If I held out my hand
would you take it ?
it's warmth ready to permeate your soul
but what would it tell you of me ?
the scar on my finger
the wrinkling skin
the crooked pinkie
the gnarl on my thumb
stories to be told
if you would only take hold.

i.
there's something melancholy,
something tragically beautiful
about loving someone who doesn't love you

ii.
there is a certain sadness
of bleeding for someone who
wouldn't even shed a tear for you

iii.**
and there is a certain romance
to reaching out and falling to the floor
and falling for you and crying silent storms
of unexpected kisses and warm hugs.

I wanna get really drunk and tell you all the things I'm too afraid to tell you sober,
and I want you to call me drunk and whisper my name and tell me that you've been in love with me all along but we both know how stubborn i am and how proud you are and we both know that you deleted my phone number a long time ago and you're not planning on calling it any time soon but that's okay,
I'm okay.
I'm fine without you, no matter how much my heart burns and my head aches of your absence and how I find relief in my own puddle of tears, mixed with blood, bled only for you.
You were my sunshine when i wanted rain, and my star when I wanted clouds and I guess I was just the skip of your heartbeat, and just a mere breath taken away,
I still think about kissing you all the time, but it seems to hurt much more now as my hopes turned to cigarette butts and you being mine turned to dust.
I guess you were just the fog polluting the air, and I found it hard to breathe around you, you were the summer rain nobody wanted but I liked summer rains, they washed all my pain away, while the sun was still shining.
Maybe I was just the dirt on your shoes, you cleaned me over and over again, making me disappear and I always came back on rainy days where you accidentally step into a puddle of mud and I'm once again stuck on your shoes.
The frickle of sparkle in your eyes has me thinking and everytime I look myself in the mirror and focus on my dull eyes, all I see is you.
I wonder what kind of thoughts cross your mind every time you lay your eyes on me, and it's so wrong of me to be satisfied with the smile of pity on your face everytime you see me.
And i keep rereading all the sad poems I ever wrote you and it made me realize how much I was in love with you and how that unrequited love is slowly dying and fading away, the wind taking all the dust and broken pieces you left of me and making them sink into the sea.
Maybe this is your way of showing your power, the control you have over me, to brag to your friends about the pathetic girl who is in love with you and sees you through different eyes and finds you eternally fascinating.
And as i look through the window pane of my dad's car while we‘re driving through town, i see you in my own reflection and I see you on the sidewalk holding some other's girl hand and I see you in the moon and all the stars and rushing cars and I can't help it but you're my every thought, you have possesed me and I don't think I'm gonna survive this storm and I'm not even sure that I want to.
You're the fire and flame and I'm just a melted candle under your stare.

you were the liquor i couldn't afford
and the cigarettes i didn't smoke.
you were the thoughts i couldn't
make up into words and
the covered bruise on my neck.
you were everything and nothing to me,
at the same time,
if that's even possible-
because you were the universe,
with galaxies in your eyes and
i wasn't even a star, babe.

i lost you, and with that,
                  i lost myself.


                             **i just gotta accept the fact that
                             the girl who is gonna leave her
                             taste on your tongue realizes
                             how lucky she is going to be
                             to just touch your lips and
                             make you laugh.