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ronda renee' Feb 2014
Stereotypes are a   commodity
Stereotypically
My childhood should be filled with only happiness
Happiness because of my color
No struggle

Struggle should never have confronted me
Never should have shown me how to survive
Or how to better myself
Because me being me I realize

I realize the uneducated hide
Hide behind stereotypes the unconsciously enforce
Enforcing by proving the statistics and stereotypes
Statistics and stereotypes that have to have an origin

If you judge me by stereotypes
You will fail to realize
The stereotypes you fight to uphold
will never define me

I will succeed not because of my color
Or because of a stereotype
I will accomplish my goals
Only because I refuse to let others limit
The excellence I can achieve
By pushing stereotypes that hold hardly any truth onto me
Dorothy A Jun 2012
With great recollection, there were a few things in life that Ivy Jankauskas would always remember—always.

She would never forget where she was when 9/11 happened; she was in her algebra class, doodling a picture on a piece of notebook paper of her dog, Zoey—bored out of her mind by Mr. Zabbo’s lecture—when she first heard the shocking news. Certainly, she could remember when she first properly fell in love; she was fresh into college when she knew that she loved Trevor Littlefield—the day after they agreed to get back together, right after the day they decided to split up—after she finally realized that she really loved him, much more than she ever, really, consciously thought. She would forever remember when her parents first took her to Disneyland; she was seven and got her picture taken with Snow White and Mickey Mouse, and she instantly decided that she wanted to become a professional Tinkerbelle when she grew up.

And, like it or not, she could remember her very first kiss. She had just turned five, and it was at her birthday party. How could she ever forget those silly paper hats, and all her little playmates wearing them? They were a good sized group of children, mostly from the neighborhood and her kindergarten class, which watched her open present after present. Ivy remembered her cherry cake, with white frosting, and the stain she had when she dropped a piece on her pretty, new dress that her mother had bought her just for the occasion.  

It was later that day, behind her garage, that Gordon Zachary Durand, the Third, a boy her same age, planted one on her. It was a strange sensation, she recalled—icky, wet and sloppy, and Gordon nearly missed her mouth. Not expecting it, Ivy made a face, puckering up her lips—but not for another kiss—as if she had just ****** on a spoiled lemon. Ever since then, it was the beginning of the dislike she had for Gordon Zachary Durand, the Third. She didn’t exactly know why—there was just something about him that bugged her from then on.

There grew to be several reasons why Ivy knew that Gordon was a ****, something she first sensed at her birthday party behind the garage. Since about third grade, children picked on Ivy’s name, teasing her by calling her “Poison Ivy”.  And the one who seemed to be the loudest and most obnoxious of the name callers, chiming in with the other bullies, was Gordon Zachary Durand, the Third.  Ivy was proud of her name up until then, but the taunts made her self conscious. Her mother told her to be proud of her name, for it was unique and different, as she was unique and an individual. Still, Ivy felt uncomfortable with her name for quite a while. Only in adulthood, did she feel somewhat better about it.

A bit of a tomboy back then in school, she would have loved to punch Gordon right in the nose. If only she could get away with it! What a joke! Who would name their child Gordon anyway? She had thought it was far worse than hers.

So to counter his verbal assaults to her name, Ivy called Gordon, “Flash Gordon”, after the science fiction hero from TV and the comics. But Gordon was no hero to her. He was more of a villain, creepy, vile, and just plain mean!

Soon, new name of him caught on, and other kids were joining her. She had a smug sense of satisfaction that Gordon grew furious of the title, for it stuck to him like glue.

Gordon’s family lived right around the block, just minutes away from where Ivy lived. Ivy’s mom, Gail, and Gordon’s mom, Lucy, both went to the same Lithuanian club, and both encouraged their children to take up Lithuanian folk dancing. Ivy remembered she was eight-years-old when she began dancing. It was three years of Hell, she had thought, wearing those costumes, with long, flowery skirts, frilly blouses, aprons, caps and laced vests, and performing for all the parents and families in attendance. Worst of all, she often had to dance with Gordon, and he was one of only three boys that was dragged into taking up folk dancing by their mothers. Probably all of those boys went into it kicking and screaming, so Ivy had thought.

Many years have came and gone since those days. Ivy was now a lovely, young woman, tall and dark blonde, and with a Master’s degree in sociology, working as a social worker in the prison system. Ivy’s parents would never have imagined that she would work in a field, in such places, but she found it quite rewarding, helping those who often wished for or were in need of redemption.    

When Ivy came over to visit her mom one day, her mother had told her some news. “Gordon Durand’s mother passed away”, Gail announced. It was quite disturbing.

“What? When?” Ivy replied, her face full of shock.

“Well, it must have been a few days ago. I saw the obituary in the paper, and a couple of people from the Lithuanian club called me to tell me. The funeral will be Friday. Why, I didn’t even know she was sick! She must have hid from just about everyone. If only I knew, I would have gone to see her and make sure she know I cared”.

It had been a long time since Ivy saw Gordon, ever since high school. Now, they were both twenty-six-years-old. It never occurred to her to ever think of Gordon, to have him fixed in her mind like a fond memory from the past.

“Could of, would of, should of—don’t beat yourself up, Mom” Ivy told her "I guess I should go pay my respects”. But Ivy was not sure if she really should do it, or really if she wanted to do it. “Mrs. Durand was a nice lady. Sometimes, it is the nice ones that die young. What did she die of anyway?”

Ivy’s mom was pouring herself and her daughter a cup of coffee. “I believe it was leukemia. In the obituary, it asks for donations to be made to the Leukemia Society of America”.

Ivy shook her head in disbelief.  As she was sitting down with her mother at the kitchen table, drinking her coffee, her mom shocked her even more. Gail said, “Only twenty-six, same as you, and now Gordon has no mother or father! How tragic to lose your parents at such a young age! It breaks my heart to think of him without his parents, even though he is a grown up man now!”

“What?!” Ivy shouted in disbelief. “When did Gordon’s dad die?!”

Gail sipped on her coffee mug. “Oh, a few years ago, I believe. Time sure flies, so maybe it was longer than I think”. Gail had a far away look on her face like she was earnestly calculating the time in her mind.

“He died? You never told me that! How come you never told me?”

Under normal circumstances, the thought of Gordon Zachary Durand, the Third, would almost want to make Ivy cringe. But now Ivy was feeling very sad for him.  

“I did!” Gail defended herself. “You just don’t remember, or you weren’t listening. I am sure I told you!”

Gail was a round faced woman, with light, crystal blue eyes that always seemed warm in spite of their icy color. Ivy was quite close to her mother, her parents’ only child. She was grateful that her dad, Max, was still around, too, unlike the thought of Gordon’s dad dying. She felt that she could not have asked for better parents. They loved her and built her up to be who she was, and she felt that they could be proud of how she turned out, not the stereotypically spoiled, only child, not entitled to have everything, but one who was willing to do her share in life.  

“I would have remembered, Mom!” Ivy insisted. “I would remember a thing like that! What happened to him? Did you go to the funeral home?”

“I think he had a heart attack”, Gail replied, tapping her finger on her temple to indicate that she remembered. “I did go…oh, wait a minute. You were in Europe with your friends. It was the year after you graduated from high school, I believe. You couldn’t possibly have gone to the funeral home at that time”.

Since Gail did not want to go to Daytona Beach, in Florida, for her senior trip, her parents saved up the money for her to go to Germany and Italy. Ivy wasn’t into being a bikini clad sun goddess, nor was she thrilled by the rowdy behavior of crowds of *** craved teens—a choice that her parents were quite grateful that she chose, level headed as she was.

