Gooder and Badder
Bedder and fadder
What are Americans saying?
Boddle of wadder
Mudder and fodder
What is this game we are playing?

Funner and betterer,
Pitcher and ledder
They expect folks to unnerstan
Gimmes and wannabes
Mundees though Sundees
A hunnert and ten grand.

Gooder and Badder
Bedder and fadder
What are Americans saying?

Reedikullis and eeleegull
Furrin kinds of peepul
Should learn American English
Even when it’s ignernt,
And sounds  a bit differnt,
A definite ***** to distinguish.

Boddle of wadder
Mudder and fodder
What is this game we are playing?

Inneresting innerlopers
Drunky ***** goat ropers
That’s what they think strangers are.
Our dippy high schoo dropouts
Don’t care what education’s about
And only care about today’s sports stars.

Gooder and Badder
Bedder and fadder
What are Americans saying?
Boddle of wadder
Mudder and fodder
What is this game we are playing?

Serendipity.
You ******* what!
What you saying, pal?
Serendipity, oh aye, all right,
Aye, seren-******-dipity; whatever!
Tell it to the raggedy soaked-wino,
Look into his rheumy eyes, really look,
Want to kiss his toothless grin, eh? Do you?
Feel his sore-ridden tongue searching you out,
Nay, I thought not, anyway, he hears nothing,
Nothing except the rattle of change.

Tell it to the punctured ******, go on,
Cold body on a cold linoleum floor,
He can’t hear you either, maybe though,
Maybe, slipping away on the last tide of life,
Do-gooder, maybe he will hear you call,
‘Serendipity’ and wonder: what the ****?
Until blackness closes in, blanking the stars.

Tell it to the Fourth Bridge jumpers, go on,
Always falling; to them, falling forever,
In hearts and minds, the event horizon of death,
Trapped in limbo, leaving unbearable hurt behind,
Along with serendipity and bad choices.

And the young, oh they need serendipity,
Cruelty of life glittering in furtive wary eyes,
Old already, far beyond halcyon blue-skies,
Used and abused by those closest, the shame,
Erosion of trust and sincerity completed over night,
Christmas ghosts: slovenly laggards by comparison.

Resilient youth! Yep, they ******* need to be,
Grinding machine of town-life hunting them,
Scouring dark corners, gnashing jaws growling,
Crunching down darkened alleys, feeding,
Lapping up the young blood of runaways,
Slavering maw eating them alive; laughing.

With serendipity, they can lie low, maybe hide,
Dream of escape, for they all want out,
Putting misery behind them, quelling cruelty,
After all, they live in a lucky ******* town,
So escape is not impossible, no,
Unlikely, yes, poor wee *******.

Serendipity should shout a loud warning,
Run, scrawny urchins, run if you can,
Run for your lives, the rest of your lives,
Town-life’s grinding machine awaits,
Watches for you, so keep running,
Never stop, never look back,
Not ever, not ever,
Serendipity.

©Paul Chafer 2014

I'm sixteen and she's so much older
And I just wanna hold her
I know i'll always be younger
But in five years i will be better
I want so much to take her,
Put my arms around her
Cause this room is getting colder
The nights are getting longer
My knees are getting weaker
Just by the thought of her
As long as i keep her
From knowing my inner
Emotions are getting stronger
Moon is getting fuller
Due is getting nearer
Like summer after winter
We are never getting closer
Am i always bound to get hurt
I choose to love her
But does she want to be my lover
Enough with this open ended letter
Fck goodbye im gonna go get her

Moods still change with the seasons
and the orbit of the moon.
Eyes are glass
Look into them long enough and you'll see right through.
Eyes that have seen
Life and Death in the most beautiful manifestations
Eyes that watch brother grow up,
And mother grow old.
Eyes that can show me where I am,
but not what's in front of me.
Eyes that don't change the happened
only sit and watch as the world vigorously blackens.
Mostly these eyes are a disguise to hide the lies, depression and anxiety held inside by the so-called perspicacity of the mortal mind.
More often then not I find that these eyes deceive me but
when I'll do whatever it may be within my capability to distort what they are showing me.
Or close them because even the sugar coated delusions are too much for them to bear to see.
But when these eyes close it appears that there's nothing but the truth to take.
So I'll stay awake.

when dreams have vanished
carefree *** would be the first thing to come to mind

however, this time *** will not suffice
i need attention
a friendly ear with an open mind
a dangerous heart
but a kind spirit
a regular do gooder
with the face of a woman
who will tell me how easy it is
to let oneself fall
and how great it is to rise up
again and again...

and again...

and yet again.

i am afraid
that i might really find her

Cold and broken
In silence you can hear the cry
Hearts that bruised
Broke
Crumpled
HARDENED

The slutty little do - gooder, the narcissistic manipulator that’s who we are
Feeling the way EXTREME
Maybe

What happened to art? What happened to love?
What happened to ***?
What happened to the art in love?
Repeat repeat repeat…

How far will you let me go?
This is a test! Instructions WILL NOT follow!
I hope you make it

Just breathe
Just breathe
Just breathe

Sway and bend
Waiting for you to turn me on
Janis you had it right
“I’d be so good to you baby”
What do you want from me?

