Dust, in the air
unseen impurity.

The spectrum of humanity, good and bad.
Black and white.

Being submerged in the black feels unnatural, unlike me.

I'm calling on my star for something unattainable,
unused,
pushed under the carpet.

It's presence sparkled when I saw a child laughing at the sky.  

Innocence.

To wear blue, and feel serene,
To wear yellow, and feel joy,
To wear pink, and feel love,
To wear purple, and feel life.

I used to wear Innocence.

I dress differently now,

I wear emerald green, and feel anxious,
I wear a cloudy grey, and feel impersonal.
I wear stained white, and feel everything
I wear only black, and feel nothing.

I wear sin now.

I'm all the things I once wished upon a star not to be.

I'm not your light,
I'm not your sunshine.

I am art.
Imperfect, rash, sentimental.

You will see all of me at once,
I can't be your light, I consist of all the colors.

I won't always make you happy, but I will always make you feel.

I will love just a little too much,
I will expand your horizons,
I will challenge your spectrum,
I will push your boundaries,


Don't look at me for too long, I'll become abstract.

Stay further, I look best that way.

April 15, 2018. 11.11am - "Make a wish!"

"Did you make one?"

         I did, I wished for the impossible with all the might of my heart.

"Yep, I did."

         If only you knew, I wish for this with every beat of my heart on
         the daily.

"What is it?"

         I wished for everyday to be like this, I wished to wake up next to
         you, I wished to stay with you.

"I can't tell you, then it won't come true."

         We were meant to say goodbye from the beginning,
         The universe brought you to me, only to leave me attached
         and longing, knowing you'll have to be ripped out my life.
        
I ask myself sometimes, why did I let this happen?

Then I look at our hands, our present, intertwined, even if momentarily, I understand.

To be able to love, to be able to miss, to feel this kind of pain, to go through scrolls of memories with you, to understand depths of myself that were once shallows.

Our paths were always carved into two,

I can only wish,

our paths can come become one again.

Through all the kisses and tears, I'll be yours.

Always.

I am both flames and snowflakes.


I'll explode into sparks then I'll calm down like the falling snow.  

I will challenge your comfort zone, but I'll fight to stay in mine.  

I will feel fire in my heart when I am passionate or angry,

I will feel a blizzard when I am curious or afraid.

I will always rise, even if I fall.

I will roar louder than the mighty lion or slither quieter than the sly snake.

I will forgive without thought, or I will wear revenge with grace.

I will become completely attached to you, or leave without thought.

I will tear my barriers apart or build garden gates.

I will be bold, or I will never speak.

I will authentically be myself, or what I need to become.



I am simple, I depend on you.

They go hand in hand, best friends,
Blood red maroon, mixed with pastel black.

Cotton candy pink and golden skin.

With each pounding beat of my heart, I feel as they'll burst out laughing.

Buried alive underneath my skin.

Hand in hand, they'll take over.

What happens then?

What happens when I loose my skin?

Paranoid and jealous.

Vengeance appeals to be just.

I am an embodiment of my fears.

A river frozen deep, a blanket of smooth ice.
Wide and forever in all directions.

I skate.

Wind whispering through the strands of my hair,
a sweet conversation.

Gliding,

I draw with the blades of my skates,
My skirt is flattered by the wind, how flirtatious.

Flying,

My feet begin to confuse the ice for air and start to float.

Free.

I feel the warmth of ice.