Since she was a little girl, Ivy dreamed of going to Europe. Her parents, both grandchildren of Lithuanian immigrants, would have loved for her to go to Lithuania, but Ivy and two of her friends had found a safe, escorted trip to go elsewhere,  on to where Ivy always dreamed of going—to see the Sistine Chapel and to visit her pen pal of eleven years, Ursula Friedrich, in Munich.  

Now, Ivy was available to visit the funeral home for Gordon’s mother, and she had decided to go with her mother. Not seeing Gordon in years, Ivy had her misgivings, not knowing what to expect when encountering him. Perhaps, he would be different now, but maybe he would prove to be quite the ****.

As she came, she noticed Gordon’s sister, Deirdre, and she gave her a hug. “I’m so sorry to hear about your mom. She was so nice”, Ivy told Deirdre. She felt uncomfortable talking to Deirdre, for she did not know what to say other than the usual, I am sorry for your loss. It was “sympathy card” talk, and Ivy felt like she was quoting something contrived from a Hallmark store.    

Deirdre was two years older than Gordon. She slightly smiled at Ivy and sighed. She must have said just about the same thing all day long, “It is good of you to come. Thank you for your kind support. Mom would appreciate it”.

Ivy looked around the room. There were many flowers, in vases and baskets, and people surrounding the casket. Ivy could not see Mrs. Durand in the coffin, for people were in the way, her mother included. She was glad she couldn’t see the body from her view.

Funeral homes gave her the creeps, ever since she was thirteen years old and her grandmother died, her father’s mother, and she had to stay at the funeral home all day long. Even a whiff of some, certain flowers was not pleasant to smell. They reminded her of being at a place like this, certainly not evoking thoughts of joy.          

Ivy looked around the room. “Where is Gordon?” she asked Deirdre.

Deirdre sighed again. “Gordon cannot handle death very well”, she admitted. “Go outside and look. He has been hanging around the building outside, getting some fresh air and insisting he needs a big break from all this.”

Ivy shook her head and smirked. “That sounds like Gordon, I must say”  

“Yeah”, Deirdre agreed, as she looked like Gordon’s help to her was a lost cause. “And he’s leaving me to do all the important work—talking to people who come in while he goes away and escapes from reality”.

Ivy went outside to search for Gordon. Sure enough, she found him by the side of the building, under a broad, shady tree. He was having a cigarette, standing all by himself, when he saw her approach.

Gordon looked the same—wavy brown hair and freckles, but much more grown up and sophisticated, his suit jacked off and his tie loosened up. Ivy knew that he always hated wearing ties. She knew that when both her mom and his mom convinced them to go out with each other—a huge twist of their arms—to the Fall Fest Dance in ninth grade and in junior high school. Gordon’s mom bribed him to go with her by promising to double his allowance for the month, and Ivy actually had a silly crush on Gordon’s cousin, Ben, hoping that she might get to talk to him if she went with Gordon to the dance.

Ivy glanced at Gordon’s cigarette, and he noticed. “Been trying to quit”, Gordon told her as she approached. He dropped it on the sidewalk and stepped on it to put it out. His face was somber as he added without any emotion, as if parroting his own voice, “Ivy Jankauskas—how the hell have you been?” It sounded like he had just seen her in a matter of months instead of years.

Well, at least he had no problem identifying her or remembering her name. She must not have changed that drastically—and hopefully for the better.

Ivy stood there before him, as he looked her down from head to toe. Same old Gordon! She thought he was probably giving her “the inspection”. She thought he almost looked handsome in his brown suit vest and pants—almost—with a sharp look of sophistication that Gordon probably wasn’t accustomed to. Surely, Ivy had no real respect for him.

“I’m well”, she responded. “But the question is more like…how are you doing?” Ivy studied Gordon’s blank expression. “No—really. I’d like to know how you are coping”.

Gordon stood there looking at the ground, his hands in his pants pockets, like he never heard her. “Come on. Let’s go for a walk”

“Here? Now?”

“Just a short work, around the block”, he told her. He already started walking, and Ivy contemplated what to do before she decided to follow up with him to join him.

They walked together in silence for a while. From anyone passing by, they surely would have looked like a couple, a well-paired couple that truly enjoyed each other’s company. Ivy could not believe she was actually walking with him. Gordon Zachary Durand, the Third? Of all people!

“You haven’t answered my question”, Ivy said. “How are you coping? You know I really liked your mom a lot. She always was pleasant to me”.

She wanted to add, “Unlike you”, but it certainly was not the right time or the right place. She felt a twinge of guilt for thinking such a thing. Under more pleasant circumstances, she would have jabbed him a little. That was just how they always communicated, not necessarily in a mean-spirited way, but in a brotherly and sisterly way that involved plenty of teasing.

Gordon thought a moment before he answered. “Yeah, it’s hard. But what can I do? I lost my dad. I lost my mom. Period. End of discussion. I’m too old to be an orphan…but I kind of feel like one anyhow. That’s my answer, in a nutshell”.

“And I wish I knew about your dad”, Ivy said, with a great tone of remorse. “I was in Europe at the time, and I couldn’t have possibly gone to the funeral”.

“Europe? Wow! Aren’t you the jet setter? Who else gets to do that kind of stuff but you, Ivy?”

Now that was the Gordon she always knew! It did not take long for the true Gordon to come forth and show himself.

“No! I don’t have all kinds of money!” she quickly defended herself. “I actually helped pay for some of that trip by working all summer after we graduated from high school. Plus, it was the trip of a lifetime. I may never get the chance to go again on a trip like that again”.  

Ivy was a bit perturbed that Gordon seemed to imply that she was pampered by her parents. He accused her of that before, just because she was an only child.

Autumn was approaching, but summer was still in the air. It was Ivy’s favorite time of year, with the late summer and early autumn, all at the same time.  The trees were just starting to turn colors, but the sun felt nice and warm upon her as Ivy walked along. It was surely an Indian summer day, one that wouldn’t last forever. She wore a light sweater over her sleeveless, cotton dress, and took it off to experience more of the sun.

“It has been ages since I’ve seen you”, Gordon admitted. “Since high school. So what became of you? Did you ever go to college?”

“I did and I work as a social worker…I work in various prisons”

Gordon laughed out loud, and Ivy gave him a stern look. “What’s so funny?” she demanded.

“I just can’t picture you going in the slammer, even if you aren’t wearing an orange suit”, he said in between laughing. He looked at Ivy, and she had quite a frown on her face. He changed his tune. “I was only joking, Ivy. I think you’d probably do good work at your job”.  

“And where do you work?” she asked, a devilish expression on her face. “At the circus?”

Ivy caught herself becoming snarky to Gordon. It did not take long. She opened her mouth to apologize, but Gordon, sensing her need to be sorry, stopped her.

Laughing even more, he said, “Good one! You are sharp and fast on your feet! You always have been! I work for an insurance agency. I work for Triple A”.

“Oh, really? Do you like your job?” Ivy asked. Her interest was genuine.

“It pays the bills. But, hey! I am going back to college in January. I just have an Associate’s degree right now. I am not sure what I want to take up, but I want to go back and at least get a Bachelor’s”.

“That’s great!” Ivy exclaimed. “I think you should keep on learning and keep on moving forward. That is a great goa
Anjana Rao Oct 2014
I've always talked to myself,
but these days
I feel stereotypically crazy
the "I should be locked up for my own good"
kind of crazy.

I don't know how long
I spent in my room
laughing until
there were tears in my eyes.
Twice I made a move
to leave the room,
twice I collapsed laughing.
I wondered if I was actually crying,
But no,
it was laughter.

Laughter,
because my god,
it's all so **** funny.

