She stopped missing him a long time back,
but she couldn't get over mourning the girl she was.

Spring is
whenever,
wherever,
You and I
are together.

I cannot think of a future
where you are there-
all roads lead
away from you.

I have this
intense
insane
inexplicable
curiosity
to know you
not to love you
or be with you
but just to know you
to unravel you.

Could there be
anything sadder
than
you and I
existing
in the same universe
but never
meeting
in this life again?

Only a fool says, "Follow your heart.."
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The wise knows the price of it.

Everyone hurts
Everyone feels
Everyone loves
But some does all of these
more than the others.

And I can never decide
if it's a curse or a gift
To feel everything
on the spectrum
so very intensely.

Especially on days like these
when every pinprick feels
like the twisting of a knife
when the slightest sound
makes you jump
when all you want
is a little respite
from the insanity
that reigns inside your head.

If there is a fine line
between love and madness
I know I crossed it
when I loved you.

Is breaking your own heart
to protect someone else's.

You are too good
To be someone's second choice
An option,
A backup plan,
An indecision,
A 3 am call.

Choose people
Who choose you,
Who celebrate you,
Who prioritize you
Every day.

I feel drawn
Towards you
Unintentionally,
Without wanting to.


In a world
Full of chaos,
You are the only "sukoon"
My heart has ever known.

Ps. Sukoon is an urdu word meaning peace

It was the most selfish kind of love
She ever felt-
The kind that made her forget
The line between right and wrong.
The kind where she wouldn't hesitate
To burn the whole world
If it meant she gets to be with him.
The kind where she didn't care
For anything or anyone else.
Period.
And it took her ages to learn
That what she felt for him was
Toxic, madness, obsession, unhealthy-
That it was anything -
But love.

If you painted me
As the villain in your story
So you could be the hero in hers
Then I hope
At least to her
You remained the hero
Till the last chapter.

You see her laughter,
The sparkle in her eyes,
Full of mirth and life,
But
You haven't
Seen her tears,
Clutching at darkness,
At her lowest,
Screaming
In the silence of the night
And swallowing
A thousand more screams inside.
You see her gentleness
In a world full of indifference,
You haven't seen her grieving,
Clawing at her bruised heart,
Demons battling in her head
And monsters reigning in her heart
As all hopes turned to dust.
You see her whole,
But you don't see
The scars in her soul
Where light enters
And makes her shine
Like a Phoenix
Reborn from the ashes.

If I can live without you
I can live without anyone else
This much this heart has learnt
This much this heart knows
If it's not you
What does it matter
If it's no one else?

When a hope dies, maybe somewhere out there a universe dies too, cause the world you imagined will never get to be, and of course, it's going to hurt a lot. But that's okay. Because some things are better in fantasies than reality.

You were ordinary,
Flawed, & imperfect.
I loved you,
Made a god out of you,
That was my sin,
And this grief
Is my penance.

It is not that
I am not loved.
I know it in my heart.
I feel it in my veins.
Love overflows in abundance
in many forms in my life
Yet my heart is eternally
starved of it.
It started with him-
This affliction of never-ending yearning
That has no cure or respite
And somehow all the love in the world
Is not enough to fill this black hole
That he left behind.

Home
Used to be
You

Now
The entire world is a
Mighty stranger

And I don't care about
Fitting in anymore.

What is not written in the stars
No matter how much tears you shed
How many prayers you utter
How much love you give
How much grief you hold inside
How many efforts you put
How can it ever be yours,
If it's not meant to be?

Maybe she was born
With a heart
Forever meant to pine
After things
Never meant to be...

Of all the people
I have loved and lost
You are the one
I remember the most.

There are some wounds you never show
Some stories you never tell
Not to your best friend, partner, lover,
or any other soul -
They remain locked and buried
Within the deepest parts of you.
You don't even whisper about them to the wind
Except maybe to the darkest of nights.  

I hope someday
You won't have to carry them to your grave
I hope you will be healed and free of them.

My heart survived you,
Now, it can survive
All the storms
All the apocalypses in this world,
It knows this much.
But it is still not invincible.

It is scary
how fast some people change these days-
faster than the blink of an eye
or the speed of lightning.
One moment
they seem completely enchanted by you
and the next they ghost you
when it is no longer convenient for them.
And yet people in my life wonder
why do I keep my guard up so high
and prefer to keep my solitude
instead of wolves in sheep's disguise.

The mess you left behind
Years ago
I am still trying
To sort it out.
The pieces you left behind
I am still trying
To put them back together.

You will never know
What I became
Because of you.
The aftermath of your destruction
Never seems to
Leave me alone.

I still get the self-destructive urges
To reconnect with people
Who have walked away from me
In some unknown, inexplicable, wild hope
That they will be able to give back to me
The pieces of me they have taken with them,
Not realizing that not all things lost - are a loss.