I'm fat
My stomache stretches out of its place when i eat
Don't eat
I want to look in mirror and be happy
People shouldn't tease me because I'm not skinny
be skinny
Who cares if I'm unhealthy
As long as I'm pretty

Will you take back those phone calls and the texts you used to send?
Take back the "I love you's" at two a.m?

Will you take my heart when it's been beaten and suffering from abuse?  
Sew it back together and watch the blood still pour out over you?

Will you take back the kisses and hugs you would steal in the middle of the night?
The way you'd wrap your legs around mine and hold my body so tight?

Take my memories, take my heart and just let me die.
Because I'd rather be a "me" if there can't be a "you & I ".

Day 1: I want to tear my skin off. My heart is beating so fast i can barley breathe. I feel so filthy.
Day 2: I can't believe this. I don't want to be here. Why did this happen? Why did I let this happen?
Day 5: I guess I drank too much and my friends were to drunk to stop me.
Day 10: I can't face my friends, I can't live my life.
Week 3: No one knows. He hasn't said a word.
Week 6: It happened again, I was sleeping and he did it again. Why did I stay the night? Why didn't I go straight home?
Week 7: He left and kissed me goodbye. I don't know how to feel.
Week 10: My life's out of control, I can't believe whats happening.
Month 5: My boyfriend knows. But not all details. Just thinking about it, makes me want to take a shower.
Month 8: I finally came clean to my friends. They're appalled. They hate him now. I still feel filthy. I can't get his smell off my body still.
Month 11: The anniversary is soon. What am I going to do?
Year 1: I haven't spoken to him in months. I haven't thought about it in days. I still feel as if hes on top of me, why can't I wash him away?

Its an uphill battle with myself and others. Some days I can't get out of bed or even feel like breathing.
But I try not to let him get to me. Because if he sees my weakness from what hes done,
He's won.

She's very much alive
But she is dead to me
The decision wasn't mine
She wanted to be
A tombstone in my mind
A grave inside my heart
A perpetual funeral
That has no end or start
There is no wreath to set
No flowers to lay
The only place that this exists
Is buried in my wake

No, I don't always love myself,
No, I won't always,
Because I make mistakes
And I'm allowed to hate myself for them,
I'm allowed to forgive myself too,
I'm allowed to mourn for myself,
So no, I don't wake up everyday loving me,
I work really hard at it,
I tell myself to smile more days than not,
Because truth is, smiling is hard,
I may not always love myself,
But I still have the capacity to love,
To love with all of me,
Just because I struggle,
Does not mean I do not deserve happiness,
In fact I deserve it more because I struggle,
Maybe I'm not perfect,
Maybe I'm far from it,
But I have to remember,
Even if I don't feel beautiful,
Someone else out there
Might just think I am,
Someone out there might just think,
I am perfect.

There's still an empty space
          where there should be a heart
From all the words you used,
                 hoping to tear me apart
There's still a giant ****
           in the back of my spine
From the knife you stabbed
        while looking in my eyes
There's still all these holes
                      in my chest
From the shotgun trigger pulling
              when you left

Nothing I can say is gonna fix things,
No use begging and pleading.
Ill be right there when the phone rings,
Without you, my heart is bleeding.

I'm just a pathetic cry baby to you anyway,
Weakest at the times I'm meant to be strong.
Not going to just sit there and cry like you say,
I'll bite my tongue just to prove you wrong.

If ever there were a monster, it is me,
For the way I've treated you, it's true.
I'm the worst boyfriend there ever was to be,
Those unforgiving words that are stuck like *glue.