I counted my Klonopin today.
She told me to ration them.
I took four on one day
three on another,
if I skip a day or two,
I'll be able to take
four on a different day.

It makes sense in my head.

Without the Klonopin,
I'm angry again.
She asks if I'm thinking
about eating today,
"not really idc"
An "I care" response
only elicits
"Sorry about that,"
too much of a coward to say
"That's not my problem"
or better yet,
"*******, leave me alone,
go tend to your partner,
or datemate,
or whatever the ******* call them."

Maybe I don't really mean it,
but there's only
"*******"
in my heart today.

I won't take the Klonopin today
so I can drink wine or a beer
or whatever is cheap.

It makes sense in my head,
as I continue to cackle to myself.

Who the ****
do you think you are,
Kerouac?


It's all a joke to me.
I walk and walk and walk
and I buy a too sweet coffee,
instead of *****,
which I tell myself
I'll buy later.

I can behave,
if I'm in public,
only emitting
a tiny chuckle
from time to time.
Everyone here
is absorbed in their lives.
No one will know the difference.

It's all a joke to me.
After I wrote this poem I got ****** with a homeless man, make of that what you will.
Westley Barnes Dec 2013
Bright windy November
with the slap of cold sun sending frowns
and the absent rain not beating down
choleric substitutes of alcohol withdrawal
and spatial omissions of home fires stoking
empty remembrances of faded potential and
misplaced amorous regret
Haunted by the lingering smell of the souls of
last night's GUINNESS intake staying swell in
the nostrils which is in reality the gulf breeze blowing
gullshit down the river Liffey giver of life.

...And here I am Dublin pillaged and funded
en route to the hour-rate slog
shiny white commerce bleaching out of
windowsills distracting from rooftop
Chiaroscuro  serenading a sky
which old ****** forgotten Sons and Daughters
will die under.

Boots tapping mock-goosestep to the ground
past a girl who speaks on her IPHONE to someone
who presumably not only wants to be seen speaking
to someone on their IPHONE but who also cares enough
to listen as the girl announces to all-and-sundry
human dodging on Bachelors Walk this fateful morn
that "I realised what my problem is Now! People
think i'm saying N when I'm really saying M!"

.....quite an existential crisis you got there, EH DOC?

("This girl's SITUATION belongs in a scenario in the TV show GIRLS which young
Woman Europe-wide have embraced as their spiritual saviour in an era of Consumer
impulse control. By placing the mundane generalities and perceived social failings
interpreted by young American female comediennes as instead representing a means of
self-forgiveness and attempted new-wave soft-core feminist self-celebration young American
actresses are inspiring a new generation of young woman to speak openly in a more in-depth level about everything that usually happens to themselves or some girl they know"-From "The Post-New Male Gaze: Interpreting Critiques of Stereotypically Feminized Pop Culture in Westley Barnes's "Notes on a Rant: The "Took Me Up To Dublin Where It's Famous" Notebook
:2013
)

This is the new white noise.

White Irish Male Critiques perceived socially-announced problems of White Irish Female over White Technology on a white morning in a grey city.

A grey city which subliminally stinks of shame and left-over guilt and of spending too much money on tecno-toys and new-improved nullifying debauchery and even rent during a significantly rough stretch of fiscal years. After a lot of years of white nonsense, really.

But this is where I took myself, and this is what happens once you take yourself here and this is where its famous for it.
Dublin,
Once Monto-based FUNDERLAND for the rich and royal turned over-waxie infested tenement slum district and second city of an industrialised economy waiting for the rest of the world to pay its way.
Dublin,
capital of green and squeaky saviours of the third-world who made some money and forgot about everyone else they used to know back home. Mr Poverty, Mr Humbleness, Mr Sense of Catholic Shame.
Until the rents got too high and they had to move home again.
Dublin,
no matters what it achieves, always putting itself down.

But I can adapt.
I've lived in Rathmines and Portobello before living in either was a
really hip decision to make.
I can find somewhere else before its gets gentrified
(after I find some job that's not worth complaining about
or I eventually leap into becoming to middle-class
to complain about it.)
enough that its a headache living there, too many men wearing the same winter
jackets. Too many packed restaurants and your local actually preparing the tables
in the run-up to the Rugby game on Saturday.
The less of all that, the better for me.

I used to day dream about all of the above, honestly, but I
somehow managed to regain my innocence by living through it.

As for the girl who discovered self-realisation on her (through her?) IPHONE?
She'll be alright. If that's how she starts wading through the floodwaters of relating
herself to the world, misunderstood syllables, name-fails and all, this time in twenty
years, she'll be laughing. Don't worry yourselves, she'll adapt with the times.
Sure, Dublin's famous for it.
Mateuš Conrad Oct 2017
pierdolony tasiemiec, ten mój angielski.

it's a strange affair, asking for gender neutral pronouns -
last time i checked, a pict taught me english,
and he, not once, suggested
that the category of pronouns
was a gender case,
or a gender neutral ground
             for that matter...
thank **** i am using this as
an acquired tongue,
otherwise i would be confused
as to what this whole affair "means":
i.e. it means *nothing
.
do these natives even realise that
they already have gender neutral
nouns?!
        oh yeah, if you check out
some of the other european languages
you'll realise that there are pro
gender nouns for objects that
do not have the mechanisation of
a ****, or a piston?!
     throw three ***** into the air
and hope that they catch them
and start juggling.
            english doesn't have
a masculine & a feminine ascription
of "******" differentiation of objects -
the english language has the already
gender neutral articles:
   the point, a point -
   a sun, the sun -
           it doesn't treat the sun as female,
nor does it treat the moon as male...
but other language do that...
       but gender neutrality of pronouns
is a bit like... don't know:
    talking sign-language swahili to
a chinese person?
and then this talk about *** lives
and household chores...
  who the **** said that cooking
is a feminine enterprise?
who let the women into the kitchen
in the first place?
  talk to an organic chemist -
he'll tell you:
i relax making culinary experiments.
once upon a time perhaps it was
a case that men hunted and women
cooked...
     so all the michelin star restaurants
are run by women?
   cooking is a feminine "enterprise"?
man, have you lost your *******?!
who said that women can cook?
oh right, that's a tier up from the insult
that women belong in the kitchen,
oops...
            the last meal i had was a pasta
bake, with the pasta not done al dente,
and after baking: mush...
   any pensioner would be happy
to slurp that carbohydrate mush up,
through a straw any time...
  bad *** = divorce? try overcooked pasta,
or undercooked potatoes.
      that **** gets me steaming
puffing screaming obliterating any if any
there was an internal monologue...
  why is cooking deemed a feminine
            "chore"?
                    why can't cooking suddenly
emerge as both art and chemistry?
but it is just that...
                 who said that women belong
in the kitchen?
            i didn't say that...
   nor did hell making a broth of sins...
   and suddenly, what? the idea is infantile?
go with the flow, no point breaking
a sweat by imitating a ****** building a dam
to clog up the popular view of:
   well, given my dreams, i'm sure as ****
scared of dying, and waking into one
of these dreams...
     where in the woken-into-dream i'm
not the protagonist, but merely a cameo;
my fear of death is not that of amen obliteration,
but the idea of waking up in a dream,
and as i already said: with but a cameo role.
once again: who let these women into
the kitchen, and why is cooking stereotypically
a feminine affair?
                 doesn't anyone relax and loves
to see the transformation of food
like a chemist might with chemicals?
              again, once more:
   you can get your gender neutral pronouns,
but once you allow pro gender nouns...
    i.e. a chair is a man, a table is a man
(masculine) -
         a candle is a woman, a mirror is a woman
(feminine) -
oh, wait, right, english doesn't have
this grammatical dimension of things being
categorised by gender...
      it only has the microscope the (i.e.
direct article) and the telescope a (indirect
article)...
     point being, this isn't even my fight...
i'm quiet literally a bystander,
the english language is inorganic to me,
it has been acquired,
   it's not organic enough to make a former
slave into the slapping slur rapper of exponential
slang source...
          i don't know how this mutilated
elephant man of a tongue is going to survive
this "epiphany"... " " (yes, that implies
sarcasm, as perfected by the english themselves)...
      i almost feel sorry for this to have
arisen, someone must have taught you
cheap native anglo...
   now i get the english gender neutral noun -
but a gender neutral pronoun?
  you'll have to start speaking french,
or polish, to get a gender neutral pronoun,
given that in these languages:
nouns are pro gender.
                                            sorry;
you simply can't turn your spreschen into
hieroglyphs overnight and expect me to understand
you, with, what the current year suggests,
leaves me without a rosetta stone
to decipher the jargon that's transcendental slang;
maybe if i spotted some gender neutral
pronoun graffiti on the streets,
then, maybe;
nonetheless, once more:
   this is not my fight, this language is not
an organic extension of me,
   it's an inorganic implosion -
to me this language is a parasite,
        and i am its host -
bo inaczej nie powiedział bym swego
pierwszego słowa: tak,
   jeno inaczej - jak już powiedziałem przez
swego, krasomówczym, pasożyta.

