cait-cait

cait-cait Jun 2016

birthday

Spoil me with
One
    thousand
gifts

And fix my heart with
ribbon and tissue,
    All wrapped up
so
I don't lose the pieces

And
It's almost my birthday,

So Tell the little girl me
That
    the kids have just
woken up

And that the gifts are just
Waiting,
Broken and torn, and
    Opened... Already.

Just for me.

This poem is basically about how life has had it out for me since the moment I was born. Kinda a vague description but im too tired to care. My dad went to jail on father's day and now he wants to apologize to me like it will fix my < 2 decades of abuse. I have to move 3 ******* states away and I can't even bring my cat with me. Happy early birthday, cait-cait. Sorry for ranting I have no one else

#broken #heart #pain #present #birthday #torn #gift #ribbons #spoil

cait-cait May 2016

decay

you are so far gone,
that
you might as well be
six feet under...
buried alive
or only half

alive
and still buried...

and i will spit
snot on your grave,
and clog my ears with dirt
and flowers
grown from your decay

say one more word,
and I might choke on
your fire

I don't think fire fits but nothing else does either. I've been triggered so much lately I want to die

#fire #alive #grave #flower #gone #decay #spit #choke

cait-cait May 2016

alphabet soup

He is
No longer
A person
To me

As I sit here
And watch him
*****
Onto the floor

And it looks like
Alphabet soup...
But
Maybe it's just soup, or
Just Alphabet...
As he begins speaking
1, 2, 3s.

And I have cried before,
For him. but
Now that I sit,
Eyes on his back,
Unspeaking
And still
.
.
.

I frankly hope he
Chokes.

Um okay you don't have to treat me like I'm a different person. I'm still me and you don't have to act otherwise

#pain #cry #hurt #alphabet #person #***** #choke #soup

cait-cait May 2016

pretend games

...and i am suffocating
under the weight of your words

i ask you nicely to
please stop

you laugh and mock me of
my pain

and when i cry
you look to the side,
pretending it wasnt you who hurt me

stop crying, you ask,
but not nicely
and i have to put a bucket
over a barrel of
T
E
A
R
S

this is crap but whateves

#words #pain #tears #cry #crying #hurt #pretend #bucket #barrel

cait-cait Apr 2016

honey

my throat constricts
.
.
.

and i suffocate on words that
are
on fire.

words that are begging
to be lashed at your face
but lash in my esophagus
instead.

cutting like blades,
bleeding like tears.
it
leaks down and burns my
stomach

and

you laugh,
not taking me seriously
thinking that i wont gag
the next time i think of your face.

don't call me honey.

for mom. this poem is crap.

#words #fire #honey #face #throat #gag #lash #esophagus

cait-cait Apr 2016

10w

i want to scream,
and forgive myself for
forgiving you.

#scream #10w #forgive

cait-cait Mar 2016

butterflies

**** these tiny butterflies,
that rest in my stomach,
and expand in my chest...

like little paper knives,
i choke.

and
ill block my lungs one day,
and ***** them up,
coughing out each wing
and eyeball and
tooth
.
.
.

even if theyve got my tongue twisted,
and my brain scattered,

like paint,
it is venom to my
squeezing, breathing heart
and
one day
ill rip out my
intestines
just to see them
gone.

¯\_(ツ)_/¯

#love #paint #heart #butterfly #butterflies #tongue #chest #knives #choke #toxin