now that you're not in it..
i'm hopeless, scared, alone, angry, because you're not here.
you left me in this debt all by myself.
this debt of love, happiness, anger, and depression.
i have to deal with it ALL by myself.
and you don't care.
you just laugh with your new girlfriend in my ******* face and pretend that you didn't hurt me.
guess what?
i'll do the same.
i'll be better of without you,
and i'll smile.
a real smile.
the smiles you give to a person you love.
and then. only then,
will you feel like an *** for everything you've done.
Kee Dec 2018
You stepped on my heart
And stepped once more
And then you began to stomp
Eventually you were jumping on the pieces of a heart that was once yours
But when your walls come crashing down
And it feels like you’re holding the world on top of your shoulders
Remember that I was once your home
And I held all of those walls together
And I helped you pick up that planet off your weak frame
Because your struggles were mine
Remember that once upon a time
I was yours
Your home
And you treated me like treasure
Until you threw me off of the pedestal
You swore would forever be mine
Kee Dec 2018
I miss that look in your eyes
The one you used to always give me
I miss the way we talked
Because no one else understood me as you did
We were meant to be together
But jealousy and lies got in the way
And even our own friends couldn't stand how happy we were
It made them sick
And they couldn't take it anymore
So they had to destroy
But they weren't the only reasons why
The flame we had eventually died
Because you couldn’t seem to keep your head ******* on
And I wasn’t able to loosen mines at all
And what was inseparable was now separated
And distanced
No longer knowing one another
Like we did
Ten years ago
When high school was our everything
But the bills became to be too much
And the deaths were too heavy
The scares took a toll
And the miscarriage is what ended it all
You see
We let everything get between
And there is no more us
But we both sit on the phone
Thumb over our contacts
Too prideful to press call
But tired of weeping and being alone
We know that no one else could ever
Fill the holes from shots that we blew at one another
Forever you are mine
As I am yours
This is my love letter to you
My soulmate,
My love,
Kee Jun 2015
The red leaves fall off
But the thorns remains strong
It ****** your skin and watches you bleed
It enjoys the dripping
The dripping of your blood
Your soul
You should be.
These thorns were meant for
pricking the soul and *nothing above it.
Kee Jul 2015
Our relationship is like Trivia
Continuously spitting questions just to figure out your emotions
"How do you feel this day?"
"Are you comfortable talking to me?"
"Do you feel angry?"
"Oh, I'm not finna do this!"
"Attitude, bye!"

I just wanted to see if your alright.
I guess not.
Kee Sep 2015
kiss me one least time so i can relive the pain
the torture it was to be with you
but also, i laugh
i laugh because you made me whole at one point
you were my sunshine
now, you've created a monster
and i thought i'd let you meet her
i call her
*your beast.
Kee Jul 2017
do i not have the right to be outraged
to see that my people have once again been dehumanized
throw down on the grounds, beat up, killed
as if this is an everyday thing?
#blacklivesmatter until i die, because i know deep down that this world won't change and we'll still be holding up this sign a hundred years later
#handsupdontshoot might still be there too
you say have positive thinking but how can i when im too worried about my nephew being the next bLaCk kid shot down for having a toy gun?
because he's bLaCk
not white
because he lives in the hood
and not the suburbs
he has food stamps
not cash
tootie fruities
not fruit loops
he takes the bus
too broke to afford a car
yes, he works
but at mcdonalds
it's not good enough for them but they put us where we are
so how can you complain
when you're the cause of it all?
And to so many more.
Kee Apr 2017
Ocean Blue
D*ark Green

