What is true happiness?
I think I have found it.

Is it that feeling that you get
When you cannot wait to face another day,
Or when you cannot wipe your smile away?

Is it when you know
You have found people
That understand you
And actually listen to what you have to say?

Is it when you know your passion,
And when you can finally reach out and grab it
Out of the air?

Is it when you have hardships,
But though you know your life is tough
You don't even care?

It's when you feel as though you are finally big enough for the world
And that you can stand on your own two feet,
That a weight has been lifted
Off of your shoulders,
And then thrown in your problem's face.

I shouldn't be scared,
Or should I?
I have been through this a hundred times.

But each time
Your words cut deep
And before the wound can heal
You cut some more.

But it's not just the words.
I know I have caused you to become someone you would rather not be.
But I cannot help it
And the guilt kills me more than you can imagine.

But I am not finished
And never will

Because every time we hurt together,
We get stronger.
Together.

This is our storybook.
Longer than any dictionary
Or encyclopedia
You can imagine.

It is the story of our love.

i dreamt of you
standing on top of a building
so far up, staring down at me

i dreamt of you
standing on top of a building
so far up, a hero in the sky

i dreamt of you
standing on top of a building
and i wonder if this means
that no matter how many
crimes you commit
somewhere deep inside
you are still my savior
standing so tall, so far
always untouchable
i wonder if this means
that in my heart
you still hold a position
stories higher than anyone else
i keep looking for a savior
but that place remains unreplaced
because the safety after the fear
that you gave me is irreplaceable
and i wonder if that means
no matter how far i run
i'll still search for you
in my skies and sun

i dreamt of you
laying on top of my body
your skin buzzing with electricity

i dreamt of you
laying on top of my body
your touch caressing my skin

i dreamt of you
laying on top of my body
and i wonder if that means
no matter how many times
i try to escape
your weight is still somewhere
on my chest
holding me down like a brand
claiming me as yours
your skin is heavy
with hunger and mine
craves you in ways i never
craved anyone else
and after all these months
i wonder if this means
you are still somewhere
on my body
in my body
i wonder if you still
live somewhere in my heart
and under my layers
and i wonder
if this means no matter how many
times i try to wash you away
you are still
always there.

naked,

underneath snow that falls,

like a dead waltzer,

like you and your shaking self.



naked ,

where snow melts around bones that break,

knees that shake.

and a voice that refuses to speak.



naked,

laid out to rest,

cede to the crackling frost;

frost like a galaxy,

the same galaxy, crafted and stitched into your ice-born skin,

into your glacier eyes.



naked,

starved,

a suicidal dreamer,

trying to touch the stars,

the begging, arctic moon -

trying to touch anything

but her anorexic, marbled form.

yesterday, I felt my life
was fading away;
a piece of my soul
running away

yesterday, I
naturally, tried to catch it:
the glimpse of life
the sparkle that used to be in my eyes
joy that ran through my veins

yesterday, I
failed to catch life
yesterday, my
life ran away
as I stood and watched it.
in the end, I let it go away
because I saw how happy
it was
without me

yesterday, I
watched it play
and go away
to the faraway place, outer space
I was weak, yet strong
and for the last time
it turned around
and I saw Death
and Death saw me

yesterday, I
heard their laugh echoed
through my mind

yesterday,
until the rest of my days.