My thorns grow
meaner by the day, to
protect my
withering heart from the
rose I cannot claim.

Means if you go on holidays
and it rains a lot in a place where
you were guaranteed sunshine,
they will give you a free sun
lamp when you return, to Direland

I know what ensues.
It's a bitter fact,
Pain, hate and abuse.
It hurts me to say that
You're monstrous.

Just how can I hate you?
You were my hero once.
I cannot erase you,
You're the air in my lungs
But cancerous.

A friend asked me
how to be a writer.
I wanted to say,
lock yourself in a room,
scream until you have
a poem and no voice.
Open your veins and bleed
until you know that your bones
are pure words and sorrow.
Act as if you slit your own throat
and all you can bleed
are your own regrets
and all of the darkness
you boxed up for inspiration.
Write your mom a letter,
tell her you're leaving
and you won't be back for awhile
Because being a writer is traveling
through all seven layers of Hell
and denying anything is wrong.
Forget loving yourself
when all you have is a pen and paper
fused to your wrist
and Jesus is tapping at your skull
saying turn back now.
Warn the neighbors that if they smell burning
It's just your soul
clawing at the front door trying to get in.
Learn how to be alone.
Learn how to lose everything you have
in order to feel release,
learn how to only feel deceased
from now on.
A friend asked me
how to be a writer.
All I said was
don't

Sometimes, I
Regret
Not regretting.

this diary isn’t for you to read anymore
so stop trying to pry it open
its locked,
and there’s a key for a reason.
stop acting like you know me
the truth is, you don’t.  
i could write down things about myself
and you could read them
but what about those that i don’t write
you don’t know me,
so don’t think you do.
i’m not an open book like you think i am
some chapters are meant to be kept hidden
and i don’t want you reading them.

Cultivated feelings,
and falling tears.
already passed 140 days,
and I’m counting daily.
Don’t know why?,
But, it feels like,
You are pulling me silently.

Your presence is my strength;
And, I am weak minus you.
Want to live and die with you.
Waiting for you my Love
No more second guess.
Innocent soul and you.