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Note: Jigglypuffs are the best pokemon

#001 #001 Bulbasaur Bulbasaur Grass Poison
#002 #002 Ivysaur Ivysaur Grass Poison
#003 #003 Venusaur Venusaur Grass Poison
#004 #004 Charmander Charmander Fire
#005 #005 Charmeleon Charmeleon Fire
#006 #006 Charizard Charizard Fire Flying
#007 #007 Squirtle Squirtle Water
#008 #008 Wartortle Wartortle Water
#009 #009 Blastoise Blastoise Water
#010 #010 Caterpie Caterpie Bug
#011 #011 Metapod Metapod Bug
#012 #012 Butterfree Butterfree Bug Flying
#013 #013 Weedle Weedle Bug Poison
#014 #014 Kakuna Kakuna Bug Poison
#015 #015 Beedrill Beedrill Bug Poison
#016 #016 Pidgey Pidgey Normal Flying
#017 #017 Pidgeotto Pidgeotto Normal Flying
#018 #018 Pidgeot Pidgeot Normal Flying
#019 #019 Rattata Rattata Normal
#020 #020 Raticate Raticate Normal
#021 #021 Spearow Spearow Normal Flying
#022 #022 Fearow Fearow Normal Flying
#023 #023 Ekans Ekans Poison
#024 #024 Arbok Arbok Poison
#025 #025 Pikachu Pikachu Electric
#026 #026 Raichu Raichu Electric
#027 #027 Sandshrew Sandshrew Ground
#028 #028 Sandslash Sandslash Ground
#029 #029 Nidoran♀ Nidoran♀ Poison
#030 #030 Nidorina Nidorina Poison
#031 #031 Nidoqueen Nidoqueen Poison Ground
#032 #032 Nidoran♂ Nidoran♂ Poison
#033 #033 Nidorino Nidorino Poison
#034 #034 Nidoking Nidoking Poison Ground
#035 #035 Clefairy Clefairy Fairy
#036 #036 Clefable Clefable Fairy
#037 #037 Vulpix Vulpix Fire
#038 #038 Ninetales Ninetales Fire
#039 #039 Jigglypuff Jigglypuff Normal Fairy
#040 #040 Wigglytuff Wigglytuff Normal Fairy
#041 #041 Zubat Zubat Poison Flying
#042 #042 Golbat Golbat Poison Flying
#043 #043 Oddish Oddish Grass Poison
#044 #044 Gloom Gloom Grass Poison
#045 #045 Vileplume Vileplume Grass Poison
#046 #046 Paras Paras Bug Grass
#047 #047 Parasect Parasect Bug Grass
#048 #048 Venonat Venonat Bug Poison
#049 #049 Venomoth Venomoth Bug Poison
#050 #050 Diglett Diglett Ground
#051 #051 Dugtrio Dugtrio Ground
#052 #052 Meowth Meowth Normal
#053 #053 Persian Persian Normal
#054 #054 Psyduck Psyduck Water
#055 #055 Golduck Golduck Water
#056 #056 Mankey Mankey Fighting
#057 #057 Primeape Primeape Fighting
#058 #058 Growlithe Growlithe Fire
#059 #059 Arcanine Arcanine Fire
#060 #060 Poliwag Poliwag Water
#061 #061 Poliwhirl Poliwhirl Water
#062 #062 Poliwrath Poliwrath Water Fighting
#063 #063 Abra Abra Psychic
#064 #064 Kadabra Kadabra Psychic
#065 #065 Alakazam Alakazam Psychic
#066 #066 Machop Machop Fighting
#067 #067 Machoke Machoke Fighting
#068 #068 Machamp Machamp Fighting
#069 #069 Bellsprout Bellsprout Grass Poison
#070 #070 Weepinbell Weepinbell Grass Poison
#071 #071 Victreebel Victreebel Grass Poison
#072 #072 Tentacool Tentacool Water Poison
#073 #073 Tentacruel Tentacruel Water Poison
#074 #074 Geodude Geodude Rock Ground
#075 #075 Graveler Graveler Rock Ground
#076 #076 Golem Golem Rock Ground
#077 #077 Ponyta Ponyta Fire
#078 #078 Rapidash Rapidash Fire
#079 #079 Slowpoke Slowpoke Water Psychic
#080 #080 Slowbro Slowbro Water Psychic
#081 #081 Magnemite Magnemite Electric Steel
#082 #082 Magneton Magneton Electric Steel
#083 #083 Farfetch'd Farfetch'd Normal Flying
#084 #084 Doduo Doduo Normal Flying
#085 #085 Dodrio Dodrio Normal Flying
#086 #086 Seel Seel Water
#087 #087 Dewgong Dewgong Water Ice
#088 #088 Grimer Grimer Poison
#089 #089 Muk Muk Poison
#090 #090 Shellder Shellder Water
#091 #091 Cloyster Cloyster Water Ice
#092 #092 Gastly Gastly Ghost Poison
#093 #093 Haunter Haunter Ghost Poison
#094 #094 Gengar Gengar Ghost Poison
#095 #095 Onix Onix Rock Ground
#096 #096 Drowzee Drowzee Psychic
#097 #097 Hypno Hypno Psychic
#098 #098 Krabby Krabby Water
#099 #099 Kingler Kingler Water
#100 #100 Voltorb Voltorb Electric
#101 #101 Electrode Electrode Electric
#102 #102 Exeggcute Exeggcute Grass Psychic
#103 #103 Exeggutor Exeggutor Grass Psychic
#104 #104 Cubone Cubone Ground
#105 #105 Marowak Marowak Ground
#106 #106 Hitmonlee Hitmonlee Fighting
#107 #107 Hitmonchan Hitmonchan Fighting
#108 #108 Lickitung Lickitung Normal
#109 #109 Koffing Koffing Poison
#110 #110 Weezing Weezing Poison
#111 #111 Rhyhorn Rhyhorn Ground Rock
#112 #112 Rhydon Rhydon Ground Rock
#113 #113 Chansey Chansey Normal
#114 #114 Tangela Tangela Grass
#115 #115 Kangaskhan Kangaskhan Normal
#116 #116 Horsea Horsea Water
#117 #117 Seadra Seadra Water
#118 #118 Goldeen Goldeen Water
#119 #119 Seaking Seaking Water
#120 #120 Staryu Staryu Water
#121 #121 Starmie Starmie Water Psychic
#122 #122 Mr. Mime Mr. Mime Psychic Fairy
#123 #123 Scyther Scyther Bug Flying
#124 #124 Jynx Jynx Ice Psychic
#125 #125 Electabuzz Electabuzz Electric
#126 #126 Magmar Magmar Fire
#127 #127 Pinsir Pinsir Bug
#128 #128 Tauros Tauros Normal
#129 #129 Magikarp Magikarp Water
#130 #130 Gyarados Gyarados Water Flying
#131 #131 Lapras Lapras Water Ice
#132 #132 Ditto Ditto Normal
#133 #133 Eevee Eevee Normal
#134 #134 Vaporeon Vaporeon Water
#135 #135 Jolteon Jolteon Electric
#136 #136 Flareon Flareon Fire
#137 #137 Porygon Porygon Normal
#138 #138 Omanyte Omanyte Rock Water
#139 #139 Omastar Omastar Rock Water
#140 #140 Kabuto Kabuto Rock Water
#141 #141 Kabutops Kabutops Rock Water
#142 #142 Aerodactyl Aerodactyl Rock Flying
#143 #143 Snorlax Snorlax Normal
#144 #144 Articuno Articuno Ice Flying
#145 #145 Zapdos Zapdos Electric Flying
#146 #146 Moltres Moltres Fire Flying
#147 #147 Dratini Dratini Dragon
#148 #148 Dragonair Dragonair Dragon
#149 #149 Dragonite Dragonite Dragon Flying
#150 #150 Mewtwo Mewtwo Psychic
#151 #151 Mew Mew Psychic
Generation II
Jdex Ndex MS Pokémon Type
#001 #152 Chikorita Chikorita Grass
#002 #153 Bayleef Bayleef Grass
#003 #154 Meganium Meganium Grass
#004 #155 Cyndaquil Cyndaquil Fire
#005 #156 Quilava Quilava Fire
#006 #157 Typhlosion Typhlosion Fire
#007 #158 Totodile Totodile Water
#008 #159 Croconaw Croconaw Water
#009 #160 Feraligatr Feraligatr Water
#019 #161 Sentret Sentret Normal
#020 #162 Furret Furret Normal
#015 #163 Hoothoot Hoothoot Normal Flying
#016 #164 Noctowl Noctowl Normal Flying
#030 #165 Ledyba Ledyba Bug Flying
#031 #166 Ledian Ledian Bug Flying
#032 #167 Spinarak Spinarak Bug Poison
#033 #168 Ariados Ariados Bug Poison
#039 #169 Crobat Crobat Poison Flying
#176 #170 Chinchou Chinchou Water Electric
#177 #171 Lanturn Lanturn Water Electric
#021 #172 Pichu Pichu Electric
#040 #173 Cleffa Cleffa Fairy
#044 #174 Igglybuff Igglybuff Normal Fairy
#046 #175 Togepi Togepi Fairy
#047 #176 Togetic Togetic Fairy Flying
#161 #177 Natu Natu Psychic Flying
#162 #178 Xatu Xatu Psychic Flying
#053 #179 Mareep Mareep Electric
#054 #180 Flaaffy Flaaffy Electric
#055 #181 Ampharos Ampharos Electric
#086 #182 Bellossom Bellossom Grass
#132 #183 Marill Marill Water Fairy
#133 #184 Azumarill Azumarill Water Fairy
#107 #185 Sudowoodo Sudowoodo Rock
#075 #186 Politoed Politoed Water
#067 #187 Hoppip Hoppip Grass Flying
#068 #188 Skiploom Skiploom Grass Flying
#069 #189 Jumpluff Jumpluff Grass Flying
#123 #190 Aipom Aipom Normal
#103 #191 Sunkern Sunkern Grass
#104 #192 Sunflora Sunflora Grass
#101 #193 Yanma Yanma Bug Flying
#056 #194 Wooper Wooper Water Ground
#057 #195 Quagsire Quagsire Water Ground
#188 #196 Espeon Espeon Psychic
#189 #197 Umbreon Umbreon Dark
#213 #198 Murkrow Murkrow Dark Flying
#082 #199 Slowking Slowking Water Psychic
#219 #200 Misdreavus Misdreavus Ghost
#061 #201 Unown Unown Psychic
#108 #202 Wobbuffet Wobbuffet Psychic
#149 #203 Girafarig Girafarig Normal Psychic
#093 #204 Pineco Pineco Bug
#094 #205 Forretress Forretress Bug Steel
#052 #206 Dunsparce Dunsparce Normal
#193 #207 Gligar Gligar Ground Flying
#063 #208 Steelix Steelix Steel Ground
#125 #209 Snubbull Snubbull Fairy
#126 #210 Granbull Granbull Fairy
#163 #211 Qwilfish Qwilfish Water Poison
#112 #212 Scizor Scizor Bug Steel
#168 #213 Shuckle Shuckle Bug Rock
#114 #214 Heracross Heracross Bug Fighting
#218 #215 Sneasel Sneasel Dark Ice
#198 #216 Teddiursa Teddiursa Normal
#199 #217 Ursaring Ursaring Normal
#216 #218 Slugma Slugma Fire
#217 #219 Magcargo Magcargo Fire Rock
#195 #220 Swinub Swinub Ice Ground
#196 #221 Piloswine Piloswine Ice Ground
#173 #222 Corsola Corsola Water Rock
#174 #223 Remoraid Remoraid Water
#175 #224 Octillery Octillery Water
#194 #225 Delibird Delibird Ice Flying
#202 #226 Mantine Mantine Water Flying
#203 #227 Skarmory Skarmory Steel Flying
#214 #228 Houndour Houndour Dark Fire
#215 #229 Houndoom Houndoom Dark Fire
#192 #230 Kingdra Kingdra Water Dragon
#200 #231 Phanpy Phanpy Ground
#201 #232 Donphan Donphan Ground
#221 #233 Porygon2 Porygon2 Normal
#131 #234 Stantler Stantler Normal
#159 #235 Smeargle Smeargle Normal
#145 #236 Tyrogue Tyrogue Fighting
#148 #237 Hitmontop Hitmontop Fighting
#154 #238 Smoochum Smoochum Ice Psychic
#156 #239 Elekid Elekid Electric
#152 #240 Magby Magby Fire
#151 #241 Miltank Miltank Normal
#223 #242 Blissey Blissey Normal
#243 #243 Raikou Raikou Electric
#244 #244 Entei Entei Fire
#245 #245 Suicune Suicune Water
#249 #246 Larvitar Larvitar Rock Ground
#250 #247 Pupitar Pupitar Rock Ground
#251 #248 Tyranitar Tyranitar Rock Dark
#252 #249 Lugia Lugia Psychic Flying
#253 #250 **-Oh **-Oh Fire Flying
#256 #251 Celebi Celebi Psychic Grass
Generation III
Hdex Ndex MS Pokémon Type
#001 #252 Treecko Treecko Grass
#002 #253 Grovyle Grovyle Grass
#003 #254 Sceptile Sceptile Grass
#004 #255 Torchic Torchic Fire
#005 #256 Combusken Combusken Fire Fighting
#006 #257 Blaziken Blaziken Fire Fighting
#007 #258 Mudkip Mudkip Water
#008 #259 Marshtomp Marshtomp Water Ground
#009 #260 Swampert Swampert Water Ground
#010 #261 Poochyena Poochyena Dark
#011 #262 Mightyena Mightyena Dark
#012 #263 Zigzagoon Zigzagoon Normal
#013 #264 Linoone Linoone Normal
#014 #265 Wurmple Wurmple Bug
#015 #266 Silcoon Silcoon Bug
#016 #267 Beautifly Beautifly Bug Flying
#017 #268 Cascoon Cascoon Bug
#018 #269 Dustox Dustox Bug Poison
#019 #270 Lotad Lotad Water Grass
#020 #271 Lombre Lombre Water Grass
#021 #272 Ludicolo Ludicolo Water Grass
#022 #273 Seedot Seedot Grass
#023 #274 Nuzleaf Nuzleaf Grass Dark
#024 #275 Shiftry Shiftry Grass Dark
#025 #276 Taillow Taillow Normal Flying
#026 #277 Swellow Swellow Normal Flying
#027 #278 Wingull Wingull Water Flying
#028 #279 Pelipper Pelipper Water Flying
#029 #280 Ralts Ralts Psychic Fairy
#030 #281 Kirlia Kirlia Psychic Fairy
#031 #282 Gardevoir Gardevoir Psychic Fairy
#032 #283 Surskit Surskit Bug Water
#033 #284 Masquerain Masquerain Bug Flying
#034 #285 Shroomish Shroomish Grass
#035 #286 Breloom Breloom Grass Fighting
#036 #287 Slakoth Slakoth Normal
#037 #288 Vigoroth Vigoroth Normal
#038 #289 Slaking Slaking Normal
#042 #290 Nincada Nincada Bug Ground
#043 #291 Ninjask Ninjask Bug Flying
#044 #292 Shedinja Shedinja Bug Ghost
#045 #293 Whismur Whismur Normal
#046 #294 Loudred Loudred Normal
#047 #295 Exploud Exploud Normal
#048 #296 Makuhita Makuhita Fighting
#049 #297 Hariyama Hariyama Fighting
#054 #298 Azurill Azurill Normal Fairy
#060 #299 Nosepass Nosepass Rock
#061 #300 Skitty Skitty Normal
#062 #301 Delcatty Delcatty Normal
#068 #302 Sableye Sableye Dark Ghost
#069 #303 Mawile Mawile Steel Fairy
#070 #304 Aron Aron Steel Rock
#071 #305 Lairon Lairon Steel Rock
#072 #306 Aggron Aggron Steel Rock
#076 #307 Meditite Meditite Fighting Psychic
#077 #308 Medicham Medicham Fighting Psychic
#078 #309 Electrike Electrike Electric
#079 #310 Manectric Manectric Electric
#080 #311 Plusle Plusle Electric
#081 #312 Minun Minun Electric
#086 #313 Volbeat Volbeat Bug
#087 #314 Illumise Illumise Bug
#094 #315 Roselia Roselia Grass Poison
#095 #316 Gulpin Gulpin Poison
#096 #317 Swalot Swalot Poison
#097 #318 Carvanha Carvanha Water Dark
#098 #319 Sharpedo Sharpedo Water Dark
#099 #320 Wailmer Wailmer Water
#100 #321 Wailord Wailord Water
#101 #322 Numel Numel Fire Ground
#102 #323 Camerupt Camerupt Fire Ground
#105 #324 Torkoal Torkoal Fire
#110 #325 Spoink Spoink Psychic
#111 #326 Grumpig Grumpig Psychic
#114 #327 Spinda Spinda Normal
#116 #328 Trapinch Trapinch Ground
#117 #329 Vibrava Vibrava Ground Dragon
#118 #330 Flygon Flygon Ground Dragon
#119 #331 Cacnea Cacnea Grass
#120 #332 Cacturne Cacturne Grass Dark
#121 #333 Swablu Swablu Normal Flying
#122 #334 Altaria Altaria Dragon Flying
#123 #335 Zangoose Zangoose Normal
#124 #336 Seviper Seviper Poison
#125 #337 Lunatone Lunatone Rock Psychic
#126 #338 Solrock Solrock Rock Psychic
#127 #339 Barboach Barboach Water Ground
#128 #340 Whiscash Whiscash Water Ground
#129 #341 Corphish Corphish Water
#130 #342 Crawdaunt Crawdaunt Water Dark
#131 #343 Baltoy Baltoy Ground Psychic
#132 #344 Claydol Claydol Ground Psychic
#133 #345 Lileep Lileep Rock Grass
#134 #346 Cradily Cradily Rock Grass
#135 #347 Anorith Anorith Rock Bug
#136 #348 Armaldo Armaldo Rock Bug
#140 #349 Feebas Feebas Water
#141 #350 Milotic Milotic Water
#142 #351 Castform Castform Normal
#142 #351 Castform Castform Fire
#142 #351 Castform Castform Water
#142 #351 Castform Castform Ice
#145 #352 Kecleon Kecleon Normal
#146 #353 Shuppet Shuppet Ghost
#147 #354 Banette Banette Ghost
#148 #355 Duskull Duskull Ghost
#149 #356 Dusclops Dusclops Ghost
#150 #357 Tropius Tropius Grass Flying
#151 #358 Chimecho Chimecho Psychic
#152 #359 Absol Absol Dark
#160 #360 Wynaut Wynaut Psychic
#171 #361 Snorunt Snorunt Ice
#172 #362 Glalie Glalie Ice
#173 #363 Spheal Spheal Ice Water
#174 #364 Sealeo Sealeo Ice Water
#175 #365 Walrein Walrein Ice Water
#176 #366 Clamperl Clamperl Water
#177 #367 Huntail Huntail Water
#178 #368 Gorebyss Gorebyss Water
#179 #369 Relicanth Relicanth Water Rock
#183 #370 Luvdisc Luvdisc Water
#187 #371 Bagon Bagon Dragon
#188 #372 Shelgon Shelgon Dragon
#189 #373 Salamence Salamence Dragon Flying
#190 #374 Beldum Beldum Steel Psychic
#191 #375 Metang Metang Steel Psychic
#192 #376 Metagross Metagross Steel Psychic
#193 #377 Regirock Regirock Rock
#194 #378 Regice Regice Ice
#195 #379 Registeel Registeel Steel
#196 #380 Latias Latias Dragon Psychic
#197 #381 Latios Latios Dragon Psychic
#198 #382 Kyogre Kyogre Water
#199 #383 Groudon Groudon Ground
#200 #384 Rayquaza Rayquaza Dragon Flying
#201 #385 Jirachi Jirachi Steel Psychic
#202 #386 Deoxys Deoxys Psychic
#202 #386 Deoxys Deoxys Psychic
#202 #386 Deoxys Deoxys Psychic
#202 #386 Deoxys Deoxys Psychic
Generation IV
Sdex Ndex MS Pokémon Type
#001 #387 Turtwig Turtwig Grass
#002 #388 Grotle Grotle Grass
#003 #389 Torterra Torterra Grass Ground
#004 #390 Chimchar Chimchar Fire
#005 #391 Monferno Monferno Fire Fighting
#006 #392 Infernape Infernape Fire Fighting
#007 #393 Piplup Piplup Water
#008 #394 Prinplup Prinplup Water
#009 #395 Empoleon Empoleon Water Steel
#010 #396 Starly Starly Normal Flying
#011
Diana Aug 2020
What makes you feel the most beautiful?
  ->doing whatever the fu€k I want
edit 1: I usually thought this way, but now I would say when I’m worshipping or praying
edit 2: I would add it is when I am completely vulnerable. It is a different kind of beauty. One that is emotionally strong
(usually a person will say when they look a certain way which is sad to an extent because it reflects the way in which they associate beauty immediately with an external reflection; however, most people think this way)

