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Angela Rose Oct 2017
There have been days where I have woken up with nothing but pure excitement for the journey of my day
But there have been so many days where I cannot even fathom the idea of inching my way out of bed
There are nights where I look forward to gathering with friends and being out and enjoying the moonlight
But there have been so many nights where I cannot even dream of anything besides being alone with a bottle of whatever
Highs and lows
Depression knows no bounds
It doesn’t play favorites
It doesn’t come every day, but it is always there
Depression doesn’t know that it was my best friends birthday and I promised I’d make it to the club
Depression only knows it’s December 23rd and it’s time to listen to the same song for the 17th time in a row
Depression only knows that I haven’t eaten in 2 days and this bottle will demolish my sanity
Depression can only see that if I don’t have the mental capacity to acknowledge my problems, then maybe they don’t exist
It doesn’t come every day
But it’s always there
Angela Rose Oct 2017
He made sure I knew just how lucky I was to have him
But he never hit me
He played games with my emotions repeatedly
But he never hit me
He made sure I didn’t leave the house in a skirt above the knees
But he never hit me
He knew the words to say to make me feel so small that I could not breathe
But he never hit me
He tossed me in and out, in and out, until my mind was in an out of control tizzy
But he never hit me
He messed around on the side late at night while I rested in our bed
But he never hit me
He made it clear that I wasn’t to go out at night with the girls
But he never hit me
He told me over and over again just how hard it would be to find anyone else to deal with me
But he never hit me
He fell asleep safe and sound as I laid in bed trying to catch my breath through tears
But he never hit me
He needed to have the password to every device, app and account
But he never hit me
He knew the power he held and used it over my head to weaken me
But he never hit me
He made jokes at my expense in front of friends and family and we all giggled together instead of cringed
But he never hit me
He assured me the women he texted were coworkers or colleagues but I could never know what they spoke of
But he never hit me
He made it clear that my interests and goals were not of pertinence
But he never hit me
He knew the exact words to say to take my entire day downhill
But he never hit me
He broke my heart over and over and over again until it was minuscule shreds
But he never hit me
If you or someone you know is suffering from domestic abuse please contact 1-800-799-7233 this is the national domestic abuse hotline. Abuse can happen to anyone, man or woman. It does not make you weak to seak help. <3
Angela Rose Oct 2017
Even on my very worst and most vulnerable day
I am still the villain in someone elses story
That does not mean I have not been the hero in many others

Even if my light outshines my deepest darkness, the dark still exists
We all have the capacity to hold back our darkness
I am stronger than others, not better
Angela Rose Oct 2017
I did not etch our initials into a tree
That was so common, so typical
Our love was not
Instead, I carved our initials into a rock
Permanence
True love
Rocks don’t die, they don’t wither away when they aren’t given enough sunlight or water and pass on on the night
Rocks do not get chopped down when nobody is looking and disappear without remnants
Right?
Our love was timeless
Young love seemed so juvenile to what I felt
Soulmates?
Is that even a thing anymore?
I thought it was when I was fifteen
Our love was definite, never ending
The letters you wrote me every day for an entire summer
The umbrella you delivered in the midst of a rainstorm
The lyrics to “You Are My Sunshine” posted against my window at 6 AM
The endless songs and medleys you wrote in my honor
Rocks do not pass on in the night and leave you hanging
Rocks are permanent
So I thought


As it goes, rocks die too
Rocks have a life span of at most thirty six hours
Despite contrary belief rocks die as well
Just like our love
Angela Rose Oct 2017
I am a huntress.
I sink my teeth into what is mine until I draw blood
My prey never comes easy

I am a huntress.
I lurk and linger around until I find what I crave
My prey is left scarred with teeth marks

I am a huntress.
I do not fear the darkness, in fact I strive in it
My prey will not see me coming

I am a huntress.
I protect what is mine and I will attack any predatory threat
My prey is mine and mine only

I am a huntress.
I hunt down hearts near and far and I keep them entrapped within me
My prey does not know how good he has it
Angela Rose Oct 2017
So I’m not your cup of tea?

I know, I know
I’m loud
I’m abrasive
I’m bold
I’m not ladylike
I’m too political
I’m too modern of a woman
I’m not maternal
I’m overly comfortable with sexuality
I make jokes like a man
I swear like a sailor
I don’t dab the grease off my pizza
I drink liquor from the bottle
I got some mouth on me, the audacity
I don’t filter my words
I fight when I’m right, or wrong
I push buttons and boundaries
I’m nothing short of a firecracker

So I’m not your cup of tea?
That’s okay
I’d much rather be someone’s shot of tequila, straight, no chaser
Angela Rose Oct 2017
How many ways have I loved you?

I loved you at your darkest
I loved you at your most vulnerable
I loved you when you were wrong
I loved you even when I hated you
I loved you when you saw me break
I loved you when I could not even love myself
I loved you late at night
I loved you beneath the sheets
I loved you with the lights off
I loved you even more with the lights on
I loved you through a sea of confusion
I loved you through a conflicted heart
I loved you despite our differences
I loved you even as I hurt myself
I loved you although you never really loved me

So how many ways have I loved you?
Too many.
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