I can feel you from here
Say yes, yes, yes, YES
Open to a new page, I’ll take the chance
It’s worth the consequence

It’s all gonna be all right
We’ll get some glue
Unfold a little slowly
Take the bandages off
Silence becomes music

captured in the psych ward

how to reform an evil hooligan



you see harry bernstine is a hooligan who is always mucking around

trying to kidnap people from their family units and send them down

deep in his dungeon below his house, and harry is best known to destroy

human lives, so much in fact, he was risking going to gaol, and pumped

full of drugs, so it wouldn’t happen very much into the future, the police say

that harry is a rotten hooligan, and isn’t mentally ill, and should be locked away

to rot in a prison cell, but ron wanted to reform harry in his HDU, and placed on medication

and he took this the board and the they argued that harry was a dangerous criminal

and the mentally ill, need protection from him, and besides which harry refuses to admit

he is mental, even if by saying he is mental, could reduce his sentence, ron said, there

is nothing wrong with admitting you have a mentally ill, there are a lot of famous people who have

a mental illness.and harry said, ‘good for them’, i am not mentally ill, i am a dangerous hooligan

who is taking revenge on the world, and if anyone like you, gets in my way, i will blow you down, to next week, ok

and ron laughed and said, ‘what from’ from in here, you must be joking and harry said, yeah, i will be nice

to everyone and take my medication, but the second you let me out, i will turn back into a hooligan again, ok

so, ron, stop your little do gooder attitude, it doesn’t work for me, and ron gave harry a shot of ****** to settle him

down and harry fell asleep and ron walked away worried that harry was just stringing them along and the nurses told

ron, to pay no attention to him, he is just a ,man with a lot of problems and ron said, we need to make sure we give him his medication

because i still think we can reform this guy.  ron gave out the dinners and harry hated his and yelled for 15 minutes and

then ron gave the evening medication including harry’s and clocked off, and retired to his couch and had leftovers

and fell asleep in from of the box.

the next morning, ron went to his usual cafe for breakfast and coffee, and when ron arrived at the HDU, he saw harry

was yelling at the nurses for 5 hours straight, saying, i can never be reformed, you see i am a hooligan who is taking

revenge on these mental health nurses and ron got a valiumj and harry said, don’t poison me with your lethal dose of nice pills

you see, i want to rob a few banks and kidnap many people especially children, yeah, i will have you quacks really concerned

because dudes, nobody helped my brother, you see my brother was shot in broad daylight, by some supposingly law abiding cop

and that nice pill, killed my brother, and it will **** me if your not careful, so stop trying to fix me up like your car, and leave me

the **** alone, ok, and ron couldn’t help trying to know more about his brother, and harry said, none of your business, so get out

of my face ya fucken dogooder and ron went back to his office to figure out a way to help harry, and  learn what illness he has got.

ron said, maybe harry has terretz syndrome, you see his good one minute and bad the other, but when ron was going to ask harry

about it, harry said, mate, it really is none of your business, and then said, mate, i told you i was a hooligan who doesn’t want to be reformed

and ron said, why don’t you want me to help, because we are treating you well here, as opposed to the prison where you are treated

like an animal, do you really want that, harry said, not if i don’t get caught.

ron said, mate, you have been caught, and it’s here being reformed to be a person, or gaol where you are treated like an animal, ok.

harry said, i told you my plan, i’ll be good and take my medication and eventually you let me out, so i can do it again, ok.

and ron said, yeah, and you will end up in here bypassing here and be placed in gaol, to be treated like an animal, would you

like that ands harry said, i got caught this time and you won’t5 get me the next time, i will be devious and cunning, and ron said

take your pick, but ya know if you keep talking like this, there will be no next time for you, because you will be confined to your room

for weeks and maybe years, ok, and this got harry angry, saying how then **** is that supposed to help me, ya fucken little **** and

ron said i was merely stating a fact putting it in black and whigte for you, and then walked away to get the lunches ready for the HDU,

and as he brought it out, charlie chaplin asked, how is our hardened criminal going and ron said, don’t worry about him and then harry

walked out and put his fist right up to charlie’s head and said, if you don’t watch out, i will do a HDU ******, oh blimie charlie and then harry said

i hated you in those silent movies anyway, and ron said to harry, that is enough, and harry asked why can’t they have sharp knives here

so he can **** charlie chaplin, and ron did the gullible man thing by dashing, harry, sharp knives are a no no in here.

then lunch was cleared away, ready for the afternoon activities to begin, and harry went back to his room, and asked ron he doesn’t want to

be interrupted till dinner, and ron said ok, but we have to check up on you, but if you are asleep, we won’t wake you.

then at 4 in the afternoon, harry woke up and started to yell and scream at the nurses because they didn’t give him an alcoholic beverage

and the nurses held him down, so ron can give him another shot of ****** to calm him down, but harry didn’t want to be calmed down, he wants

to **** the nurses, because they won’t help me, and then harry yelled out, it’s a fucken hospital for ***** sake, and ron said, life is a ***** isn’t it.

