Man life know just set eyes way like young world soul day hunger space mouth earth thoughts ignorance blind things mind knew final moment human creation kind creatures souls high forgotten dream love spoke self existence face holy deep bound think home void say surrender ear forever called held ephemeral red state end shall heed hope edge living waking fall sea wake garden need February thought past wanderer got men page colored tepid terrible **** proudly untitled features point painted faceless box forgot render wild spring splendor  handfuls looking half brain lost torn ancestral  unseen vision inner summer honor mister owned banner save today fear groans wasn't smoke  street fable strange year contrast black years  able pain body spoken word known motion  palpitate reeling nature culture disclaimers  cancer beg attentive frames ****** base profound double remember wholly finger death token  cries continue folk oh fishing form broken true  divides spread ah twas away breathe wait 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altruistic wintergreen tossing  callously guise grovels one's singers treachery ashes mid-life mutter fashion parading  ambiguity separatist liars staple steeping neath  guidelines scoffing stitch moans civil wrote  Fictitious undoing fables table effigies serve  sonnets staged remark psalm swoll praise harken  beggar verse bread lines heavily electricity detection snow sack-happy preaching credit  spotted wicked best gravity gun campaign owe  barge choir revelry celebratory satiated sinking  headline pack hound persistently propaganda  gentlemen excluding diminished ******* run idles  occupied levies wolfishly honestly misinformation cuba vehemently dumb grace spectator erasing  toned sage crowded secrets inter-connectivity  loaned prayer hymns grave mistaken magnified  vandals selective jump leak escapes says minister  buckle mass honesty shut tar children's hats  monument doping long-lived electrical ladle  exaggerated cartoons address seconds cool cradle bleak yang's mind-framed 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persist scrap slipping individual talk wonders  leaving questions fold actor fancy parchment  fates engenders flown jaws stripped longer music  sacrifice fakers book boldly frown sigh atop patient hang trade occupation blows spectacular  whispers worthy backward waving certainty danced suppose needn't ‘drawkcab’ second-guessing  boys forget marched motto heads tightly lies two-tone earthbound harp twice turns goodnight  lying ***** internally indiscriminate nickname  drunk convictions myth steep  in-consumption  fitting artist **** universal sick expressions bad  du spell melody big siphon proud learn sprawls song spastic something temperaments utter check  fissures stomp totality blend definitely thrall sing rug voice shade pestilence ties commiserate round devil steady brains emotional certain gate  suckling gates dearth decay weight bounce pound  carrier pangs glass startle contest earthen web  tug pressed air patience flush amassed guest gone apprehension staring empathize captain 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interment paradox bitter heart  devoid jeopardy angry sensation confidential guilty arrogance mercy compliance reprieve  vincent deadening factual sign emotion awe  inhibition shackled butterflies absence actual sciences acknowledgement violent stagnant  spiritual American doors roots lack matted fore  gestures society cause streams intensity hair impossible discord lonely hearts resounding  jest  what's flavored pains closed toxic contented  happenstance scientific knowledge yeah  wizardry shaking stifled withdrawn bloom  jitter dreads settle asocial hulton make  predisposed figurative reflections demeanors  wondered affect hulton's projected sense  morning industry arrays ghosts feeling  certainly endomorphic where's partially wrath  passer mornings jovial unease advertized asking  trash onward wished tempers media mentality connect pasts sharp-toothed scramble great colours trial test salvation continually lent  degree secretly subjection social waned  disconnected colors grimly intellectual civilization cash trading baffling particular  digest myths monumental ending seasons winter  repetition introducing agent everlasting  shoulders delivered honestly-- possession funny  continence history unsightly function suffering propulsion profession divulge familiar tugs era  importance capability perpetuation spite inventory words entirety leveling fray insight  date record continues writer getting evermore fellow tongue possessions identical proof accuracy education similar sack admittance  favor unravel conveyance guilt gives beginnings  predicting audacity definition bobby heady eaters frameless learned release stone grandeur sang  speak molds sleeps split built seats people folded  sheer pour evoked playhouse liquid boring  tellers frayed stark walked reality pleas doth  preformed shows beak pride squawks opinions  greatest bold stunning sightings he'd loudly slain  sunk watch legend precipice theater deeper compound commentator civility justly silly sin  reverent seen prophetic moral confounds notion  lacking explain attempt prolific viral estrange proclivity scorn hide blur pious strung eden's  horror cut skin arch cruel twig mother vile  pass lend woods peach shrunken trail man's canopy worn 434 eat warm limb familiar father delete.

