I walk down the empty streets
Right before the sun rises,
Dark shades disappear,
Baby blue hope
Cracks the never ending horizon.
I breath spring flowers
and shy gold-backed sunbeams.
I dance with the wind
and I race with the clouds.
I am not afraid of my shadow,
I am not a stranger in my own mind.

I stare at my reflection and recognize,
All the things I used to hate about my irrelevant being.
Pale skin and freckled cheeks.
I see my self at the age of 7,
Applying thick layers of lotion on my skin.
Hopping they would disappear.
I smile as I take a look
At my fun-sized body.
Walking in my mothers heels
When she wasn’t home.
Hopping someday I would grow.
I get closer and gaze into my eyes.
Crazy shaking, boring brown.
I used to draw my self,
Wanting still watery eyes.
I spot the scars on my skin,
Trying to hide them under my skirt on my first date.
I am mid twenties now,
And I stare at my reflection.
I recognize my father in my freckles,
I feel 153cm of fun in my body,
I see sunlight
And
Written pages in my eyes.
I relive memories with every scar.
I learned to love,
But please teach me now...
How to love the growing pain
And my deeply scared soul.
How to love the drunk girl
In ***** clubs.
How to love the person,
I try to bury every night.

Bombay gin
and
lemon twists.
White shirts
and
blue lights.
Liquid joy
And
Sparkling tears.
Vibrant bodies
And
Violet skies.
Cherry lips
And
Sandy shoes.
Naked skin
And
Juiced kisses.
We are summer breeze
On rocky beaches.
We burn like salt
And ice cubes.

We were a drunk adventure,
at hotel emergency stairs.
We were cold bodies,
and tropical kisses.
We were exploding techno songs,
and we hit like ecstasy.
We were the calm before the storm,
and the smell after summer rain.
We were flower touch,
and dirtier than martinis.
We were caring friends,
and destructive lovers.
We were oven-like smiles,
and cold beer tears.
We were everything,
and we are empty nothings.

You know that space between sleep and awake?
That place where you are thinking,
but not dreaming yet?
Right at that moment, right at that place it hurts the most.
I close my eyes and your silhouette appears at a dark street corner.
I stand next to you and we smoke in silence.
I spot us at Irish pubs drinking beer.
I see us in shapes and colors and lines,
Losing ourselves on crowded dance floors.
I feel your salty skin next to mine,
While whispering promises to each-other.
I follow us while getting lost in sunny unknown cities.
Passing by car lights cracking my thoughts,
I turn around in my empty bed and I want to feel the warmth of youth in a cold set of sheets.
My eyelids get heavy,
I am about to disconnect.
I get anxious as i drift away in the dark abyss of my subconscious.
It’s the place before sleep and awake,
where I love you the most,
but I still lose you when I dream.

22:21 i stand at the train platform,
It’s freezing.
I can’t feel my fingertips.
22:25 light up a cigarette,
I inhale it like warm air.
22:28 silence.
22:44 train finally arrives.
People rushing out, people rushing in.
I search for a dark, uncrowded corner.
22:45 I sit at the window row,
Earphones on.
It’s warm, I feel tired.
Close my eyes, fade away.
23:05 next stop.
I look outside.
A young couple hugging tight.
She grabs her suitcase and looks at him.
He grabs her.
They kiss like crazy.
She points her fingers at the door button.
He pulls her closer.
They seem so sad.
He keeps her in his arms like she is the last hope for happiness.
They kiss again.
23:07 train leaves.
They stand at the platform.
She grabs his hand.
She grabs her suitcase.
They don’t look back just walk straight ahead.
23:08 I can’t see them anymore.
She choose him over maybe everything or nothing.
23:10 I close my eyes again.
All that I can see is ****** written „what if‘s“.
23:15 I ask myself with a broken voice „what if you would have never left“?

I am a great half alive tragedy,
A hole with a body,
A silence with a voice,
A being without the human.
I drag my nails down my skin,
making sure i am still here,
but I still remain a hartbeating nothing.
Until it crashes me,
And my throat gets dry,
And my lungs burn like August sun,
And my heartbeat echoes,
And my stomach feels empty and full at the same time,
And all the tears I‘ve been holding back wet my eyes in just a blink,
And I can hear my heart cracking,
And I can feel my numbness healing it again.