<If life and nature is the ultimate creation of human intelligence,  then life and nature is endless . It can be formed and created in many different environments and laws of living . Though Intelligence isn't a cheap price , when it comes to value and worth of being here today . Experiencing sight , feeling, smell , hearing . Senses that all paint a beautiful living Experience in the minds eye . The view of every day after waking up from our daily slumber .>
-EC

Mom , in a world full of dismay , the only thing you can do is hold strength in yourself . Be as it ,you are a saint and I thank you for every service you have done for me as a human .the teachings you have gave me to love the world as it is and only hope for a ending better then the beginning . Many people fall short of gods eyes , but yet not forgotten . Even in the most disturbing of times . It'll only gets worse , I know that . But yet to live a life believing things are for the best . Well yea, for the best they shall get according to the woke humans .  Many are slaves to the unknown demon that is constantly nagging their neck . But yet we let these figures of physicality become the waking moments of our own reality . I'm over stressing , I'm over believing in a god that is misinterpreted into many forms . Really only you can open the door way to heaven . Self worth is humility , humility is self giving . To who you truly should be in this world of dismay . Only believe in yourself.

Ive diagnosed myself with psychosis . Which means I  believe that I  believe in another reality . That my nightmares weren't just dreams when I close my eyes . I woke up to a whole different but same reality . Multiple times has it been destroyed in front of my eyes before the wave of pain takes over and I close my eyes to see no more . But yet to wake up again in another body , not of my own . Waiting for the moment  where this body meets it's end .

Your presence has now become redundant and         superfluous . I'm tired of feeling furious over non-sense, over actions and feelings . A relationship with you,  isn't at all appealing . It's as if a succubus is ******* the very soul from my being . And seeing , a superficial world with a superficial girl , strikes me as insane . You gain , everything I lose . You regret everything you choose . So what's the use . Why make things the way they are , when you know how big scars are . Your a pretentious kind of  person . Ostentatious to say the least . Which means big in a logical sense . Oh well , sing the bell in my head . As I review every moment spent . Starring at you for some comfort and establishment . All to the more I, spending more time forgetting it.  You know what I regret ? Why I let people , other human beings , get so close .…….

Let me support you , while you hang from the cliff edge .
                   Let me congratulate you on destroying
                                      every past thing said .
                      As if it meant nothing from the start .
                  Creating misery across life, like it was art .
                               Who knew you'd go that far .
                             But guess what , I'm still here .
                        How do you explain away the scars ?
                     Do your stories , only match the ones
                                 You deemed greater then us ?
                Do you give their life pain with the feelings of
                                                                      distrust?
                                            So why only me Love ?

I°°° want°°° my°°° ******°°° to°°° be°°° a°°° mystery°°°
I°°° want°°° a°°° Grove°°° with°°° trees°°°,
Standing°°° tall°°° as°°° can°°° be°°° .
There°°° in°°° the°°° distance°°° in°°° between°°°,
All°°° those°°° trees°°° shadows°°° ,
What°°° lies°°° beneath°°° .
My°°° body°°° layed°°° to°°° rest°°° apon°°° some°°° leaves.°°°
Scene°°° of°°° a°°° suicidal°°° heart°°° surgery°°° .
Knife°°° at°°° hand,°°° looking°°° at°°° the°°° deep°°° cut°°° seems°°°
Pool°°° of°°° blood°°° nobody°°° would°°° want°°° to°°° see °°°.
Stood°°° behind°°° my°°° soulless°°° body°°° .
Lift°°° my°°° own°°° hands ,°°°
Knife°°° cutting°°° softly.°°°
Pulling°°° back°°° the°°° ribs°°° and°°° skin °°°.
Not°°° to°°° find°°° a°°° heart ,°°° just°°° emptiness°°° within°°°.
Looking°°° at°°° the°°° way°°° I°°° laid°°° , how°°° was°°° I°°° to°°° late ?°°°
This°°° took°°° time°°° and°°° pain°°° .
I'm°°° sorry°°° ...
Really°°° no°°° signs°°° of°°° struggle°°° around°°° the°°° scene°°°.
Was°°° it°°° a°°° ******? ,°°° I°°° would°°° say°°° likely°°°.
Why°°° would°°° you°°° say°°° that?,°°° is°°° that°°° what°°° you°°° see°°°.
Yes°°° because°°° it's°°° impossible°°° to°°° do°°° a°°° open°°° heart°°° surgery°°°.
On°°° one's°°° self , °°°°you'd°°° have°°° to°°° be°°° mentally°°° crazy°°° .
I°°° get°°° what°°° your°°° saying,°°° it's°°° just°°° hard°°° to°°° believe°°° .
Walking°°° away°°° from°°° myself ,°°° kinda°°° feeling°°° relieved°°°.
Did°°° I°°° do°°° it ?°°° Did°°° I°°° clean°°° enough°°° of°°° the°°° scene°°°.
And°°° where°°° did°°° I°°° put°°° that°°° heart? ,°°° it°°° must°°° not°°° be°°° seen°°°.
Thoughts°°° dancing°°° in°°° my°°° mind ,°°° creating°°° art ,°°°
Within°°° my°°° soulless°°° body ,°°° this°°° gots°°° to°°° be°°° a°°° dream°°°.
But°°° One°°° thought°°° stuck°°° to°°° me ,°°°
I°°° wanted°°° my°°° ******°°° to°°° be°° a°°° mystery .°°°
I°°° wanted°°° groves ,°°° with°°° lots°°° of°°° trees°°° .
Just°°° standing°°° tall°°° and°°° alone°°° like°°° me°°°.
And°°° there°°° in°°° the°°° distance°°°  an°°° in°°° between°°°.
Now°°° forever°°° my°°° shadow°°° lies°°° beneath°°° me°°°.
My°°° body°°° laid°°° to°°° rest°°° apon°°° soft°°° leaves°°° .
A°°° scene°°° of°°° a°°° suicidal°°° heart°°° surgery°°°.

opportunities that represent , what feels like to live in a heavenly sense . forgive me as I reminisce, In the good times that you've seen to forget . I've told you I've had trouble with this . but yet you still persist . with everything that once was bliss , turned into a wave of burning fists. hoping to die before you slit my wrists and blame it on my own mental abyss . you've sent me in this hole to fix , everything I felt was whole and built with a ton of bricks . impossible to break down unlike sticks . and yet the faucet drips . And I still throw a fit like I have no wits.  and it gets overwhelming , for you to tell me . that all those past times were just more the reason for you to forget me . why is it I have feelings , we planned our daughter , and now you leave me with nothing but a mental slaughter . making me believe I'm insane and now willing to **** for my place as ...father ,will she still see me the same? my daughter now refers to me as her dad and refers her mom as (her) mommy . as if both weren't a part of me . I'm sick with so much envy.