Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
 
Amanda Kay Burke Sep 2024
I am terrified to fall in love with you
Know how easily I can break
Say it is worth the risk
Don't get how much is at stake
Got fantasies frolicking in skull
Pills do not make me feel as great as you
I don't dare succumb to effects
Fairytales are too good to be true
That little voice whispering
To try again and be brave
My longing is stifled by past events
When I last let my resolve cave
Can I find strength to take the plunge?
Leap off cliff to uncharted depths below?
Without harness or safety net to catch
Unwilling to allow myself to sink that low
Help cut tethers trapping me in this place
Give anything to feel free once more
My fear holds me captive inside a prison
I can't seem to find the door
You make falling appear easy
With snap of fingers head over heels
Icy heart has been frozen for so long
Can barely remember how being alive feels
I wish I could forget sorrow
Brought by mention of a familiar name
Remind myself that you are different
Still worry it will end the same
It does not seem fair for you to give your all
Equal effort expected in return
I am simply unable to reciprocate
Love and consideration for which you yearn
I want to but I don't know how to anymore
Amanda Kay Burke Aug 2024
I close eyes and count to ten
Take shaky breath of air
Hesitate to open them
Afraid to see you are no longer there
I want to make you happy
Sometimes that seems so tough
Despite golden intentions
Efforts are never enough
Then we build expectations
Late into night
At first both exceed them
Until sparks ignite fight
Yet fire lights lantern
To guide way through the dark
Ecstasy acts as glowing beacon
On weightless journey I embark
Your laughter rings like chords in ear
You got me above clouds so high
Trust earned like a certification
Learning to let hang loose fears you untie
Teaching to speak with a tender tongue
Feeling finer than I have in years
I hope that beneath the surface
Devotion is as deep as it appears
Appreciating your words and savoring
Time we have before it disappears
My boyfriend read this and crossed out the last line and this is what he replaced it with:

I have to kiss your rear
I might be just so right
That we won't have to fight
Don't be scared because we are pretty tight so hear
To see, adventures are limitless as our hearts grow closer near

<3
Amanda Kay Burke Aug 2024
You take heart right from my bleeding chest
Suffering cardiac arrest
All fears it seems are second-guessed
Scared this attempt will work out like the rest
Hurt a few too many occasions before
Tip-toeing on ever shaking floor
It's obvious you don't want me anymore
Need reason to keep on breathing for
Crashing lightning
Rolling thunder
Caught in current and it's pulling me under
I cannot help but stop and wonder
Why my dreams are torn asunder
No space left inside head
Taken up by lies you said
Wish I felt happy instead
Infected me with a sense of dread
It's not your fault
Torn in two
I have myself to blame for believing you
Your eyes oceans I fell into
I'm drowning in those pools of blue
Looking at yesterday
Tried so hard to walk away
Can't break chains around my feet
Without your touch incomplete
I feel like a cupcake without frosting when you are not around me
I stand on the banks of yesterday
Watching moments slip away
Like leaves on a river's gentle stream
Lost in the current, a memory's dream

In the depths, I see reflections of you
A fleeting glimpse, a heart that's true
But like the water, you're gone from sight
Leaving me with just a fading light

The river flows, a constant beat
A reminder of time's relentless repeat
Moments lived, moments lost, moments dear
All swept away, leaving only tears

Yet, in the flow, I find a peaceful place
A sense of surrender, a gentle embrace
For in the river's heart, I hear a voice
Whispering wisdom, a heartfelt choice
memories, and longing
Amanda Kay Burke Aug 2024
I know I pull nerves sometimes
Your stomach left feeling hollow
Chest rhythms identical
In your footsteps swear not to follow
A solid lump forms in throat
Weighing down heart
So fragile I experience pain
Cry even miles apart
I may not have gotten to select you
But I wouldn't have ever picked another
If death kills you hope you haunt me
Because I can't imagine life without my mother
Written before my mom passed away so reading it again makes me cry...
Amanda Kay Burke Aug 2024
Tears rain onto cheeks as you watch
In my head wheels spin around
Speech crackling like phone line static
Words blurs barely making sound
How can it be I already epitomize alone?
You reassure me there's plenty of time
Doubts creep like morning fog
Mentally assessing mountain you must climb
Staring at fragile fingers
Present compared to past
Sun set in an instant
Night falling fast
Surroundings mostly hazy
Some parts crystal clear
Ironically what I witness best
Are the things I long to disappear
I'm left with knot in my stomach
Getting tighter with each turn
Wanting peace known as a child
Naivete time won't return
I bought one-way ticket to worry
Shouldn't have boarded train at all
Choke my sorrows and lungs with smoke
Drown yours in alcohol
Life nicer through a glass
Sure it ensures your fear departs
Pulse started pounding louder in my ear
Love wistfully contained within hearts
I cannot explain terror
Bleeding out
Hole will not close
Stubborn ways too old to change
Your incongruence shows
Forcing hope straight down throat
Waiting for falsity to be revealed
Flowers you planted instead of weeds
To be crushed on cruel battlefield
Your comfort tonelessly whispers to me
Thought that would soothe my stress
Did not argue with your perspective
For your sake try obsessing less
But under surface shrieking
Phrases pondered remaining hid
Grasping for method to save you
Before you are gone and I wished that I did
This sure does hit hard now

Written 6-9-22
In my darkest hour my thoughts wander, sometimes too far and sometimes just yonder. I find myself in total darkness, without a torch or word of kindness.

Entrapped in space, where sorrow thrives, enduring the pain of a thousand knifes. I feel the tears gather in my eyes, as a hundred questions in my mind arise.

A place beyond, where the forsaken dwell, between the garden of Eden and the gates of hell. Where there is no sound but the sound of silence, or desperate laughter, or cries of violence.

The taste of bitterness ran in my mouth, as my head revolved, from north to south. My heart beat accelerated and exceeded the rate, while on its drums, it violently played.

I hear the queries in the drummers beat, should I advance or should I retreat? My soul is standing on some rocky ridge, do I descend or just cross the bridge?

My thoughts are shattered, for help I call, but my words resonate in a desolate hall. Amidst of worries I seek a light, a sign of hope, or a hand of might.

I have grown weary while strength I assemble, as my feeble hands began to tremble. It could be  light there in the distance, must I bide or seek assistance?

To my Lord I appeal in times of stern, at one’s leisure, good deeds you should earn. My heart is joyful, when dancing to its beat, what tasted bitter, has now turned sweet.
Next page