Woolen caps and puffy coats
The crowd yet further bloats
On and on and another one yet
Totaling an ever higher net
No room to breathe here
Claustrophobia
Rising
Rising
A thousand thousand men
A ***** glare too often
A single crimson strand
Hidden in the most common brand
Alone
Alone
Forever

I find myself lost within thoughts of your smile,
Though such a thing is still lost to me.
You have form in my mind, but no feature.

Before me I see
A thousand broken mirrors
Each cracked like the last
Lying about the past
Trysts between sinners
And who I'm supposed to be

What is the real me?
This glass embedded with us
Severing, severing, my mind chaste
The fragments of instance long past
The fears and needs inside us
And none of it is free

In shards of glass, bend my knee
Drink the blood of a thousand dinners
Flowing down my leg, fast
With the revolution at my gate, amassed
Martyrs and sycophants and killers
All in all, one by one, wish to see



Which broken mirror reflects the truth

Words clumping deep in my throat
The words we promised to write together
Lost out at sea among driftwood afloat
Upon the regrets of our severed tether
A single sentence or perhaps just a word
Makes that invisible line betwixt life
And the violent death delivered on a sword
That I delivered your heart on a bleeding knife
But to dwell on that need for forgiveness
Has silenced my voice and left me falling
Deep into the black that remains of our kiss
That held the severed ropes once mooring
The fleet of our souls aloft in a sky
Littered with lanterns and stars
And I can't help but let out a cry
To reach Venus, Mercury and Mars
That I live afloat our shining allegory
Everything I do

For our Winter Story

How many years since
Since I saw your eyes gleam
You spoke clear, to mince
your words to cheerful themes.

A thousand generations
Brought your light to bear,
But going beyond it's station;
Age causes the mind to wear.

You wanted to stop.
I know you did.
I didn't want you to drop
Into the night so placid.

But now you're gone,
For a decade at last,
I hear your funeral was 'tres bon'
But I just wanted the past.

My father got mad
That my eyes were so dry,
My heart seeming glad,
But God I wish I could cry.

My heart was emptied
And my soul torn asunder,
And so my grief was muted;
One last final blunder.

It's been years upon years,
Since I grinded under your pestle.
To remember grief, I was told by my peers,
So now I'll remember you, my great grandma Ethel.

The thoughts of dark that plagued my mind,
That which turned me repulsive, unkind,
Have seeped away, what remains I find
To be comfort, warmth; I'm no longer blind.

I'd thrash about in the rain and the cold,
Hiding bitter hatred better left untold.
The stagnation spread through me as a cursed mold.
And alone in that alley I sullenly strolled.

But what's this? A bright light, too bright to see,
Shining it's purifying grace unto me.
The wonders of joy, untamed and free,
The haven amidst the grim, stormy sea.

It was there that I found them, the ones
Who had freed me from subconscious drones
Of no worth and pale hatred, once upon the thrones
That controlled what I was and made me throw stones.

I stretched out my hand, selfish, self-serving,
Yet they took me in, their kindness unnerving,
And I learned to smile bright, to forget all my moaning,
And finally saw the sun rise up on my turning.

I've wandered and wandered for such a long time,
Past the rust and the dirt and the grime,
And I cannot see the exit.

I've long forgotten the taste of the air,
The light of the sun; drowned in despair,
And I cannot smell the exit.

Food lost its taste a long time ago,
And the passage of time has stopped its flow,
And I cannot hear the exit.

The colors all faded into gray,
Nothing around to make me stay,
And I cannot taste the exit.

My heart is numb, still, in pain,
My blood has dripped into every drain,
And I cannot feel the exit.

But here I'm safe, and content to be,
To remember why you left and what you meant to me,
And I do not want an exit.

A sheet of tarp hanging down from the sky
Behind which we lift and tug and drop then fly;
If the stage is wrong the director will cry.

But the lead can only ad lib so long
Before we break into the next song,
It's a good thing stagehands are strong.

Open up!
Speak up!
Keep it up!

And the applause comes soon after

Cheers and applause from the darkened room
As a silly villain remarks on doom.
I'm standing by, aside it all,
Allowing the curtain to rise and fall.

Silence reigns as the lights go down,
Awaiting the call, so the quiet can drown.
My eyes again scan the sea of heads;
For a moment, thinking of just regrets.

In a single second my mind is made
To live for others and give them aid.
For even after you bid adieu,
I can still live my life for you.

Disparate prose detailing horror and joy alike
Poetry written as I've sat at the turnpike
The emptiness of the lost mixed in
Amongst the colors of life and sin
Living my life through observer's eyes
Judging and hating my truths and lies
I see my contempt for my unlived life
Remember the light shone through my strife

It's in moments like these
When I remember your smile
When I can hear your laugh
When I can feel your hand in mine
I remember it all

It all feels so cold
The things that once brought me joy
Are all but barren

I have tried to cry
I've forgotten if I can
Does it even matter?

Things are better now
But they're also so much worse
I hate this heartache

I've nothing to give
To the discussions of my betters;
The unscalable wall that lies
Between my thoughts and theirs.
Moments like this make it hard to live,
My motivation fetters.
None listen for comments or cries,
I'm seperate from the other's cares.

It's times like this:
Listening to friends,
I'm truly alone.

The marks on my neck
Do nothing to ease my pain
Do nothing to ease my fears
Do nothing to ease my despair

They only remind me
That I'm here on my own
That I'm here in memories
That I'm here without you

And I'm forced to imagine
All the men staring at you
All the things you're going through
All the things that remind you

And I'm forced to remember
The look in your eyes
The curve of your smile
The feel of your hand

I can't think without you
I can't sleep without you
I can't eat without you
I can't live without you

The fly flies so the spider may dine,
The bird thinks that the spider tastes fine,
For the bird the cat puts it all on the line,
The cat, now happy, makes his owner feel divine.

The owner, for his cat, works a job and gets paid,
The money is given for the owners aid,
In keeping the customers coming and the corners unfrayed,
And the patrons are pleased and happy they stayed.

As the good mood rises, good deeds are the norm,
As valets and bookkeeps remain on form,
Farmers keep their cows happy and away from the storm,
Now around their waste the flies again swarm.

There's this wonderful cycle, life breeds life, keeps it fine,
All men and all women away from tirade,
But as you lay happy, safe and warm,

I find I have no place in this cycle of life.

Does it free you?
As you fly above the dark clouds,
Amidst wings of steel and rubber,
Dials, meters, readings distracting,
Pulling your eyes from horizons
But that's not why you're there.
It's that single moment,
Hidden above that grey barrier
When you pass a break
And look down on to the
Greens and blues and whites
Of everyday life
And at that moment.

You are free.
Truly.

Think of me not
As words on a page,
As pointless marks,
On a blank white sheet

Think of me not
As pretentious drabble,
Written only to make
You think of sin

Think of me not
As some ancient tale,
My relevance in the world
Now useless and outdated,

Instead, think of me
As your caring friend,
Listening to what you say
And helping you live on

Think of me not
As Poetry.

Think of me
As life