and if my ethnicity is vermin,
   guess what... this language but is a parasite
in me; the day i die, is the day
              i finally rid myself of it.
Murphy Mar 2015
Last night I dreamt
You called me "gorgeous,"
"Gorgeous?" I said, "that's not my name," I said,
As my cherry red tongue dropped my lollipop
Straight on the ground,
***** red sugar slivers gorging on my
Blood vessels pumping into my heart -
A big metal spoon banging on a cast iron skillet.
Skillful, you are with your
Cinnamon heart smile
Burning my taste buds and
Hugging my curves with every -
Gorgeous.

I dreamt of you
Running your finger like a wet paintbrush on my
Obscenely white canvas
Soaking up my stereotypically common insecurities and
Gently placing them in your pocket,
"I'll take those, gorgeous,"
And then you color me with purples and reds,
Red,
Like Red Delicious waiting
For the bite, like my neck,
Waits for your teeth, maybe
I'll just wake up and keep dreaming,

To see you,
Fiddling with a razor in one pocket,
A cloudy crystal in the other,
Mediating the argument of
Who gets to protect you -
Who gets to lick the salt from your cheeks
After backyard creeks race to your lips
The space between our tongues so small,
Yet it weighs on me like
A sixteen hour car trip with your baby cousin,
Torture.
Like blue eyes shaded by glasses,
Hiding behind fallen heads.

I woke up just to remember
That your eyes are the only shapes I draw in the dark.
Begging for sleep to bring me back
To watch you stare at the dirt snuggled into your
Weather cracked boots
Your fingers tugging at the chain that rests on your chest,
Keeping my attention,

On the heavy black coat I'll be wearing 'til
Summer, an extra layer of skin,
Keeping me from gorgeous,
Let me drop it like an old tissue in the cold,
Let me lose it like I've been sick for weeks on you
And I'm shedding my skin like it's time to start new,

There you go,
Wearing your silence like a tuxedo,
**** - always ****,
And you're breathin' fractions of facts in my ear,
Seducing it's drum like a late night jazz club and
It's your first time on stage,
Gorgeous.
Let my stomach politely introduce itself to my throat,
Pleading with my temple to hold on to that bead of sweat that
Reluctantly drips down,
Gorgeous.
Down,
Like the tips of your lashes meeting my bellybutton,
Wet lips tracing my skin with "gorgeous,"
In your black coffee voice,
Gorgeous.
softcomponent Jan 2014
so let's start this stream on Monday night.. it's a new friends 21st birthday party (chanting, 'now you're legal everywhere! how does it feel?' 'meh.. overrated') and we're sitting on a freezing cold December beach trying to start a fire while my toes sweat inside my shoes and then begin to freeze oh so uncomfortable it's got to be an infected cut almost.. I've been chain-smoking all night for no particular reason save for perhaps that consistent headrush which pushes me into the kind of manic I like, rapping to an unlikely *****-funk instrumental in Pete's car on the way to the beach, it's the one thing I can do that everyone gives me kudos for, verbal versatility.. it's so cold, as in it's too cold to even be all that much fun, except in the dark when I think no one can really make out the details of my face (god I kno I'm not ugly, not that ugly, somewhat attractive I think actually depending but still) I begin opening up under the cover of some measure of anonymity, now endowed with a perceptive wit not quite felt so often.

There's some guy lounging around the fire that keeps saying he's thankful for drugs during 'gratitude circle' in which we each give our name and something we're thankful for and once we've all had a turn, we throw our hands up in unison and bellow, 'ahoy!' he finally admits that he's very high on acid but that it's too dark to trip out on anything all that interesting so he's enjoying the fire, and he goes off on some tangent about how all drugs should be legal, someone retorts back, 'I dunno if I could hand somebody a latte while high on acid.. work just wouldn't work' to which he replies (in all seriousness) 'really? I dunno, I think most things would be better if I was high all the time.. could just stick a blotter in my coffee every morning.' another fellow, one whom nobody knows, appears out of the darkness beyond the flame as we are blessing the air with a jam session.. he's too stereotypically hippy in my mind and I almost expect him to introduce himself by saying, 'hey man, consider the lilies' but instead he shakes my hand quite vigorously and begins telling everybody about how he is going out to a farm on the Sunshine Coast the following weekend to experience ayahuasca for the first time. I tell him I'm from the Sunshine Coast and am shocked ayahuasca is something that has ever existed anywhere near me.. I begin asking him how I'd go about organizing some such session for myself and he goes on some rant about 'it's all vibrations, man.. you put the intention out there, and people will come to you, you know? it'll just happen, you just have to be ready' seeming to be shutting my question down for confidentiality or sumthin so I respond with, 'well, you're sitting beside me right now, eh? vibrations, dude. all me.' he silently refuses to go much further.. probably ****** or too lazy to give any info, as confused as anyone would be in a situation like that.. he, too, later gives me kudos for a freestyle, calling me a 'real poet' and asking for 2 cigarettes in exchange for some ***, patting me on the back with 'I'm giving you more than 2 cigarettes worth but it's *** you deserve it.'

Eventually Pete and the rest of the friends I'd arrived with decide to venture home, probably the cold and frankly I can't blame them.. I consider following, but end up reckoning I might have a better time if I stay (despite the fact that I work at 12:30 the following afternoon and it's already close to midnight and my place is on the other side of town and oh well in the actual **** it's'all good that's why jesus invented taxis)
excerpt- - 'the mystic hat of esquimalt'
Hannuh Jacey May 2014
I got engaged this winter.
Yeah, in vegas!
I've already started planning.
Spring wedding. A-line strapless sweetheart dress. Tanning!
Eggshell with dark blue accents.
Wildflowers and wedding showers?!


No.


