I see a memory pop up on my feed:

                 "January 16, 2016- 1 year ago"

It's a quote. It reads:
    
                 "Lonely. I'm lonely in the frienship way and boyfriend way. I pray every day for something, anything to make this dreaded disease go away."

One year later. Which is today. I am alone in my room on a Saturday night. I remember telling myself that things will get better. But I'm just as sad. Just as lonely.

Can we just discuss how unattractive I am?
Insecurities **** my good qualities.
I have a lot of love in me.
But that doesn't matter if I get scared.
And I am scared.
Constantly.
That everyone will leave.
And I'm so so sorry.
Everyone, I'm just sorry...

I'm lonely.
In both the friendship way and a boyfriend way.

I no longer feel wanted by my friends and too **** quiet to even have a guy talk to me.

It pierces my heart, and also my brain with a gush of longing for love, and comfort.

Yet, everyone I know has a group of best friends or a boyfriend. Yet here I am, alone on Friday and Saturday night just wanting to feel loved.

I'm so deprived of having fun with other people, that I'm crying.

I want someone to just be there for me, because I will always be there for you.

I want someone that will make me laugh, because I will always make you laugh.

So god, all I want is the feeling of loneliness, and sadness to dismiss.

I no longer want to feel lonely.

All I want, is a friend.

You don't know
How much I cry.

Because when the words stop,
My tears fly.

I wish I could control it,
But I can't deny.

Because for every tear I shed,
I wish I was by your side.

Tonight I am restless

reminded of all the

times I've looked at

empty spaces beside me

wishing it were you...

Instead of this

loneliness I've come to

know.

(C.C)

I say goodbye,
And I know you already forgotten about me.

Because you know prettier girls,
Than I could ever be.

And I keep going back to you,
Like the fruit on a poisonous tree.

Do you know that feeling,
When hot water,
Feels cold?
That is like your love.

You give the illusion,
Of being good,
When deep down,
I know you're bad.