2. Who do you love the most in your life?

3. Who has shown you and made you feel the most loved?
—> I had a 11 year old ask me this once

4. What would you do during the summers as a kid?
—> it can reflect the socioeconomic background one comes from

5. Do you think you’re an aesthetically  beautiful person?
—> this is quite interesting, bc if a good looking person says yes, then they’re proud and stuck up; if they say no, then they’re obnoxiously oblivious and seeking attention; if a not so good looking person says yes, then they are praised for their confidence; if they say no, then they are pitied and encouraged, the best answer is to give an answer back: do you believe that everyone should feel aesthetically beautiful?

6. Do you have any siblings? If so, how many brothers and sisters, and are you the oldest or youngest?
—> learning about birthing order can be huge! Oldest tend to be protective, responsible, mature at a very young age, selfless, and carry more of a silent burden and stress, introduction to adulthood is rather quick. Middle child is often overlooked and will seek a sense of family/community elsewhere with friend groups and such; they feel like their thoughts/existence goes unseen by the ones that are supposed to care the most youngest tend to seek the approval of others especially of those older than them, outgoing, irresponsible, and babied. They can have a harder time managing task without it being done for them by others.

7. When we fall asleep, where do you think we go?

8. What is a thought that has kept you up at night?

9. What was the most humbling moment you’ve had in your life?

10. What is a piece of advice that you still hold today that transcends time?

11. What’s a favorite quote of yours?
-> the unexamined life is a life not worth living; don’t take yourself too seriously; come back home to yourself and choose to show up authentically; growth is a dance not a light switch; Harriet Tubman- I freed a thousand slaves. I could have freed  a thousand more of only they knew they were slaves.

12. Who has impacted your life the most? How and why?

13. What is an overlooked or under appreciated strength that you have?
—> honesty, forgiveness

14. How do you give love? How do you receive it?
—> 5 love languages: words of affirmations, physical touch, acts of service, quality time, gifts

15. How do you communicate when in repairs after a rupture has occurred?
—> discuss as soon as possible, take a five minute break, wait a few days, words, touch, gifts, silence, etc. so you never repair after a disagreement?

16. Do you enjoy the late hours of the night or the early hours of the morning?

17. What’s your favorite type of weather?

18. Do you prefer exploring and staying in the gray, or the black and white?

19. Of you could study anything what would it be?

20. What are ways that you work on your emotional intelligence and character?

21. What type of communicator are you?
—> words, touch, actions, silent, loud, stoic, expressive, curt, bombastic, blunt, passive, etc.

22. Would you say you have a better face or body?

23. What is a moment where you felt a supernatural appreciation for the earth due to the view you saw?

24. How do you handle seasons? The ends and beginnings of them?
-> journal, reflect, avoid, acknowledge, cry, run backwards, move forwards, etc.

25. What book had a huge effect on you? What was it about the book?
-> all the bright places, Fahrenheit 451, the curse of the good girl, it ends with us, great gatsby, the voice of archer, etc.

26. What is the worst thing you can take from another person?
-> their time

27. What’s the greatest act of love (that you can do for another) ?
-> to die for another since the greatest fear is death

28. What is something that brings you peace that not many people do or notice?

29. What is the worst form of loneliness?
-> when you are uncomfortable with yourself

30. When do you feel the most vulnerable?
-> sleeping, expressing emotions, sick, crying, etc.

31. How do you handle seasons? The end and beginning of them?

32. Liquid or bar soap?

33. Have you ever closed your eyes, plugged your ears, and listen to the noise that comes when you let the water from a shower head pour over your skull

34. What is the most beautiful sound you have ever heard?

35. Do you think your parents are soulmates, or do you question their love for each other?  

36. What are important qualities to have in any relationship (platonic, romantic, etc.)?
-> trust, love, loyalty, respect, empathy, compassion, boundaries, autonomy, differences, effective communication, etc.

37. What are qualities that you look for in a romantic partner?
-> thoughtfulness, observant, confidence, wisdom, romantic, humorous, self-driven, self-discipline, humility, grace, etc.

38. How do you know that your (insert name/ relationship) loves you?

39. Would you rather be hated or alone?
-> interesting philosophical question in regards to being hated would mean that there is a recognition of your existence as opposed to being alone

40. How did you learn to ride the bike? Ice Scate? Snowboard?

41. When was the last time you felt rejected? By who? For what?

42. When was the last time you cried?

43. What has a kid said to you that has made you stop and reflect?

44. Which is a worse fear: the fear of dying or the fear of not being worthy of love
-> Jordan Peterson claims that the greatest fear that humans have is not death because then how would we explain suicide...the fear of death is a subcategory for the greatest fear which he believes to be the complexity issue (people **** themselves not because they want to die but because their life has become too complex for them to handle emotionally and/or physically)

45. What is the most destructive thing a person can do to themselves?
-> to deny themselves; to place the responsibilities of loving and accepting themselves onto others such as lovers or family members; to believe they are not worthy to be loved

46. What is something you want to experience/feel in a relationship
-> unconditional love; lol I have a while poke dedicated to experiences

47. Tell me about a dream that you have had multiple times

48. What do you like most about yourself?
-> my mind/thinking process; understanding, and open to conversation

49. Would you be friends with yourself

50. What is the worst thing you have done or said to another person? How old were you?

51. Why do you choose to wake up and participate in society?

52. What makes a woman or man their gender? Their body/attitude/characteristics?

53. Would you let your child date someone that has the character of you?

54. What makes you special? Since the beliefs you hold and the personality traits that you have aren’t exclusive to you?
-> it’s the combination and ratio that makes us unique

55. when was the last time anyone ever told you how important you are?

56. what are things you do when you need to feel nurtures?
->hot bath, foot rub, curling up in a comfy chair with a comforter and a good book, or making a *** of soup or a nourishing hot drink

57. what are ways that you neglect your physical and emotional well-being?

58. where in your life are you not protecting what is precious in you?

59. what adjectives describe your relationship with your mother? do you like the closeness or is it uncomfortable in some ways and hard to fully accept?

60. What do you do when you cry? do you try to stop it, cover your eyes, in the dark, into a pillow, silent, loud, sooth your body?

61. What was something that someone said to you that made you feel seen for the first time in a long time? what is something that touched you heart?
-> you are do brave, you have a courageous heart, you are a natural teacher and psychologist, you lean towards healing, you do not realize how much you impact other people's lives

62. what is a go to song that you could listen to at any moment in your life?

63. What do you do when you feel lonely?

64. What is something that puts a smile on your face?

65. What smell brings you joy?

66. would you rather get caught or catch your parents?

67. what is one of the biggest lies you have told yourself?
-> you are unworthy of love

68. what is a memory that reminds you of the beauty in life?

69. what is your favorite word to pronounce?
-> tantalizing, satiate, revere

70. what stereotype do you think people put you in when they see you?
-> pretty, (not super smart) blonde

71. what are things about you would shock other people?
-> first generation. youngest of five, 4.0 student, write poetry, love to read, not active on social media, don't like taking pictures, never been kissed, played the violin and cello, struggled with insecurity

72. tell me the accomplishments that you might be hesitant to share bluntly in fear that it comes off as being a show off?
-4.0 since sixth grade to nursing school in college, won a poetry competition in senior year of high school, got a full ride to UW Seattle and declined, won best dressed in high school, squatted 225lbs, muscular body, sang in a few songs (good at singing)

73. how do you interact with others when they are invading your personal space?
-> don't do anything, interrupt and tell them to move, slowly do something on your own without saying anything to them

74. what do you do and how do you feel when someone cries next to you?
-> hug/touch them, talk to them, remain silent, get stiff and uncomfortable, try to get them to stop crying, walk away

75. how do you regulate your emotions when they are out of homeostasis?
-> don't know how to, take deep breaths, walk away from the situation so the stimulus/source is not in front of me, cry

76. name as many emotions as you can
-> reflects their ability to accurately label their emotional experiences and can possibly be a marker/indicator for their emotional intelligence/maturity

77. how do you feel about death, do you talk about death, do you see others shut down or open up when you express this topic?
-> isn't it ironic how death is an inevitable event yet so many humans are uncomfortable with talking about it. I believe that it interrupts the natural grieving process. I talk about death with my dad and he is more open with talking to me about when he passes; my mom gets uncomfortable and gets upset and tries to switch the topic.

78. would you rather eat any form of noodles or burgers for the rest of your life?

79. when was the last time you sat in silence and was comfortable with it (excluding before you fall asleep)?

80. when was the last time you had a conversation with yourself about something deep? what was it about?

81. what is a revelation in your life that made you cry?
->only God can provide me with unconditional love; no one else can

82. what do you think is the root of all fears? what do you think can remove them?
->ignorance; distraction/knowledge -> unconditional love

83. What is the most unique response you’ve received when you’ve asked someone how they are doing?
-> still breathing

84. Do you think humans are easy to love?
-> I don’t think they are easy; it is complex just like they are

85. When was the last time you read a book? What was the title called? what was it about? Why did you read it?
-> the emotionally absent mother by Jasmin Lee Cori

86. If you’re comfortable with sharing, talk to me about the life of someone that has passed away? What were they like? How did they make you feel? Who were they to you? How did you cope when you realized they passed away?