You are what your reading lady. Now would you hold this gun?

Facebook thank you for connecting me with the people from my past
For unleasing the jelouse side of me being stuck and others passing through
Thank you for making me see that dreams are slow but safe careers are for every one. I mean I don't wanna work at the mines but all my past is over there taking salfies expressing joys and progress
Facebook I check you everyday yet I gain none from you
In a world I live in all is difficult to achieve
So I'm putting a smile on my face showing teeth that have been brushed
Taking a selfie of myself looking beautiful, instead of worried and scared ill post it and get liked for a while
Facebook you beat all buying you roll out the desires and never spead next to ideas
So ill post my self and pretend
I'm doing that for my selfie

Dear Adam,
Guess what?
All I have of you is an iPod.
It's filled with your songs
It's filled with your thoughts.

I was in your room
i peered insid a box
I was hoping to find something
but you didn't keep much
Not your ****
or your pipe
or your old secrets

I don't understand maybe we wanted to keep it.
I see nothing of you
this is not your room
you didn't live here, I can't tell
It smells like you and your picture is all over
Your blue painted walls
the room is getting older,
There was a bag of razor blades but I don't know what they're form.
I felt kind o awkward in there sitting with your mom
maybe i wanted to kiss you
before you left
or tell you  you were cute
you knew nothing of my heart
and I knew so much from yours
Im torn.
Being in this room makes me squirm and feel all wrong
you left us in the middle
of a new found fairy tale.

You were no prince and I was no princess
but I didn't want that all quite yet.
I wanted you to know, all the things I wrote ini my heart
but you being here to hold my hand and ill say thats a start.


Sometimes I think you'll come around
you'll say you didn't go
you'll say you panicked and got lost
but really it was a joke.
I know its not true
I know I'll never see you
They found your body
They found your car
you were still hot
because you went so far.

now I'm here with your ashes in my bag,
feeling absolutely mad
knowing that I didn't help,
that you cried for me and I couldn't do
what i needed to.

You are gone and i am here,
Ill spead you out here and there.
your dust will flow for a thousand miles
ill float you in the sea
ill flow you in my favorite rose bush
and under your planted tree.

It's funny how it ends so fast,
how people can be gone.
How drugs can make your mind possessed by heartless hopeless thoughts.

It's wired how I can't hold you,
or tell you how I feel.
I wish i could have yelled at you enough for you to stay here...

With nine iron rods

We held the gods

Balanced over jam jars

Then with nine iron bars

We broke those jars

And kissed the gleaming

Crystal knives left behind


Later we spead

Their essences on pumpernickel bread

We were glad when their folly

At last rested in our bellies

In the confusion

Of our purpled splintered mouths

We smiled

Take 1 miserable childhood
Mix with 2 parts of
Insecurity    
1 part people pleaser and a
Dash of perfectionist.
Simmer for 10 years occasionally stirring in
****** assault.
Let cool.
While early years mix are cooling prepare the
Relapse filling:
In a large scarred heart mix together nightmares and
Fear of failure. Slowly stir in temptation followed by a pinch of apathy.
to assemble:
Spead the early years mixture  across the bottom of an empty soul and top with the relapse mix.
Sprinkle lack of support and triggers along top.
Serve immediately and regret...

I bought a one way ticket to you
but half way there i found out you didn't want me
and all i wanted was for that ******* train to turn around and go back
but the train was already going full spead ahead

so now here i am sitting on this train begging for a way to get off regretting ever getting on in the first place

but the only reason i want to come off is because i know what's coming at the end of these tracks
i thought that maybe we'd take a different route and everything will be okay but it's not

i've already bought my one way ticket to you but you've hoped on another train going the opposite direction

i run up and down the train trying to find an exit
maybe we'll pass another train i can jump onto
but when the next train passes and i can't do it

because i know that all i want is you

i've bought my ticket and there's no going back

Call out the demons, rearrange the seedlings
Commentaries read to command
Spead out ******; it's the doing of ones hands
Shift slits in steely aperture wholly fail to capture
Awake from your nap now sir.

