I don't know about you guys
But today was a wonder

A piece meant to be shared

I am happy to have them in my life and I don't care of what others may say

I love them to bits

Its not my loss
It's the other's

I remain awake in the dead of night
Holding tears and fear of sight
I cannot be silenced
says my mind with sirens

And I cannot be fixed
said by my heart with grief and anguish mixed

**I am dying slowly but surely

Don't repeat the mistake you once rued
For if you did you already know what's next
You can't keep hurting people and expect them to still stay

Why all at once
A person can only take so much

You can never heal scars with words my love
So please don't say you're sorry
I just need time
And I'll be okay

Have you ever stopped yourself from crying
that your whole body is shaking so much
Your hands cant even type properly
And your eyes can't see clearly because of the tears that are coming
I hope you haven't
Cause this pain is something I don't want you to suffer

Mistake after mistake
I promise I have no intention on hurting anyone
I was protecting sometime I had
And I guess I lost it too
I don't want any trouble
I don't want things like these
So from now on I'll keep these things to myself.

You did nothing wrong
You shouldn't be sorry for something you cannot control

To my sweetheart
who has that perfect set of pearly whites
who likes to smile with chocolate on her teeth
just to make us smile and give a laugh

The girl who always wants to be in the middle
Who has loads of stories to tell
The girl filled with insecurities
about her nose, height and at times, her hair

This lovely girl
who likes to read stories
loves to eat chocolates
and is fund of taking selfies

She needs love
And gives it too
She's talkative and smart
Frank yet true

She's sad at home
Seeking for the affection
of her families attention
She needs a listener so we'll be here

And the truth is she is not ugly
In the eyes of many,
She is pretty
Having the radiant smile
Her best friends love

She's not bad
But she is human.
She's frank at times,
Weird at most moments
But they all loved her anyway

She's been through a lot
I've understood that she,
Is a strong young beautiful woman
Whom not all can understand.

That is life.
Not all can be understood.
She's one of the unique souls,
Ever rarely found.

But in the arms of her loving friends
That rare unique soul shall be held on to and loved.

Oh darling you don't know
how your every decision affects someone.
Someone who was always there for you
Who had been with you for the longest time
Who has seen you mad, crying or the happiest being alive
And has always stayed even when you were at your worst

Don't make them feel like you have replaced them for someone new
For someone you've met and then became your world
they made you a part of theirs
but right now, you have not
They don't know what has been happening
Your presence is there- yet your mind is not

Have you noticed how hurt they are?
Have you given time for them, or have lessened it?

It wouldn't hurt to communicate without other things in your mind
It isn't bad to enjoy your time with them
Please I know that feeling..
It's bold, dynamic and new
But don't grow tired and seek comfort in something foreign
Don't be unfair like that
Remember them, Cherish them
for you may regret and lose them too
They love you darling
You would not want to hurt any other,
but darling,you've wounded some
You made a choice,a decision
without thinking about it's consequences
You can never keep all
For somethings never last the way you want them to

I had no control
I lost myself
I didn't look
I tripped and fell
They say tears won't do anything
Well it could
It lessens the weight in my heart
And soothes the pain maybe a bit
But not all at once
It may show weakness
But if you have never shown it before,
You're the weaker one.

I am burning with the desire to hold you close
To trace the skin under those clothes
I woke up wanting to feel your lips on mine
To caress your hand
And make your body so close against mine
I guess time really does go by so fast and I miss you already
Come carry me
Fill me with the love you gave
Whisper the words you once uttered
Kiss me fast but make it slow
Maybe stop but don't go
Ignite this flame a bit further

Please give me a chance
To say I love you everyday
Please stay with me
So I can do what I say
Please let me hold your hand
Kiss your lips
Hug you tight
You're perfect my angel
From your innocent face when you sleep
To the cutest yet scary angry face you had made
Please let me make you mine
Let me spend every waking and sleeping moment with you
I don't want anyone to steal my precious treasure
I don't want anyone else to touch my prized possession
I see my future with you
Unlike all the things in life, I'm sure with you
You're the best decision I have ever made
You are not an option my love
You are a choice
You are worth everything
You are enough
And you are my one and only desire

Life would mean less if you left
It wouldn't be the same
For I have given a part of me already
which is my heart