87. Who are addicts? What do you need to do to be one? Do you think everyone is an addict to some extent? Why do you think people become addicts?
-> whenever faced with such questions it is imperative that we must ask ourselves the question of why! Yes, I believe all of us are addicts to dopamine; our brain is wired that way. But when we think of addicts, we forgot to ask the question of why they are addicts. Life became too difficult to manage and the body found a way to stimulate the mind in such a manner that it either numbed the pain or provide sensation to a chronic state of numbness

88. Other than the lips, where do you like to be kissed the most?
-> forehead, cheek, behind the ear, neck, top of head, hand, nose, shoulder, chest, back, collarbone

89. What type of kiss do you enjoy the most?
-> slow, fast, French, peck, open mouthed, short, long, sloppy, hungry, passionate, affectionate, sweet, etc.

90. it is easy to agree with the statement that dehumanization is not okay, but is it more gray than we think? is there a degree of dehumanization that is okay or needed? if so, what is that degree? also, do you think we commit acts of dehumanization regularly? if so, when and what are these instances?
-> i believe that as humans we have a tendency of wanting to see our light and ignore the aspects of ourselves that are casted in that shadow. to have a light is to also have a shadow; i believe that we dehumanize almost every time we meet someone by limiting their mystery to small snipits of who they really are; also, sometimes it is very difficult to handle and hold such emotional space that our minds need to shut off and dehumanize for our own sake of well-being

91. are soul mates meant to be with each other?
-> A soulmate is a person with whom one has a feeling of deep or natural affinity. This may involve similarity, love, romance, platonic relationships, comfort, intimacy, sexuality, ****** activity, spirituality, compatibility and trust

92. what are ways that you can take a break from reality?
-> sleep, reading, gaming, showering

93. do you have people in your life where their presence is enough? no conversation is necessary, just each other's presence is comforting enough.
->celesa, kristina, michelle, marta,

94. what is a memory you like to relive time to time?
->dancing with celesa at the bistro to adore you; trinity; late night phone calls with close friends

95. how would you describe your relationship using 5 adjectives or phrases with your best friend, sibling (if you have one), and care giver?
-> "If you love yourself, you love others. If you hate yourself, you hate others. Because in relationship with others … the other is nothing but a mirror." - Anonymous

96. how would you describe yourself using 10 adjectives?
-“I’m selfish, impatient and a little insecure. I make mistakes, I am out of control and at times hard to handle. But if you can’t handle me at my worst, then you sure as hell don’t deserve me at my best." I like this quote because it acknowledges the negatives of who we all are. we aren't all only happy, funny, bubbly, hard-working, etc. we are also grumpy, boring, rude, and lazy. we are a combination of every adjective out there; it just depends on how aware we are of our expressions of these adjectives. So, notice the kind of adjective the person uses when they respond and also note the context and circumstance of your relation to them.

97. do you prefer a hot drink on a cold day or a cold drink on a hot day?

98. if you could be famous would you? famous for writing, acting, food, music, sport, YouTube etc.
-> for me personally it depends on the exposure i get. if i get a lot of focus on myself then no (music, acting, etc.) but if my work gets more focus than i do and i can still live a "normal" life then yes (writing, food, etc).

99. which musicians or artists do you think deserve more recognition?
-> emotional oranges, Justice Der, cigarettes after ***, the 1975, pink sweat$, A. Chal

100. what is one of the most thought-provoking questions or statements you have ever heard?
-> "not all of us can afford to be romantic" - Pride and Prejudice;
"when will it be enough; how much more do you need to finally be happy"- My dad; "do you believe that everyone deserves to look and find themselves to be aesthetically beautiful" -My brother

101. Favorite piece of clothing?
-> yuriy’s wedding: the dress I had, red socks, fuzzy sweater

102. What’s your full name?

103. What’s the weirdest saying an old person has said?
-> don’t go spending your money in a wooden nickel

104. What age would you consider a person to be old?

105. Do you believe that life requires s purpose?

106. What is your purpose?

107. What is one of your biggest fears that you believed in (as a child, adult, etc)?
-> that I was unlovable at some point in my life

108. When you are in an emotional emergency, do you have someone you can call? If so, who is it and why?
-> I don’t really...I try to stick through it...weird since I have had people tell me that I could call them but I still don’t feel comfortable to talk to them...

109. Do you have relationships where you felt valued, a sense of belonging, calm, accepted?

110. What is your earliest memory of feeling left out?
-> the social pain overlap theory (SPOT) describes the overlap between the pain of being physically hurt and the pain of being left out. In our bodies, there is literally no distinction between the two.

111. If you could only have one for the rest of your life, would you choose to keep limes or lemons?

112. Have you ever experienced the relational paradox? If so, with whom?
->  when you’re convinced that your friends won’t tolerate who you really are so you decided the best way to be excepted is to leave a part of yourself out of those relationships; By hiding yourself you may preserve the friendship but at the cost of feeling that you don’t legitimately belong but if your friends can see who you truly are they would cut you loose

113. Have you ever done a relational mindfulness exercise?
-> set a timer for 10 minutes, and then stare into each other’s eyes silently. It should sync your cardiac systems as well as your respiratory systems. Hold each other’s pulses to identify; I find it weird how we get stared at lovingly when we are babies and then that goes away as well get older...

114. What is a secret that you have kept from your partner, family, or closest friends that you believe if they found out they would reject you?

115. Do you have a person in your life that can be categorized as “the one that got away”? Someone you either dated or never dated?

116. Is there someone in your life that you don’t see anymore that you would like to have a conversation with? Dead and/or alive.

117. Sunset or sunrise?

118. Do you want children? What is your opinion on men who don’t want children; what is your opinion on women who don’t want children?

119. Have you ever felt forced to do something that you didn’t want to do or say? Like give a handshake, hug, take a picture, have a conversation, give a number, compliment someone, disclose personal information, go on a date, say I love you?
-> there’s a difference between not wanting to do something and feeling forced to do something, and I find it interesting that we all do things that we feel are forced upon us when no one is directly stating that we have to do it; it’s like an invisible force

120. what is something that another person did that made you uncomfortable but you never addressed it?
-> sing terribly while they are genuinely trying, get physically close to me, compliment me in a creepy way, talk in a movie theater

121. What is a pet peeve of yours?
-> leaving garbage on a table after you eat (not cleaning up after yourself), having poor etiquette with servers or cashiers, saying “mom” instead of “my mom” if I don’t share the same mother as them (missing the possessive pronoun before a parent).

122. Who is someone that you find attractive that is the same *** as you?
-> Arbby, Irina, Jessica, Sara, Valentina

123. What is the most sweet/****** compliment you have given to someone?

124. What is the biggest plot twist you have ever seen in a movie or book?

125. When did you  feel the most loved (in your entire life, this week, by me)?

126. what is something I have said that you have always remembered?

127. Blue or red Gatorade?

128. Star gazing or sunset picnic?

129. What is something that is underrated?
-> our bodies (specifically our our hands, eyes), stars, cologne/perfume

130. have you ever tried to impress the other? If so, for what reason and when?

131. Which do you prefer: breakfast, lunch, or dinner for the rest of your life?

132. Are you missing someone right now? Do you think they miss you?

133. What was the happiest meme out you have had this year?
-> dancing with Celesa at trinity, at the apartment, after hours at the bistro, French dip at lost like with Celesa, holding Lorenzo, seeing a birth and colostrum, making my first song and listening to it for the first time, board game with Hayden, D.E.A. Hat guy, Fourth of July with kristina -> ride back with questions, eagles falls, yuriy’s wedding and gelato boy, euphoria makeup with Bella, painting with Michelle at green lake, reading books

134. where were you born?

135. how many states/countries have you visited?

136. what color would you use to describe your life

137. would you say it is better or worse to listen to sad music when you are sad?

138. what is the #1 factor that predestines people for failed relationships?
-> no examples of healthy relationships

139. what is the weirdest ice cream flavor you have ever tried?
->black licorice, peppercorn/caramel/goat cheese

140. What’s the most exciting dream you have ever had?

141. What’s the most peaceful dream you have ever had?

142. What’s the most terrifying dream you have ever had?

143. Who is the most misunderstood person you know?
-> Mark; he wasn’t well liked, but I remember thinking that the was just misunderstood...

144. Who in your life are you misunderstood by?
-> my mom

145. Do you prefer handshakes or hugs?

146. Do you prefer movie nights or dinner dates?

147. When was the last time you read a paper book for pleasure?

148. What is a comment that someone said to you that you were honestly shocked by? Like, you couldn’t believe it came from their mouth?
-> when I was in sixth grade and my friend’s mom said, “aren’t you jealous of [her daughter/my best friend’s name] ****”?; “do you even know what wings are”?

149. As a kid in elementary school, where did you play during recess? Tetherball, four-square, hopscotch, jump rope, soccer, basketball, slide, monkey bars, swings, sandpit, etc?

150. What otter pop flavor was your favorite?
-> the pink one

151. When you brush your teeth, are you messy or clean? Meaning, does the toothpaste get outside of your mouth at all?

152. What do you remember about elementary school in terms of field trips, punishments, recess, fun run, day of activities, lunch food, movie nights, fundraisers, assemblies, and reading points?

153. what do you remember about middle school in terms of the change from elementary school with no recess, classes, $ex ed, lockers, assemblies, P.E., lunch food?

154. what do you remember about high school in terms of the change from middle school, classes, assemblies, P.E., sports, lunch food, standard tests, dances, friends from your first year to your last year?

155. what do you think is a poet's aphrodisiac in the form of a person?
->intelligence, originality, mystery, intriguing personality

156. what is a bad habit that you know you should quit ( can be a substance, activity, or person)?

157. How often would you say you reflect on your life? with the mundane activities and the more impacting activities?

158. what's a song that you are replaying right now?
-> redbone x childish gambino by Jospeh Solomon

159. what is the most random food combo that you really enjoy?
->mashed potatoes/gravy with corn; hot dog with jelly

160. who is a person in your life that was the most mysterious to you?

161. would you say that you were shown healthy relationships throughout your childhood? in particular, your parents' relationship?

162. would you say that your family made you feel seen, heard, and understood? if not, would you say that you subconsciously expect this in your adult relationships? what have you done to unlearn this mentality?

163. would you say that you are always the one doing the caretaking in your relationships?

164. do you have a hard time listening to others?

165. do you act differently with men than with women?

166. do you get hurt easily and withdraw when there is conflict; what are you like during conflict?

167. what are you like when you don't get your way (aggressive, sad, quiet, loud, irritated, calm, unbothered, indifferent, annoyed, happy, frustrated)?

168. what are the molds for your ideas about how relationships are supposed to work?

169. what do you believe you're entitled to within a relationship (any/ friend/ romantic/ family)?

170. what was your closest experience with death?

171. do you prefer cauliflower or broccoli?

172.  what's the weirdest thing you have ever eaten?

173. what are your favorite tv shows or movies?
-> bridgerton, pride and prejudice, law abiding citizen,

174. what is the most controversial thing you have ever done?

175. what is the most controversial thing another person has done?

176. what is your superpower?
->there is no one on this planet that is quite like me

177. what do you believe is the purpose of a romantic relationship? Marriage?

178. do you think love is needed to marry someone? would you find yourself ever in a situation where you would marry someone that you did not love?

179. what is your weirdest talent? hobby? experience?

180. do you bring your phone with you when you go to the bathroom? if so, when was the last time that you went without your phone?

181. what is something that most people have done but will not admit to?
->eat a ******, smelling their **** out of curiosity, ma$turbate, blame a **** on someone else, etc.

182. do you believe that there should be aspects of yourself that no one else on this earth except yourself should ever know?

183. what's the weirdest conversation you've ever had with someone?

184. How old were you when you had your first kiss? Describe the situation? Who made the first move?

185. What is the spiciest thing you have ever eaten?

186. what is the most bitter thing you have ever eaten?
-> unripe pear!!

187. what is the most spontaneous thing you've ever done and/or said?
->eagles falls with kristina, lorenzo's birthday with selesa

188. how would you want a girl/boy to shoot their shot at you?

189. if you could be someone else for a day (someone you have met and know) who would it be?

190. if someone wasn't interested in you, how would you want them to rejected?

191. do you prefer buttered popcorn or the sweet kettle popcorn?

192. what is the rudest thing you've wanted to say but stopped yourself from saying?

193. what is the most genuine, heart-felt compliment you have received from someone?
-> you are courageous/brave; you are a natural psychologist and healer; you're my best friend, I can tell you anything

194. what is an experience you look forward to in life?
-> walking down the aisle and maintaining eye contact with my man the entire time until I have to hug my dad goodbye; my wedding night; going on vacations with just my husband; going to Jamaica; holding my baby in my arms for the first time; watching my husband play with our children on a beach as I sit under the shade; trying fruity cocktails on my 21st; going on my first date; my first kiss; moving into my house

195. what is a moment that you tend to relive in your mind?

196. what is something that you have learned to accept in life as you have gotten older?

197. who was your first crush? how old were you? what about them made you like them?
->ruslan at church; I was maybe four; he was really sweet to me and I thought he was cute; at yuriy's wedding, I saw him and told him about it which made him get really excited

198. what is something that you hate to eat? you've tried it and you know that you will try to avoid it at all costs.
->parsley, celery, beets, ginger

199. at what age would you say you lost your child-like innocence?

200. your turn. create a question!

201. how old were you when you found out that santa wasn't real? how did you handle it?

202. what is something that people hate, but still choose to participate in?
->beauty standards

203. what super power would you wish to have?
->time control

204. if you had the chance to have the superpower of mind control, would you accept it?

205. how would you decorate your ideal house?
-> different vibes for different rooms; monochromatic black room with lava lamps, white room with dark brown wood accents and lots of plants, pastel light pink with neon glass decorations

206. who is a person that had made you cry?

207. what is one of the most scariest thoughts you have had run through your mind?

208. what is one of the most sad thoughts you have had run through your mind?

209. do you believe you should have to pay to live on a planet you were born on?

210. what is a candy that you hate?

211. what is a song that you try to avoid because it is too personal?
-> apple bottom jeans

212. would you say that you are alive or merely living?

213. what is something that someone said to you that you have never forgotten?
-> you have a lot of knowledge, but you lack experience

214. what is an example of a person that you thought was good but turned out to be a genuinely bitter, horrible person?

215. When was the last time you felt truly understood by somebody? Who was it? What did they understand?

216. Can you think of someone in your life who understands you better than anyone else?

217. Is your relationship with yourself healthy or unhealthy?

218. Growing up, the relationships I primarily saw were healthy or unhealthy?

219. Do you attach guilt with growth?

220. Have you spent too much time today comparing yourself?

221. When did you feel the most trapped?

222.who do you feel most yourself around? Why?

223. what parts of yourself do you need to break up with?

224. what is your favorite conspiracy that you believe in right now?

225. do you prefer to work with people are are the same or opposite gender as you?

226. what was the most intense experience of $exual tension that you have had?

227. what activity do you do that makes you feel most at home/ yourself?

228. what was the most painful truth you have ever been told?

229. who is someone you will never forget even though you have only had one encounter with them?

230. when was the last time you felt adrenaline pumping through your veins due to excitement?

231. what about you feels easiest to love (physical and character)?

232. what about you feels hardest to love (physical and character)?

233. What kind of love feels more familiar to you -> peaceful or chaotic love?

234. to what extent to you feel your appearance is the most important aspect of who you are?

235. do you think being attractive is a privilege? are you nicer or meaner to people you find attractive?

236. what was the hardest thing that you forgave someone for?

237. how would you define forgiveness?