then after 1 hour of a great sleep, it was dinner, and harry walked out calmly to eat his dinner which he hated, but the ****** was still calming him to

stop his ability to yell, then harry relaxed after tea in the TV room, and when the ****** wore off, he started to yell and was dragged kicking and screaming

to his room, ron got the evening medications ready, and did his rounds, and when he came to harry’s room, harry was naked and said, you gave me

another nice pill so i can be nice at dinner, hey, ****, and that isn’t on. i will track you down, the second i get out of here and **** you right in front of your best mates

like i was being locked away from my best mates, ron slowly calmed him down and gave him his medication, and locked harry in, walked away told the nurses

to keep him under suicide watch, and clocked off, and bought a pizza hut pizza and went home to watch TV and fall asleep on the couch and thinking about ways to reform

harry from the evils that lay around him, it won’t be easy, i tell ya.

God has eaten my luscious mango
showing up in the disguise of a squirrel,
no  expression of remorse either,
just vanished without a trace,
did not return ever after.
                                       God, please do not bother,
                                        usually you are a do-gooder
                                        I too am, let's have a pact,
                                       for a while I'd have the moon, instead.

I think
Therefore, I am
The Frenchman said
But am I a hero
A *******
A do-gooder
A ne'er do well
I know it's up to me
Up to my own volition
To come to that
And it's amazing
How that plays out
In other I ams
Like murderers
Philanthropists
Hoboes
And does God
In some way
Tell us which one to be
He knows me
He is my essence
How could a dark thought come in
Satan is no equal
But it's his hand
That gets the credit
For evil men
But I don't understand
An iota of that
I just do
What my Creator
Put in me to do
And if I hate
Did He put it on my plate
The way to go
Is hard to comprehend
Do I consciously make the choices
I am what I am
But how much of that
Is me

captured in the psych ward

how to reform an evil hooligan



you see harry bernstine is a hooligan who is always mucking around

trying to kidnap people from their family units and send them down

deep in his dungeon below his house, and harry is best known to destroy

human lives, so much in fact, he was risking going to gaol, and pumped

full of drugs, so it wouldn’t happen very much into the future, the police say

that harry is a rotten hooligan, and isn’t mentally ill, and should be locked away

to rot in a prison cell, but ron wanted to reform harry in his HDU, and placed on medication

and he took this the board and the they argued that harry was a dangerous criminal

and the mentally ill, need protection from him, and besides which harry refuses to admit

he is mental, even if by saying he is mental, could reduce his sentence, ron said, there

is nothing wrong with admitting you have a mentally ill, there are a lot of famous people who have

a mental illness.and harry said, ‘good for them’, i am not mentally ill, i am a dangerous hooligan

who is taking revenge on the world, and if anyone like you, gets in my way, i will blow you down, to next week, ok

and ron laughed and said, ‘what from’ from in here, you must be joking and harry said, yeah, i will be nice

to everyone and take my medication, but the second you let me out, i will turn back into a hooligan again, ok

so, ron, stop your little do gooder attitude, it doesn’t work for me, and ron gave harry a shot of ****** to settle him

down and harry fell asleep and ron walked away worried that harry was just stringing them along and the nurses told

ron, to pay no attention to him, he is just a ,man with a lot of problems and ron said, we need to make sure we give him his medication

because i still think we can reform this guy.  ron gave out the dinners and harry hated his and yelled for 15 minutes and

then ron gave the evening medication including harry’s and clocked off, and retired to his couch and had leftovers

and fell asleep in from of the box.

the next morning, ron went to his usual cafe for breakfast and coffee, and when ron arrived at the HDU, he saw harry

was yelling at the nurses for 5 hours straight, saying, i can never be reformed, you see i am a hooligan who is taking

revenge on these mental health nurses and ron got a valiumj and harry said, don’t poison me with your lethal dose of nice pills

you see, i want to rob a few banks and kidnap many people especially children, yeah, i will have you quacks really concerned

because dudes, nobody helped my brother, you see my brother was shot in broad daylight, by some supposingly law abiding cop

and that nice pill, killed my brother, and it will **** me if your not careful, so stop trying to fix me up like your car, and leave me

the **** alone, ok, and ron couldn’t help trying to know more about his brother, and harry said, none of your business, so get out

of my face ya fucken dogooder and ron went back to his office to figure out a way to help harry, and  learn what illness he has got.

ron said, maybe harry has terretz syndrome, you see his good one minute and bad the other, but when ron was going to ask harry

about it, harry said, mate, it really is none of your business, and then said, mate, i told you i was a hooligan who doesn’t want to be reformed

and ron said, why don’t you want me to help, because we are treating you well here, as opposed to the prison where you are treated

like an animal, do you really want that, harry said, not if i don’t get caught.

ron said, mate, you have been caught, and it’s here being reformed to be a person, or gaol where you are treated like an animal, ok.

