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Darrell Howland Aug 2022
When I had you, I didn’t know at the time
what a beautiful thing it was, for you to be mine
Since we parted, I now realize
we stopped before we started,
it was a dead end in disguise
You were the best thing that ever happened to me
I can’t let go the thought of you even though we’re history

Because I lost you,
lost you to another guy
One who makes you happy
& who doesn’t make you cry
Yeah, I lost you & it tears me up inside
I treated you so badly
I wonder how I could have been so blind

When I had you, I tried to change who you were
reconstruct & re-arrange, until the real you was a blur
Broken hearted, it’s a role now reprised
another dear departed, a love I lost that died
The way you held me tight & looked into my eyes
made me feel so loved, it kept me warm inside
The thought of you not there beside me in my life
kills me more & more each day like a stab wound from a knife

Because I lost you,
lost you to another guy
One who makes you happy
& who doesn’t make you cry
Yeah, I lost you & there’s not a day gone by
That I don’t think about you babe,
honey this is not a lie

I’m haunted daily by the memories I have,
There’s no escaping, the ghost that you left behind
I know it’s crazy but my lonely hearts still aching
you were My World, My Light, My Life

Yeah, I lost you,
lost you to another guy
One who makes you happy
& who doesn’t make you cry
Yeah, I lost you & although I try & try
you cannot escape my thoughts,
you are always on my mind
Darrell Howland Aug 2022
I miss the friends that I had when I was ten
Growing up is, growing out of
Innocence and people’s lives
Friendships break, like china plates
And I'm all but one of a ten-piece set

Why do people have to change?
Hearts die when they come of age
Youth is lost forever, dead and gone to heaven
Child hood is over now.

I miss the days, when my life was fun and games
Wild and free, so naive
And as reckless as I chose to be.
The more we grow, the more we learn
About life and love, and emotions

Why do people have to change?
Split and go their separate ways
Once the link is severed, it can't be put back together
Child hood is lost somehow

I miss the time, Nan would read me nursery rhymes
Hall lights on, so ghosts are gone
Closet Monsters kept at bay
The past it holds, memories so gold
Precious keepsake times
Of the ones who died

Why do people have to change?
Drift apart till their estranged
If we could endeavour, fight and not surrender
Childhood would stand its ground
Darrell Howland Aug 2022
Think I’ll stay in today and just lie in bed
Waste my day, waste away
Maybe I’ll get up around 2 and just junk out on the sofa
But man, it’s so far
It’s like way down the hall in the living room
the dying room
where the space cadet expires room

Subhuman mind wandering, degenerate
suspended in the here and now
Absolution defined by pondering on opiates
repentant look, skin worn and sallow

Depleted mind set, sorrowful hindsight
the motivational lament of a wasted timeline
Mind explorer of inner visions
spell bind aura of my own prison
Self-inflicted fatalism
surrendered soul lost to attrition
Darrell Howland Aug 2022
I'm a freak
think I'll join a sideshow
I'll earn my keep
as one of nature’s sick jokes
for your amusement, I'll play along.

On their faces
a look of hatred
afraid of difference, normality is sacred
disfigured mentally
I am your entity.

deep cut graffiti
pains my salvation
the razorblade can free me
demented **** up
demented ****** up.

Lost like a child
pure as insecticide
Standing on trial
for being granted human life
condemned for breathing,
sorry for living.

Scar Cushion Geek
carnival freak
Type cast/out cast by society
No place for **** ups
demented **** ups
Darrell Howland Aug 2022
I guess it’s true what they say
about blondes having more fun
If you’re sad & feel grey
then she’ll liven you up
Make you smile when you’re starting to frown
pick you up, when the World brings you down

Like a Christmas Angel at the top of the tree
she shines like a rainbow in the air that I breathe
Innocent like fresh falls of snow
don’t ever let your innocence go

Hayley Powell
can you show me how
Not to take life too seriously
because I want to laugh not scowl

When a favour’s in question, it’s hard to say no!
you can’t help but save her from the perils of woe
She could charm the birds right out of the trees
unite the World with her laughter & peace

Hayley Powell
can you show me how
Not to sink in misery
because I want to float not drown

She don’t get out the wrong side of bed
she resembles Phoebe from the comedy Friends
Like the Moon that glows when all else is dark
she’s the happiness I lack in my heart
Darrell Howland Aug 2022
Father do you know my name
Do you know me at all?
How is it we’re not the same
Yet identical?
Rotten apple of your eye
Your footsteps I'll not tread
No words I know of to describe
Years gone I've wished you dead

Looking in the mirror
I see not myself
It’s your face that I'm now wearing
Your hands that I've been dealt

Father do you know my age?
Do you know how old I am?
Could you tell me at what stage?
I became a man?
Forgotten offspring, out of sight
Out of mind, neglect
A reject bin baby born of lies
Is easier to forget

Father do you feel ashamed
Do you have regrets?
Creating life is not some game
You put on as a bet
Error of your double life
A guilty secret kept
Already married with a wife
Familiarity breeds contempt
Darrell Howland Aug 2022
Less than zero feeling
The tears & pain of grieving
The life that never was

Monumental heartbreak
Transcending soul to Heaven’s gate
A better place where Nanny waits
For the life that never was

Questions asked,
a futile act
Genesis masked by eternal nap
The hole that’s left to fill your gap
Of a life that never was

One day we’ll eventually meet
And marvel at what could’ve been
A Lifetime of love from your mum and me
God bless my child rest in peace
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