238. who have you farted the loudest or most often?

239. what is an embarrassing story of when you really needed to **** in class but struggled to hold it in?

240. what is something that made you blush really hard?

241. if you had the opportunity to be famous, would you choose to be?

242. what is the longest you have not dated someone (or was flirting or thinking with someone)? In other words, what is the longest you have been alone?

243. what separates us from God?
-> ignorance (spiritual) and death (physical) - Jordan Peterson

244. what is a message that everyone deserves to hear in life?
-> "you deserve someone who's going to work hard to find ways to care for you." You are worthy of unconditional love.

245. what is a difficulty in your life right now?

246. what is something you've always wanted to try but haven't yet?
->fall in love, go on a trip by myself, go to Europe with Itzhel, drink a mimosa at brunch in a sunny place

247. what are qualities that you really admire in people?
-> attentiveness, observant, thoughtful, thought-provoking, mysterious, charming, honest transparency, vulnerability, calm curiosity, humble confidence

248. what is one of the most important connections you can have in life?
->your relationship with yourself

249. what memory comes to mind when you think about the ocean/beach?

250. what memory comes to mind when you think about carnivals?

251. what memory comes to mind when you think about water balloon fights or snowball fights?

252. Do you think your parents have thought about killing themselves?

253. Do you think your best friend has thought about killing themselves?

254. How often do you think people have thought about harming or killing themselves.

255. Do you believe in the concept of marriage?

256. what is the worst advice you have ever received?

257. was there ever a time where you were vulnerable and regretted it? if you are comfortable with it, what was the situation?

258. if you could go to any concert, who would you go see?
-> chase atlantic, post malone, cigarettes after ***, ariana grande, the 1975

259. why do you think people protect their pain? what does that look like - to protect one's own pain?

260. what is an acoustic version of a song that sounds better than the studio version?
-> like a rockstar & what u call that & cassie - chase atlantic

261. what is an experience that you wish to never experience again?

262. how do you feel about silence? is its presence comforting?

263. have you taken any drugs? if so and you feel comfortable sharing, what are they?

264. what is advice you would give to your 15yo self and your 40yo self? (a much younger and older version of yourself?)
-> younger self: you are worthy to love; you are worth getting to know and understand; you will one day believe that you are enough and choose healing with a life filled with authenticity that will get challenged; you'll be more unconventional; your way of thinking will not be like most that are around you - this is okay and expected
older self: I hope you are happy and live a life that you chose and not one that you compromised on for the sake of other's happiness and comfortability; I hope you live authentically and continued the process of living actualized as Maslow would saw; I hope you married your best friend that is your match in his own unique way; i hope your communication is better and that your relationships are healthy and boundary enforced

265. if you knew you were going to interview God for thirty minutes and could ask him only one question, what would it be?
-> who am I?

266. what would you do if knew you could not fail?

267. how are you, really?

268. how would you behave if you were the best at what you do in the world?

269. are you finding your dream job or are you creating it?

270. if there was a solution to your anxiety, what would it look like?

271. why are you worth knowing?
-> well, you're sitting in this seat listening to me

272. when was the last time you did something for the first time?

273. how do you treat people who can do nothing for you?

274. do you stack the plates and clean up your table when at a restaurant?
->analyze SES and their behavior to working class

275. what or who lights you up?

276. what would your perfect day look like?

277. what is an underappreciated fruit and vegetable?

278. what is something that guys/girls are insecure of that guys/girls do not really care about?

279. tell me about a time where you threw up in public?

280. tell me something illegal that your family did?

281. what is a word that would always make you laugh whenever you heard or said it when you were a kid?

282. what is the first cuss word you started using often in your vocabulary?

283. if you could be one animal, what would it be?

284. what insect were you the most fascinated by as a kid?
->ladybugs, dragonflies

285. if you could blow one thing, what would it be?
->paint, slaughterhouse, firework stand

286. what emotions would you associate to every color in the rainbow including pink, brown, black, and white? If that is too much, if you could choose one color, what emotion would you assign to it?

287. what is the saddest thing that a person has ever said to you about themselves or their life?

288. if you could be any pair of shoes, what would it be?
->professional rock climber, work boot

289. would you consider yourself to be an addict?
-> I think we are all on a continuum and are all wired to be addicted to dopamine and love we just go about it different ways.

290. if you could have any dog in the world, what would it be and why?

291. if you had to describe love and what it feels like to a young person, what would you say? OR
if a kid asked you what love feels like, how would you answer them?
-> able to feel no judgment and feel free to be who you are without the fear of rejection

292. how would you define healing?

293. how would you know that you are healing or healed?

294. where in your life have you compromised and lived for someone else?

295. what is a thought or idea that scares you?

296. why do you think people protect their pain?

297. how would you like to be cared for when you are experiencing an emotional crisis?

298. what is something that you were told when you were a kid that you have never forgotten because it provoked you so much?

299. who is a friend in your life that you know you should stop the friendship with but you struggle to?

300. what is a motto that you would tell your kids that you have lived by?
->be the man/woman that you would want your daughter/son to marry one day

301. when was the last time anyone ever told you how important you are?

302. Who have you spoken the most genuine I love you to?

303. What social situation are you the most anxious of?

304. What is something that people would never think or associate with you that you’ve thought or done?
-> I love to binge on romance novels, I played the violin and cello, I’ve never been kissed/had a bf, I have a song on all platforms, I’ve had a 4.0 most of my life, I tend to write ****** poems, I was in a drill team for five years, I wasn’t born in America, I love country music

305. What is something you’d like to say to someone who has already passed away?
-> Robertson: I hope you’re proud of me in the way that I am; thank you for supporting me in more ways than one

306. What is something you’d like to say to someone who hurt you badly?
-> i deserved better than your projected insecurities, but I was too naïve to understand any better

307. If you were forced to only listen to three songs on replay during the deed for the rest of your life, what would it be?

308. Like all of us, we are replete with contradictions -> we are walking contradictions. What are yours?
-> a desire for intimacy and a fear of touch/commitment; a desire to be known and a fear of vulnerability

309. Do you think you ever turned a teacher on?

310. What is the greatest lesson that the other person has taught you?

311. if people could not take pictures, do you think they would still drive to the tulip festivals?

312. why do you think we met?

313. which is the hardest for you to say
(1) I love you
(2) I was wrong; I'm sorry
(3) Worcestershire sauce
(4) I need help
(5) I appreciate you

314. what is one of your favorite lines in a song?
-> hoodie on low cuz I stay focused yeah, hard to stay low when everybody notice
-> heart on your sleeve like you've never been loved; I don't feed her fears I feed her habits; type to make you f*ck 'till you finish
->said you needed this heart then you got it turns out that it wasn't what you wanted

315. Are you struggling with your mental health right now?

316. Are you afraid to admit the things that go on in your head?

317. Have you ever met a person that made you so nervous that you avoided them at all costs due to the way that they look?

318. Who is the most selfish person you know?

319. Who is the most selfless person you know?

320. How many Costco hotdogs could you eat in 45 minutes for a hotdog eating competition?

321. What do you put on your Costco hotdog?

322. What’s your favorite cereal brand?

323. Stargazing or sunset?

324. What is an underrated aspect of life that is mundane to most?
-> breathing, eyesight, touch

325. If you could only keep two out of the five senses, which ones would you choose? What if you could only keep one?
-> taste, touch, smell, eyesight, hearing

326. Would you consider yourself to be more black and white or gray in terms of your thinking?

327. What was your favorite kind of candy cane: the peppermint, chocolate, or fruity ones?

328. What’s an American tradition that you do not follow?
-> I'm not a huge fan of chocolate chip cookies, PB cups, peppermint candy canes

329. what do you love most about your family?

330. what is something you would like to change about your family?

331. what is a fashion trend that you think is overrated?

332. what is an aspect about people that you have only encountered a few times in your life?
->humble/ confident authenticity, thoughtfulness

333. what do you think is the ugliest trait one can have?

334. which is worse to be super insecure or to have an inflated ego?

335. would you call yourself a good person? how do you define good?

336. what is something that fascinates you that you think about time to time?
-> reality doesn't really exist; it's our perception of the stimuli in our life that we come to understand as our own reality which is only one side of the narrative. Also, people have conversations that are quite incompatible in the sense that their definitions of words and their life experiences impact how each person enters the conversation. It is like there are two conversations that are being shared and understood in the same space.

337. what is a job that you think is much more difficult to do/live with?
-> acting: how do you separate and keep hold of your authentic self and the characters you play if you can play them really well. Does life become your stage?

338. what is a movie or song that is about to release that you look forward to seeing/listening?

339. how do you feel about your inevitable mortality?

340. what do you think about graves? how do you think society has shaped or challenged your opinion of them?

341. what is a reason for why you cried?

342. when was the last time you laughed so hard you couldn't breath?
-> talking to Bella's family and Devin jumping into the conversation with his friend that his lactose intolerant when we were talking about birth control

343. what is the best vacation that you have had? what made it so special?

345. what is the greatest lesson a friend has taught you?

346. what is the greatest lesson a parent or adult has taught you?

347. what is the weirdest thing you have done with someone in public?

348. have you ever looked at someone while they're doing something like driving, laughing or eating and just smile because they mean so much to you? If so, who?

349. what do you think is the most influential relationship that you have that impacts all other ones that you have?
-> yourself or with your parent(s)/caregiver(s)
-> "never forget that the relationship you have with yourself sets the tone for the relationship you have with everyone else. If you want to work on your relationships, start working on yourself"

350. what was a phase of your life that you would go back to if you have the chance. why?

351. what is a warning that you wish you got before knowing me?

352. what is a question that you have wanted to ask someone but got too nervous to announce?

353. talk about a time where you needed toilet paper but it wasn't there. what did you do? were you in public or at home?

354. what is an instrument that you think is harder than it actually is?
-> the drums!! that is multiple rhythms to keep up with...

355. describe a time where you thought you were going to cry but tried really hard to keep your composure?

356. when you would cry as a kid, what would your parent(s) say? other adults? if they shamed or shut you down immediately, do you still do this to yourself today?

357. what is the craziest drug you have ever taken?

358. what is something you would miss if your home burned down?

359. if you could move anywhere, where would it be? would it be in the city or country?

360. what is knowledge that you wished you knew when you were younger?

361. what is the most expensive item you have bought that you regretted?

362. if you could hug anyone in the world, dead or alive, who would it be?

363. what is the most messed up thing you have seen another person do to another?

364. what do you tend to think about during the time where you are laying in bed and trying to fall asleep? where does your mind tend to go to?

365. what is an event in the future that you are looking forward to?

366. Is a hotdog a sandwich?

367. If you were diagnosed with Alzheimer's and you could remember only one memory, what would it be?

368. What aspect/version of yourself are you the most ashamed of?

369. What aspect/version of yourself are you the most proud of?

370. Is there someone in your life that you hide aspects of yourself from? Do you believe that if they knew all of you unfiltered that they wouldn’t accept you? is this true love?

371. Do you know how to swim? If so, how and where did you learn to?

372. What is a song that makes you cry/emotional? W

373. What song reminds you of another other person?

374. What is the name of a song you will not listen to again because it is too painful?

375. Who has emotionally hurt you the most in your life?

376. When was the last time someone told you that they loved you? How did it make you feel?

377. What did you dream of last night? If you do not remember any dream, then what was your most recent dream?

378. If you had to either eat and **** out of your mouth or *** which one would it be?

379. What's something a stranger said to you that you remember to this day?
-> I think that your body is perfect

380. What is a lesson that the earth has taught you?

381. What is a lesson that your body has taught you?
Feel encouraged to add on in the comments.
I thought it right to assess some antidepressants, which philosophers are more inclined to call mood enhancers.
This was during my foray into human enhancement, substances intended to enhance physicality, cognition or mood. Nootropic compounds concern the latter two categories.

The most commonly prescribed mood enhancers are serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SRIs), but it takes over a week for these compounds reach their peak effect.
Thus I approached them with the notion that a limited dosage might point to their character, though not revealing it. These considerations in mind, I set about acquiring a few miscellaneous anti-D's.

Fluoxetine was the first successful selective serotonin re-uptake inhibitor (SSRI), better known by its original brand-name Prozac. Fluoxetine has an acute biological half-life of between 1-3 days. Presence of a trifluoromethyl group on the compound deserves note, I wonder what the presence of electronegative fluorine atoms add to the psychoactive flavor of a compound (subjective effects).
I administered a single dose by mouth, there was some indication of subjective character. Light serotonergic sensations and seemingly benign mood-dampening, there is a ****** towards the positive. Waking headspace relatively uninteresting. Observed hints of oneirogenesis, did not manifest in enough character to be detailed - a sort of vivid, 'pulsive wandering, more pronounced in contrast to its waking character.
Good experiment, interesting results.
Ligand     Ki (nM)   Ki (nM)
Target      Flx            Nflx
SERT        1               19
NET         660           2700
DAT         4180         420
5-HT2A   200           300
5-HT2B    5000         5100
5-HT2C    72.6          91.2
α1             3000         3900
M1            870           1200
M2            2700         4600
M3            1000         760
M4            2900         2600
M5            2700         2200
H1            3250         10000

Sertraline is another popular SSRI, also known by it's original brand-name Zoloft. Sertraline has a variable half-life, on average 26 hours.
It's metabolite, desmethylsertraline, has a half life between 62-104 hours but is a far less potent Serotonin Releasing Agent (SRA).
The presence of two chlorine atoms is interesting. The usual, phenomenal serotonergicity is present and pushing towards the positive.
Some nausea, particularly when hungry (this disappeared after some minestrone soup). Some faintness after physical exertion. This dose did not promote onirogenesis. There was a moment of cognitive distortion when the proportions of a focal object seemed to be growing in-and-out, shifting in size.
Site                 Ki (nM)
SERT              0.15–3.3
NET               420–925
DAT               22–315
5-HT1A       >35,000
5-HT2A          2,207
5-HT2C          2,298
α1A        ­        1900
α1B                 3,500
α1D                 2,500
α2                  477–4,100
D2                  10,700
H1                  24,000
mACh           427–2,100
σ1                   32–57
σ2                   5,297

Escitalopram is an SSRI commonly prescribed for major depression and generalised anxiety. It is the (S)-stereoisomer of citalopram. The biological half-life is of escitalopram is between 27-32 hours.
I administered a dose and thought the phenomenal serotonergicity less apparent than fluoxetine but then gastro-intestinal disturbance was noted, I surmised it has a high affinity for 5-HT2C.
Any oneiric qualities were not readily apparent after a single dose, relatively little visual imagery which is understandable given its lack of affinity for 5-HT2A. I found this to be philosophically interesting. Mood elevation observed in bursts of conversation and as odd sensations, possible mental discomfort.
Ligand,
Recptr     Ki (nM)
SERT       2.5
NET        6,514
5-HT2C   2,531
α1            3,870
M1           1,242
H1           1,973

Venlafaxine is a selective serotonin-norepinephrine reuptake inhibitor (SNRI). Venlafaxine and its metabolites are active for about 11 hours.
Initial subjective effects similar to a very light empathogenic stimulant. Perception of altered attention-span/increased reflexive response; energizing yet paradoxically much yawning.
Ligand,  Vnfx      Dvnfx
Recptr    Ki(nM)  Ki(nM)
SERT  ­    82           40.2
NET       2480        558.4

Tianeptine is a tricyclic antidepressant (TCA) with an unusual mechanism of action. It is an atypical agonist of the μ-opioid receptor and has been described as a (selective) serotonin reuptake enhancer (SRE). It has a short duration as sodium salts [prescribed form] of between 2-4 hours but as sulfate this can be notably extended, some of its metabolites are active for longer than tianeptine itself.
Definitely anxiolytic, quite artificial; possible aphrodisiac. I find its opioid activity dissuading, requires caution.
Site          Ki (nM)
MOR       383–768 (Ki)
                 194 (EC50)
DOR      >10,000 (Ki)
                 37,400 (EC50)
KOR      >10,000 (Ki)
                 100,000 (EC50)
All other transporter/receptor/sub-receptor values are >10,000 (Ki).