what am i i look like just a scare
what am i to you in this world
every night i uncover my scares that cover every inch  of my body
i feel like a scarey monster every morning
my body is tourn ripped slashed and scared
i dont know if i should look at my reflection
i cant hide for ever run from fear
people cant even look at my face with out just looking at my slashes down my face
i know i am here but i have fear of what will happen to me
im not afraid to show my self out in public
but i have my own doubts of whats next aft my silence turns violent
what do need to say to you when you just looked at me
you spead lies of hate.
you were my friend who turned on me
i walk alone with my headphones turned all the way up
i know you never ment to hurt me so
im leaving you to start over to start new
my voice maybe quiet but i have big heart who could never hurt any one
even if you burgt me behind my back
maybe its just time for me and you to separat till
till the day ends
then we could brake the silence you have mad along your dream ill never be mad
accident and trust issues happen

There's a reason I do drugs,
Weather it because my mom did em when she was carrying me,     OR,
If it was because my mom was to young, her friends were all crazy and as much as i yearend for a sibling i was the only one.
I don't mind that i spend all my time and hard earned money on them,
But everybody says it's just a hole,
I'm 18 and one poem can't tell the world my story,
I eat em, smoke em, drip em, or snort em till they're all gone,
I wanna Wright a song but sober it fells like i can't turn on,
Blond hair and blue eyes, if only the world would uncover all my lies,
I have this one friend of mine, she's not to much but when she's around i stay up all night thinking of the fame and city lights,
Once when i was 10 i found my good friend, spent some time together, then i started telling her i was gonna make myself famous.
if you were around i would hide her and even when she was yellin at me you couldn't here a sound.
Id conversate with her when it got late, I'd tell her all my young thoughts and i would keep speaking until i heard my grandpas snoring stop.
i have a few other friends that help me out they all smoke, snort or and when im broke and with em i feel ***** and poor.
My mother and her friends introduced me and we've even had some talks together.
my grandpa always kept my friends away he he said the were bad and could turn and **** me one day. But i loved my friends so i kept em close.
As i got older i meet some other friends kept some and lost some if i liked em they were mine till the end.
They love me just the same and when im not around the look for me till we reunite again.
This morning i ran into crystal she's not always around and i didint meet her first but **** she's got me so down to earth. I can tell the world anything, and she always promised to get rid of the haters and keep me on high alert.
When she was getting handed to me out a window she needed a blanket so nobody saw her naked. I rushed her him and tucked her away.
I have a girl friend and unlike my friends she's a real thing. When we met I had to hide some friends cuz I love her and care what she thinks. Almost 1 year together and crystal was in the living room with my aunt and her husband. My girl knew but she didint understand, so i spent all knight defending her so that we could hang. An hour later i was sneaking in our room i introduced the 2 and put my friend away comfy.
My girl has become my world and when she meet my friend she was kinda frightened. But we spent some time and i showed my love how to treat her.
When i brought her home i didint wake my girl up i made sure we had a peice to smoke from.
When that was done i woke her up and we kicked it by ourselves for a minute in in the shed. Taking turns with her, filled my head with brilliant things i saw my girl smile and my heart spead up and grew wings.
I love all my friends and im not sure how i would make it if i told em to leave. I've known em so long and were so close it hurts but it's time i be real and admit im broke as dirt. They made me give all my money away so we could talk. I hide my blue eyes and keep quiet  all the time, i love my friends and im not ready yet but when i great a life im gonna have to say good bie.

They've been by my side my whole life and for a wile my little ray of sunshine wouldent pay them any mind. But every time im asked I promise I'll be a better dad. So what happens when they find were my friend is stashed, even under lock and key if there anything like me they'll be full of curiosity.
The one time they find the key i know my friends will invite them in without asking me. Were all chill now and crystal is still around but on my life I swear my child won't ever see me up all night or asleep all day. I know I mean what I say I just pray for the strength to be a man about what I say.

There's a reason I do drugs and  im done thinking about how I started but as long as my friends keep me smart and not retarted when iv created life I will have no hesetation to say goodbye.
even if it hurts like a knife to the chest my child will be the best for my choice to quite ****

It takes one to spead love.
It takes one to spread hate.
Except, love always win in the end.

