I'm no good at this...
No good at this at all.
I'm not ready,
I never will be.
I wanted independence,
Not neglect.
I feel really, really alone tonight...
Vulnerability at its finest.
Sweet, sweet pain.
Salty, salty tears.
1 year, 178 days sober.
I congratulate myself.
Last night was great,
In the glow of the moonlight,
To the rush of the waves...
The ocean waved at me...
And she smiled.
What a smile she has.
I need to quit,
I never will quit.
With a sigh,
I disappear into myself.
Who knows when I'll come out?
Who knows when I will be okay?
I better be okay, one day...

I fall down, it's no longer bright
Land in a black hole, without light
Oh wait, it's a brown hole tonight
I am falling into your brown eyes
I hope they're authentic, no disguise
Because you truly are a delight
"Oh hey, you look nice"
**** it, you stole my line
"So do you" I weakly reply
My heart thuds and you smile
You lean in, I feel your teasing bite
My tender lips, more than alright
Feel pure pleasure, without fright
There's only excitement, this time
Spare me the misery, my divine
All of the rules have been defied
It's possible that you liked it
But next time you'll deny it
You'll deny my lips with a sigh
I'll deny your denial, what a crime
Better luck next time.
You tasted of... Vanilla, am I right?
You really know how to kiss a guy
Made it feel like my time to shine
Made me feel like I was liked
Pulled my hair, oh, what a life
Held my hands, pulled me in tight
And then a cheeky kiss goodnight
I had to wait for so long... Why?
I guess we've both always been shy
I guess we've both been far behind
But I guess now we would be fine
To hang out, maybe once or twice
With only us, just you and I
That is, if you wouldn't mind
I mean, it's always worth a try
Until then, vanilla lips,
**Goodbye...

silence,
there was something absolutely chilling about that silence.

your name echoed in the back of my mind, even though it was the first time.

once, upon a time.
the name could've been mine.

now sticking to poetry,
like good riddance.

you took the flavour from me,
and walked the distance.

i never had the courage to walk,
i wish id listened.

you stole the music from me,
i haven't written since you left.

i couldn't hear them scream,
i was indefinitely deaf.

you ******* ripped it from me,
maybe i could've being the one.

if you were alive to see,
me become a son.

You were losing your ****
Over some stupid homework
("No, not homework, study!
You need to study too!")

You were unaware
That I had been sulking
About a body
Not matching a mind

I was paralysed in my bed
And you were helpfully telling me
All about my laziness
All about my life
Or there lack of

Well, I haven't been motivated
To do much lately
Other than ransack my room
For possible compressors

But in the end
You only wanted
To compress my mind
My "mindset"

You say that you love me
And you believe yourself
But do I?
Oh, of course I do

But I can not tell you
How good it feels
To hear them say my name
And mean it

It rolls off of his tongue
Skips out of her lips
And I feel at peace
I feel at home

Funny how I feel the least at home
With family
But what's a family without love?
Unconditional love?

If you love me
Let me go
I promise that I will return
As long as you let me blossom

You see
You fell in love with a caterpillar
Mistook it for a worm
I'm tired of being so pink
It's time to set me free

Cacoons can not be paused
They're created with a purpose
I'm afraid that this time
The changes are irreversible

Yes, I am going to change
But when that butterfly appears
Before your tear-filled eyes
You must realise
That it's still me

You say that you can't do it
I reply that I know why
I name the reasons that I assume
But you tell me something new

My heart shifts

Do you mean to say
That you're not going to try
Simply because it'd  be too hard?
Is that the only reason why?

Do you understand
How upset I can get?
How much I can cry?
"And it's hard for me to admit that,
As a man"

But I can cry

And maybe I wouldn't have to
Maybe I wouldn't quite so much
If you would just try

It's funny how you can be
So ******* heartless
So ******* dismissive
So ******* selfish

Without even trying
If you only knew
Why I was crying
When you said you love me

Maybe you don't know me

Maybe you love your daughter
Maybe you're losing her
Maybe you should just try
A little ******* harder
Next time.

Reality hits me
And it ******* kills me
No, please don't say
That you understand

The physical pain
Is sickening, oh
Why can't I be seen
For what I really am?

Well, the thing is
That I actually commit
To the harmless ****
That I care about

Unlike the others
That don't seem to care
They quit, cancel, flit
I can't help but think that it's unfair

Don't you miss me
Don't you notice my absence
Don't you care
That I'm not there?

I hate the crowds
They misconceive how
I express myself
When I'm just the same as everyone else

Or am I?
Who the **** cares?
Let me be who I want to be
Let me do something satisfactory

No, you don't understand
I'm sorry but it's true
You can't sympathise with me
When you don't have a clue...

you weren't not like me,
not your thoughts, they followed your actions.
i didn't know you,
i don't know your culture,
your social circle,
but it wasn't like mine.
theres something missing in your soul, you're the wrong note,
it didn't click,
it changed something in me,
to value my mind.