Bupropion is a norepinephrine-dopamine reuptake inhibitor (NDRI) with affinity for some nicotinic receptors. Bupropion and its metabolites are active for between 12-36 hours. Interestingly it is a substituted cathinone.
Initial subjective effects similar to a fairly light stimulant. Perception of increased attention-span and improved cognition. It is an onirogen that is neutral in quality, enhancing vivid dreaming (a boon of its nicotinic affinity which is counteracted if the stimulant component impinges on sleep). Completely absent of serotonergicity, curious.
The N-tert-butyl group's effect is most interesting, how it affects metabolism. I took 150mg ******, as extended and as instant release (the latter was more pronounced). Interesting to compare with other cathinones, and curious to think of other bupropiologues (for example, 3-Methyl-N-tert-butyl-methcathinone). A decent compound, probably useful for a range of things beyond its indication.
                        Bupropion    R,R-Hydroxybuprp­n   Threo-hydrobuprpn
AUC               1                     23.8                                  11.2
Half-life         11 h                 19 h                                 31 h
IC50 (μM)
DAT               0.66                  inactive                          47 (rat)
NET               1.85                   9.9                                  16 (rat)
SERT              inactive          inactive               ­            67 (rat)
α3β4 nic         1.8                   6.5                                   14 (rat)
α4β2 nic         12                     31                                   no data
α1β1γδ nic     7.9                    7.6                                  no data

Moclobemide is a reversible inhibitor of monoamine oxidase A (RIMA), its monoamine oxidase inhibition lasts about 8–10 hours and wears off completely by 24 hours. Inhibiting the decomposition of monoamines (e.g. serotonin, norepinephrine and dopamine) increases their accumulation at an extracellular level. It tends to suppress REM sleep and so it lacks oneirogenic properties.
Feeling of well-being, less constrained by the usual anxieties; openness. Relatively unnoticeable side-effects when diet is carefully managed. Made the mistake of eating a cheese and turkey sandwich (i.e. foodstuff rich in tryptophan/tyramine), slight indications of serotonergicity later became apparent when in bed: feelings of overheating and flushing, slight sweating, racing thoughts and anxious discomfort. A reminder of Shulgin's old adage: "there is no casual experiment".
Combination with a select few tryptamines (not 5-MeO-xxT) should be safe and synergistic (perfect for pharmahuasca), but is very dangerous to combine with serotonergic drugs.
John Stevens Sep 2010
This was written in 1998 by my daughter as a comparative study in her 11th grade English class. Her instructor said it was the best piece she had ever received in the thirty some years of teaching.
-------------------------------------------------------­-----------------------
Beowulf or Christ?

by
Kristen Stevens

Two Standards are raised on the field of battle. The armies rush forward knowing there can be no middle ground, no halfway assault. Each knows only one can leave the battlefield the victor. In the epic tale of Beowulf , good and evil clash in the forms of Beowulf, Grendel, Grendel’s mother and the dragon.

Beowulf journeys to Herot in order to free King Hrothgar’s kingdom from the grip of the monster Grendel. Beowulf is a problem solver and Grendel is the problem. “The monster’s thoughts were as quick as his…claws: He…snatched up thirty men, smashed them…and ran out with their bodies” (119-122) Beowulf portrays Christ. He leaves his home for one purpose; to withstand evil. Christ left Heaven and went out into the wilderness to withstand the devil’s temptation. Beowulf and Christ both wrestle with the dark forces but in different ways. Beowulf used his hands “That mighty protector of men meant to hold the monster til its life leaped out”(791-792). Christ uses scripture to beat back His opponent.

Man does not live on bread alone, but on every word
that comes from the mouth of God (Duet. 8:3).

Do not put the Lord your God to the test (Duet. 6:16).

Worship the Lord your God, and serve Him only (Duet. 6:13).



Neither opponent could break free without losing something.

Beowulf and Christ are both more than human. Beowulf has phenomenal strength and Christ is God’s son. Christ “came to save the world” (John 3:18). Beowulf leaves his home of comfort and peace to save his neighbors. “Beowulf…heard how Grendel filled nights with the horror…proclaiming that he’d go to …Hrothgar”(194-200). No man alive could match Beowulf and no man can ever match Christ.

Both of them go through a change. Each is “baptized”. Beowulf is baptized twice: once, when he jumps in the lake and once again by fire. When he comes out of the lake he is a changed man. He initially goes for fame but not the reason anymore when he heads home. “So…proved myself…guarding God’s gracious gift” (2177-2181). He is baptized the second time by fire from the dragon’s mouth. The first baptism is a wash or a cleansing. The second is a purifier. Fire refines. Beowulf is refined into a better man for eternity when he fights his last battle. “Beowulf fell back; its breath flared and he suffered, wrapped around in swirling flames” (2593-2595). Christ was baptized so that He could begin His work on Earth. “Then Jesus came from Galilee to the Jordan to be baptized by John” (Mat. 3:13). Before Beowulf’s baptism people see him as just a great man, but after people see him as a king. Christ was just a carpenter’s son, until he was baptized and became the King of Kings.

To compare Beowulf and Christ’s last battles, you have to look at what they were fighting. Beowulf fights the dragon. The dragon symbolizes death and our own reluctance to die. “The gold and jewel she had guarded for so long could not bring him pleasure much longer” (2239-2240). Dying means man has to leave behind all his material wealth. Beowulf is old when he fights the dragon. He is coming close to his death and it frightens him. He wants to protect his people. He is willing to lay down his life for them. Just like Christ laid down his life to save us from our dragon. When faced with death, Beowulf and Christ rise above human expectations. Beowulf defeats death - he killed the dragon. Christ overcame death and rose three days later. Both act as an intermediary between danger and their people. Beowulf stands before the dragon. He blocks the path to his people. Christ stands between humans and God. Through Him God sees us as pure. Christ blocks the judgment that mankind deserves.

The last similarity between Beowulf and Christ is what happened after their deaths. After Christ died and rose, God’s chosen people went into a decline. They rejected Him and brought misery upon themselves. For two centuries they were persecuted by Rome. For two millennia they have been shoved aside and animated many times. Beowulf’s people took the treasure and the curse that came with it. “The spell…solemnly laid…was meant to last…Whoever stole their jewels…would be cursed” (3068-3070). Beowulf’s people have misery awaiting them.

As the army retreats, their brave general having fallen, they know they have won. The cost is great, but it had to be paid. Even today the battle rages on and the war will not end until the last enemy falls. Beowulf and Christ, both paid the price for their people’s protection and freedom. The enemy exacted its toll, but it was not enough. The hero and the Savior live on today.
Max Neumann Jun 2021
1.) tizzop introduced gangsta poetry february 2021
     no man ever before created a poetry genre alike
     gangsta poetry, robust melting *** of languages
     and ethnicities, as it reflects the united states

2.) the idols of gangsta poetry are rooted in the
      underworld, blacks, hispanics, italo- and irish-
      americans, asians, arabs, germans, kurds,
      yugos, albanians, afghans, northern-africans...

3.) multilingual are the core, heart and soul of
     a gangsta poem: glockz, rubix cubies, 31er
     salam, jebeš igru, habibis, brüder, fo' sho':
     rapid months, frozen silverfruit, whole ones

4.) every letter of gangsta poetry becomes the
     side effects of our brand's real-life greed and fury
      mourning the end of beloved baby mommas
      deaths caused by strayed bullets that vamoose

5.) gangsta poetry aims to be published among
      all ethnic communities of the 50 united states
      deadline 08/16/21 stresses american willpower
      gangsta poetry scandalously hits us's curriculas

6.) each of the 194 remaining countries is urged
     to promote and govern gangsta poetry for
     the neglected, weighted with glacial contempt
     these males and females discover their kind in us

7.) tizzop established a saying: "treat every being  
     with an open mind, but fight back, baby, if anyone
     disrespects you, the gps, or our hangarounds"
     at war, we remember our families before we blast

8.) bar none, each gangsta poet is free to connect
      affiliate and distribute with and for the gp's
      brothas and sistas -- gps create examples of
      social diversity and historical dimensions

9.) female gangsta poets are a quarter of us
      some keep it gal, united sisterhood, astute flow
      in memory of leery leyla, chalondra, kateyy,
      mountainbird, ivanka cociç, ashima abraham

10.) genderfree, gangsta poets are chosen
        undertakings composed by thugs & artists
        the spirit of a few meets strife of hood speech
        gp evolved from a movement to an own identity

11.) restrictions do not apply for written creation
        strategic outgrowth and unshaken cash flow
        gp embraces brainy ones, and our soldiers
        narrators in conspiracy, art nouveau trips

12.) gangsta poetry admires the following people:
        jeezy, killa cam, toni der assi, iron sal, dmx
        anton chigurh, sigmund freud, rashid stoogie
        larry hoover, elliot york hp, kevin of allpoetry

13.) taktloss, luis fonsi, blockmonsta, all bolivian
        and peruvian farmers, te amamos, our brothers
        187 strassenbande, senion mogilevich, nirvana
        john murphy, dem dudes alpha hotel frankfurt

14.) much love to all global units, poets, thieves
        traffic architects, hackers, true skippos
        german bakeries, all-black betting shops
        jews from brighton beach, hispanic halos

15.) benny da bandit, tony tarantula, gambino, brate
        hamza al-mighty, fat **** frank, jens, das brain
        fred merciless, familia escorpio, ruben and levi
        ali firefists, kimbo slice, scarface, oleksiy, dejan

16.) daim, loomit, dns 1up, **** my **** crew
        berlin kreuzberg 36ers, playboys hannover
        yard bird 1955, taki 183 n.y.c., basquiat, level
        dbl ffm-skychildren, bomber, city mission
    
17.) gangsta poetry overwhelmingly shaped by
       our ancestors who boosted the poetry of ages
       train bombers, rappers, trappers, taggers, cutters
       we descent from them, honor their names

18.) gangsta poets die for poems that struck
        gps, fans and critics in a possessive way
        limits of real talk and boasting are in flux
        trance batters the face of reason, at dusk


                                          *


Once upon a time at March 22nd, 2021
Kreuzberg SO 36, Berlin, Germany...
Dedicated to all Gangsta Poets Worldwide

Heaven and hell yeah, disciples outpace seconds
Greetings from Wondaland, a.k.a. The Magic City
***  GANGSTAPOETRY  ***  
                      ***  48 SOULS  *** 
                        

                GANGSTAPOETS:

*  TIZZOP  *  FAMILIA ESCORPIO: SOLDADO ADELITA, ALEJANDRO, THE PROTECTOR & DIEGO, THE TEACHER  *  JEEZY  *  CHALONDRA  *  DMX  *  MOUNTAINBIRD  *  ECCO2K  *  IVANKA COCIÇ  *  KIMBO SLICE  *  LEVY & SOLOMON  *  JORDANOS  *
***  EDEN & NICHOLAS  ***         


               GANGSTAPOETS:


*  TAKTLOSS  *  ASHIMA ABRAHAM  *
*  MERCILESS FREDDY  *  OLEKSIY  *
*  STORMZY  *  LEERY LEYLA  *  ALI
FIREFISTS  *  SIGMUND FREUD  *  FALCO 
*  ANNE CLARK  *  DOMINIQUE NORTHSTAR  *  POOR / THCO  * 
*  1UP CREW  *  CITY MISSION  *  ZORIN  *
*  CHRIS R.



                  GANGSTAPOETS:

*  FREEMAN AND K-RHYME LE ROI  * 
*  FRUMPY  *  ASSI-TONI  **  LUDOVICO EINAUDI  *  HAMZA AL-MIGHTY  *  TONY
TARANTULA  *  KATEYY  *  LOOMIT  * 
*  FAT **** FRANK  **  ANTON CHIGURGH  *  ROSARIO DE LIMA  *  CELLAR FIREFLY  *  LARRY HOOVER  *
*  LUIS FONSI  *  JONATHAN HABESHA OF ALPHAHOTEL WONDALAND  *
194
This is melanin and love and you can't fake this.
Mixing shades of ancestry and bloodlines and pigments that stick to the core.
Somewhere someone peeked in a black woman's ear, straight through to her mind,
Saw a village dancing in her head!
Fires lit, drummers surrounding, same steps synchronized because they were born like this
Nothing but magic how
all the time these drums sounded off in her head
so of course her walk holds steady as a drum
Of course her hips swing with the beat as she steps with the villagers.
Her life becomes syncopated with rhythm
Dancing in all her movements
Never missing a beat
#melanin #rhythm
Johnny Noiπ Aug 2018
it was the Cubist who created the space and color that
everywhere today assails our eyes
in    uniform architecture and monotonous
design; the various branches of modern art
through tedious & exhaustive experiment
       & research creating a massive cultural sinkhole
whose banal discoveries unveil for all the sameness
of form, line and color;
Quote from Gorky's 'Camouflage', 1942: I like the heat;
the tenderness; the edible; the lusciousness;
the song of a single person
in a bathtub full of water.                
           I like Ucello, Grunewald, Ingres,
the drawings and sketches for paintings
   of Seurat and that man Pablo Picasso;
               I measure all things by weight.
               In text for MoMA, describing the 'Garden in Sochi' - series,
               26 June 1942
I love Mougouch, Gorky's wife.                What about papa Cézanne;
I like the wheat fields, the plow, the apricots,
those flirts of the sun.    And bread above all.
My lever is the purple; About 194 feet away
from our house in Armenia on the road to the
spring my father had a little garden with
a few apple trees which had retired
                             from giving fruit;
this garden was identified as the 'Garden of Wish Fulfillment'
often I had seen my mother and the other village women
exposing their naked bosoms, taking the soft,
dependable ******* in their hands &
rubbing them on the rocks; above all this
standing an enormous tree all bleached
under the sun, rain & cold,  deprived of leaves.
This was the Holy Tree [quoted in 1942]
In text for MoMA, describing the 'Garden in Sochi' - series,
26 June 1942
I don't like that word 'finished'.
    When something is finished,
that means it's dead, doesn't it?
I believe in everlastingness;
I never finish a painting –   I just stop
working on it for a while.
I like painting because it's something
I can never come to the end of;
sometimes I paint a picture,
then I paint it all out.    Sometimes
I'm working on fifteen or twenty
pictures at the same time; I do that
      b/c I want to – b/c I change my
   mind so often; The thing to do is
     always to keep starting to paint;
     never finishing the painting [quoted in 1948]
He Pa'amon Oct 2013
Stop talking to the people who are not worth your time, who cause you unnecessary drama, and make you feel worse about yourself.

