There’s only so much time
For the petals fly by,
And the thorns
Are always quick to follow.

I’m so stupid
To be attached
To someone.

They’ll wave me off
Like they would
For an arachnid
Such as I.

There’s always someone
Who you’ll be able
To make smile.

So if you won’t believe in yourself,
Then believe in the me
That believes in you,
And your dreams can come true.

A star so bright
I could not hold my gaze,
She brought to much light,
And my mind’s in a daze

He put my mind in a fight
And set my logic a’blaze.
Now I’m lost on what is right
Because of this love filled haze.

Love is a maze,
Both she and he
proved this fact to me.

Above my eyes,
Yet sitting right inside
Lie the midnight stars
Flowing like the tide.

They twinkle without bitter,
And giggle and titter.
Floating flippantly and freely
Through the night so dreamy.

Watching us from above
Just as we watch from below.
The stars signal a guiding dove,
And we follow it’s tidal flow.

The stars are there to guide us right,
So why is the night now void of their light?

Where have the stars gone?

Numerous simmering stars
Slip into the sky nightly,
Shining a a light on our paths,
Guiding us with their truths.
In conjunction with our luna,
They create the immaculate sky.

It is the stars that shine so true,
That uproot the light of night,
And create our sky so blue.
It is these stars
That lie to you.

Imagine
Milky white swirls

Sifting through worldly lights.
Opaque obelisks,
Rummaging through the starry sky.
Rifts are opening
Yet again.

I am to be
A hero of war.

I saw myself off,
Over that ocean so blue,
And into our frontiers.

Put into a battalion
That is none but death bound,
I wondered if I’d be
One more statistic
Adding to the millions.

A wiped battalion,
With me the sole survivor.
An ambush left me running
And now I’m lost.

I saw an enemy
Coming through the smoke.
I told her to stop,
But she kept her pace
So I dropped another human,
And added to the statistic.

As I went to examine
This defiantly death bound soldier,
I saw in her hand
A flag,
White as an ocean pearl.

But now it was dyed half red.

At home I had become a hero,
The patriot of the land of the free,
But I am not a patriot of any sort
Nor a man of vast bravery.

Life continues onwards,
But death always haunts.

As I sit ever so still,
I seem perfectly calm.
But on my visceral inside
Erupts a magnitude 9.

Maybe the ghost
Will come to my door
And he too,
Will become a thief
And steal my life away.

I saw your eyes so blue,
I wondered if you were there too.
But now I saw that my rose grew
And I’d love to hand it to you

My feelings and love will hold true.

This write took a lot of courage to do...

A fire rages atop crumbling walls.
there is none left to stop
the smoke that fills these halls.

Shackles burn off of those
thrown through unjust pain
this inferno shall burn
the last of some God's bane

flaming strings
searing skin
lashes wrought
to their cold sin.

The icen emperor has fallen gravely ill,
so the smiling flame still burns on,
the final reminder of his will.

Broken handshakes
Come after whispers.

Silently soft doubts
Summon severed strings
To pluck feathered wings.

A foundation built of stone
Left to crumble alone.

Dec.28.2019

An abyssal hole,
void of any values.
In Binary it is 0,
in Hexadecimal it is 0x0,
in words it is "   ",
and in life,
it's me.

As it bears down,
Shrouding me in fear,
I feel it.

Piercing my skin,
Like a webwork of needles;
Igniting my nerves
And numbing my veins.

The weakened rays of sun
Fail to reflect the lingering web,
Or the spider lingering beyond.

Following a radiant gaze,
And bringing light to the second phase.

Tracing the path of the scorching light,
Yet drooping it’s head in the mild night.

Clouds shall darken the sun dried sky,
But the trooper keeps it’s head held high

In the tempest of winds screeching loud,
The sunflower still stands, tall and proud.

Scraping the blue sky,
Grazing the stoic mountain,
But far above the trees.

I remember the day I turned sixteen.
An enemy dating way back gave me a gift,
And I got happy birthday said to me.

I got a single present
From myself.

I was told happy birthday
From two people:
Myself and I.

Three people
Shredded my self-esteem:
Me, myself, and I.

Those who start to hit the closest
Always seem to go
In the must abrupt manner,
And far too soon.

How many more
Nights
Will I spend
Alone?

And how much is left
To balance out
These nights spent solo?

Echoes.
A force resonating
With the muted walls.

Surround my fleeting soul
And swallow it whole.
Make it believe there’s no door,
Then burn it through the floor.
Make sure its raven talons
Aren’t sharp anymore.

Sitting together,
Talking of whatever
would come to our minds.

The feeble whether,
A distant feather
Grew closer with each exchange.

Pulled by a tether,
Separated more than ever.
Now I know happiness,

I learned what it was
Only after I had lost it.

