Theres this huge sinking feeling in my heart,
The kind that knocks me sick when I move,
The heavy pit from my chest to my stomach.
I live with a bag packed ready to go,
And each time I say goodbye, say I love you,
You jump on me because you know,
I cant leave you when I see your eyes.
You stare at me, you dont have to speak,
Youve already made it clear I have to stay.
But I dont want to anymore Kimmy,
I dont know why I feel the way I do,
But it hurts, so so much…
Im living in misery, this isnt what I wanted.
I want to tell the others but I dont know how?
Please dont ring him, I cant hear his voice,
I dont want to talk to anyone but you.
Tell dad if you have too, he’ll only yell.
Youre too young to hear all this, its not fair,
But where else do I turn, I know you,
I know you’d understand,
You wouldnt yell like dad,
You wouldnt be angry like he would be,
You’d be calm, youd try to help…
And maybe you’d call the boy I told you not to call,
Maybe you’d ask for his help too,
Because I cant bring myself to ask him.
I’m sorry little sister, I love you too.
And thats why Ive stayed...

When the friends are cheaper than the pills
What am I supposed to buy?
When the *** don’t do and horror thrills
Shall I laugh or shall I cry?
When the high lasts longer than a word
Which am I supposed to take?
When the dream is sharp and reason’s blurred
Do I sleep, am I awake?
When the body’s hotter than the heart
Will it keep me warm at night?
When the love hurts better than the dart
Shall I kiss or shall I bite?
When the egos bigger than the deeds
Which am I supposed to praise?
When we cut the wounds and not the weeds
Is it life or just a phase?

Would you listen, if I told you my story,
If I let you in, would you care?
Would you love me if I struggled,
Struggled to tell you everything in my head.
Would you hold me as I cried,
Tell me its okay, tell me I’m not alone?
Because
I’d listen. I’d care. I’d love. I’d hold you…
But would you?
Or would you tell me my biggest fear is true
That I’m just crazy.
Would you even tell me if I was?

“When two people want something but neither will do it”
I’ll slip on ice trying to tell you,
I’ll read your mind like its my own,
I know you feel it too, its not just me
Something changed between us,
Who knew you’d be the first to say it,
Who knew you’d be the first to crack,
I saw it coming, but not from you.
I didn’t know you had it in you,
But why does it hurt? Was I wrong?
I feel like a child, a dumb child.
The one who threw her toys on the ground,
And then when they got taken away,
They cried, they begged, they felt guilty.
Just like I do with you.
Who knew the first time I lost to you,
I would just lose you.

when im close do your hands itch to touch me
do your eyes follow me across the room
do you find yourself drifting closer towards me
does you breath catch when our eyes lock
do you imagine what it'd be like to run you hands across my body

i dont
i dont find myself searching for your touch, your eyes, or your heart
but
perhaps tomorrow i will