Be honest with yourself.

You have fewer friends than you thought. Your cafeteria table slowly decreases in size, as do your social commitments, but you do not have any drama, no shallow or fake nonsense. Slowly, everyone starts to seem annoying, and irritating, and you do not want to converse with any of them, ever again.

Do not have many friends, and sway between feeling sorry for yourself and feeling like you are superior.

When the one friend you do have does not come to school because she has to take a driving test, eat your lunch alone, and listen to music on your iPod so you do not appear as alone as you feel. Realize your condition has gotten much worse.

People talk to you. You feel ecstatic, even though you won’t admit that to yourself.
You get a shot of adrenaline when you feel as if you’ve breached their walls.
You try to say something—an opinion, an agreement, anything.
They ignore you.
You walk away, and think: you are above them anyways.

Do not get invited to parties. Think it is because no one likes you. Be sad; be resentful. Think about all the things you are missing at a dumb party thrown by a sophomore—which is bound to fail, and bound to get broken up by the cops. Realize that the reason you are not invited is more likely because you have never show any interest in parties. Force yourself to feel grateful for the lack of an invitation; no cops will come knocking on your door, asking questions.

Plus, you have to go to work tomorrow, and that is much more important.

When the party does get broken up, pretend that you knew it was a bad idea and that you had never wanted to go. Listen to the stories of running from the police, through thorn bushes, with a twinge of jealousy.

Not only do you not go to parties; you do not have any plans for the weekends at all.

Never have sleepovers. Instead, wake up at 12:00 in the afternoon, stay in your pajamas, and have a Netflix marathon of Supernatural. Eat a lot of junk food and think, “**** it!” and then immediately regret it, you are trying to lose weight.

If you lose weight, you won’t be a loser anymore.

If you lose weight, people will still remain the same.

You cry, because you think it’s what you should do.
You feel pathetic.
The tears running down your cheeks do not do justice for the raw, uncomfortable feeling making your stomach clench.
You are stronger than all of that.

You sit on your bed and think about a better time, a better place, when you felt accepted, loved, and even popular.

Think about the time you weighed a good fifty pounds less. You were on top of the world.

Talk about your future, because at least you have them beat there. You will go all the way.

Think about your straight A’s. Get on the scale. 145, 160, 194 pounds; why do those numbers matter? The 98’s are the ones that are going to get you into a good college.

College…
High school.
Present.

Walk through the double doors with staggering confidence.

Talk about how you are a loser—it makes people believe that you do not actually see yourself that way. Losers would never admit that they are a loser. Plus, the people you are talking to are obligated to deny the fact that you a loser, no matter their opinion. It’s common courtesy. Sometimes you want them to deny it, and sometimes you want to prove to them, and to yourself, that it is okay to be a loser.

You define yourself as one because sometimes you are proud of it.
Why?

You think: I do not want to be friends with these people; they are annoying, petty, and shallow. I am much more independent and mature. I’m off to better, bigger things.

Later
You think: it would be nice to have a few more friends, people to talk to, people who care.


Get assigned a creative essay titled, “How to Become a…”

Choose: “How to Become a Loser”

Plan on the piece being light, funny, and paradoxical, ending it with a sarcastic, but optimistic line.
Realize that you are not the loser; everyone else is.

Doubt yourself.
Realize this is no longer a humorous essay.
not a poem. i apologize.
194

On this long storm the Rainbow rose—
On this late Morn—the Sun—
The clouds—like listless Elephants—
Horizons—straggled down—

The Birds rose smiling, in their nests—
The gales—indeed—were done—
Alas, how heedless were the eyes—
On whom the summer shone!

The quiet nonchalance of death—
No Daybreak—can bestir—
The slow—Archangel’s syllables
Must awaken her!
Shylah S Aug 2016
Do you like science? Cause I've got my ion you
we're a dance of subatomic particles, you get my cardiovascular system worked up

"Nerd," you declare with a smile sweeter than C6H12O6
I glare at you and giggle louder than 194 decibels, we break all the laws
I'm so attracted to you, scientists will have to make a 5th fundamental force

we fit together like sticky ends of DNA
I fall in love with you every time I see you, faster than my DNA replicates
being in your arms feels like homeostasis, we'll last longer than thorium

I think I'm kinda maybe trying to say
every time light reflects off of you and onto my retina the sudden protracted cardiac arrhythmia I get tells me that gulp Iloveyou
Babu kandula Oct 2012
స్పందనకు నిలయం నీ తలపే
స్వేచ్చకు చిహ్నం నీ చనువే
ఊరు వాడా తిప్పించే నీ ప్రేమే
ఓనమాలు దిద్దించే నీ పేరే
నీ కంటి సైగలే నా చిత్తం
ఆజ్ఞలు పాట్టించే నా సహనం
చిన్న స్పర్శతో చీకు చింతలు మటుమాయం
సాగరమే నువ్వా సాహసం అందించేయవా
గుండె లోతున నువ్వా గాయమే మనిపించవా
జ్ఞాపకాలా సామ్రాజ్యంలో మహా రాణివే నువ్వా
రక్త నాళాలలో ప్రతి బొట్టున్న నిలిచివా
శబ్ద తరంగాలలో సైతం కీలకం నీ స్వరమే
ఎందెందు వెతికిన నీవాయే ఎలోకాన చూసినా నీవాయే
నాకోసం దివినుండి దిగిన దేవతా ప్రతిమా...
pin Apr 2015
194
Tar clothes the chlorine pathway
Institution of prayer on my left hand side, skims it's invisible reach
Animals only get this lonely
I run in unison to the dark dog behind this forever fence, on my right hand side, feels the distance and the wind
Saying your thoughts control the vibes
Peace appears to be ether, huffing hollows out the missing parts
Joe Satkowski Dec 2014
Just as much obscurity as will make me noticeable
It is hard to be proud when every prosthetic is better than you

I am reduced to nothing but what am I reduced to
ᗺᗷ May 2017
Inequalitiy
Not a bad gig as long as
Ignorance is bliss.
lovelywildflower Mar 2019
you are the only one who can love me the way i need.
Sk Abdul Aziz May 2016
The heart was not created for the purpose of being broken
Unfortunately it's the one thing in this world that's broken the most
Sk Abdul Aziz Mar 2016
When the flower itself hurts you
No point blaming or being angry with the thorns
I will walk miles to meet you
If I know you’re walking too
towards me.



Shell ✨🐚
We must always try to meet each other halfway.
That’s life. That’s love.
Ashley Sep 2013
to this day, i can still feel the warmth of your knee against mine.

we were fragile in the beginning, careful not to touch, angling inwards but never letting our legs entangle. i remember the silence; i don't know what you were thinking, but my thoughts were mostly angry accusations to the heavens. all my careful planning, and i was just getting over -
but it didn't matter.

18 weeks. 90 days. 2160 hours, 194,400 minutes, and 11,669,000 seconds.
that was my sentence;
i was stuck
with
you.

i still remember the shock, the liquid fire coursing through my veins
ignited by the warmth seeping from where your jean cloaked knee flowed into my own.
this time, you didn't move your knee.
i wish i knew
why.

the fights and discussions in the hallways, fifteen minutes on a good day, were my highlights. sometimes the cards ******* it, but those fifteen minutes were what made my day a little
easier.

i especially liked it when you told me i was smart, and
i felt equal to you for the first time in my life.
i didn't feel inferior anymore-
i felt like your friend.

(it is often i wonder if i were one year older, if we'd grown up together and i had been a skinnier,
more loving girl,
if you would have fallen in love with me.
somehow, i doubt it;
we aren't in the stars.)

i never faxed things. i was afraid to, always sure i'd flip it the wrong way.
you laughed, but you enjoyed faxing far too much.
maybe that's why i let you do it.
but you fought me for the copier far too often;
i liked that one.

you wrote me notes and inked my skin.
i wish you'd do it
again.

i admitted, in so few words, that i believed you would go far.
your eyes sparkled, crystalline, when you smiled
like i couldn't have said anything
sweeter.

(this was not in the period of memos and trips that never required two, but i let it slip out
in the city of lights
that
i
loved
you.)

i meant it.

the time you looked at me and said,
"you love me,"
i replied - "debatable."
i really meant
always.

i brought cards and won for a week. you won for nearly all of the following weeks of games. i grumbled and was often too competitive,
but sometimes your laugh
sweetened
a loss.

i wish we'd gotten a picture together.

when you told me i landed the role
in the play you wrote, i had never been happier.
even though you tormented me for an hour and a half.

you could really be a ****, but for those eighteen weeks,
you were my ****.

we didn't say goodbye that last day, and i'm still not sure if that was for the best
or not.
it felt like losing a connection,
something that reminded me of the past
and of things i always believed i'd thrown away.

eventually, your hello's in the hallway stopped
as your attention shifted.
but you told me happy birthday twice;
i was too scared to tell you the same.

to this day, i want to freeze time
and live it all again.

because of you, of course;
it has always been you.
Ronjoy Brahma Mar 2015
148
खेबसेल' खुदुमनायजोँ गावखौ
गोजोन्नाय मोनो गोजोन्नाय मोनो,
रादाबा सिरि सिरि
- गोसोनि साननायाव।
149
जिउआव थाखोमादोँ बे मोनसेल'
जौमोननि बासा गोरबोआव,
मोजां मोन्नाय आं नोँखौ।
150
नोँ गावखौ बुजियाखै
खौरां लानाय आंनि नोँखौ-
मादि सानदोँ सिरि सिरि-
नोँनि आंनि इयुननि।
151
नोँजोँ अराय सावरायनायखौ
थिसनबाय गोरबो दाइरियाव,
मादि समायना मिथिँगायाव,
मोजां मोनो आं नोँखौ।
152
निहोर सिग्लाबनाय गोरबोआव
बोजबना लादोँ साननायखौ-
नोँ आंनि।नोँ आंनि।
153
नोँजोँ सावरायनाय बाथ्राखौ
आरो बावनो हालिया,
मोनफिनगोन आं गोरबोआव-
नङाब्ला आंनि दाइरियाव।
154
बाबोरै फोरमायनो साननानै
थाफिन्दोँ आं बिजिरनानै,
नोँदि सावरायदोँ मिनिस्लुयै आंजोँ-
नोँदि लाजिनायाव थागोन सिरियै।
155
आंनि गासैबो नोँनो
बावदो सिरि सिरि सिरि-
मोजां मोनना; साननानै अरायनि।
156
बाथ्राखौ फोजोबनो हायाखै खुसियाव
रैसुमै सना-
सावरायो लाजिस्लुनाय सोदोबाव,
आंनि बेरखांथोँ गोरबोआव
रंजानाय मोनफा मोनफा ओँथियाव।
157
गिदिँबायो नोँखौ लानानै
साया माया, साया माया
मुहिनां गासैबो मेगनआव।
158
बेरखाङो गासैबो मेथाइयाव
- गोरबो खन्थाइयाव आबुंङै,
रैसुमै सोदोब गोरबोआव।
159
मिथिगौ आं गासैखौबो
मानिनाय गैया जौमोना,
मोजां मोनो नोँखौनो-
सिरि सिरि सिरि।
160
जाय आंनि खोमायाव रिङो
मोजां मोनो बेखौनो बिजिरना,
रैसुमै मुं नोँनि गोरबोआव
रिङो जेब्लाबो रिङो।
161
नोँनि अननायखौ मोनाब्लाबो
मोनदोँ आं रादाबखौ
- मोजां मोनो नोँखौनो जिउआव।
162
लाजिब्लाबो गले गले नायफ्लाङो
जेराव- मेरावनो नोँखौ नुयो;
गोसोआव मोननो हास्थायो।
163
साननायनि गोमो- गोथां
जायख्लं सावगारियाव
गोदोहाबो आंनि गोरबोआ,
जोमै सिँखावना बिरलाङो-
बार जाना गोजोन बिलिरो,
नुयो सना साया माया मेगनाव।
164
जोबोद गोहो लानानै नोँनि सेराव
गासै आंनि मोजां मोननायखौ
सानो आं बेखेवना फोरमायनो,
नाथाय नोँ साफिया हार्सिँङै।
165
आंनि लाजिनाय गोरबोआनो
लाखोमाना दोन्दोँ आन्दोयै जेब्लाबो,
आं सानो फोरमायनो-
रैसुमै आं नोँखौ हास्थायो।
166
जानो हागौ नोँनि थाखाय
सानबोलावरियावनो आं-
सानस्रिबाय थादोँ मुखुबथियाव।
167
आं मिथिगौ-
आंनि थाखाय नोँ
- माबा सानो नङा,
अब्लाबो आंनि हास्थायनाया गोथार।
168
रैसुमै, नोँखौ आन्दोयै
- मोजां मोनखोमानायानो
आंनो अराय समाव गुबुननि-
बाफबफैनाय सोदोबखौ खोमादोँ।
169
आं मिथिगौ-
आं नोँखौ मोजां मोनो,
बे बाथ्राखौनो आं दोनखोमादोँ
सिरि सिरि सिरि।
170
आंनि गोरबोआव हाबना नायब्ला
नोँ नुगोन सना-
आंनि गासै गोरबोआव गलिनानै
नोँनि गोरबोआव बोहैनो लामा नागिरदोँ।
171
गोरबोआव बोहैनाय मोदैया
लुफावदोँ जेब्लाबो सानहाबना
खन्थाइ बेयो रमान्सनि।
172
जेब्ला नोङो आंनि गोरबो हमदाङा
थागोन अब्लासिम आन्दोआव;
मोजां मोननाय बेयो जौमोननि।
173
मोजां बिबारनि बारियाव
जेब्ला बेरायो सिमांङाव
नोँखौ गोसोखाङो आं हरखाबनो
गैया सिमाङावबो लोगो मोना नोँखौ।
174
आंनि मिनिस्लु मोखांआव
आंनि रंजालु गारांआव
नोँ मोननाय नङा सानफ्लांना
आंदि सिरि सिरि मा हास्थायो।
175
सोदोब बह्रा रमान्सनि लैथोआव
गोजोनना थानानै जिउआव
मोनबाय आं फोरमायस' हायै-
दोरफो दोरफो खामग्लिनाय बिखा,
राननो रोङै गोरबोआव मोदै,
फुवा मुवा निजोरा बोहैनाय।
176
आंनि नोँखौ मोजां मोननाया
- सैथोबादि समायना,
नोँखौ गोथार गोरबोजोँ हास्थायनायाव
माबा साननांगौ एबा
लाजिनांगौ दं
- होनना आं सानाखै।
177
आं नोँनो खुगा खेवनानै फोरमायाखै-
बेसेबांदि आं मोजां मोनदोँ;
नाथाय गोरबोआव
नोँनि रादाबा जेब्लाबो-
थांलाय फैलाय खालामदोँ।
178
आंनि अन्नायजोँ बुंफबनाय बिखायाव
नोँ नुआखै साजायनाय,
बे अननायखौ आं सानो-
नोँनो होनो,
नेवसिनाय नङा जुग जुगामि।
179
बेयो जौमोननि मोनसे आन्दो हास्थायनाय
फोरमायनो हायाखै खुगाजोँ;
सिरि सिरिल' फोरमायो मिथिस्लाबै।
180
नोँनि हायनानि सारफावनाय सोरांआ
आंखौ मुहि होयो मेगनाव,
मोजां मोनो आं।मोजां मोनो।
181
नैबे आंनि गोरबोआव
दाखा दाखा जाबाय थैसाम,
नोँनि मुं मुस्रि एब्रेना।
182
बिखा बुंजासे अननाया
गलिदोँ आंनि गोरबोआव,
लामा मोनाखै एब्रेनो नोँनि-
थेवबो नागिरो लामा नोँनि।
183
मिथिगोन मिथिगोन नोङो
आंनि राव फाव गासैबो,
सान्नाय होन्नाय गुमुर-
आंदि नोँखौ सिरि सिरि।
184
जेरैबादि थायो आं सानहाबना
गोरबोआव नोँनि अननाय मागिना
होदो आंनो नोँनि-
अननाय गोरोबनाय गुमुरखौ।
185
सोर मिथियो आंखौ?
नोँखौ हास्थायनाय सिरि सिरि
निजोम सानसुथिर समाव
- दान्दिसे सानहाबो गोरबोआव।
186
जेसेबां सानो फोरमायनो
हमथाफिनो बोलोगोरा लाजिनाया,
हांमानि दैसा सेरजोँ हार्सिँनो
एरायलाङो सिरि सिरि सिरि।
187
लैथोनि फेँफोनाया खुसियाव
जेरैबादि रंजायो बिखायाव,
आंबो सना नोँनि मुस्रियाव
आंनि मिथिँगानि गोरबो बिखायाव।
188
नोँनि गारांजोँ सिरि मोनो आं,
नोँनि मुस्रियाव सानहाबो।
189
नोँखौ मोजां मोननानै
गोमाना थाङा रादाबा,
हार्सिँङै गेवलांनाय बिबारा
लरहायलाङा हार्सिँङै खुसियाव।
190
दिनै मादि साजायनाय मेथाइया
नोँ आरो आंनि-
मिथिया नोङो ओँथिखौ
आंनि साजायनाय खबामखौ
थाखोमाना दं नोँनि आंनि।
191
सान्नानै गोदौनाय सोलेराव
रुख'जादोँ सोदोब खन्थाइयाव
ओँखारबोयो गासैबो ओँथियाव
साजायनाय खालिनि बिलाइयाव।
192
दिनै लाइमोननि दखना रोबैयाव
मोदोमनाय बाफबदोँ सोलेराव
बिरफायाखै गोसोआ बोदोराव
सान्नाल' लादोँ साजायनाय इयुननि
रैसुमै आं सिरि सिरि।
193
नोँनि फांदां बिखानि अख्रांआव
गोबानो सानो गोसोआ,
नोँनि गोरबो गुसु बिलोआव
गोजोमनो सानो सोलेरा;
सना मिथिया थेवबो बिलिरनाय।
194
जारौ गुसुथिनि रिमोन्नाय
बोथोरनि मेथाइ दाउसिननि,
आंनि खोमायाव देँखो मोनसेल'
रैसुमै सिरि सिरि हास्थायो
मोजां मोनो नोँखौ जेब्लाबो।
195
हाथ'फ्ला जानाय नङा आंनि
- गासैबो समाव हास्थायनाय
बोहैबाय दुंब्रुद निजोरा बिखायाव।
Kite Jul 2012
You are the numbers and I am the words.
I was never any good at mathematics,
You could never find a story.