harry said, i told you my plan, i’ll be good and take my medication and eventually you let me out, so i can do it again, ok.

and ron said, yeah, and you will end up in here bypassing here and be placed in gaol, to be treated like an animal, would you

like that ands harry said, i got caught this time and you won’t5 get me the next time, i will be devious and cunning, and ron said

take your pick, but ya know if you keep talking like this, there will be no next time for you, because you will be confined to your room

for weeks and maybe years, ok, and this got harry angry, saying how then **** is that supposed to help me, ya fucken little **** and

ron said i was merely stating a fact putting it in black and whigte for you, and then walked away to get the lunches ready for the HDU,

and as he brought it out, charlie chaplin asked, how is our hardened criminal going and ron said, don’t worry about him and then harry

walked out and put his fist right up to charlie’s head and said, if you don’t watch out, i will do a HDU ******, oh blimie charlie and then harry said

i hated you in those silent movies anyway, and ron said to harry, that is enough, and harry asked why can’t they have sharp knives here

so he can **** charlie chaplin, and ron did the gullible man thing by dashing, harry, sharp knives are a no no in here.

then lunch was cleared away, ready for the afternoon activities to begin, and harry went back to his room, and asked ron he doesn’t want to

be interrupted till dinner, and ron said ok, but we have to check up on you, but if you are asleep, we won’t wake you.

then at 4 in the afternoon, harry woke up and started to yell and scream at the nurses because they didn’t give him an alcoholic beverage

and the nurses held him down, so ron can give him another shot of ****** to calm him down, but harry didn’t want to be calmed down, he wants

to **** the nurses, because they won’t help me, and then harry yelled out, it’s a fucken hospital for ***** sake, and ron said, life is a ***** isn’t it.

then after 1 hour of a great sleep, it was dinner, and harry walked out calmly to eat his dinner which he hated, but the ****** was still calming him to

stop his ability to yell, then harry relaxed after tea in the TV room, and when the ****** wore off, he started to yell and was dragged kicking and screaming

to his room, ron got the evening medications ready, and did his rounds, and when he came to harry’s room, harry was naked and said, you gave me

another nice pill so i can be nice at dinner, hey, ****, and that isn’t on. i will track you down, the second i get out of here and **** you right in front of your best mates

like i was being locked away from my best mates, ron slowly calmed him down and gave him his medication, and locked harry in, walked away told the nurses

to keep him under suicide watch, and clocked off, and bought a pizza hut pizza and went home to watch TV and fall asleep on the couch and thinking about ways to reform

harry from the evils that lay around him, it won’t be easy, i tell ya.

I’ll admit that it was different, and something of a strain
When our troupe was performing “Hamlet: for the criminally insane.
It was some do gooder’s notion to expose them to the arts.
and I saw that they accepted it when boys played women’s parts.
Some Prisoners thought the ghost was real and they were sore afraid
Their minds could not distinguish it was just a role I played.
Each line meant to gain a laugh fell silent with that group,
But as the death toll mounted, they thought that was a hoot.
They were the strangest audience, those prisoners out there
When Hamlet mused on suicide, they’d hoped he’d end it there.
Poison, ******, suicide; they were thoroughly entertained!
To thunderous applause we bore Prince Hamlet from the stage.
The warden was so gratified the Bard was loved by all
That we’re performing Titus Andronicus for the prisoners this Fall.

It saddens me to think
How desperate you feel right now.

You can't see a future
And nobody seems to understand.

Well I know you don't want to hear this
But I'm begging you

PLEASE GIVE LIFE A CHANCE.

Because, trust me,
Things are going to get better
And I can't let you throw it all away
And miss the wonderful times that lie ahead.


But why should you listen to me?

After all,
Who the hell am I?

A concerned friend,
With lots to say
But no time to listen?

A well-meaning do-gooder,
With plenty of platitudes
But no real answers?

No.

I'm somebody who knows
Exactly what you're going through
And I am counting on you
To step back from the brink


For I am your future self.

captured in the psych ward

how to reform an evil hooligan



you see harry bernstine is a hooligan who is always mucking around

trying to kidnap people from their family units and send them down

deep in his dungeon below his house, and harry is best known to destroy

human lives, so much in fact, he was risking going to gaol, and pumped

full of drugs, so it wouldn’t happen very much into the future, the police say

that harry is a rotten hooligan, and isn’t mentally ill, and should be locked away

to rot in a prison cell, but ron wanted to reform harry in his HDU, and placed on medication

and he took this the board and the they argued that harry was a dangerous criminal

and the mentally ill, need protection from him, and besides which harry refuses to admit

he is mental, even if by saying he is mental, could reduce his sentence, ron said, there

is nothing wrong with admitting you have a mentally ill, there are a lot of famous people who have

a mental illness.and harry said, ‘good for them’, i am not mentally ill, i am a dangerous hooligan

who is taking revenge on the world, and if anyone like you, gets in my way, i will blow you down, to next week, ok

and ron laughed and said, ‘what from’ from in here, you must be joking and harry said, yeah, i will be nice

to everyone and take my medication, but the second you let me out, i will turn back into a hooligan again, ok

so, ron, stop your little do gooder attitude, it doesn’t work for me, and ron gave harry a shot of ****** to settle him

down and harry fell asleep and ron walked away worried that harry was just stringing them along and the nurses told

ron, to pay no attention to him, he is just a ,man with a lot of problems and ron said, we need to make sure we give him his medication

because i still think we can reform this guy.  ron gave out the dinners and harry hated his and yelled for 15 minutes and

then ron gave the evening medication including harry’s and clocked off, and retired to his couch and had leftovers

and fell asleep in from of the box.