Not everyone that gets engaged is Susie homemaker in rage mode.
Oh, here we go. I know
What you're thinking.
"She's only 22, she's in college, she's too young."
Please, save your pity.
I am most assuredly doing me.
I'm so tired of these stereotypes.
Giving engagements all this negative hype.
I see it all the time.
I'm also 22.
No, Taylor swift, not like you.
I'm doing it differently.
My life is also a party.
But
I too am living, only, my way.
I did get engaged.
And guess what, life's not over.
Not shortened, not stunted, not a bore.
I just don't feel the need to get trashed and go *****
Around.
Stereotypically college-like, of course.
You're problem is you think it's old fashioned.
Engaged?
"Oh, **** forget about passion."
It's trendy to think that.
Well, you don't know jack.
I haven't changed a wink.
I don't stand at the kitchen sink,
And cook. Or clean.
I do those things. But I'm OCD.
I'm not going to stop being me.
And a real man doesn't expect that.
This ring, and after,
He's still the same,
Our existence is full of laughter.
It's not sexist to fall in love.
It's sexist to think it is.
It's ******* you judge me for being.
The only difference in my life?
Is he shares my strife.
I'm sprung.
It's not old fashioned to get engaged young.
It's old fashioned to think engagements are like they used to be.
I have a permanent drinking buddy.
And we do drugs.
We share hugs.
And we have ***. A lot.
With video games in between.
Nope, when the ring came out that didn't stop.
This ring is not a ball and chain,
And that's what's wrong with your brain.
You think it's all about him?
I have to live my life on his whim?
I have to check my phone and "he better answer me," 24/7 of quality,
Time.
Nope, that's just you and your ex.
My guy, he expects
Nothing new.
Do I look like a house wife?
The last thing this has done is ruin my life.
I'm in school, I have a job, I have a goal.
I'm not playing some tired old role.
And my life rules because he supports it.
What are you ******* at me for? I don't owe you ****.
Much less an explanation.
Can I live?
He's got the world to give.
And I'm taking that,
On top of everything else I've got going.
And my momentum's not slowing
Because I experienced something beautiful in front of the Nike of Samothrace at Caesar's Palace.
The difference between you and me
Isn't that you're more free.
I've got someone who wouldn't change me and who doesn't want me tamed.
Have you EVER been able to say the same?
But... maybe you all disagree.
Maybe now I don't really know me.
I only know one thing,
And that's that I'm happy.
4/30/2014
glassea Apr 2015
i met you exactly once.
i was five and you were tall
and you'd brought me some toy
(stereotypically girly).
i've never played with dolls
and you apologized for assuming.
a week later
you sent me some legos.

i've seen you exactly twice.
the first, i barely remember.
the second i recall all too well
because my parents were crying
but my cousin,
your son,
wasn't.

i find myself wishing i'd kept the **** doll
because the legos you got me
were mixed with the others
a long time ago.
(i'm aware this isn't any good. i honestly don't care.)
nicole smith Jan 2015
i am a damsel in distress
not the fairy tale kind of an unknown princess trapped in a tall tower hidden from the world by their evil stepmom, waiting for their one true love to save them, but the modern kind
just like the princess i need saving from an evil stepmom but this modern day evil is in a different form.
this modern day evil stepmom is not a person but people and their mindset/views on women
i need saving from the stereotypes people have created about women
how we are weak, “moody”, and just an object with a pretty face
i need saving from the fact that i don’t have the right to my own body for what i should like is determined by balding, middle aged white males who photoshop every picture ill ever see of a woman
i need saving from the fact that women have their own catagorey when it comes to jobs.
if we were in an office job setting stereotypically the male would be the boss/CEO and the women would be his assistant/secretary, but in reality the roles could be reversed for womnen can do exactly what men can do
i need saving from the fact that women get paid less than men, and yea its a $0.22 difference but thats not what i need saving from i need saving from the fact that women arent viwed as equals to men
i need saving from the fact that women cant wear what they want for they will be cat called by men who have no personalities
i need saving from the fact that it is my fault for being sexually harassed because my skirt was too short or because you could see my bra strap, like really?! COME ON! all women wear bras its nothing special!
now i bet youre all wondering the really inportant question…
who will be the one true love to save me and all women?
trick question!
its yourselves we are the one who must save ourselves by changing our viewpoints and spreading the word on why others should change them too
so then eventually there will be no such thing as a modern day damsel in distress
but for now there is
Mirlotta Oct 2014
In order to combat the increasing rise of poems
revolving around love if not death if not tragedy

In order to combat the remarkably unremarkable accounts
of commonplace things like war and depression and destiny

In order to combat the stereotypically stereotypical stereotypes
that are behind our society's long awaited demise:

This poem is fondly dedicated to Johnlock fanfic.
sage short May 2016
for her [every woman]

sparkle red [sparkles are stereotypically for girls. but instead of sparkles, it is blood. so, bleed red.]
& care little [do not care]
& honor every 'no' [honor every woman who has every said no to anyone or anything because it is not highly looked upon for women to stand their ground]
to our every 'no' [a cheer. like a raising of the glass for women as a whole who have stood our grounds and have said no. we deserve a pat on the back.]
please!!! let me know what you think!! i will gladly return the favor. thank you.
tread Mar 2013
Lost to the in-mind,
Eyes almost teary with exhaustion as city exhaust expends my already weary body, (... mind... soul!...)
I walked into the washroom at Tilley's travel emporium (you know those hats you see on Steve Irwin? The stereotypically Australian saucers with a tilt like a collision? Tilley hats. They were invented by the creator of this store.)

and it smells like you.

all my weary head can imagine

is your

midnight mouse

of a snore

and
       your

soft

       lava-stone skin

the solar system of freckles on your shoulders

the stars of

birthmarks

on your

      arm.

I say good night

as

    Canada

     tucks the 2 of us in

   for the last time


     until

    April.
Jowlough Mar 2020
The hidden hustlers.

Most of the time, we question the focus of the people we know who are used to having multi faceted things going on with their lives. Stereotypically, most folks have one track sense of judgement on their failures blaming it on the lack of time because of the multiple things those multi faceted people do. There is a known imperative for the common haters, keyboard warriors and ****-hurts of the judging world of current social media to capitalize on the mistakes rather than what has been accomplished, boiling down to, yes, lack of focus.

These people are low-key hustlers. These are people who have massive amounts of real pursuit in terms of things outside their core jobs. People who are the reasons why charities exist, and the same category of people why art forms in this earth continue to be significant. They are usually those folks who are the outliers of the common society, and what a joy to meet and get inspired by these people.

And yes, they are the ones who has people’s eyes sticked in their backs for most part of their lives. The ones who are often exposed to criticisms and judgement, particularly to things like lack of focus during the event of setbacks and misfortunes. When a failure arises, the first one to blame is the lack of focus. I’ve experienced it myself and to the other people, and some, to the closest circle where I personally noticed the struggle in terms of managing their time and their long-lined patience. More than time actual struggle, it’s the stereotyped judgments that hurt them.

But through the years of observation, I found the idea reversed.

Reversed in a sense that I believe that most of the multi-faceted persons have the most solid and ******* focus someone can get from a person. Over the decade of experience in the workplace, those who have side hustles and passion projects are the people who have actual pedigree on lending an extra thousands of miles when tasked to do something. They are the master of balance. They sacrifice their passions hideously depending on human variables such as timing and use of words. They are over-reactive internally and complicated critical thinkers because they won’t allow slightest of any judgement touch and blame the things they are passionate during an event of delays on the tasks they are doing. They know how to sacrifice and be hurt in the process. These are the people who spends sleepless nights just to save their passion projects and keep them afloat in hectic schedules, they are the hustlers in such a way that any loopholes that lead to destroying the things they love can’t be tolerated, so they better put in the hard work hiding in plain sight even if there are no eyes looking, they are masters of making it effortless in the naked eye. But when you dig further on how they do it, you know that they are always in a brink of dying due to misunderstandings and angry loved ones, families and friends because they have been all juggled inside the 24-hour day. Yes they know their shortcomings, but I say, it’s the reverse in terms of  focus.

Some people might relate to this because, I know that these are the people who has thirst to etch something in the world, but is to busy to market and brag it. They have multiple pockets of insane hours and grit on their focal points of pursuits.

