The conversation tumbles out in ribbons and fall leaves,
In stories we all tell ourselves that nobody believes,
Walk with wolves in their wolf clothes, costume suits and ties,
Watching it all end with deaf ears and hourglass eyes,
As the chips turn to ashes, we fall where we please,
On grey dashboard tables, on broken church knees,
Vulnerabilities remain hidden behind a digital disguise,
Where everything that ever happened happened to be lies,
Our feet are getting older now, we tiptoe a safer route,
Drunk on expensive alcohol, nothing new to write about,
I was always left or leaving, maybe I’m already gone,
And I want to talk about it, but you turn the TV on,
So I stare out the window, and I wait it all away,
Repeating softly to myself, We’re all okay, we’re all okay.

Buzzing, itching, crowded mess.

Pounding, pounding, in my head.

Nothing matters, not anymore.

It never did, never at all.

Slowly sinking, drowning, cold.

I think I'm starting to lose my hold.

My grip on reality is wearing thin.

It's time I let the demons in.

Sometimes I'm not sure if I'm asleep or awake,

My dreams are real and reality is fake.

What I think is real might be wrong,

Perhaps I've been deceived all along.

Maybe I'll wake up if this is a dream,

And realize that nothing is how it once seemed.

There are times when I just feel-

Like nothing in my life is real.

Perhaps I'll wake up after I die-

And see that my whole life was a lie.

Maybe not even reality is real,

Sometimes it seems abstract and surreal.

My life is terrible, too awful to be true,

So can it be real? I wish I knew.

This surreal life I can't escape,

What if I'm not even awake?

My whole life could be a dream,

Trapped in my mind, reality unseen.

If my life is a dream, don't wake me yet.

I want to live a life I'll never forget.

Written September 27, 2015

"My day to day affiliations
Contain online conversations
Distractions, from face to face complications
And changes
I feel alone yet suffocated at the same time
You see, every time I think about it, it gets me crying
Because I am not meant to feel this way
Having to ask every time I leave "mother may
I" can't believe this predicament I am in
Feeling like I'm a child, no chances to explore the world I am within
But I am lonely
I am so ******* lonely
And I can't do anything but feel these feelings that I have you see, I can't seem to get things off my chest and even when I'm filled up like a balloon ready to burst, no one is there to tie me down
No one is there to listen to my problems and help me reflate the positivity within my mind
Except I
And let me tell you, a negative axis  leads downward ***** and I for one am halfway there
I am sailing away from myself into the waters with no light
I find myself breaking day after day, and one day that boat is going to tip, all the water will sink in and I will not be the same
Traumatized, lies, cries, goodbyes
They haunt me in my sleep
How am I supposed to give into someone's love anymore after all the times I opened up my heart and it was crushed?
Trust is no friend of mine
For all those I thought were reliable, turned to my bad side
So I sit on the floor and cry about another day
And I wonder if there's any way
To make this all go away"

Lost dimensions
Walled wishes
Fallen hope
Where are we going?

Empty backseat
Blinded by memories
Touch of reality
Are we moving?

I don't know how to tell you that I have found the love of my life in the corner of my hospital bedroom. He stands patiently. Watches me eager. Feeding me his hand-me-down depression. He could make me feel at home in a roofless shelter, make this rain feel like soft kisses along my skin, he could make razor blades feel like feathers. I have never known the true definition of flirting until seeing the hunger for my soul in his eyes. I don't know how else to tell you that I've found the love of my life. All I can say is that death has been begging me to stay the night, I've been choking on apologies. These days he's the only one who knows how to hold me.