the next morning, ron went to his usual cafe for breakfast and coffee, and when ron arrived at the HDU, he saw harry

was yelling at the nurses for 5 hours straight, saying, i can never be reformed, you see i am a hooligan who is taking

revenge on these mental health nurses and ron got a valiumj and harry said, don’t poison me with your lethal dose of nice pills

you see, i want to rob a few banks and kidnap many people especially children, yeah, i will have you quacks really concerned

because dudes, nobody helped my brother, you see my brother was shot in broad daylight, by some supposingly law abiding cop

and that nice pill, killed my brother, and it will **** me if your not careful, so stop trying to fix me up like your car, and leave me

the **** alone, ok, and ron couldn’t help trying to know more about his brother, and harry said, none of your business, so get out

of my face ya fucken dogooder and ron went back to his office to figure out a way to help harry, and  learn what illness he has got.

ron said, maybe harry has terretz syndrome, you see his good one minute and bad the other, but when ron was going to ask harry

about it, harry said, mate, it really is none of your business, and then said, mate, i told you i was a hooligan who doesn’t want to be reformed

and ron said, why don’t you want me to help, because we are treating you well here, as opposed to the prison where you are treated

like an animal, do you really want that, harry said, not if i don’t get caught.

ron said, mate, you have been caught, and it’s here being reformed to be a person, or gaol where you are treated like an animal, ok.

harry said, i told you my plan, i’ll be good and take my medication and eventually you let me out, so i can do it again, ok.

and ron said, yeah, and you will end up in here bypassing here and be placed in gaol, to be treated like an animal, would you

like that ands harry said, i got caught this time and you won’t5 get me the next time, i will be devious and cunning, and ron said

take your pick, but ya know if you keep talking like this, there will be no next time for you, because you will be confined to your room

for weeks and maybe years, ok, and this got harry angry, saying how then **** is that supposed to help me, ya fucken little **** and

ron said i was merely stating a fact putting it in black and whigte for you, and then walked away to get the lunches ready for the HDU,

and as he brought it out, charlie chaplin asked, how is our hardened criminal going and ron said, don’t worry about him and then harry

walked out and put his fist right up to charlie’s head and said, if you don’t watch out, i will do a HDU ******, oh blimie charlie and then harry said

i hated you in those silent movies anyway, and ron said to harry, that is enough, and harry asked why can’t they have sharp knives here

so he can **** charlie chaplin, and ron did the gullible man thing by dashing, harry, sharp knives are a no no in here.

then lunch was cleared away, ready for the afternoon activities to begin, and harry went back to his room, and asked ron he doesn’t want to

be interrupted till dinner, and ron said ok, but we have to check up on you, but if you are asleep, we won’t wake you.

then at 4 in the afternoon, harry woke up and started to yell and scream at the nurses because they didn’t give him an alcoholic beverage

and the nurses held him down, so ron can give him another shot of ****** to calm him down, but harry didn’t want to be calmed down, he wants

to **** the nurses, because they won’t help me, and then harry yelled out, it’s a fucken hospital for ***** sake, and ron said, life is a ***** isn’t it.

then after 1 hour of a great sleep, it was dinner, and harry walked out calmly to eat his dinner which he hated, but the ****** was still calming him to

stop his ability to yell, then harry relaxed after tea in the TV room, and when the ****** wore off, he started to yell and was dragged kicking and screaming

to his room, ron got the evening medications ready, and did his rounds, and when he came to harry’s room, harry was naked and said, you gave me

another nice pill so i can be nice at dinner, hey, ****, and that isn’t on. i will track you down, the second i get out of here and **** you right in front of your best mates

like i was being locked away from my best mates, ron slowly calmed him down and gave him his medication, and locked harry in, walked away told the nurses

to keep him under suicide watch, and clocked off, and bought a pizza hut pizza and went home to watch TV and fall asleep on the couch and thinking about ways to reform

harry from the evils that lay around him, it won’t be easy, i tell ya.