Only people with strong focus can be experts in their multi-faceted fields of pursuit. Without massive amount of focus, you won’t be able to build multiple habits. And without the habits, you won’t be experts. Period.

And the funny thing is, often time, people who are judging them on their slightest mistakes are usually reactions from mediocre individuals who are connected with them and sometimes, the victim character who got the lesser attention time from the multi-faceted hustler, thus stirring up pressure because, looking at it, there is a level of dependence, and any delays or setbacks could be  attributed to the ‘so-called’ lack of focus.

These hustlers are people, who are sometimes, difficult to understand. They give vague reasons why they cannot attend a not so important life event. They mastered the art of matured alibis so they won’t hurt feelings. But true enough - they might be insensitive at times.

They get anxiety when they don’t produce something out of their passions. They are curators of their own products. These are the natural creatives, in which, ironically, the stereotype judgment on their mistakes are usually associated with time management issues, lack of focus and improper spending of money on things that majority of people won’t appreciate, or worst, in some eyes, are not important because it doesn’t profit.

I find it ironic when those people who are multi-faceted are more focused than those who are masters of a singular field. We can say that both has focus, but cancelling out the posers, multi-faceted hustlers have the most low-key grit and grind attribute you can find in any human being.
They won’t anyone touch their joys with one-dimension judgement. But they are not showy and everything seemed to be effortless.

So what I'm telling you is somehow the argument is in reverse. They tend to be targeted because of their vague presence, in which results speak for itself. they are working in the shadows - They are the people who inspires, who are strong, and the ones who deserve any small amount of appreciation. They are the people I call the hidden hustlers.
HiRa Jan 2011
I came to realise that everything in life,
Revolves around the shape,  circle
The Earth revolves a round the Moon
The clock is stereotypically circle in shape
Your day to day cycle is shaped like a circle



And sadly, even my face is round too
Jeremy Duff Jun 2013
Everything, unfortunately, that has happened to us holds weight.
We are what we have done and what has been done by others.
The mistakes that we are all stereotypically bound to make will undoubtedly have been made by others and hopefully we may recognize them for what they are and avoid them.
Past relationships help us make current ones better.
Past relationships can help us not get into a relationship that will be toxic.
And however obviously the facts stare me in the face
I cannot resist falling in love.
I cannot resist falling for a girl
who shares many of the same circumstances that my partner in a previous (toxic) relationship.

As appealing as it may be, never let your heart make your decisions for you.
Not when you have a perfectly stable brain allowing it to beat.

Above all I hold this principle to be true:
Do all the good you can do
and good will find you.
Albeit in a roundabout way, typically.
Daron Bigby May 2015
This life didn't come with a manual
We're forced to manually go through its ups and downs
Getting spun around on society's notion of how to live
You see, society works like a model T factory
Trying to put us down a conveyor belt
Place us in a mold and push us out like that's really how we're supposed to be
They told me I need to graduate high school at 18 Finish college at 22
Then go to work wearing a tie in a cubicle
They told me I need to provide for a wife and two kids
Bring home the bread in the form of 5-6 figures
But here's what they didn't tell me
They didn't tell me what to do when college tuition was raised again
I mean I'm already eating three square meals of ramen noodles just to make the payments
They didn't tell me that the one class I need to graduate is no longer offered
So I came all this way just pick another major
They also didn't tell me that they only hire people with experience
Now I'm stuck with a piece of paper and mountain of debt
And it's one of the best kept secrets that society tried to hide the horror
That I paid 100 grand to say can I take your order
They also didn't tell me that it's hard to find my queen
In the sea of self-entitled princesses that only want my money
They want relations, they don't want relationships
They crave the attention but none of the commitment that comes with it
Society is so focused on creating a perfect standard of living
That they forgot to tell me what to do when it perfectly unravels in front of me
And they continue to push people out of the factory
While I'm swimming in the byproduct they conveniently left me
This life didn't come with a manual
So society can't fool me by creating rules on how to live
Because racial divides say we stereotypically live differently
Yet they continually expect us to live equally
I dared to be different and chose to live for me
I was sick of living vicariously through the rules of society
And decided I am the pilot to my own destination
Flying to my own creation of life
After all, this life didn't come with a manual
Have you ever felt alone?
Surrounded by talking people
But you hear nothing
Only see their lips moving.
Your lips are sealed.
You can’t find words to say
The world just shuts you out.
Somehow, being alone gets to be the new normal.
Surrounded by happiness, but you never felt your own, only imagining what it must feel like to be joyful. You crave those emotions like the sun on your skin after a cold winter day.
And in this world that we live in
Expectations consume us
They change us.
They drag us as we hold on to anything, screaming in terror
Because we are noticing that we are becoming what we said we’d never be.
Trying to be more masculine
Maybe more feminine.
More tough?
As for me,
I told myself from day 1 that I’d always be unique
I’d say to my mom
I’ll never change
I’ll always be me.
But I got older,
And the world got faster.
I heard people say
You gotta be a man.
Become a muscular, strong, independent man.
Because with being a man,
You don’t cry
Tears are for the weak.
It’s a sad thing that us men choke on our own tears,
Because men aren’t supposed to show the ocean on our cheeks.
Its painful to not feel pain.
It’s almost like a blade whispers to our heart every time we try to feel something, as we try to sympathize.
We get tangled up like a squirrel in the trap that was always there waiting for it.
But we’d rather take the scars than whisper the need for help.
I feel so dead when I cannot talk about what I need too.
I feel dead when I cannot cry when I need to cry
Because even I would rather drown in my own tears rather than let them show.
These expectations of what makes a man destroy me. .
Because all they do is create ways for people to tell me what I’m not.
They say I’m just not good enough
Not man enough
Not talented enough
As most of you know,
I make music.
According to some people, I’ve become a meme for that.
Which, in all honesty, I understand.
It isn’t everyday that you see someone doing something they’re passionate about.
And through it all,
No matter how much work I put into it,
There is still people that will hate my work.
Still people that will tell me that I’m not a man for what I do.
There are some who say that my music is a direct product to daddy issues
And maybe you’re right.
But what you don’t see
Is that I’m breaking out of my mold
And becoming me.
Rather than take this hate like a man
I decide to speak against it
And tell you why I really make music.

I perform metalcore because it is me.
Because I want you to hear my emotions
Rage,
Happiness
And every emotion between,
But if you would read the lyrics
You’d know what else I write about.
Some even with happiness.
Through music
I want you to see my tears,
I want you to see my fears
I want you to see that I am human,
Not a man.
That I have desires
That I have hope
That I have pain.
That I inspire to be something big.
I look in the mirror
And I see a failure, sure.
We all see failure in ourselves.
But when I look into my own eyes,
I see someone who has seen a lot
And someone who wants to do a lot
On stage and live.
Sort of like this
But obviously,
This is poetry.
But is poetry a manly thing either?
Stereotypically no, but unfortunately, I try not to abide to stereotypes,
That was sarcasm there.
I am a man
No matter how much I say I wont,
I will still try to match what a man should be.
But what I want you to know,
*Is that you should open your mind before your mouth.
for the weird ones
疲れた Feb 2014
unfortunately
I can never be stereotypically perfect
just like how you can
never
be the mother that
I wish you could be for me
How can I expect you to nurse me,
when you cannot even fix yourself
to begin with
you always said that teen pregnancy is
like a child taking care of another child
in this case
our "relationship" is
the blind leading the blind

I don't understand how you can look
me in the eye and tell me
you care because you don't

you are too busy judging me
to actually be my mother
Chui Choo Aug 2017
Po Po wakes up in the middle of the night
She’s scared, her eyes – unusually wide
She checks the gate three times
Until she’s contented that it’s bolted, safe from the outside

