Since my breakup 
I realized the importance 
of threats from debt 
wieghing down 
a relationship 
Since my breakup
I have made a promise 
to not have one 
monthly obligation
regardless the sacrifice 
Since my breakup 
I moved in with family 
in order to save money 
and paid cash for a camper 
so I could live, rent free 
Since my breakup 
I paid cash for a pickup 
that easily could last me 
the next 20 years to come, not paying one penny to interest 
Since my breakup 
I have been saving 
as much as possible 
versus financing 
MY AMERICAN DREAM 
Since my breakup 
I bought a sports car 
that was the one to have 
when I was in highschool 
another goal Im proud of 
Since my breakup 
I have divided and conquered 
all the debts and threats 
of monthly obligations 
and rearranged my desires 
Since my breakup 
I have realized what i want 
and Im proud to say 
I finally purchased 
my own piece of land 
Since my  breakup
I have discovered 
my desire to live simple 
and my next mission
is to build a home on my land 
BUY DIRT

Poetry has no
ability to judge me
so I open up

................................🖤
                                []
                                []
               W =====<>===== E
                                []
                                []
                 MORAL:S

Life isn't a journey
                 but rather a path 
Purpose isn't discovered 
                    but rather found 
Happiness isn't given
           but rather a decision 
       Love isn't granted 
but rather formed 
       Lead with your heart,
             decide with your mind 
         Let your morals
   be the compass
               and you will, 
                   NEVER BE LOST

Hours left to live
the doctor said so to me
so it must be true

She caught my eyes 
I saw through her disguise 
makeup caked on heavy 
covering her pain
Our paths crossed 
leading to the same lane 
we both were souls 
going against the grain 
Wondering why ? 
life hasnt been moving 
smoothly 
She has my eyes glued 
to hers 
H0W GOOD IT FEELS 
to be a part of 
her presence 
She's a gift 
present

You’re an adult but miss being a kid , tired of a life requiring responsibility to get far

You decide to hide from it all and commit to just being a big kid but how with no toys

When you were younger your toys were your friends , stuffed animals and action figures

Before meeting you they all were nameless and hostage to a lonely retailers shelf

You felt connected as a mother giving birth to a childhood as you gave them purpose

Naming each and everyone, allowing them to tag along in all of your adventures

But that was then and this is now, how ridiculous you would appear with made up pals

Voiceless and choice-less, it’s just not the same kind of fun it was in your childhood

So now you contemplate and sit and ponder, it suddenly hits you like a bag of bricks: LEGOS

Toys with hearts is what you desire, with brains, with voices and real life emotions

So quickly you get excited realizing the possibilities of a completely filled toy-box

Is it fair to them to use them for your satisfaction as you toy with their emotions for fun

Nicer to some than others but the ultimate mission is to get them to ride your coattail

Never out for their benefit but rather yours as you see them as your childhood toys

At your dispersement as you see fit for your emotions and personal self benefits  

And when they realize it and get fed up, they move on but your not bothered by this at all

Because just as a child it was only a matter of time before you outgrew them one by one

Then on to the next big hit, the next big trend and the old toys left to take the hit, ALONE

Well these real life toys have hearts and it’s just not the same as they are being tore apart

But you could careless as you witness the pain and agony you force them to face

As they lay in pieces astray, your mind has already moved on , gone without a trace

Well in time this may seem to work as you get your socks off to others hurt

But the reality is the play dates will come and go but before you know it’ll be to late

You’re a narcissist, not a kid and the real victims aren’t your friends but rather you

They tried to help and tried to get you to see but your to into yourself to ever care

A lifetime of new acquaintances is your life sentence as you are always losing loved ones

All the misfits you have offended all pray for the day you can finally grow up

Because regardless the pain you have caused them they are toys with hearts

They bleed, they cry, they can relate, they can hate but they choose not too

Because your not worth any of their emotions and that’s why you don’t deserve

Toys with hearts because there’s no such thing, it just doesn’t exist

They are people and you’re a
F❤️CKING NARCISSIST, with an empty toy box

When desire outweighs capabilities an incapable person becomes more motivated than that of a capable person with no desire

When motivation outweighs talent a talentless person becomes more passionate than that of a talented person with no motivation

When passion outweighs experience an inexperienced person becomes more successful than that of an experienced person with no passion

We all are only as desirable, motivated and passionate as we allow ourselves to be and once we comprehend that we become way more capable, talented and experienced in life

