Day 1: I want to tear my skin off. My heart is beating so fast i can barley breathe. I feel so filthy. Day 2: I can't believe this. I don't want to be here. Why did this happen? Why did I let this happen? Day 5: I guess I drank too much and my friends were to drunk to stop me. Day 10: I can't face my friends, I can't live my life. Week 3: No one knows. He hasn't said a word. Week 6: It happened again, I was sleeping and he did it again. Why did I stay the night? Why didn't I go straight home? Week 7: He left and kissed me goodbye. I don't know how to feel. Week 10: My life's out of control, I can't believe whats happening. Month 5: My boyfriend knows. But not all details. Just thinking about it, makes me want to take a shower. Month 8: I finally came clean to my friends. They're appalled. They hate him now. I still feel filthy. I can't get his smell off my body still. Month 11: The anniversary is soon. What am I going to do? Year 1: I haven't spoken to him in months. I haven't thought about it in days. I still feel as if hes on top of me, why can't I wash him away?
Its an uphill battle with myself and others. Some days I can't get out of bed or even feel like breathing. But I try not to let him get to me. Because if he sees my weakness from what hes done, He's won.