**you have no idea on the impact you have made

I remembered the day we talked
I told you I have to go away
That I would have to say goodbye
As I turn to go
You embraced me like you won't see me again
You did not let go
You said you fear that once I go the rest will follow
You said you needed me
that was the first time you ever said those words
You lay down with me in your arms
I escaped your hold only to try to leave but my body just made me face you
You looked me in the eyes and said
don't go, I need you. I want you
Your hand caressing my cheek while the other still wrapped around me
Then after you shared your desire to stay the way we were positioned but in another scene: under the stars, with a blanket and some snacks maybe candles and a nice song as a background
Nothing to be weary of
No hiding
No worrying about the time
Then you made me stand up
You made me slow dance
You apologized for the scarce space and your silliness
But actually its all I ever wanted
You made it happen unexpectedly
If only we could've stayed that way
I would never have left my love

Lets build a fort
Just you and me
We'll protect it
We'll keep it that way
Even if it rains or storms
Lets make it stand its ground
It will be our sanctuary
Our dwelling place
Away from all of this
Away from everything
You would never have to feel alone
You would never have to be invisble
You won't have to pretend to be anything
I would listen and so would you
We'll swear to secrecy and idiocy
Lets build a fort, just you and me
What color would you like it to be?
I want to see a sunset from that fort
I want to be near the ocean from that point
You'll be free and so will I

Surprises
Sweet efforts
They make my heart melt
Make me forget sadness
For even just a little while
I appeciate them
I even treasure those moments
Because for that instance
I feel they care
I know they thought of me
That I am a somebody
But I want to sleep
I'm not a warrior fit for battle
I am not a fair maiden to be saved
And I am not a victor in this conquest

*the world will go on but I-
I will not

I like how the skies turn gray when a storm is coming
I like the wind blowing towards my face that makes my hair all shaggy
I like the sound of the first rain drops falling
I like it when its raining

I guess the cold is my comfort
The sound of the rain drowns my thoughts
The air is refreshing
The scent is mesmerizing specially the smell after the rain
That petrichor  
That calmness
That peace

They said define okay
Well I guess okay is something I need to say
For people to stop caring
To please their ears
And make them go on
Okay is nonchalant I guess

I find death fascinating
I guess it's because we won't know where we'll go or what will happen
The few good things I could think of are:
You won't have to feel invisible because you already are
You won't have to do things you don't want to do
You can be alone and no one would care
You can haunt people for fun
You'll have peace
You won't have to please people
They can't hurt you physically

But:
words would sting
Memories would fade
You can see them...
You can see them happy without you, okay that you're gone
You would know if they cared or if you were just some measly being that could be replaced

I'm your distraction
I'm going to distance myself
I'll let you focus
I'll be okay for you
People have said so, people know so
I noticed it too
These people has a team
They're against me
I didn't do anything
Did I?
Why?
Don't fight for me
Give up on me
I need to isolate myself
I want to escape this labyrinth
I want to give up
not on you but on life
please forgive me
I am physically and emotionally drained
The world was strong enough to break this spirit
I hope they won't do the same with you
Can I go now?
Would you let me?
please let me
Let me put a blade
let me slash some skin maybe some flesh
let me bleed
let me be *free

In our own little world
We've dreamed about our future
We've hoped for brighter days
We've shared our plans
And we swore to stay
At times we wished to be free
To cast away from these rules

Things would have been easier if it would just go according to our plans

But I don't regret
These hidden moments
The intimacy
These unfathomable emotion

now I have another thing to keep
A secret
Just
You
Our hearts
And
Me

I wish I could just stay there

I waited for you
Till my eyes turned white
Till the dusk became dawn
Till I froze at night
Till the rain poured then stopped
Till the wind blew and settled
Till I can't stand no more
Till your call where I've rehearsed my every word, every response, every negotiation
That I won't move
Till I'm in your hold
I won't go until you find me
I won't leave until you come
I would've stayed longer if you asked me to  
I would've surpassed all those things for you

But all I did was wait.
*I waited, waited for nothing.

Its sad how so many people could be self conceded.
I admit I am sometimes too
But to create stories?
How low
How foolish
How weak
Sad person, full on imagination
Go write them on books
Not gossip about your made up world

*we are the main characters about our life but sometimes not everything would be about you

If only forever did last the way it was supposed to
We would have never said goodbye, we would have never broken it's rules
We would still be together and I-
I wouldn't have cast walls upon my heart
What if I made you stay
What if you didn't go
What if ...