You made us equal equations,
I made us a plot line.

Numbers are what keep us apart- roughly 194
Words are what divide us- road names and suburbs.

But numbers and words thread us closer
Your numbers and my words,
Our numbers and our words
May 3, July 13, 2015
forever, always, stay, sun, moon

So numbers and words are all that we can have until we grow up,
which neither of us want to do,
we will grow old, but we will never grow up.
And then and until then we have these numbers and words
13, I love you,<3, forever, 18, always, 12.00am, eternal

You are my numbers, can I be your words?
Bhill Aug 2019
The steady chirping of the crickets
Is natures concert, without the tickets

How do they do it, I have to ask
Don't they get tired of their life long task

They click, chirp and clack, all night long
Hippin and hoppin to the same old song

It makes you crazy, I have to admit
I really wish, they all would just quit....

Brian Hill - 2019 # 194
Oh the sound....
Vic Sep 2019
And you said:
~
I'm also so ******* in love with you
And together we will move forward, I also don't know what will happen.
But we will get those good things together
A "poem" every day.
194
Another summer,
The low light of bedside lamps
Cuts into twilight.
Graff1980 May 2019
This is not pain
nor is it a verse
made for complaints.
It is merely a moment,
set in refrain
that occasionally
echoes
inside of my brain.

Time to die,
let it go,
nothing matters
entropy grows,
moments pass
and will not
come back.

So, let the flesh
become itself,
let my consciousness
recede from want
and need,
let the rot seed
the world we see
and let me
finally, be free
eternally.

Exclaims the fool
please let me rest
in peace.
Jillian Jun 2020
I can't stand to touch the needle.
Because when I do, my head is through.
Please, I can't stand anything new.
Dr Peter Lim Feb 2018
One word
spoken or written
invites more words
beginning of confusion
Bhill Aug 2019
Leave it Open...

Have you left your mind wide open
Is there things that must be spoken
Remember life here is a balance
We all have lots of talents
Those talents are ours to share
And sharing can make you aware
Being aware of others skills
Can lead you to life changing thrills....

Brian Hill - # 194
Sometimes your mind is so ope. That all your brains falls out
Red Aug 2020
Six years since I met you
2,269 days since we first spoke
3,267,360 minutes have passed since that conversation in a new city
When I asked you what your name was
When you gave me that first piece of your heart

Six years since you told me you loved me
2,194 days since that midnight conversation
3,159,360 minutes have passed since I confessed the same under new stars
When I was two thousand miles from you, but I felt like I would never be alone again

Three years have passed without you in my life
1,576,800 minutes since I saw your blue eyes looking at mine
When I had hope that we could fix things
That I could be enough for you to love me again

Six days since we last spoke
8,640 minutes that I’ve been thinking about the
83 words we shared

And how I wish
That for one second
I would stop missing you
Infamous one Nov 2018
So fresh and cool
Loving the weather
A warm bed feels right
Slept well most of the night
Lay in bed a little longer
Not ready to start the day
Wake up get ready for action
Focused on goals not distractions
Pilar Orozco Mar 2020
194
I long to be close to you
A feeling that will never be reciprocated
Andrew Guzaldo c Aug 2020
“Continuum poetry chicanery doggerel of opulence,
A beguilement dedicated and procured into words,
In all end it may become a reality of beneficence,  
To those that have induced the fine artistry of poetry

But is a poet’s best way to live is in art of interpretation,
In the art of interpretation that fall on the ears of readers,  
A poet is that of a philosopher with continuum of words,
Of life love happiness sadness or a spectrum of obscurity,  

Depending on the bright of day or the glimmer of success,  
A poet writer uses an episteme into metaphysical words,
Metaphysical life is always looking within the poet’s soul,
For the metaphysical of a sustained moment of solitude,

Continuum of poetry is that appropriate or peculiarly meaning,
Reverie or nightmare of pertinent validity an assuage cogency,
This is poetry of continuum arouses for your reading bliss”

“By Andrew Guzaldo © 07/04/2020 Posted HP Poem #194
“By Andrew Guzaldo © 07/04/2020 Posted HP Poem #194
Mateuš Conrad Apr 2018
grammatical coordinates,
rather than vectors,
with no mannerism to boot,
Byzant-     -in (adjective)
                    -ium (noun):
eating the umbilical chord
binding modern Athens,
to its ancient,
            iron in marble
oxidating agent:
    petty squabbles over
Cyprus... lingering...
                          Haj Sophia...
U.S.A. is only deemed
as counter-European ancient
with a demand for patriotism...
vagabond Aussies...
solipsistic New Zealanders...
partisan cooks,
   a chandler of cooking knives,
bullet bite the grit,
from dust you came,
prior to dust once more,
            ash will smoke...
    krakauschnee: circa 194-,
a century with a meddle of facts
from a decade worth talking about...
oddly enough: the dead never
tire of conversation...
like spreading butter...
            as the ashes fell,
  die grauschnee:
   the hope was for a sign of an authentic
winter...
        there are many names for it...
the dead cancerous bulge and altogether:
in vitro...
            mortem in vivo - pseudo  parasitus -
vivo in vitro - quasi parasitus:
behold i inherited the low expectation of
man... in a shared opinion of
the lowly cast, pawn embodied
crux bowing shadow-stormers...
                 pater noster -
    impersonalibus-supra
            a litany of: omnipraesens, omnipotens
          etc...
pater, noster non mea:
  et mater neque noster nec meum.
Bhill Jul 2020
smoke has filled the skies
colored with the rising sun
drifting with the winds

Brian Hill - 2020 # 194
Sean Maloney Jun 2
1.
I miss you, and I know you’ll never know, but I wanted to care for you so bad today.

