He's lurking in the shadows
with bloodshot eyes
A smell of bicardi and wine
I'll put down the knife
When these images
Stop playing on my mind

No, no I'm not afraid to die
I'm on the road to hell
But I don't care, OH!
Smoke another cigarette
And kiss your lips
Back to the room
And it's time for *** OH!
This is my escape
This is how I deal
To make believe these issues aren't real, OH!

You don't know
What the hell I've seen
And you ain't been
To the places, I've seen
You ain't heard the screams
You ain't see it every night in your dreams
The violence, the anger
Blood is running down these curbs
Insanity in motion please observe

No, no I'm not afraid to die
I'm on the road to hell
But I don't care, OH!
Smoke another cigarette
And kiss your lips
Back to the room
And it's time for *** OH!
This is my escape
This is how I deal
To make believe these issues aren't real, OH!

Let me paint a picture, clear
Place my voice inside of your ear
Hear the whispers that I call
For what you thought you know
You never knew at all
And there are voices carries within the winds
And demons have been asked to spread their wings
Eerie vibes are running down your spine
You try to dissect the world line by line

No, no I'm not afraid to die
I'm on the road to hell
But I don't care, OH!
Smoke another cigarette
And kiss your lips
Back to the room
And it's time for *** OH!
This is my escape
This is how I deal
To make believe these issues aren't real, OH!

©2018 Written By Benji James

Got high on drugs
Drunk on the bub
Depression was a test
A man left for dead
I didn't think I would
Get back up again

Take a look
I am still here
I am still living
With all, I've been through
You bet it was a mission
But I've cleaned up
straightened out my life
Never could have made it
Without you in my life

Was left in debt
A bankrupt man
People saying he's crazy
How could he make it
Back to his feet again
the road was long
and the climb was steep
I was determined
To make it to my feet

Take a look
I am still here
I am still living
With all, I've been through
You bet it was a mission
But I've cleaned up
straightened out my life
Never could have made it
Without you in my life

Girls gave me hell
Never good enough for them
They wanted everything
but me in the end
Thank god I didn't marry
Thank god I didn't stray
But I lost my stride
the fall had broken my pride

Take a look
I am still here
I am still living
With all, I've been through
You bet it was a mission
But I've cleaned up
straightened out my life
Never could have made it
Without you in my life

I am still here
And I am still living
The scars dig deep
But I'm still breathing
I am still here
And I am still living

©2018 Written By Benji James

i woke up this morning and felt nothing
my anxiety was gone
my sadness was gone
my pain was gone
my happiness was gone
my excitement was gone
my joy was gone

i went about my day
just a typical day
smiled, laughed, worked, came home
my boyfriend asked how i was
same answer as usual; fine

my eyes tired
my mind numb
no energy for emotion
no explanation or reason

so I will go to bed
and feel nothing

and then there are nights
when I just feel like ****
useless, stupid, petty
I get jealous over the stupidest things
then I get angry at my anxiety
but what if it's not anxiety?

I'm so ugly
I have acne
I don't party
I'm not an exciting or fun time
I study too much
why would you love me?

no, stop,  you idiot
he cares so much about you
he'd do anything for you
stop belittling him
...but what if he gets bored?

It's during these nights
that I don't talk a lot
you wonder if I hate you
you worry I might break up with you

baby I love you so much
I just sometimes wonder
how do you love me?
I can't even love myself