That's all I remember.
Your black hair.
Lilac nails.
Orange shirt.
Ocean blue eyes,
and dark green lips.
You loved that lipstick more than you loved your boyfriend.
I would know.
I bought it for you.
You loved it so much, you bought ten more tubes.
I always laughed because, well, it was you.
Everything you did was funny.
Too bad you can't make me laugh anymore.
Too bad he killed you.
Too bad you're dead.
Too bad he was proven innocent.
Too bad you didn't get your justice.
Too bad I have to live with it the rest of my life.
Too ********
Kee May 2017
The first time my lips touched a cigarette,
I cringed at the taste but I ****** and puffed the toxins anyways.
It was menthol.
I didn't know what that meant.
I didn't care.
I just wanted to be cool with my friends.
They were 14,
I was 12.
'Mature for my age'.
I had fitted in.
But was smoking that cigarette really, really worth it?
I haven't talked to those 'friends' in 6 years.
Kee Mar 2015
My perception of life,
is to survive.
Live life how you want it,
Love who you want,
and be who you always wanted to be.
Learn that only you can make life easier, harder, or simple.
You control it, you control your life.
Kee May 2015
Am I crazy?
Crazy for slicing my wrists?
Crazy for loving the pain you give me?
Crazy because I believe it when you say
"No one will ever love you but me."
Or am I crazy because I let you hurt me?
Crazy because I turned away my friends for you?
My own parents, for you?
Just for you.
Kee Mar 2015
Dark brown eyes,
bushy eyebrows,
chubby face,
round nose,
fat figure,
crooked-chipped teeth
My worst insecurities.
Plastic surgery crosses my mind and how it would feel to be
The girl everyone wants.
"Looks aren't everything."
Oh really?
Then who are the ones that are most popular in the music industry,
Movies, modeling?
Answer that if you would like,
but before you tell me, "looks aren't everything."
Let me ask you why tall, dark, and handsome would never go for a girl like me.
Do you still want to answer?
Kee May 2015
Just tell yourself okay and things will be better
Sing a song that makes you happy
Read a book that makes you smile
Think of times that were always joyful
Be the person you always wanted to be
Don't let anyone stop you
Don't let them interfere
Kee Oct 2015
i dreamed the same dream as you,
i wished upon stars,
dropped pennies into wishing wells,
prayed to the lord,
"please let him be my knight in shining armor"
blew out the candle,
"please please please, let him be the one"
the one day,
i saw you with a girl
giving her the look i give you,
the dreamy look i gave you,
when you smiled at me,
your arms wrapped around her shoulder,
foreheads together in an embrace,
lips sealed in a kiss,
just like ours.
it was then i realized,
my wish didn't come true,
that my dreams were never meant to be,
and that you wanted something new.
something that didn't involve me,
but the girl you wished for,
the girl of your dreams.
Kee Apr 2017
I trip.
I don't want to get up.
I don't want to remember how  hard it is to get back up.
I just want to fall and never get up.
Leave me be.
It's cold, yes, but I don't want to be warm.
It's too hard to feel that again.
I'm numb, yes, but I don't want to feel.
It hurts too much t do that again, and again, and again.
When I know...
I'll only fall.
Kee Mar 2017
and my heart feels heavy while my head is light, everything is dizzy and i can't sleep at night
i think of my monsters and know they'll always be in my head
i can try to stop them, but they're like the plague-
contagious, fast paced, and deadly
there's no freedom from the oppression i've been given
ever since i popped out the ***** with brown skin that's when my label was given
my statistics- given
stereotypes- given.
poverty- given.
everything that the 'superior' dont want or need- given.
life aint easy, and it never will be
they say keep ya head up
but i want it to fall
i want it to crash and burn
and i want to go down
i want to let go
but i cant
Was in my private,  Idk why.
Kee May 2017
You've only seen a glimpse of my world.
A glimpse of my hatred,

A glimpse of whatever I want to show you because I'm scared.
Scared of how you'll see me when I sob on the ground because I've dropped a plate.
And yes, it may be just a plate but I've been so clumsy and tired.
Disturbed and discouraged by the voices.
The last thing I want to do is drop a ******* plate.

I'd be rattled if you knew that I can't function without pills.
I hate taking them because I can't feel,
But I don't want to hear anymore voices.
I don't want to be the usual freak on the street you know.

If you knew how hard it was for me to get out of bed you'd be surprised.
I only slept three hours last night but I was terrorized the whole time by my own personal demons.
I lay there with my eyes bloodshot and wide open, my body numb.
I want to get up, but what is there for me when I do?
Like I'd actually want to be there.

If you knew that people stared at me and thought I was hot until the scars adorning my body changed their minds.
And the whispers began.
"Oh my god..." "She's so ugly, such a freak." "******* emo's."
I don't go outside without long clothes anymore.
The only good thing is that I don't have to shave anymore.

I don't visit my family.
I haven't in the last 2 years.
They don't need to see the person I've become.
Even though they've helped made me this way.
And they never stop calling, and calling, and calling!
Can't they understand that I don't want to talk!?
Oh, yes!
Another ******* breakdown.
This time, I didn't drop the plate on accident.

I'm no good to anyone broken.
So I'd rather pretend to be fine and smile.
Than to let you in...
Than to let you see more than that glimpse of what is really *me.
Okie Dokie! So I came up with this on the fly and I didn't really expect it to go this way, but I still like it.
This isn't about me, it's not really about a certain person. I guess it's the insecurities from people I've known mixed into one person who's afraid of letting someone in.
Hope you like it!
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