*but thats the sad thing about if only's and what if's, its full of regret full of bitterness and full of  hope

I am falling
Hopelessly and madly
I hear you calling
And I want to be with you badly
Every second, every hour of everyday
I'm hoping that someday, we may
Hold hands while we walk
Maybe steal kisses while we talk
Oh darling don't you forget
Please never regret
Know you are daily missed
I'm holding on to what you promised
And Also believing
Don't waste what I'm giving
A chance
To be my last dance
Through this fascinating circumstance
Of finding our own romance
You are my anchor
To questions, are my answer
You keep my head in a cloud
Never realized how this could be loud
You let me sink in the depths of your love
Maybe in the future we'll be releasing two doves
You're my enigma
My island made with cooled magma
So mysterious, so unique
My thoughts are quite often oblique
But like I said
Love is never looking behind but traveling ahead

till then my love, I wish you good night
let you heart filled with fright
be free to soar and gleam
*I'll be watching, seeing every beam

hey baby girl you'll be fine open your mind
dark days are ahead but be kind
to others specially to yourself
don't say no one would help
because in you is where mending begins
It's true it's a cruel world
but don't let them bring you down through words
Oh baby girl I know after this
you'll laugh with bliss
you'll be okay
come what may
my beautiful soul
I know protecting others would be your goal
and if ever do it right
don't give up the fight
Don't let them feel your pain
because there's nothing to gain
oh baby girl don't cry
*soon those tears will dry

You saw me crying right in front of you
Did I have to yell too?
You just walked away and said it wasn't your problem
Like you didn't care at all
Why do you have to be so heartless
I just needed you to help
I needed and wanted your comfort
It was obvious
It was shown
But I guess nothing is really like that
Then I realized no one would really care
The rain then shared the sadness
My only confidant
My own tears

I don't know where we stand
But still you hold my hand
What are we, really?
Why can't you say it freely?
I'm stuck up in my head with my thoughts
Words forming knots
For there's nothing like us
I don't want to make a fuss
But I've never felt this way
My heart is starting to betray
These rules I've cast upon my walls
With just a look from you it sprawls
Should I stop?
Should I bear these teardrops?
Or would you let me stay?
Even if your friend's looks could slay
Tell me what you feel
I'll let you heal
I'll be your fortress
Don't let me go on wordless
I don't want to lose you
Or gray would be the only hue
On this upside down world
Where people's smiles are crookedly curled
I'm scared and so are you
But I'll be selfish cause I don't want to lose the view
Of that **** beauty
So I'll make you smile daily like its my duty
I want answers
But I should mind my manners
I respect what you say
But why leave it that way?
You got broken
Now accept my token
It's my love and I'm sorry
For I cannot carry
This name undefined
But I know our hearts are combined
Even without words said
The thing is I don't know if its all in *my head

I remember how you
pushed me against the wall
and in a way I would never fall
pressed your body onto mine
Your arms gripped tight like a vine
You closed your eyes
To mask your want in disguise
Then hasted to kiss me
My lips parted as to agree
Your pin so firm,so strong
There was no way I could've escaped even if it felt wrong
But honestly I just wanted that too
My heart beat as if wild animals were at the zoo
It was weird yet right
Unknown and light
Perfect and flawed
Bound to make us awed
Now I hate how it ended
Its not like I wanted
Now I have to bear this feeling
Of something missing
To avoid the temptation
Of your lips filled with flirtation
So cold yet soft
Bow shaped and liked most

I hate how I close my eyes and think of you and what happened
My heart saddened
Knowing I shouldn't and I couldn't do it anymore
Hanging by those word to which you swore.

There's something wrong with me
I don't have the key
to know who I should be
I don't want to pretend to be fine
when they can't see the sign
of how desperate I am to find
something better in my mind
I want to die
but i want to live
i want to dine
but I want to give
I want a purpose, something more than a cause
To leave and be free, to be my own boss
I don't want to feel things I shouldn't
I don't want to be forced to do things I couldn't
I feel alone
but there's something in my bone
that makes me hope
that when I let go of this rope
i'll find a maybe
that someday my heart would be put to safety
I am tired of being broken
not by life but words unspoken
I want to be okay
To sit by the bay
but I also want to be loved, my love
I want to be with you than anything else above
I want to sink in the waves of you voice
but that's not my choice
to envelop myself in your arms
not because of your charms
but because I love you too much
so it is my heart that I will clutch
to let you be free
even if you forget about me
Do I have to plea
just for you to see
that I should let you go
so we could grow
but every time I try
it makes me cry
you want me to stay
but you go far away
I don't know what say or what to do
but i feel rather blue

for there is something wrong with me
but in order to fix this I have to leave you be

Go ahead
Take my heart
Take my soul
I would give these up to you
If I know
That maybe I would have a chance
A chance to make you stay
To make you feel better
Than the past you never said
Then when you did
You left
As if nothing happened
As if You were never broken
But the horrible effect
Is you left me hollow
For I have given my everything
Just so you could feel whole
I have given you my world
And all I could ever have is the chance
A chance to feel the way you did before I came along

