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Most would say there's always something wrong with me
The typical aches and pains
Occasional dramas
That's why it's so crazy, I find
That when I want to scream out the most
I lose the ability to speak
To explain
To reveal the real secrets behind the smile
The epic tragedies masked by mundane inconveniences
Time is fickle
Moments we shared become more fleeting
The image of your smile in my head starts to lose its sharpness
The lessons though?
The love we shared?
Those will last me a lifetime
I just wish your lifetime wasn’t so short
I wanted to die tonight
Death screams louder than promises
I use to dance around the dream of me
Now I drown in the reality
How loud can you scream until it becomes silent
Can anyone hear me?
it's crazy how a night cheering in a new year
a time to celebrate the future
has now frozen us in time
will the nightmare ever end?
an endless stream of tragedy
a decreasing feeling of hope
wake me up when it all ends
Sometimes I feel sad. I used to be able to write. I used to be able hold on to that sadness and feel it all the way through. A song. A smell. A memory. Just a way to feel the things that I have forgotten in my infinite state of bliss. My infinite state of lies. I’m lost and wandering inside my own thoughts unsure of where to go. These dark places. These dark corners of my mind they tempt me to be more than what I am and I no longer want to play but these spinning teacups never stop or delay. I can’t jump.  I need a love that makes me feel like I do in all these sad songs or am I wishing upon a forgotten star? Rewatching all these blurry scenes from a tragedy that is my life I wonder why I glorified all these people who were honest in who they pretended to be. A real phoney. So why? Why feel so sad in a life so full?
15 years later
and i still remember the day you left

i wake up crying from dreams on the day of your birth
and lose sleep the day of your death

forever burned into my subconscious calendar

cheers to you
Vulnerability: an invisible choking hand
Suffocating her from telling you everything
The secrets
Those inner workings of why she smiles in the face of chaos
And cries while basking in the sun
How freedom is a constant fleeting feeling
She's addicted to the chase
But she just stares at him
Hoping he'll look into the depths of her eyes
He'll release her from the darkest corners of her soul
And he'll see her
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