I heard a tale long ago, a story of old.
Happiness and love filled the tale.
There was no pain, anger, or hatred far enough to see.
For this tale was written,
written for me.

I fell in love with a girl,
With no hope on my side.

I fell in love with a girl,
With twinkles in her eyes...

She lay in the bath, half asleep or half awake she wasn't sure, but the warm water floated gently around her infinitely. And just like the memories in her mind the water lapped aimlessly at nonexistent edges, spilling over, as if wandering off the edge of the world.  
She moved her hand carelessly to tuck an escaped strand of hair behind one ear as the water hugged the creases and crevasses of her body, all contained in a white bowl of serenity with the only disruption in her mind. She starred absentmindedly into the reflection in the water, a distorted and watery version of her blue eyes and curly hair, although somewhere inside her she knew she was beginning to feel more like her reflection every day. Her tear stained eyes stared back at her, the makeup smudges making her look skillfully tired and worn as though an artist himself had hand crafted her very face and in the process aged her 5 years. Inside she lulled away, wanting to melt into the water and never care about anything more than was necessary. The soft, happy, carefree side temporarily locked away, with a combination that even she did not yet know. Instead an emotional whirlwind of feelings, angry and powerful tunneled out, amplified by so much as a word or a thought. It was these moments that almost took her by surprise, as if it was someone else pushing these people out, in an attempt to avoid explaining. This was accompanied by feeling as though the world had given her everything to live for and everything to lose in one breath. Her ragged breathing had eventually softened to an emotional sigh of trembling lips as she reimbursed herself with more hot water. Feeling it burn on her leg she watched pink ovals appear,  stinging with regrets and pain, a constant wishing to go back and re do and apologies and pause and rewind and forward.
With a click of her heel she snapped the plug away, maybe in some attempt to also drain herself of her tribulations that had almost enveloped her entire bath. Watching the water disappear quickly, she was entranced at the waters escape, loving how eager it was to run away from her. And with this she felt relief, as though she could finally breathe.

this is how it starts
I remember the sound of my stomach tying itself when I saw your text response that consisted of a simple "of course"
stumbling out your front door with streaks of muck on my face I replied; this will be fatal.
a million footsteps away but you're still stomping on my toes so. i made it out of that town but [why am i still in your bed [why can't I get away. is it because I gave you my cerebrum? my muscles aren't moving.
there's a record player in my living room, is this the end- it plays a symphony to me. it's talking now, the music notes are animated and walking towards me, this isn't living. there is no room for me inside of you anymore.
it was a while in, we're from different worlds, my clothes were off, but I wasn't naked, at least that's what I thought and what I wanted. I look to the left and there's a syringe, I realized you've ripped my wings right out of my back but it took me two years to understand, it wasn't you.
it's 7 o'clock and I'm gritting my teeth to keep down the words I never said but little did I know I was suffocating myself.
there cannot be love without self hate, don't you dare compare me to still water when you know I'm the eye of the storm. I hear the clicking, [like a constant reminder of my teeth chattering when you said you were going to leave the page blank. they'll use your damp mascara as ink to permanently type X's into your wrists.
my preference of Russian roulette is your tongue and I never understood why you tell me that Im prettiest when crying, maybe it's because your ******* is the one that makes me seem beautiful to you but not to the others.
the ruby slippers to take me home, the ruby river flowing out of my nose, you gave me both.

Games,

I always told you I were good at them,
and you laughed and said you could play them better.

Now it's cold and I need my sweater,
your love is gone and my cheeks are wetter.

But it's suppose to get better.
I shouldn't feel so dead.
The only emotion I've felt at this point,
is when we laid in bed.

Games,

I guess you were right..
Because you're not the one up at night,
Replaying thoughts and causing fights
Playing games involving knives
I'll mark my skin, yeah that's right
I'll write your name, end my life
Games.

and now the four of us
are like strangers.
with our secrets,we don't let them look past the curtains.
we smile for the pictures and act like we're perfect.

Thank you for always being here,
when I needed you the most.
When I asked you to come over,
you were there in a matter of minutes and most days,
you even brought your best friend Anxiety,
so we wouldn't be alone.
Some days,
you asked if you could stay over,
because you were all alone and really needed a hug.
My reply was a of course,
I know how it feels like to be alone in this world.

But now,
now you will not leave,
no one else wants you and I'm stuck here with you in my bedroom.
I don't remember how it felt like,
before you came around and it is like having a best friend you just can't be apart from.
It is weird because sometimes I hate you,
other times I can't live without you.
You can make me feel so important,
yet so dead and I wish I did not have to say this,
but dear Depression,
I think it is time for you to leave.

(e.k.j.)