When she did that she told my uncle
To always remember so that they’d be guarded from the robbers
You never know if they’re hidden in the rubber trees
All around; it’s so easy to deceive  

She has forgotten, that she’s in the present
Her children all grown now
Enough to scare away any plunderer or thief
The area still scattered with rubber trees, but no longer dangerous like it used to be

You see 40 years ago she raised
Nine children on her own, her husband away
Working in the city to provide for the family
It was inevitable; yet she must have still felt lonely

A woman alone, nine children in a tow
She was fearful for their safety
In that time and place – understandably so
She didn’t know what could happen, if she didn’t lock the doors

So every night without fail she did
How scared she must have been
Laying wide awake in bed
Hoping that in the morning, everything would be okay

Just the other day she asked my father
A worried expression, but her words did not falter
Are you doing well, she asked
Reminded of the rough times he had in the past

She has forgotten that in the present
My father runs, successfully, his own business
It is tough sometimes but goes well enough
To provide for me, my mother and brother; he has built a comfortable life for us

The same happened to my father’s siblings
Four brothers, four sisters – all with their own families
When they realised what and why she was asking
I imagined that they all stopped and realised something

“Lao ren chi dai” is what they call it in Mandarin
A common condition for the ageing and elderly
Dementia I realised is what Po Po has
It’s no wonder she has the tendency to forget

This we all accepted easily
Life went on – that is how my family is
Stoic and accepting of whatever happens
Stereotypically Asian? I guess that is how we reacted

What made me sad though was not that she forgot
But that she remembered the bad times, and her thoughts
From those parts of her life are very telling
Of the uneasy and difficult experiences she was reliving

How hard it was for her I will never fully understand
I’m lucky enough to live a life very blessed
But I wish I could shoulder some of her burden and her stress
If that would even help at all; for I cannot prevent what happened back then

~

When she passed, I will never forget
My youngest uncle, his eyes so kind
They teared up, I swear I saw him cry
It was the strongest display of negative emotion I had ever seen
In my short, but whole life of knowing him
This doesn't have the "-" in the title, because it's a personal story.

Both my grandmothers experienced dementia before they passed away. My paternal one, who I affectionately called Po Po (Mandarin for grandmother), lived a difficult life. My father told me that until the very end she kept getting worried about my aunts and uncles – her children. She kept asking if we had any financial troubles or if we needed money. And she was worried about the gates, whether it was locked or not, not just in the night anymore but also in the day. I remember seeing her fiddle with them in the afternoon and wondering what was going on.

I can't imagine the fear she felt then if that was one of the key feelings that was triggered because of her dementia. How lasting was it and how deeply had it impacted her?
Mystic Mar 2020
It’s stereotypically said
that poets see beauty in everything.

Everything as in
the many ups and downs that life throws.

To a certain extent
it can be a true.

But, sometimes
beauty itself can be hidden.

And I wish to not find it.

Then it just shows up.

I see the lights of beauty
show up when I don’t want to see it.

It’s as if it forces its way
to be in plain sight,
to show off in my face.

Beauty shines of optimism.

This lets me know that
whatever I am going through
it will be overcome.
Mateuš Conrad Oct 2017
how can you "joke", and then excuse yourself
from the "joke", by stressing you
are "joking" - in that you are actually
being serious - with an overtone of
what would otherwise be held back
subconsciously - stereotypically -
   how can you tell a "joke" -
whereby you subsequently excuse yourself
from the "joke" telling others:
   it was all, but a joke... huh?!
           that's the most clarifying misnomer
of the word joke i've ever heard:
i'm not actually telling a joke, but i am,
i must let you know, that once i tell the joke,
that i've made a joke,
   and not a degrading comment;
aren't jokes supposed to be said with
an unconscious uncontrollable *** of laughter?!
i don't think jokes that make you think
actually exist... esp. those that are said
to be supposedly "jokes" in reminder of
a schema of generating laughter...
these western court "jesters" would have lasted
about an hour in vlad the impaler's court...
to tell a joke in order to tell the person
not laughing: oh, but it's a joke!
      bad jokes deserve to be moulded
by rabie infested rottweilers,
                      salivating froth of being
                                            unfed for a week,
into francis bacon sculptures of ripped
off flesh.
Samm Marie Jul 2016
I just want to know
That it's right by that
Feeling in my stomach
And I want it to be magical
Not stereotypically per se
But magical for me
And for her or for him
Because love is love
No matters what's in the pants
I want a love story
Not right now
But soon
I have always dreamed
Of having a high school sweetheart
And it could've been possible
If he wasn't abusive
If I noticed what she was trying to say
Or if he wasn't two-timing
I wonder if she knows
I digress
I want romantic
Like every girl deep down
I just want real love
But I want flings now
TheStartOfMyEnds Mar 2019
I don't know
My mind's trying to find the answers
That my heart couldn't
Myself is sad, worried, angry..
About everything!
about nothing
Water dripping from the faucet makes me want to cry
The sweet smell of my freshly laundered clothes...
I love it but I also want them to burn
I don't want anyone to see me
I don't want to see anyone
But I also don't want to push anyone away
A pen slips out of my fingers at work
And that honestly broke my heart
I find myself unable to breathe
I feel a thousand emotions I couldn't name
Half of them I don't even know what they are
I hate myself for hating the things I love
I hate myself for not knowing why
I'm tired, I'm tired of being tired
My mind tells me to read my books
Books make me happy
I love books
Heart says NO!
You don't
I guess you can say in this situation
Stereotypically...
My mind is the man in this relationship
My heart, the indecisive woman
Yes, No! Wait! Yes yes...no nothing!
I DON'T KNOW!
.....i'm fine...
Everything hurts so very much
But really... they're both trying
To be just fine
Harley Quinzel Dec 2016
I saw something in her that I believed they should have stamped out,
Left her be and now she acts out,
Continues to rebel,
Always playing the fool,
Yet she remains unscathed,
Disrespectful and quick at the tongue,
Stupid...
Stereotypically others would call her blonde,
She's an imp,
I always knew it,
Saw the evil in her when she was 5,
Not a very nice thing to say I know,
But would you rather hear a lie?
They let her get away with ******,
But never let me step a foot out of line,
She was a messenger from down below,
But they still loved her.
Why?
I was better yet they treated me worse..
Why?
The others are too young,
Yet I still believe they will shine,
I see it in their eyes,
Even though sometimes I'm not so sure,
They're better than her,
The loud mouthed ****.
We may be blood..
Regardless of every fibre in my body, crying out that it couldn't possibly be true,
She was placed on a pedastool.
All my life I have been painted the villian,
When I finally break,
It will be bone chilling.
Aseel Mohamed Mar 2020
Its art was so intense and intriguing
They named it deep!
Deep was its soul
Deep was its colour
Deep was its intensity!

Beautiful yet undervalued
Generous yet undermined!
So beautiful it irrigates the fields,
Assertively, gorging its four ends

Diverse cultures and religions it combined,
Uniting my residents it signed!
Black, White, Yellow or Brown, I shall leave no skin colour behind!

Young East African, I defined myself
In a Northern Sudanese tribe is where I content myself!
A Muslim Sudanese female, I elucidated myself,
Capable of fighting my black I confided in myself!

Privileged enough to stand for my rights
Thankfully never had to experience being held against my rights!
Stereotypically speaking, I shouldn't be granted my rights
But religion and culture protected my rights!

In this enormous land of green,
I learned how to be diversity competent,
North, South, East & West,
Different traditions and nationalities it held
I learned how it is viewed in the world and how it views the world,
Respect for its land and people is all it offered and asked for.
Nothing less than powerful & privileged it made me!