It only takes a bit of weight
To make a thread snap.
I only need a bit more
Before I break,
And bleed onto the floor.
The vorpal blade lies dormant,
Hidden under a nightstand,
Unwanted for months.
Soon, it will be saved by a hand,
And then its restrictions smash,
Letting its vampiric urges
Run wild, draining my veins.
It is the light that the darkness purges.

“Twenty men had tried to take him,
Twenty men had made a slip.
Twenty-one would be the ranger
With a big iron on his hip”

From the song “Big Iron” by Marty Robbins

I’m thankful for this past year,
It taught me to calm down;
Loosen up a bit.

I’m thankful for those that hurt me,
You taught me forgiveness,
And gave me a wake-up call.

I’m thankful for my ability to change;
To become more social.
Otherwise life would have been hell.

I’m thankful for the life I’ve lived,
The progress I’ve made,
And the luck I have had.

July 2019

Dawn, the naturally brilliant masterpiece.
radiantly split as if by a prism, handing darkness it's disregards
and forming a mosaic of light, that is soon to decease.
The dawn then fades into the sun, the next of three cards.

Day comes along with unsurpassed brightness,
bringing a warm light to the otherwise cold Earth.
a soft blue sky floats with a particular politeness,
and the water reflects its color with a taunting mirth.

Dusk follows in wake, the harbinger of darkness.
It shows us yet another vivid, spectral mosaic
whilst darkening the sky with abrupt impoliteness.
A multitude of watercolor stars appear, all rather archaic.

It is thought that all appreciate art of this kind.
However, I won't appreciate these occurrences.
I am neither blind to color or completely blind.
I am blind to their meaning, they contain no reassurances.

I could never appreciate what I can't see or feel,
to me, the colors I've described aren't real.
Those are what others think, I wish I could see...
But I am blinded and will never be free

Holding onto the mirror,
Gazing beyond the snake.

A silently welcoming venom;
Burning the once eternal ice,
Freeing me from your cold gaze.

Wincing, teary-eyed stars,
Whisper their silencing fears.
These sunset guardians, up in tears,
From being beyond the sidelines
For all these years.

The caring child,
Who hopes for
The goodwill of all,
And believes in everyone.

The caring child,
Who listens to metal,
And writes dark poetry.

The caring child,
Who enjoys cutting
Himself right open,
And has attempted
To take his own life
A regrettable 4 times

The knot that resides
Upon the finger
Of your precious other
Is inexpedient for
The justification of your means.

At time’s end
We stand before the leveling blade,
And whisper our sins
Towards the crimson shade,
And are put to rest
Within the silent glade.

Stone upon stone,
Laying down the bricks
For a worldwide collapse.

Tear at the membrane,
Nothing can stop you now.
Why limit yourself?
Nobody watches you
When it matters most,
So rise.

Walls are built to be broken,
So let your heart become molten;
The time has come to be awoken.

A soul caught in the past,
A planet covered in cables
Was never meant to last.

Fly the flags half mast,
And wait for it to pass.
Love flies up in a flume,
But why will these flowers
Never bloom?

As the flame in his eyes faded,
He remembered what he left behind.
Nothing could describe the intensity
Or even what he felt in that fleeting moment,
As he turned the keys
And started his long journey home;

His journey for forgiveness.

Shielded in a titanium cell,
living in a serene state of solitude.
The cold world wouldn't harm,
but the cold cage did.

Beaten with insults,
scarred with fists.
Living an infernal life,
so I built an immaculate chamber.

A cell thought to be without flaw.
Frozen solid, but slowly shattering.
Only a warm heart could thaw,
and now mine's fluttering.

The memories of raven black obsidian
Well up at the sight of my new blade.
A midnight blade, with a red groove,
Running it’s own comet like streak
Down the center of the curvature.
The handle is made of an ebony wood,
A wood as dark, if not darker than
The blade it so reliably holds together.
A thin silver band wraps the division
Between the blade and handle,
And blocks the sheath from over-sheathing.
The sheath is also made of the same
Shadowy wood as the handle,
Giving off an aura of pure functionality.

This was a weapon made purely to ****.
The air around the blade shadily undulates
Like heartbeats through crimson arteries,
Telling me it’s immense bloodlust.

All I see are lies.
In your eyes?
Glimmering reflections…
Dancing like the winter’s edge.
Reflected in my eyes.
And twisted by your vision.
We can never agree.
You’re never truly free

My needle-spun lies
Tie the rope around my foot.
Caught in a snare,
The huntsman’s judgement
Is the only way out.

The huntsman’s rife,
In which I seek repentance

Shimmering silence
Blooms over the desolate horizon,
Beckoning my fragile soul.

As the sun begins to fade,
Letting the darkness inch closer,
I’m still standing still;
Lost...

However, now I’m worlds away
With nobody around.

Now I know
What Vance felt like.
It hurts even more
Now that I get
Why he felt
The way he did.

I sit still every day,
Well I mean my mind does,
Anticipating for things
that may not ever come.