the system is captured in the psych ward, and we need to get it out




ron was busy trying to understand why people fight with authority especially when

two protestors from an invasion day march, you see they got out their knives and started

to chop authority figures up and eat them for dinner, you see down on the path of the yarra river

there was the peaceful  aboriginal rights parade but mike and his wife yetta were looking trouble

and carried knives and guns to every protest, you see they hated aborigines a lot and when the police caught them

they brought them straight to ron’s psych ward, and they gave them a shot of ****** to calm themselves down

and with brian sitting in the lounge room very happily watching TV, well they didn’t want mike and yetta ruining that

and charlie chaplin said, hey dudes, i was the king of silent movies and yetta stuck her finger up right in her face

and mike said, let me go ya ****** do-gooder, the other patients aren’t safe unless they go to their rooms and lock the door

and then when the coast is clear mike and yetta will complain about this whole invasion day thing, because really

they can do anything in ron’s psych ward, and then yetta said, how about my mum, who gives $36 a week to the save the chukdren

and with me in here, i can’t give money to world vision, you see this so=called invasion day was a living in the past moment

for the aborigines, but the nurses said, this lady is a danger to herself and others because it was captain cook that got all

the credit when he invaded the aborigines land and then patty roe came out and yetta said, how about you tell us your calling in life and patty roe

said, i am george washington , the first president of the USA, and yetta said, you are a nut, you are a nut, 1 big nut, and you are tasty too

ron was in his house trying to research yetta and mikes problems, but the only thing is the A word, and that doesn’t make you mental ron thought

so he rang up the police and they said, they are both delusional, they think they are right into thinking guns are a way of expressing yourself

and ron said, yeah, all criminals are like that, then the police said they hid behind the desk saying what have we done, and before you say it

everyone does that, but mike and yetta dressed themselves in the clothes we gave them and walked outside, and when we caught them

they looked like they were delusional and we want you to give them both a mental health assessment before we pass sentence

and brian said to yetta, are you like B smith from prisoners days, and yetta said ******* ya ******* and the next day ron went to his local cafe

and after that, he went to his HDU to give out breakfasts and the morning medications and yetta was put on seroquel and mike was put on

risperidal and yetta told everyone, prison is nothing like prisoner, the screws don’t care for you as much as the show prisoner and mike said to charlie,

what the **** are ya looking at and charlie said, i am looking at a protest hating white arrogant racist **** and ron brought yetta and mike to

the hearing voices talk but that did no good and then they had lunch and according to yetta it was crap, and ron brought them along to the

afternoon art group and they enjoyed that cause they drew pictures of people they wanna **** or hurt, but the art teacher was no where near impressed

and then they had dinner and their nightie medications and ron brought out the sandwiches and ron went home and mike and yetta were doing a whiye mans war cry

while ron went home with a pizza and retired in front of the TV and after watching the news headlines, which made ron think, the system is captured in the psych ward

we must get it out

i was just that kid, no one would take me seriously
now an adult, still fighting the demons residually
couldn’t digest the emotions that coursed through me
no outlet, purge valve to release the steam
always holding back the will to flex n yell ‘******* FEAR ME’

see, that’s the thing about insanity
its not a brink like you’ve been lead to believe
let me show you, as we walk down the staircase of what used to be
further killing any memories of identity that were introduced to me
take a step down, this isn’t so bad. the life you had is still a footstep back
just a footstep back, yeah, one that you know you’ll never take
i wouldn’t worry much, don’t they say it’s never too late?

but its okay, no one else will know you’re lying to yourself
even if you weren’t, who would know? the hell with it
this is probably the point where you would wanna ask an expert…
is this kid okay? is he gonna hurt himself or others? **** that ****
you’re riding with me now kid, look around, the walls don’t seem too inviting
you’re left with yourself bud, and its not my time you’re biding
now we’re all the way down here, probably lost track of the steps didn’t you?
i knew you would, after all, I AM IN YOU
that little scared kid never left you, you just covered it with faux confidence
i can see it in your eyes, you’re terrified. try not to **** your pants
darkness can be quite inviting, no judgment and all that room to think
but heroes are born in places where there’s no room, there’s the absence of it
so what does that make you? some sort of awkward halfling breed?
desperately clinging to the idealogies that give you the peace to sleep

or is that fire inside you still burning somewhere hard to reach?
i mean, it would be fitting. we are in hell, you just walked here with me
it’s funny, it’s cliche, laugh about it. but when i’m gone you’ll be begging for someone to fight about it
with

because it’s easier to go your whole life fighting everyone around you
painting yourself as the selfless do-gooder unable to change injustices done to you
irrational fears of something that’s indescribable
the inability; given paradisiacal life, to thrive, so-
so what? what is it that’s stopping you?
there’s no longer any kids around here mocking you…
i don’t hear their voices taunting you
telling you what you should and shouldn’t do

no, in fact i hear total silence
disrupted by the crazy directions your mind went
why does it bother you so much, this lack of music?
is it because you’re used to it?
used to not being able to hear this ****?
all the **** you covered with anything you could find when it was too much to deal with
bury your head in your hands and bump this ****

flow through the cracks of your heart with a clever melody
maneuvering it’s way into your psyche intricately
making you believe you need a way out of this insanity
forming the key ingredients of dependency:
me, me, me me and me