"My Africa" I called it,
With my heart, soul and mind I solely protected it!
I am proud of my culture and heritage!
I am confident that I will achieve with red, black, white & green colours
I am African!
It's my name!
It's my language!
It's my blood!
It's my rhythm!
Mateuš Conrad Jul 2021
somewhere between:
the mash and the fury... sycamore feeling...
shades of marble...
   & neverglade...
                
can you really... live... enough?
again: can you live... "too much" or
live "too little"?

i imagine myself living a life
of the highest expectations
in the full view of the public...
then i drift and recede among
the shadow-folk...

if on that blatantly glaring
carousel of ups-and-downs of fate...
bound to nothing more than
the gambling of gods...

perhaps i haven't lived some magical
quota of "enough":
to leave a statement akin to:
life is beautiful... even due to all
the suffering...

      perhaps i have attempted to live
the minimum of what might
be expected: if not asked of me to live...
perhaps i didn't want to...
congest my faculty of memory with
too many... repetitive: anti-introspections...
perhaps too much of the same
"thing" wouldn't allow me
for a cinema of... circa 10 very distinct
memories...

how "they" eroded our faculty of memory
when we were still children...
spelling... arithmetic...
random historical dates....
we weren't allowed to remember
something beside was kept in touch
with the narrative of the past 100 years
or so...

have i lived enough: or perhaps not enough?
perhaps i have forged
a memory bank of about 10 memories
that i keep like diamonds...
this sigma-sum of me:
how i might gladly give up these limbs...
to be a thought inside fire...
or water... to be restored to my original
dismemberment...
of how this body came together...

live "too much" and i suspect you won't
be able to remember... a third of it...
this "too much"...
live "too little" and i suspect:
your memories will be of no use...
reduced to the ash of...
2 + 2 = 4 / a b c: barnacle rigidity...
philosophy...

memory is such a fickle creature:
perhaps it would be less fickle if it wasn't
eroded at first by pedagogy...
would it be oh so embarass...
   embarasing... embarassing...
embarrassing... i was going to get
the correct spelling one way or another...
to forget spelling altogether and
make a barbaric return to pure
phonetics... perhaps even as far as
Japanese syllabry... syllabery...
   syllables... katakana: syllabry...
syllabary... syllabery... syllabary...
              
freel will: it's not a question of whether i have it
or don't: whether i'm labouring under
Greek fatalism of German Protestant docrtine
of predestination...
memory is a fickle creature:
i can't remember what i've like to remember:
to hell with all this memory recycling
and forgetfulness...
it's not even that i forget certain
events in my life by choice:
but who or what has staged authority
over me: to remember the "things" i do...
beside the vanity project:
in no way is this a source of becoming
something better: or for that matter: worse!
just... immobilised in this cosmic stasis!

obviously i can't remember everything:
but why do i remember certain things
more: that i remember the spelling of words...
well: that has been drilled into me
with all the scrutiny of ember, amber and cold
coal... of the times when my eyes disappeared
into being fully pupil:
the iris and sclera having lost track of:
there should be an iris and a sclera:
now there's only a blackness...

it must feel terrible to have lived a supposedly:
enough... so much...
to later have no memory of said life...
a fate most cruel: esp. prior to death...
notably governed by the noun dementia...
elevated within the confines of Alzheimer's...
it must be cruel so cruel: to have lived
such a full life... yet not once...
probably never... strained the mind
to remember something trivial...
i have about 10 trivialities...
i return to them because: one must...
sitting on the curb...
at night... drinking... a she fox sits opposite
me on a green lawn...
we have a staring contest...
a woman is walking by from a social
event...
she walks past the she-fox... the she fox
is staring right back at me...
she ignores the woman who is: a *******
meter away from her...

i'm the supposed *** having a staring contest
with a fox at night...
the fox doesn't budge when she's staring at me:
not one bit she allows the woman to walk past
all done... in the confines of a silence
that could only emanate from the deathly hallows...
of the gallows...

running with deer: i was the only stag
metaphor ready to easy the traffic
while this tender creature looked for
inspiration to gallop back into the woods...
it still looks funny in my mind...
holding a can of beer
slightly overweight... steering this little
harem of deer back into the woods...
so the road could be unblocked...

coming out a drinking session from
a park... climbing over a fence...
picking up a disgruntled teenage girl...
rolling her a cigarette...
giving up my phone so she could text like crazy...
she just attended a house party...
had an argument with her friend...
leech...  we talked... she ran back and forth...
we sat down and talked...
a black cat came up to me:
i picked it up and caressed it...
the girl went twice mad...
oh we did find her friend alright...
lying face down on the pavement...
i ran up gave her my hoodie: which dwarfed her
even more...
the mad girl texted her dad about our location...
walking to location i flicked the girl lying face-down
baseball cap: it'll be alright...
said suspect was allowed a selfie...
the girls were taxied home safely...
hmm... Sarah... Everard?

hello warlock me... even by any standard of truth:
you know how impossible it is to...
be emanating what might attract
a black cat approach you in the street at night
sitting akimbo with a clearly distraught
teenager girl: she just leeched onto
a stranger who was climbing over a fence
of a darkened park...
cats are most suspect... a good tendency
to have... tendency: there's a better word for that:
scrutiny... better than scrutiny...
stereotypically sieving through bull-*******...

of the 10... these are the 3...
i'm not going to disclose the other 7...
well... 4th... the widow Swan or widower swan...
Zeus came down and decided to eat
crisps from my lips
when i was still with Ilona as we spent
the sunset at Loch Lomond...

i'll not go into the 5th... it would require me being
a child again...
it's so far dated... that it involves
me... the Danzig Zoo... and a bear similar to
me in height: and him eating a button of my
cardigan...
a traumatic experience:
he ate my button! he ate my button!

again: fickle creature: this memory...
but i guess people too busied with life...
don't spare it much attention...
they hardly invest in memory...
to the point that they forget they're somehow
alive and have to subsequently... shockingly...
"remember" that they have to die...
but... that doesn't happen and so:
dementia seeps in...
there's no science behind this theory
only the words behind them...

memory is sacrosanct: however fickle the ***** believes
herself to be: however much eroded
by the structures of pedagogy...
i somehow filtered through and "remember"
the glory of the Mamluks vs. the Mongol Horde...
but i have my own memories:
i don't suppose that one's life is supposed
to flash before one's eyes when one is
instanced to death's fore...
if you didn't keep "certain" memories
sacred like you might keep: arithmnetic,
spelling... or the geometry of the triangle...
what is one to expect if:
there's a congregation of cognitive failures
culminating in dementia?

i'd want to remember something else beside
what i grieve as being the kept "consolations"...
i truly do...
but what i keep seems to give me
the required momentum...
of the many prostitutes i...
                           well...
          good to know that i'll go down
in history as: the hearty-second-best of...
Jack the Ripper...
but history is not a theatre of good-will people...
is it?
perhaps the man-child complex
of the ancient Greek philosophers...
"complex": ha ha!
in the current climate of
the woman-child...
             i'm not going to bother: grieve...
do anything more than the prescribed:
as follows...

it was so much fun having to romanticize
women in my teenager years...
my 20s are amiss...
i came back to the "narrative" in my mid-30s
and... well... if i'm not ******* the queen
of England while singing songs
akin to; WERE DIU WERLT ALLE MIN!

as much as any: kinder or kind-at-a-loss...
come tomorrow's 9am...
i suppose i should be grieving less...
kinder...
  and all the jokes and balloons...
and... candy-floss... such are the demands...
such the times... such the impossibilities:
and the justifications for having them
to begin with!

— The End —