17 years old
he was still
a kid

Raised by the streets
his mom worked 3 jobs
to barely make ends meet

No male role-model
for him to look up to
if only he did

17 years old
the court said
he was a man

One bad decision
he will now live with
for the rest of his:

LIFE-SENTENCE

Cocktail
Cockfail

You’re drunk again

Mixed drink
Mixed emotions

Try thinking sober

Multiple shots
Multiple plots

You keep ordering

Pitcher perfect
Picture perfect

From drunk eyes

Hungover again
Hungover pain

Still same problems

Alcohol calls
Alcohol falls

Your name again

You answer
You catch

Maintaining the pattern

Alone, afraid
Alone, unsafe

Numb the pain

You feel
You need

But you don’t

Your week
You’re weak

Put the bottle

Down now
Move on

Overcome the pain

Don’t count
Don’t love

Your buzz more

Than yourself
Than health

You got this

You can
You will

If you try


Angry sober
Happy buzzed

Sad when drunk

Regretful after
Disappointed after

But then you

Drink more
Drink none

Break the pattern

The voices in my head
used to tell the darkest tales
Their advice was horrible
telling me to be invulnerable
knowing the damage has already been done
but now I refuse to listen
to the abuse from the past
present, moving forward
GONE

To the left
and to the right
both parties listen up
With out you
both cooperating
I couldn't accomplish much
So to think
we could run a country
without working together
SEEMS DUMB

UMD
Many out there
Lost souls at sea
To outside eyes
They look normal
No obvious needs
They manage to hide
All the unknowns
Deep inside they know
They are never really alright
Voices in their head
Like they have two minds
False conclusions fed
The difference between
Real, reality and self-made
All blend together to benefit
The justification needed
To love, hate and survive
Not much else exists between
Comfort found in perfection
Life is not perfect, explain
How does this go unnoticed
Mixed baggage all piled up
Years of suppression
Years of depression
Years of wanting to let-go
Suicide known, but refused
Never really been an option
Weeks of normalcy achieved
Days of relapsing and grief
Turning points amidst it all
Promises of good change
Made but never kept
Difficulty maintaing friends
Emotions on and off
Like a light switch
On the straight and narrow
Then back in the ditch
Confident in self and strong
Insecure and weak next up
Proud of self-growth
Disgusted with oneself
UMD: covers it all
Unknown Mental Disease
To each their own
Hidden beneath the flesh
Within the rib-cage
A healthy beating heart
Within the skull
A damaged brain
A shattered mind
A habitat to a disease
Still unknowm
UMD

............EMOTIONS
         M  V         N              
           O   E       O
          T      R     I
         I          Y THING
          O            O
        N             M
        SNOITOME

_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ GET IN
THE WAY OF
_ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

YES, NO
I DON’T KNOW
MAYBE
OR
WITHOUT A DOUBT
I’M 100’/. SURE
SOLD
OR
THERE’S NO WAY
I REFUSE TO BELIEVE
LIE

NO LOGIC
WHEN EMOTIONS
ARE INVOLVED
FEELINGS GET
IN THE WAY
OF LOGIC

A journey, a dream
to become better
I desire, regardless
the statistics
or what they say

To be realistic
I was captive
to past patterns
they nurtured
but not me

It wasn’t until
I realized this
that I could ever
be able to see
the difference

Once I did
I felt tricked
I was a slave
to bad luck and
a sinners way

Lost love
the cost of
my heritage
my only inheritance
but that was before

Criss cross
no longer parallel
perpendicular
to their views
I now will remain

They love me
they love me not
I’m no longer bitter
they loved me
the best they could

The bandages
are all gone
the scars have faded
I’m no longer adapted
but rather accepted

A soldier in war
coming back home
cannot be that man
that war made him
or had created

A doctor in surgery
trying dearly
to save a life
that has barely a chance
to be able to survive

That doctor
cannot take that death
to his home, nor be proud
of his failures when he
truly tried his best to be a hero

However he shouldn’t feel
ashamed but giving
the circumstances
how can he feel any different ? welcome to life

A board game that never
promises any winners
regardless the talent
or the efforts, wrong or right
no difference sometimes

I’m no mathematician
but it seems lately
it’s all just numbers
and all the smart ones
keep becoming more wealthy

You, him, her and I
the young , the old
And even the babies
we all are just numbers
they add, subtract. divide and
MULTIPLY

IRRELEVANT, IRRELEVANT
I scream because it doesn’t matter what they do nor what they did , I am who I am and know what it is .... that makes me or takes me to where I need to go