funny thing is all i want is not to be
not obsessed with self harm, i’d rather do it painlessly
i know what it’s like to feel pain, i’d rather just not feel at all
bury that **** with the oxy i just took 5 minutes ago
mix a morphine and some lean into that sadboi cocktail
potent mix knock you on your *** every time without fail

so here you are, ****** up on the couch, paper still not started
it’s due tomorrow, you knew that, but right now you’re full *******
i guess i can write all this, just not do what i gotta do
explains why i’m still sittin here in hell, with you
loneliness loves company, and i see now why we’re both at the bottom
but if i knew my issues were mine long before this, how come i did nothing to stop em?
i still live life the same way torn between begging for change and too ****** up to care
there comes a certain point where you can’t love and accept what isn’t there
the last time you asked for help it fell on deaf ears, and even if it didn’t, you would have rejected it-
it’s too much to bear

accepting affection even though on the inside you pine for it
is easily as painful as sitting alone and whining about it
so it’s just less complex to not share. sit here, shut the **** up, not care
do what you gotta do, it keeps you alive anyway
but what good is living if all you exude is misery?
i’m sick of myself but i don’t know how to change.
the demons inside are winning and i don’t know if i can break it

that’s the end, there’s nothing left for you to fight against
you’ve fought yourself long enough, give up, cut the ****
take a long look in the mirror, it’s make or break
well, it always has been but is this really the path you want to take?
i don’t even know what my life is supposed to be, this figure in the mirror that i’m supposed to call me
seems like some sort of cruel joke, identity in anonymity
fancy words to describe a lack of purpose- what am i supposed to be?
but if the self doesn’t belong to the self… shut up you’re overthinking

i can’t even see my thoughts anymore, all i can hear is static
‘still gotta start that paper’- still in the back of my mind, after all of this
i haven’t even looked up the prompt… are you schoolworkin or having an existential crisis?
can’t even make up my mind about making up my mind… now that’s a problem
just chalk that up to another one i don’t know how to solve quite yet

we cling to the concrete because the unknown is scary
but when we’re down here, what’s left to fear? that scared kid died inside of me
feel hollow but too full of the ******* everywhere to see clearly
still wondering why i’m still talking… probably escaping from something

Rally the horses,
Tally the corpses,
Go manic and shoot off your body like it's a gun,
The walls bleeding bright red, dripping into puddles on the bed,
I always tell myself that I wasted so much time, but time is irrelevant when everything feels dead,
60 seconds 60 minutes 60 ****** knives, we both lead such ****** ****** lives

And she said I know it's hard but this will get better
This will get better

I remember when you told me you were going to set the whole ******* world on fire, what happened?
I remember when you stopped and regretted it and I remember holding onto all of it as much as I could because I knew you couldn't handle any of it, not anymore

Go supernova and leave them all in your wake,
A no good do gooder drunk through the relapse with broken teeth,
You were always here but it never seemed like you were enjoying even a minute,
Emotional asphyxiation is such a heavenly way to die but you're the apple of my eye and as much as I don't want to,
I need to say it

And she said I know it's hard but this will get better
This will get better

I never stopped to ask you how you were feeling because every time I stopped you just told me to keep going and I'm
done with it,
You get the jist,
Tried eating and I just get sick,
Tried sleeping but the bad dreams never end,
Sipping yellow paint, filled with yellow haze,
In a craze I'm in a maze and my head won't rest,
Hate being happy, being sad is the ******* best,
I'm sorry

Broken poet, baptized and drenched in Sisyphus,
Beaten ****** pessimist,
I wanna fight it but I'm too much of a pacifist,
Brittle even with vitamins,
I never knew disaster could look like this,
I digress, I'm ****** twisted and you all can't get enough of it,
Keep em comin 'til I drown in my own spit,
The way you're talking makes you sound like a ****** lunatic but ******* I can't seem to get enough of it

I need you,
I shouldn't say this but I need to

Toxicity's filling my veins and the numbness is clogging my arteries,
You can't swim well in a dead sea

I tried to fight through the fog of your feelings but it was too dense to see, anything,
I never knew you had such a lust for blood until I saw the fangs,
Inside of us are such broken pretty things

You were such a broken pretty thing and I need you,
I said it, I ****** need you

It's been soaking for a while now and I think it's best it finally bled through,
I'm finally realizing you were right when you said it was for the best that we were

through

I shouldn't have said this, but I needed to

You say you want to make the World a better place
When the real problem is looking you in the face
Righteousness was never so wrong
Idealistic views, convictions so strong

Transforming humanity
Through the vision of your insanity
Justifying Change with your unarguable fallacy
You seem to do more harm than good
Oblivious dogmatic Robin Hood

Forever redeeming your committed cause
Seeming to ignore all character flaws
How frustrating your blind justice is
Defending the ones perpetrating
Why can’t you tell there’s something amiss?
Has naivety clouded clear thinking?

Out of focus clarity
Hocus-Pocus charity
Choking us with your highfalutin calamity

You say you want to make the World a better place
But people like you leave a bad aftertaste
Forever benevolent saboteur
Box clever pestilent do-gooder

You're my warmth when I'm cold
You're my light when I've gone out
You're my smile when I cry
You take the pieces of me that I hate and love them to pieces

What you are is a true believer
A seeker
A do gooder
And an earth loving, optimistic boy who is determined to save the world

I don't know if we are right together but together right now feels right.