It takes one to share.
It takes one to care.
Except, these qualities are missing in many.
Did they ever learn the message?

If you hate yourself on the inside.
Love has no chance to get in.
Not even in the heart of a friend.
Who isn't looking to be your enemy.

Accept love.
Let it in.
And watch your world of life begin.

I'm scared
It's in my dna
They always say that
'You'll turn out just like her'
Thats the road i'm heading down
A twisted fate almost a curse
I'm afraid and i've starting believing
Every word they said
Like a disease
I let it spead
My mind became a ball of bad thought
Repeating everything they said
I'll turn out like her
A mother who doesn't remember having kids
A person who tries to find themselves
At the bottom of a bottle
Smoking away everything thing she found happy
A mother who forgot
Her own daughters birthday
After all turning into her
It's in my dna

There are many opposites in this world:
light and dark,
And love and hate,
bliss and pain,
And Life and Death.
What is Life and Death?

The concept of Life and Death is millenniums of years old,
And the answer is different for every individual you ask
They may say that life is a short experience that every individual goes through
They may say that its a blessing that we must take advantage of
They may say that its a curse that we all must suffer
They may say that we’re here for a specific predetermined reason
And they may say that its nothing until we make something from it
There are many theories and beliefs of what happens after
Some say that you go to another world where you can live in peace and happiness
Another of distress and suffering
Or you just go through another life in a new body under a new name
Or your soul inhabits another animal or object
Or it remains just wandering, bodilessly
And many speculations more…
Then there are others who may say that there is simply nothing.

Life
Life is when your soul has a body to control,
A mind to inhabit,
Dreams to fulfill
It allows that spirit to interact with other spirits to build and create
Life is full and stimulating and always moving
Life is a course of events,
One action impacts the next impacts the next impacts the next…
Life grows and flourishes
Life develops and changes every day and every second and every moment
You have the ability to make your world a utopia
The choices you and others make can impact the next
But those choices won’t always lead to success
Sometimes they’ll lead you to failure
Misery
Disappointment
And sometimes you won’t always get to choose what happens
Life is unexpected
But we have retellings of other’s lives
Rules and guides on how to live our own
Regulations and laws (that aren’t always followed)
Rewards and punishments
Life is a blessing
Life is a curse
Life is everywhere
Life is now.

Death
Death is when your conscious leaves your physical state for eternal time.
We haven’t yet met death, but it still feels familiar
Do we see death in between our stages of wake and sleep?
Or in moments of shock after impact?
Or maybe when our heart drops during a fall?
Its funny being agnostic because no theory of life after death fully satifies
I’d imagine that right before death, a melancholious chill would spead over,
Inabiling every part of you
Segment by segment
Limb by limb
Memory by memory
Then you and your soul would be let free
No longer having to carry the weight of your body, the weight of your thoughts,
An infinite dreamlike state, except with no pictures or visions.
A peaceful, dreamless, light, nothingness.
A freedom from life.
But maybe death is different
It’s interesting being agnostic because no theory of life after death feels sure
Thats the thing, we don’t fully know
Thats why its so scary, it’s unknown
And you can’t undo it, you can’t go back
Death is interminable
Death is inevitable
Death everywhere
Death is the end.

So what is Life and Death?
They are…
…

it's so hard to not get caught up
from a swift kick of theatrics to the lip
I'm up quick & ready to hit
my heart racing underneath my ribs
my defense mechanisms are instantly steaming
and going full spead ahead until they're beaming
when really I just wish it would all stop...
I feel like I'm wading in a tide pool of good intentions
until someone's wrong ideas pull me back out
and suddenly I'm drowning
worrying
pathetically
about my reputation or clout
in the end, it's **** that doesn't matter
it's **** that isn't real
because
when you die people won't remember everything you did
they'll remember how you made them feel

You lucked out with the man you got.
But wait!
Respect the other lady that molded him into being the kind you adored.
Mostly she went through the destruction, the hell, and conflict.

The first one that cared for him when he was sick.
Needed support to overcome obstacles he couldn't accomplish alone.

So honors to the first lady before you.
The one you feel the need to fight and put down.
Spead all kinds of rumors about.

Of course, what you know of her?
Her attitudes, her ways mainly came from him.
Even if she angry analyze yourself.
For guilt can go various ways.

So honor the first for just being quiet.