I know I promised I would never
Never fall for you
Never be jealous of people who come near you
Never feel weary of the uncertainty
Never leave
But I did fall for you, everyday
I was jealous for they could still touch the one I treasure beyond myself, they could hear the thoughts of your beautiful mind
They could see the things I saw that made me love you even more
And I know I can't force you to stay
But I want you to
I know I shouldn't but I find myself unsure
I know I said I would never leave but I fear that my love for you may be too intense that it wouldn't just break you, it would destroy me
I'm scared beyond reason
Uncertain of what I should do
For I am breaking torn between two
It would hurt me to see you hurt
But it's pain that eats me up when you're getting father away
I guess I'm left with the choice
Of staying and bearing the grief
Or leaving and destroying myself

Take a risk you said
For the doubts in my mind were too loud
That it over shadowed the want of my heart
I did as you told me
And when I did
I felt the pain
I felt how my world weight down on me
I felt the way broken people described life
Those who I thought exaggerated of how cruel the world can be
That risk took away my being
My life of innocence that the world is not as people said it was
But i was wrong and they were right
I took the risk but I guess it was nice
It was nice to feel the pain even if I feel the sun won't shine the same
Because without that risk
I would never have loved you the way I thought would be impossible

I might explode
For i love you too much
I might burst from the hurt that i bear
But i don't care
I know i'm young
Too young to know if this is true
But i just know it in my gut
I would never leave
Unless you ask me too
I may get tired but if you love me back
You would cheer me on
Give me strength to bear the pain in return for loving you
I was broken or so i am because of you
Everytime you come so close you still feel so far.
I might explode
But i know you wouldn't care

There are somethings only we know
Those hidden touch
Those forbidden vows
You are my secret not meant to be shared
I know its selfish but this I swear
I treasure you dearly
I wish you do the same
Words you've said spin in my head
Memories of you flash before my eyes
My skin still feels your touch that send tingles up my spine
I replay the whispers between us that sends butterflies amidst my stomach
I fear it may go far but at times i regret it didn't
This mind is in chaos
But one thing still remains clear
The picture of me and you.

You don't have to say the words i want to hear
You don't have to the things that would please me
I'm not one to judge I know
But sometimes I do
And so do you too
I won't care as much probably
If you didn't do the things you do
Or say the things you say
I've learned not to depend my happiness on people that could take it away
Because if I do, with you gone, it would take my heart too
I won't please you either for I have grown tired
Tired of not being enough
Tired of doing wrong things for your perspective that are not for mine
I am enough and I am worth it
I may not be for you but for someone else maybe I could be.
I was made and born to existence
I was well taken cared of not for you to bring me down but for me to be better
Better than who I am each passing day
Better that who I was in the past
I am me
And you are you
I won't mind you if you don't mind me
We are separate and thats how it should be

He's someone I have to wait to be with,
Even so I feel Him in the silence.
In my heart, in my being.
He's my peace, my rock, my sanctuary.
In His arms I feel the love everyone craves to have.
I'm not perfect yet He never judges whenever I commit a mistake.
Unlike the people that surrounds me
I'm not the best but He loves me for me
He knows me inside and out
He's my hero and I am His.
He made me feel better today
I guess that is my faith in His prevalence.

I know you wouldn't care.
I know you  wouldn't listen.
You act like you're innocent— like everything's fine.
But its not.
You call yourselves friends but are you really?
You can't see the fake smile, so forced, so untrue.
You turn your backs on someone who cares for you.
You turn cold and silent at the person your friend doesn't like.
I reach for you even if you're remote but you choose to move farther away.
You leave someone who loves you dearly.
For someone who has done everything but.
I've grown tired.
I've learned where I stand and how to do so on my own.
I was blind, now I see.
Why they say the things they do about you.
It's true– somehow, maybe.
You guys are heartless.
So unreal and clueless.

This is the temptation of barely holding yourself together.
This is the pain you feel when you find out the truth.
That no one would choose you.
No one would love you as much as you thought they would.
Friends don't turn their backs on friends and neither do they make you feel alone in a crowd.
They don't turn cold and choose a side. But thats the problem.
Are they true?
Truth hurts are the true realization even more.
I'm broken and tempted but I'm barely holding on to my last hope.
I know now why people said those mean things about them— about us. They're partly true now that I realized that.
No one will save the other no one will care.
I'm alone and I know it.
Shun by the world I've known.