My mind the sky . My brain the star , like a compass to lead my heart just below , the right way , our souls float within our whole environment amidst our shells, this is our gravity to attract other like minds , this is our deterrent too, to the ones that try to dispute what we know is true

Faith
       Soul
         MIND-⭐️
             Soul
                Heart ❤️
​​​​                      Soul

Our energy consumes our world and protects us all , but until the energy is pure the light will never shine bright for the heart to see the star that leads us in life’s night or creates day !
SUN

A BEAUTIFUL GALAXY WE ALL CAN BE AND IF ALL MINDS WERE SKIES AND ALL BRAINS WERE STARs AND ALL HEARTS WERE ABLE TO FOLLOW BRIGHT MINDS
imagine the souls that would fly
IMAGINE YOU, HER, HIM, I , THE YOUNG, OLD AND
EVEN THE BABIES

what a world this would be
what a life we all could live
WHAT A LIFE
For you and I

Love is needed
love is wanted

But what love is to you
may not be what I needed

That doesn’t mean
you are in the wrong

But rather we are different
and love is in many definitions

So let’s not take it personal
let’s not blame each-other

When we both can just agree
that love is difficult and different

For each one of us
and we all deserve to be

Loved by someone that doesn’t take us for granted ever

Because that just doesn’t
seem fair or loving regardless

Of the various definitions
that love can truly have

Go ahead and look it up
in a thesaurus and you will see

That the words: pain, sorrow, grief , disappointment and hated  

Nor abused, neglected, forgotten , frustrated and mad  

Don’t belong in the pages you would read or the emotions you would ever have to feel

Truth be told ............

Left foot, right foot
back and forth
Faster, faster please
these issues might
CATCH UP

You can’t do this
voices whisper firmly
Stop, stop please
you can’t keep
DOING THIS

Your shoes soles
forever wearing thin
Quit, quit now
quit running scared
AND AFRAID

Be brave , face it
REALIZE it’s not
your fault
However it’s now
YOUR CHOICE

“ You can look but don’t touch “
EYE-CANDY
” You can taste but don’t feel “
SEE-WHAT-I-MEAN
” Reality is perception after all “
WORK-HARD-TO-CHANGE-IT

I grasped life firmly,
but what is left to live for?
She destroyed my heart!

When searching for happiness one may find that the hunt is filled with so many ups and downs that its just easier to be content with 
BEING ALONE

Drowning
in past sorrows

Head
barely above waters

Struggling
just to survive

Fearing
for my life

Body
becoming more weak

Energy
depleting very quickly

Why?
I ask myself

Viewing
the light above

Bright
like the sun

But
it isn’t it

Rather
the bathroom light

Broken
and very insecure

Fears
create false situations

Imagination
runs with it

Caged
Within our heads

I grasp for my last breath
as I look down and the reflection of a chrome plug catches my eyes

I am in control and I do get to decide , as I pull the plug and the water slowly pours out from the drain

But wait , this isn’t the tub nor am I in the bathroom, quickly I realize I’m in the ocean and it was a piece of jewelry that caught my eye

I’m totally submerged under the water and the sun is beating down as the rays create lines pointing up like an arm reaching for me , calling my name ....

I go to kick my feet to swim to the surface, the sand crashes between my toes and consumes my heels as I feel so confused my legs extend up and I stand

I’m in shallow waters and I realize it’s just another panic attack  as I take a couple deep breaths , my mom calls from the shore “ son are you alright “ I pour out in tears crying uncontrollably

Yes  mom , I’ll be fine

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I wonder what my ex is up to ?
Or better yet,
What are your kids up to?
At home

Dog eat dog world
don’t be weak
puppy chow

Dog eat dog world
don’t be to loud
barking orders

Dog eat dog world
don’t chase your tail
dog “gone” it

LOST

Dog eat dog world
move “fur”ther ahead
leading by scent

DIRECTION

Dog eat dog world
keep your owner happy
don’t **** where you eat

INSIDE

Dog eat dog world
euthanizing all breeds
population control

One day we may
live amongst each-other
NOT IN CHAINS

One day we may
roam freely spreading love
it’s a Dog eat dog world

A found newborn becomes a lost boy.The lost boy becomes a troubled teen.

With a blink of an eye the troubled teen, legally becomes a broken man.

When was the opportunity missed to become someone different? It wasn't !

It all started long before he was capable of making any decisions, the sad truth.

But all you see now is what stands in front of you, with looks of disappointment.