My social anxiety has
Twisted it’s venomous
Thorned rose around my
Otherwise unsullied mind,
Poisoning it, cursing it,
Making it unable to communicate,
Having me draw immense suffering
From the excruciation of socialization.
But yet it gives me intensified
deprivation of such activities.

Sometimes I wait for what will never come,
And with each passing minute,
The thorns grow larger as well as sharper,
Getting a larger hold on my ****** up mind.

Behind this mask of words
Lies a mind of numbers
And calculations, rampant in herds.

A mind of thinking,
A mind never stopping
Not
Even
For
One

S i n g l e

Second!

Always running
Toofasttocomprehend
But fast enough to understand.

A mind running off words
Does in fact exist,
As an auxiliary unit
But the math brain is my init.

Two sides of the same coin.
Think rapid, like gold circuitry,
But more blunt than a butchery.

A silver tongue,
Or a golden one?
I tend to prefer
Them motionless.

You take a sugary treat,
Add some salt if it’s too sweet.

I remember every moment with her.
The mistakes i make will allow her to infer.

I want her to forgive all that I’ve done.
It’s my fault, I only ruined her fun.

All of her problems should trace back to me.
Even if I was never involved, that’s how it’s to be.

Continuing with this will break both our hearts,
Piercing our chests with barbed darts.

We leave them in, holding our regret,
These darts aren’t pulled, so we never forget.

Remembering past times is adding salt
To all the sweet things, it’s the thinker’s fault.

We will change,
Make things greater,
Make them better,
Fix it all up.

Not with petty bicycle patches,
But with entire tubes and rims.
Not with concrete filling,
But with fortresses of stone.

I promise it will work out,
But I cannot do anything by myself,
So I want your hands to help.

We will rise like the flowing tide,
Creating a motion side by side,
And reach for the ever falling sky.

In the wake of hope;
A fleeting emotion,
Lies the horrid despair
Of failing once again

All things can be broken.
From the Titanic,
To this spiraling pencil,
Nothing is indescribable.
Relationships included.

But not all things can be fixed.
A scarred and broken body may heal,
But it’s mind will never correct.
The memories will always haunt,
Old habits may die hard.

And maybe,
Just maybe,
A love for pain
Still resides.

How much longer can I suppress this feeling?
It seems that my time is running out,
Faster than my own terminal velocity.
I just might consider what I see as an atrocity

I could never commit such an act!
Professing my love is a horrible move
This sounds innocent to everyone, i bet
But to her i feel emotionally in debt

She had stabilized me when I needed it most
I would have never survived leadership otherwise
She made me feel all these new emotions,
More than I can count on my fingers.

But what I want most,
Is to thank her for everything she’s done.
She doesn’t know it, but she saved my life once
And I wanna apologize as well.

I want to apologize for someone like me
To end up being the one that liked her,
I want to be with her so
I can thank and apologize without problem.

I love her,
More than I can describe,
with my current vocabulary at least.
It must sound cliche, but it’s true.

I wish I could be the one to make her smile
But I’ll end up being on the sidelines
I was never meant to be the protagonist
And life is no romantic comedy.

Why did I like her?
Se seemed cool.
No other reason.
I wish it was a better reason.

How’d I fall in love?
A moment of euphoria.
After a completed challenge,
I gazed into those eyes,
And it all snapped into place.
I wanted to hug her,
We were both swept up in the moment,
She probably would’ve resisted though.

But I have to come to terms.
She is above me, she’s the valedictorian.
I’m in a measly 4th place.
I can’t ever go out with someone out of my reach.

I want to rise up.
To third or second
To come close to her
Or even with her
Before I confess.
I cannot wait forever though,
For I cannot hold my emotions back indefinitely,
And eventually I’ll break down.

I want to help her
She seems so stressed.
She’s always smiling,
but just like me,
Her smile hides stress and pain.
I want her to smile for real
And to feel really carefree
I would shoulder her pain w-out a second thought.


It would be nice,
If she could help me too...
I don’t need it, I shouldn’t want it,
But I kind of do anyways.

It always seems to be those
Who think of themselves as weeds,
That end up being the prettiest roses.

I sit in my throne of pride,
Saying I’ve got nothing to hide;
"An inhuman person, holding face,
One will never see his fall from grace."

The tension starts to strangle,
And my body I’ll continue to mangle;
"A hardworking soul, who’ll never tire,
Even as the bar raises higher and higher."

My love increases, yet I sit and wait.
It’s over my head, I’m starting to suffocate.
"Married to his work, he will not love.
He lies not in such concepts, but far above."

I don’t know what’s happening to me,
My life is continuing into uncertainty.
"He knows what to do, he’s set on a path,
His definite success will fill him a bath."

I don’t need attention, the problems are mine.
I won’t ever worry another, It will work out fine.
"For him, things will always go right.
He’s hand in hand with luck’s vast might."

Things always find a way...
"His present & future are rather gray..."