2.
I still imagine that dream house of ours.

3.
Where’s my queen of purple?

4.
Why did it happen so fast?

5.
I love you to the moon and across infinity.

6.
You made my day without even trying. That’s not something I’ll ever forget.

7.
You’re still in every corner of my thoughts, no matter how much I clean.

8.
I keep typing your name. And deleting it.

9.
There’s no one I want to send things to anymore.

10.
I pretend I’m fine. But I think my eyes give me away.

11.
You don’t reach out. I don’t either. But I still hope you do.

12.
When I see purple, I feel something I can’t explain.

13.
I wonder if you feel lighter, not talking to me.

14.
Some memories are too good to delete, even if they hurt now.

15.
I haven’t laughed the same since we stopped talking.

16.
You made me feel like I was worth listening to.

17.
It’s been weeks and I still think, “Maybe today she’ll say something.”

18.
You were never background noise. You were the volume all the way up.

19.
I still remember exactly how you texted when you were tired.

20.
If I showed you how I really felt, would you come back?

21.
It hurts knowing we’re both pretending we’re okay.

22.
Even silence feels different when it’s coming from you.

23.
It was never just snaps. It was you, and me, and everything in between.

24.
You didn’t need to be mine to feel like home.

25.
Every time I open Snapchat, I hope you’re first.

26.
You felt like my favorite part of the day, every day.

27.
I wonder if you scroll past my name the way I scroll past yours — slowly.

28.
I miss having someone who actually cared how I was doing.

29.
You always saw the things I didn’t say. That’s what I miss most.

30.
I see people trying to be close with me, and I still only wish it was you.

31.
I don’t talk about you out loud, but you’re still everywhere.

32.
Maybe if I’d said less, or said more, you’d still be here.

33.
I didn’t need a label to know what we had was real.

34.
I keep going over everything, trying to figure out what broke.

35.
We weren’t dating. But losing you felt worse than any breakup.

36.
Even if I talk to other people, I only listen for you.

37.
You’re the only one who ever made the world feel slower.

38.
I miss the way your mind worked. I miss the way you made mine better.

39.
Some people felt temporary. You never did.

40.
I wasn’t ready to lose the one person who made life softer.

41.
No one else had the ability to ruin and save my day with one message.

42.
I wish I had been better at holding you without having to hold you.

43.
I never told you how safe I felt with you. Even through a screen.

44.
I miss our midnight typing pauses — both waiting to see who says it first.

45.
I wonder what you think when you see my name. If anything.

46.
You made purple a feeling.

47.
I keep catching myself thinking in “we.”

48.
If this wasn’t love, it was still the closest thing I’ve ever felt to it.

49.
I’d still drop everything to hear how your day was.

50.
Even now, it’s still you.

51.
There’s a difference between being alone and feeling your absence.

52.
I keep thinking if I wait long enough, you’ll miss me too.

53.
Every time someone makes me laugh, I compare it to yours.

54.
You’re not replaceable. I’ve stopped trying.

55.
There’s no conversation that feels full without you in it.

56.
Sometimes I want to send a single “hey.” But I never do.

57.
The worst part is not knowing if you’re hurting too.

58.
You always knew when something was off. I wonder if you feel it now.

59.
There’s a kind of silence that sounds like your name.

60.
It’s not like I don’t have people. I just don’t have you.

61.
I hope you’re doing okay. I really, truly do.

62.
I wish we could go back to one of those nights where everything felt easy.

63.
You made things feel lighter. Everything’s heavier now.

64.
Some days, I catch myself smiling at a memory and then crash into the fact that it’s just a memory.

65.
We didn’t even have to try. That’s what made it special.

66.
It still feels weird that I can’t just tell you things anymore.

67.
I try not to romanticize it. But it was real, and that’s worse.

68.
If I had one more chance to talk to you, I think I’d just listen.

69.
Sometimes I rehearse things in my head like you’re still here to answer.

70.
Even my best days end with your name floating around somewhere in the back of my mind.

71.
We never got to be an “us,” but it still feels like I lost something permanent.

72.
There’s this weird hope that somehow, someday, it just clicks back.

73.
I miss how you always noticed when I wasn’t okay — even when I didn’t.

74.
No one else asks how I really am. They’re not you.

75.
The days feel longer without someone to send the little things to.

76.
I didn’t just miss the person. I missed the feeling.

77.
We weren’t perfect. But we were something rare.

78.
I hate that I don’t know what you’re laughing at anymore.

79.
Your absence shows up in the smallest places.

80.
The part of me that believes in people still believes in you.

81.
I haven’t changed your name. I still want to see it.

82.
I wish you knew how many good things I still associate with you.

83.
I didn’t know I’d be grieving someone still alive.

84.
You weren’t mine. But I still feel like I lost everything.

85.
Some moments still catch me off guard. Like when I almost tell you something before I remember.

86.
I think I’m scared you’re happier without me.

87.
We never made it official, but it still feels like a breakup.

88.
Maybe someday you’ll read something I wrote and know it’s about you.

89.
You always told me I felt things deeply. You had no idea.

90.
I’m still here, quietly hoping the next time I open Snapchat… it’s you.

91.
I don’t know what this is between us, but it still makes me nervous and happy all at once.

92.
When you responded, my whole body exhaled.

93.
It’s weird how fast you still feel familiar.

94.
Your texts feel like sunlight in a house I thought was boarded up.

95.
I don’t know if we’re rebuilding or just visiting the ruins.

96.
Your “hey” brought back every version of us.

97.
Even small talk with you feels like something sacred.

98.
I catch myself rereading your messages like they’re poems.

99.
I wish I didn’t care so much about what each message means — but I do.

100.
You still know how to say the one thing I need to hear.

101.
I miss the way you used to just… get me. Maybe we still have that.

102.
It’s strange how I still crave your attention like nothing’s changed.

103.
Some days, we feel brand new. Other days, I feel like a memory you’re trying to forget.

104.
I want to ask you if you ever missed me, but I’m scared of the answer.

105.
Talking to you again feels like trying to walk barefoot on familiar ground that still has shards.

106.
You said something the other day that made me laugh out loud. I missed that sound coming from me.

107.
I’m trying not to expect too much, but I can’t help hoping.

108.
You don’t know how hard it is not to tell you I still care like it’s day one.

109.
I keep holding my breath between messages, waiting for warmth.

110.
There are moments I feel us again, and then they’re gone.

111.
You still have this way of making me forget all the time that’s passed.

112.
I almost told you how much I missed you today. Almost.

113.
Sometimes I think you’re trying too. Other times I think I’m alone in this.

114.
If we don’t work out, I hope you know I’ll still be glad we tried.

115.
You don’t need to be perfect — you just need to be here.

116.
It’s funny how quickly you made my day feel full again.

117.
I’m scared to love again. Not because of love. Because it might not be you.

118.
You told me something random and personal. I haven’t felt that trusted in a while.

119.
Even when we’re awkward, it still feels better than silence.

120.
I’m not expecting anything. But I’m quietly hoping everything.

121.
Sometimes I get the feeling we’re both pretending not to remember.

122.
You told me I looked happy. I wanted to say, “You’re the reason I do.”

123.
We’re tiptoeing around the past like it can’t hear us.

124.
Maybe this isn’t perfect. But it’s something. And I’ll take it.

125.
The little things you say still land like they used to.

126.
I thought I was past this. And then you typed back.

127.
I don’t know where this is going. But I’m walking anyway.

128.
I haven’t laughed like that in months. Thank you.

129.
You’re still the one I want to talk to last before I sleep.

130.
You apologized for something small. I wanted to say “I forgive you for everything.”

131.
There’s a version of me that only existed with you — I felt him again today.

132.
I’m scared we’re building something again without calling it that.

133.
It’s strange how I still remember the rhythm of our messages.

134.
I’m trying not to get attached again. I’m also failing.

135.
We’re writing something new over the same page.

136.
You said “lol” and I smiled like it was 2023 again.

137.
This is the part where we figure out what’s left between us.

138.
You still bring out parts of me I thought I lost.

139.
Every time you reply, I believe in something again.

140.
I’m scared to hope. But I think I am anyway.

141.
Even now, you can undo a hard day with one message.

142.
I wonder if you’re thinking about this as much as I am.

143.
Some moments feel like we never stopped. Others feel like we never started.

144.
I hope we’re not just a soft repeat of something we never got right.

145.
You told me goodnight, and it stayed with me until morning.

146.
I miss you. But in a quieter way now. A familiar ache.

147.
If this is just temporary, I still needed it.

148.
I can’t tell if we’re healing or reopening something.

149.
You still make me want to be softer with the world.

150.
This doesn’t feel like the end. Not yet.

151.
There’s comfort here. But it’s not you.

152.
I smile when I’m supposed to. But it never reaches the part of me you used to touch.

153.
She’s kind. She listens. But she doesn’t speak my language the way you did.

154.
Some nights, I still talk to you in my head first.

155.
The way you knew me — it wasn’t loud. It was certain.

156.
Even now, I catch myself imagining your reaction instead of hers.

157.
She tries to comfort me, but her healing power isn’t purple. Not like yours.

158.
I keep pretending this is progress. But healing shouldn’t feel like hiding.

159.
You haunt me in moments I thought were moving forward.

160.
There’s softness here, but not the kind you gave.

161.
I laugh sometimes. And then I realize it’s the kind of laugh I’d have sent to you.

162.
I used to feel known. Now I just feel understood.

163.
Every smile I give now feels slightly borrowed.

164.
You made silence feel safe. Nothing else does.

165.
It feels like I’m painting in grayscale when I used to paint in purple.

166.
Even if I wanted to forget you, the stars still say your name.

167.
I wish I could show someone else the parts of me I saved for you.

168.
Some nights, I wish I didn’t know what it was like to feel seen.

169.
I’m not comparing. I’m remembering.

170.
I never had to explain myself with you. Now I overexplain everything.

171.
I keep telling myself you were just a phase. But nothing else feels like the rest.

172.
I used to call you when I needed comfort. Now I just wait for time to pass.

173.
You weren’t just someone — you were the way I breathed.

174.
Some feelings don’t fade. They just find new places to ache.

175.
I tell stories and forget who I told them to first. Then I remember it was always you.

176.
Every time I feel safe, I wonder what it would feel like with you again.

177.
I’m not lost. But I don’t feel found anymore either.

178.
It’s not fair to miss you like this. But it’s honest.

179.
You never needed to try to make me feel important.

180.
I still think about that one conversation that made me feel human again.

181.
Sometimes I want to ask you if you still think of me, but I already know I wouldn’t believe the answer.

182.
If this is what peace looks like, why do I still ache?

183.
You were the only person who made me want to write again.

184.
This world feels fine. Yours felt real.

185.
We were never official. But you were the most real thing I had.

186.
I let someone else hold the space you left behind. It still echoes.

187.
You were my favorite part of quiet.

188.
You made me believe in things I don’t know how to believe in anymore.

189.
There’s nothing wrong with her. But she’s not you. And that’s the problem.

190.
You didn’t need to try. You just were.

191.
Sometimes I feel okay, and then I see purple and remember I’m not.

192.
Even when things feel stable, I still wonder how you’d say my name now.

193.
No one says my name the way you did — like it meant something.

194.
There’s no playlist that drowns you out.

195.
I still hear you when something beautiful happens.

196.
You were the first person I wanted to show the sky to.

197.
Even when I’m smiling, I still wish I was smiling next to you.

198.
She makes me feel calm. You made me feel alive.

199.
I don’t think I’ll ever stop loving the way you made me feel seen.

200.
Some people are safe. But you were sanctuary.

201.
You made my heart feel like it had a place to rest.

202.
Even when I try to move on, you still live in the way I speak.

203.
You’re not a memory. You’re a part of the structure.

204.
You made me feel like there was more to life than just surviving.

205.
Every little kindness from her reminds me of the effortless way you used to care.

206.
I didn’t expect this. I thought it would be easier.

207.
Some people help you forget. You just reminded me how deep I could feel.

208.
I wish I could tell you how much I still want to make you proud.

209.
This isn’t about romance. This is about missing my person.

210.
You weren’t my love story. You were my anchor.

211.
I can’t lie to myself. I’m still carrying you.

212.
There’s a softness in me that belongs to you.

213.
It’s like I’m living beside myself now — watching me pretend I’ve moved on.

214.
I tried to talk about you in past tense. It didn’t feel right.

215.
Somehow I still expect you to understand me without explanation.

216.
It’s not your absence that hurts most. It’s how I’ve learned to live with it.

217.
I’m not angry anymore. Just… quieter.

218.
Some days I forget what it felt like to lose you. Then I remember everything at once.

219.
This isn’t regret. It’s longing.

220.
You were never a phase. You were a shift in the atmosphere.

221.
She tells me I look distant sometimes. I want to say, “That’s where Eliza lives.”

222.
I wanted this to be easy. But nothing that’s ever mattered was.

223.
I don’t want you back. I want you near.

224.
The problem isn’t that I miss you. It’s that no one else makes me forget.

225.
You are still the standard I measure silence by.

226.
I think part of me will always be waiting for your voice.

227.
They ask me what I’m thinking. I just say “nothing.” But I mean “you.”

228.
I thought I could build something new. But the blueprint still says your name.

229.
Even in this peace, I still whisper your name.

230.
She’s not the problem. My heart is just still yours.

231.
Some days, I pretend you’re just a friend I used to know. But my heart doesn’t believe it.

232.
You weren’t a love story. You were a definition.

233.
It’s not that I want to go back. I just want to know if you ever felt it like I did.

234.
She’s wonderful. But I still reach for you in my mind.

235.
You live in my metaphors. Still.

236.
I stopped looking for someone like you. Because no one is.

237.
Even in love, I feel your absence.

238.
You weren’t mine. But I belonged to you anyway.

239.
Maybe one day I’ll meet someone who understands. But it’ll never be the same language.

240.
I’ve moved forward. But not on.

241.
You said something simple and it lit up my whole day. Just like old times.

242.
I didn’t realize how much I missed the way you say my name until you said it again.

243.
This time feels softer. Less like lightning, more like sunrise.

244.
We’re different now. But the way I care hasn’t changed a bit.

245.
You sent a voice note and I smiled before even playing it.

246.
I don’t want to mess this up. I just want to hold it right this time.

247.
Talking to you again feels like a second chance I didn’t know I needed.

248.
I never stopped being proud of you. I just stopped being able to tell you.

249.
This version of you still feels like home.

250.
I keep reading your messages and realizing I’m smiling again.

251.
Maybe this isn’t the beginning, or the end. Maybe it’s us, figuring it out.

252.
I want to be someone safe for you again. Even just in texts.

253.
The way you said “I missed this” made everything quiet in my chest.

254.
You bring out a gentleness in me no one else can reach.

255.
We don’t need to rush. I’d rather do this right.

256.
You’re still the one I want to tell everything to first.

257.
I’m not trying to recreate what we had. I want to build something with the person you are now.

258.
You sent “goodnight” and I swear I felt peace for the first time in months.

259.
This isn’t some big love confession. It’s just me saying, “You still matter. Deeply.”

260.
I remembered something you said last year. I wanted to say — you were right.

261.
You’re still easy to talk to, even after everything.

262.
When I think of the people who’ve changed me, you’re always at the top.

263.
You don’t have to say much. Just being here again says enough.

264.
Even the awkward pauses between us feel safe.

265.
I don’t need fireworks this time. I just want something steady and real with you.

266.
You said “I’m glad we’re talking again” and I had to look away from my screen for a second.

267.
I don’t know what this is, but it’s growing in the quiet. And that feels right.

268.
If this is the beginning of something better, I’m all in.

269.
I’m not scared of getting hurt. I’m scared of losing you again.

270.
You said “me too.” That’s all I needed.

271.
You were here. And then… nothing.

272.
I keep refreshing for a message I know isn’t coming.

273.
Did I say too much? Or not enough?

274.
It felt like we were becoming something again. I don’t know what happened.

275.
You said you missed talking to me. What changed?

276.
This silence is different from before. It’s heavier because now I know what it could’ve been.

277.
I keep telling myself you’re just busy. But my chest still tightens anyway.

278.
I was starting to believe in us again. That might’ve been the mistake.

279.
I’m not mad. I’m just confused. And kind of heartbroken in a quiet way.

280.
Maybe it’s nothing. But nothing hurts more when it follows something.

281.
You said “talk soon.” You didn’t lie. You just didn’t mean it.

282.
I’m back to rereading our last conversation like it’s a clue.

283.
I’m not asking for everything. Just for something.

284.
If this is the end again, I wish I’d seen it coming.

285.
You left gently this time. And that almost hurts more.

286.
You said good morning and suddenly the whole day felt lighter.

287.
This doesn’t feel rushed. It just feels right.

288.
We don’t have to name this. I just want to be here, wherever “here” is with you.

289.
There’s something different about your voice now — like softness found its way back in.

290.
You make the little things feel sacred.

291.
I stopped wondering if this is temporary. I just started enjoying it.

292.
You’ve never looked more beautiful to me than you do when you’re just being yourself.

293.
I like the way we don’t need to fill every silence. Some of them feel warm now.

294.
You said you were proud of me. And I believed you.

295.
This feels like healing together, not apart.

296.
You’ve always felt like home. But now, it’s like I get to live there again.

297.
We’re still figuring it out, and that’s okay. I don’t want to rush this.

298.
You’re not just comfort anymore — you’re clarity.

299.
I love the way you speak with care, even when you’re unsure.

300.
This feels like us. Not trying to be what we were — just being who we are.

301.
Every time you say my name, it steadies something in me.

302.
You’re the only person who can make me feel calm just by showing up.

303.
I used to miss you with desperation. Now I miss you with hope.

304.
There’s nothing urgent about this. Just a quiet, mutual want.

305.
I’m not scared anymore. I think we’re doing this the way we were supposed to.

306.
The way you care — it’s in the details. I notice.

307.
You’ve never felt more real to me than you do right now.

308.
We used to hold each other through screens. Now it feels like we’re finally face to face.

309.
You said “I’m here.” And this time, you stayed.

310.
I want to remember this version of us — soft, growing, still choosing each other.

311.
I don’t feel the need to prove anything anymore. I just want to show up for you.

312.
It feels easy again. Not because it’s simple, but because it’s right.

313.
You could’ve walked away for good. But you didn’t. Thank you.

314.
I don’t know how this ends. I just know I’m glad we made it back.

315.
Whatever this is, I want to keep building it with you.

316.
I think we both knew it was ending, but neither of us wanted to say it out loud.

317.
You didn’t disappear. You just got quieter. And I didn’t want to ask why.

318.
The last time you said “talk later,” I felt it was the last.

319.
I don’t regret a single message. Even the ones you never answered.

320.
This isn’t a breakup. It’s a quiet goodbye with no label.

321.
I kept expecting you to fight for it. But maybe we were both too tired.

322.
We never said we were over. We just stopped happening.

323.
I reread the things you said when we were trying again. I don’t think you were lying.

324.
Sometimes love doesn’t die. It just can’t carry the weight anymore.

325.
There’s a difference between moving on and letting go. I’m still learning how to do either.

326.
The worst part is how kind the ending was. Like we both knew we couldn’t stay.

327.
I didn’t want this to fade. But I think we let it.

328.
I keep thinking there’ll be one last message. There never is.

329.
We got so close. Closer than most. But not close enough to stay.

330.
You mattered. You still do. That doesn’t change just because we did.

331.
I loved how soft we were in the end. We didn’t break — we unraveled.

332.
Maybe the kindest thing we did was not force it when it started to go.

333.
You were never mine. But I loved you like you were.

334.
I still don’t know what to call us. But I know what it felt like.

335.
Sometimes the strongest love is the one that doesn’t ask to stay.

336.
I didn’t expect the last message to be the last.

337.
You weren’t a chapter. You were the author of so much in me.

338.
It’s okay that we didn’t end loud. It still hurts quiet.

339.
Even now, I still hope you’re doing okay. Especially now.

340.
You made me believe again. That counts for something.

341.
Thank you for showing up again. Even if it wasn’t forever.

342.
I wish I had one last day to just tell you everything. Not to fix it — just to be real.

343.
This isn’t bitterness. It’s just love with nowhere to go.

344.
Somewhere in me, you’re still there. Just softer now.

345.
Maybe we weren’t meant to last. But we were meant to meet.

346.
The truth is, I’d do it all again. Even the ending.

347.
I won’t forget how it felt to be wanted by you. Even briefly.

348.
You didn’t have to love me the same way. I just wanted you near.

349.
I still carry pieces of you, even as I try to make room for new ones.

350.
We didn’t get a proper goodbye. Maybe we didn’t need one.

351.
I don’t hate you. I don’t blame you. I just… miss you.

352.
Some nights, I still imagine you saying my name one more time.

353.
You don’t need to reach out. I’ll still wish you the best anyway.

354.
Even if this is it, you were my favorite “almost.”

355.
You taught me how to open up again. That’s a kind of love too.

356.
I don’t know what you meant to me. But it was more than anything else ever did.

357.
I still feel you in songs, in dreams, in sudden silences.

358.
We didn’t crash. We drifted. But it still hurts like a wreck.

359.
You didn’t break me. But I’m still putting myself back together.

360.
Maybe we’ll meet again in some other version of this life.

361.
You mattered. You always will.

362.
If you ever wonder, yes — I meant every word.

363.
I still have so many things I want to say. But I won’t.

364.
I loved you in a way that made the world feel different.

365.
And I still do.
They may not be in order, but I wrote you these notes over the past year and a half, I figured it’s worth putting them out instead of sitting in a drawer for poetry inspiration.

— The End —