The same exact image I have been forced to stare back at for many years, REFLECTION!

One year my dear
and one month
since I last saw you
One year my dear
and three months
since we broke up
I still miss you
Four years my dear
and one month
of me messing up
with no improvement
I really let you down
However many years
and months my dear
It takes you to reconsider
I'll be waiting for you
and our lost love dear
until you're actually
really mine dear
I will always miss you

Barely scraping by
arms to my side

FIRM

Shoulder to shoulder
confined within the edges

TRAPPED

Within this life
within these problems

CAPTIVE

To worldly temptations
battling my self-worth

WAR

Values disarrayed
confidence shattered

CONFUSED

Power in faith
strength in love

SUPPORT

Lost love
faith unfamiliar

ALONE

By myself
for the first time

CHANGE

Poetry came along
after a long distance

TIME

Providing an avenue
allowing a healthy vice

ART

No longer alone
with my feelings

ESCAPED

Forever learning about myself
through my own words

EDUCATION

Words forever kept
and some far to long

GONE

Bad memories, dark tales
past trauma, a bitter heart

FORGIVEN

The cause of myself
the cause of who I was

MINDSET

Others can affect us
and they did to me

REALITY

However the most important
lesson poetry has taught me

TRUTHFULLY

It doesn’t mean they can
control my feelings

ANYMORE

When you are of sound mind
when you are of a good heart

GENUINE

When you wear your heart on your sleeve and actually care

COMPASSION

You will attract the energy you strive to become

MAGNET

We must save ourselves before we can save someone else

FACT

We must love ourselves before we can love someone else

FACT

We must want to be saved and loved to become both

FACT

Faith is calling my name as it’s weighing heavy on my heart

BELIEVING

This life makes no sense without there being something

MORE

Thoughts of why I have been so unconvinced or scared

QUESTIONS?

As a broken person I had no foundation to build from

Weak

I felt undeserving and like a hypocrite knowing my sins

PATHETIC

Afraid of knowing what’s right but going against his word

GOD

Bitter from a childhood past that wasn’t his fault nor mine

ANGRY

That’s the only way to explain the way I treated us both

BADLY

That explains why my relationships always failed

HURT

In life most things are self-inflicted, but we must find the

CAUSE

Poetry saved me, poetry taught me , poetry shined the light

BRIGHT

To what it was that caused this, to the importance of love

HAPPINESS

For better or worse poetry never escaped me

LOYAL

The truth is a poet will never be alone unless they want to be

REALIZATION

It’s in our hearts, it’s in our mind, our souls and gives purpose

FULFILLMENT

My words aren’t combined letters but rather released

EMOTIONS

I write with rawness, the ink my blood, my pain becomes yours

EXPOSED

My happiness and self-growth also equally transferred

NOW

But who I was, I wish on no one nor those feelings

EVER

It was a necessary journey but one I’m glad has transformed

GONE

So my deepest apologies to anyone that felt left in the dark

SORRY

Pain is powerful
pain can produce
Pain creates comfort
pain creates truth
Pain is real
pain is raw
Pain made me
pain gains trust
Pain translates easily
pain persuades others
Pain relates well
pain convinces us
Pain produces sales
pain soars profits
Pain is genuine
pain is love
Pain haunted me
pain blessed me
Pain is life
pain is purpose
Pain employs me
pain pays well
Pain is me
pain is you
Pain needs me
pain needs you
Pain sells cars
pain buys cars
I'm not a salesman
I'm a pain identifier
I'm not a shark
I'm a pain comforter
We all have pain
we all desire comfort
I share my pain
to gain your trust
You share your pain
to repay my trust
Together we become painless
when I sell you
I'm not a salesman
you're not a customer
​​​​​​We are pain victims
together finding pain comfort
Pain leads to profits
pain leads to sales
Pain is my business
pain pays me well

Most love wrote in ink
   Our love wrote in graphite
                             THANK GOD

     True love wrote in blood  PERMANENT or
supposed to be

   Ink eventually will fade
Graphite easily can be erased
   Blood heartbreak vulnerable

After the last contract in blood, moving forward I’ll stick to GRAPHITE ! I’m just not comfortable with being vulnerable again.

