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Ben Jones Feb 2013
There's a fella you've all heard of
From a sandy foreign place
He was sent down by his daddy
From somewhere in outer space
He died and he came back again
Then he hit the dusty road
Now he's there for me with a helping hand
When I've almost dropped my load

Jesus is my barman
I munch his salty nuts
He fills me up with lovin'
Till it rumbles in my guts
He's my one almighty Hoover
He ***** off all my sin
To all my tricky crevices
He bravely enters in

He eases through my tightest spots
He's always got my back
He lubricates my passage
Down the narrow winding track
He tinkers with my plumbing
Removes my stubborn stains
Then with his holy implement
He firmly rods my drains

Jesus is my bell-boy
In his elevatin' craft
He pushes on my button
Then he takes me up the shaft
He's my fire fighting saviour
When flames begin to roar
He grabs his mighty helmet
And he breaks in my back door

He's captain of my ******
Commander of my boats
Don't worry if you're sinkin' fast
Cos Jesus always floats
If you're cold and need to light a fire
The lord is right and good
There's one thing he's remembered for
It’s always having wood

Jesus is my dentist
He drills me with his bit
He fills up all my cavities
Then I gargle and I spit
And one day when it’s legal
We'll end our secret fling
With his ring on my finger
And his finger in my ring
A country/western style song about loving Jesus...
Ryan O'Leary Jul 2018
It’s too late now, there won’t
be another one,

My Dr. assured me, and she
should know, she'd

been dealing with ******
since I came here.

Ah: but you left your mark
for humanity, she said.

Your contribution will live on,
that can be your consolation.

Progress she said, since, G.P.S,
Lighthouse erections are superfluous.
Dave Williams Aug 2018
it's me
i miisss yookuouoso muruch i dontnowottodoabouutitit
iim acaar fulll of ******, a shipp ffull of sssailas
a ccsamp fullof boyscouutss

it's you
twiddledy-twiddly-twiddle the kknob
pussshing thhe buutons, fiftyytwo, fourtythree, tennn-hup
a maggneticpo leto my compasss

it's us
qmdkksjdjjaiekmkrrrrfkfk, nsdjndf
kkksksiashiuyiddrirttranoth erone, go on, doit
do it aagin, ynotit works dunnitit

it's ours
and from over here it loooks likke
we'll never get tto do it evva again, unnless
itl earns anoth erlanguage
thhatw ebothu ndusttaaaand

— The End —