Poor philanthropist
Definitely take issue with this
You don't have to be fabulously rich to volunteer or help
A little here and there does go along way
Time and effort make a huge difference
If you are so consumed with yourself
Selfish and cruel
It is your issue
If it a burden, that is different avenue to walk on
But don't call a human being that cares a Do Gooder
They are in great company and we need more in the world
Rather be selfless and caring

C2rainbowchaser2020

Just because I think it would be a beautiful
idea if Trump & Bannon could be strapped
down in a Rocket aimed for the outer
reaches of the infinite starry galaxies
doesn't mean I wish them gone,

& just because I'd love to see Julian Assange
work the mines in the deepest bowels of
the high Ecuadorian mountains
doesn't mean I wish him ill,

& just because I'd be so satisfied by Mitch McConnell
pimped out on a Detroit street in mid-winter
while his man keeps an eye-out from a
warm & very smooth cadillac nearby
doesn't mean I wish him a tough evening,

& just because I'd be real chuffed to see Paul Ryan
in all his 'What Me Worry' shallow smile
earnest do-gooder front be flown to Calcutta
as shock-therapy & made to clean the wounds
of leprous beggars,
doesn't mean I'm sensing justice,

& just because I really am down with that oh so
sincerely evil David Duke being forced to perform
street cleaning duties in darkest Baltimore
doesn't men I'm feeling righteous,

& just because I'm very, very o.k. with the idea &
then the actual practice of some sort of natural
justice doesn't mean I'm being unrealistic,
a dreamer, or need to relax awhile.

These are my dreams folks.

Good God kid!
Now I remember all of it:
I was just a do-gooder passing through.
Like some sort of ghost, like a wisp,
amazed that I had somehow found my way onto the guest list.
No wonder I got so drunk.
No wonder I was constantly throwing up.
I couldn't handle it -
being in the midst of such intelligence.
But I was hooked.
I knew this was where true inspiration lives.

But it scared me so I fled into self-sentenced exile.
You knew she wasn't the one, you knew all the while.
I struggled and bled. I thought of things we had said.
I tried to lead a proper life,
but I felt already dead.

So I returned,
but in the wake of a irrevocable mistake.
Much like I remembered, but it wasn't the same place.
A shadow loomed over. Everything was changed.
And though you were glad that I was back again,
it was clear that you were devastated by the death of a friend.
I couldn't relate.

Still, I tried. All those that knew him; how they cried.
There I was, with just a broken heart.
It felt like nothing compared.
I'd never loved anyone who had died.  

But time goes by, and supposedly, it heals all wounds.
We were having fun again, feeling alive before too soon.
Then everything changed when you were going to move.
Afraid of what I stood to lose,
I decided to move with you too.

We got ourselves into situations with which we could not cope.
Communicating got harder and we began to lose hope.
The gap between one life and another can seem so vast.
I moved back home again and our lives took separate paths.

Here I am rehashing the past,
without you.

So where are we now?
Has it all gone so south?
Seems like there's more complaints than profundities spilling out of our mouths.
Where did we go wrong?
Was it our fate all along?

No.

No way.

Fate was always something we defied.
But I worry about you sometimes.
I thought about you today.
Why didn't you take my call tonight?

Imagining ever being

Some thoughts are being thought oughts
to the profit of many

leavers of things being fine, so far
as some say

I, you, we, this being

smoothed, anointed with oil, lotion of leela,
game of spiritual beings, possibly,
lubricating

rough edges, jagged, craggy edged peaks, proud
protrusions from the core
whence iron shall be pounded leaving
wasteland scars,
scabbed over magma squeezed
from the under

standing place. status quo. quo vadis

very true, new and improved, both, at once

incredible. Trials as acts accepted, allowed past

these are id-eal, id-e-al, ob
vious rightvious

trustworthy courteous and kind

knowing not one unknowable thing

then a new knowable
offer spirtual meeeeeemes remaining

semi-whole
Yester to Day, the one we aimed at for
next step into
ever

Can you hear me now, this is whole,
partly.

touch me. is this gooder?

....
exceptions to the rule
inceptions from the tool

perception from the wise
deception through the lie

conception of love, too far bound to measure

my AI imagines I may, as in, my will is empowered
to touch a virtual button,
acting as a trigger

and fire a Julesvernian moonshot through reality

for a second
chance.

How many times can you imagine finding a magic word.

Uttering it is, possibly, what that crow is doing right now,
pulling, drawing my intention to mention

aitia as a big old idea some early author set in stone,

a point in time and space, and act acommpli
once,

aitia accuse and cause, think think

we can
imagine anything we can imagine, we can realize
the happiest place on earth
or
we may say this here is that happiest place,
and next is even better,

smoother, slicker, less friction, more intentional
kind touches and sweet tastes and scents past words.