A home has a foundation
keeping it grounded
A teenager has parents
keeping them grounded
Both extra necessary
when weathering storms
and adult encounters
many storms a lifetime
No concrete
keeping them grounded
No parents
keeping them grounded
Mental Health
is extra necessary
When weathering storms
to stay healthy
Always be strong
and keep YOURSELF GROUNDED

Chase 🏃‍♂️
               what you
                        can't have

                                      🏃‍♀️   but
                                  run from
               what desires you

​​   🤷‍♂️Its human nature

Narrow-minded
already-decided

Vast-opinions
fast-conclusions

Many-regrets
infinite-threats

But hey!
What do I know ?

It's not my job
to judge

These are just
my opinions

And I'll
keep them to myself

RESPECT

Earth, wind and fire 
Mother Nature’s remedies 
relaxing at night 
​​​​​​​

Please don’t ask for it
   I promise you can earn it
          It’ll just take time

There used to be a key to my heart, that was before she tore it apart, now I'm just desperate for love

They expect to be treated better but haven’t they witnessed your self-behavior? I never expect anyone to treat me better than they do themself.......FOOLISH

Get your point across 
We all know you always do 
but we still love you

She’s a ****** bro
no she’s not, she had a son
well so did Mary

I seek the truth only
that doesn’t mean I’m lost though
I just want reality

Turn me on like a light switch, turn me off when I'm off, I'll be on with your touch

Physically weak
Mentally unstable
Socially disturbed
Emotionally battered
Economically drained
Psychologically f**ked
Damaged goods I remain
Thank God, I love who I am
Because I feel no one else can

When words just won't do
What is one to consider
what is one to do

Everyday i work
everyday is a job
just look around
and you to shall
SEE

Everyday i love
everyday is a relationship
just look around
and you to shall
FEEL

Everyday i fight
everyday is a battle
just look around
and you to shall
DEFEND

Everyday i see
an everyday cause
that demands
everyday deeds
STAND

Abused 
confused 
with 
WHO I AM 
Words
heard 
from 
words 
spoke
from 
words 
wrote 
My roots formed 
from a poem 
but 
which
type 
FrEeStYle?
I am to confused 
my reflection uncertain 
must we have labels 
hAiKu?
I ASK MYSELF ?
of course my voices 
have no response 
They only speak up 
when they benefit 
THEMSELVES 
My identity is in many 
because these words 
have many meanings 
Who i am ?
is up for debate 
until I know
I guess ill always remain
GeNre-CoNfUsEd 
NaRrAtIvE?
WHO KNOWS ?

Heart on my sleeve
Knife in my back
Eyes opened wide
Nails with jagged edges
Body covered in bruises
Internally broken to pieces
Shattered like a mirror
My reflection currently scary
UNFAMILIAR

Mind tired and weak
Thoughts keep intersecting
Creating contradiction amidst
THE TRUE REALITY
Insecurities fog loves sky
Past trauma keeps resurfacing
Lately a struggle just to breathe
I have only myself to blame
FAMILIAR

You’re saved
she is
he is too
Keep being
YOURSELF
and I’ll keep
rooting for you

Mysteries below the waters,
miles and miles of undiscovered depths
Mysteries above the skies,
miles and miles of undiscovered depths
Mysteries between the two, miles and miles of discovered land
But yet I’m still lost

My feelings hurt 
my feelings ScReAm
in pain
My feelings long 
for SoMeOnE to 
come along 
My feelings have 
been through alot 
My feelings never 
have forgot 
The past, the worst,
or the best memories 
My feelings are sore 
my feelings are tired 
My feelings lost 
their voice 
My feelings just want to 
RETIRE 
Are you the one 
my feelings whisper 
inside my head 
when my feelings 
are grabbed 
Her voice
her smile 
her lips
her body 
her personality 
her demeanor 
her story 
has my feelings 
going crazy 
inside my body 
"Is she the one?"
My feelings ask 
I reply disappointed, 
"Im not sure yet"
but my feelings 
still keep
FEELING

An eye for an eye
EQUAL
counterparts
TWO
worlds across
ONE
disappointed face
****
spoke the mouth
WORDS
take the place of
ACTIONS
go willingly unheard
IGNORED
even by myself
FACT
in disbelief of the
MAN
I have become
RUN
from the truth
HIDE
eye to eye
LOOK
for the truth
VIEW
the pain and anger
CHANGE
but only if
YOU
decide too

Only one option
read or write, cannot be both.
Which one would you choose?

One ounce divided by all of you from the flesh of my pinky finger is enough talent to dilute the rest of the world!

Emotions
twirling
Insecurities
swirling
Heart
hurting
Mind
wandering
Thoughts
crossing
Fears
absorbing
Pain
resulting
In
my
LIFE
journey