Anticipating the anticipation,
Anticipating the living-life-on-the-edge days.
The ones you hear about
Or you think you've heard about.

You, you've fallen into monotony,
An inescapable feeling of restless contentment.

Some call it depression,
You call it boredom.
They're one in the same,
Except boredom has a much less negative connotation;
And a much shorter life-span.

Mostly, it depends on your age;
The children are bored,
The adults are depressed.

Filling days with self-innovated anxiety,
The kind that didn't always exist,
Or you don't think it always existed.

A drive to be taken by storm
Overwhelmed.
Engulfed.
Something to shake you out of this trance you have been stifled by.

Like a visitor from afar,
You continue to sit in that hotel room,
Anticipating the anticipation of travel.

While you glance
Between the alarm clock,
The room service menu,
The T.V. Guide.

Bored.
Depressed.
Anticipating the anticipation of living.

a single note slips out of the chord
as the others cling to safe harmony
she turns the soundwaves to crackling lightning
she becomes the tension of a catastrophic earthquake
she pushes the limits of the dam and threatens to flood
she is dissonance
and she will hold out before her resolution

Iron bars
Endless stars
Crying all alone
Wondering who to phone
Just wanting to go home
What is home
I’m not sure I’ve ever known
Believe in yourself
But that’s impossible without help
My everything is a mess
Maybe i should just be all alone
***** this imaginary home
I speak to the silence
Teter-tottering on this fence
Following the shadow in the light
Focusing on the dark
...
It's all i like.

I want to fly.
I want to use a gun to die

I wonder how free a butterfly feels?
I’m sick of all these repulsive ideals

Do you ever wonder why the sky is blue?
I want to slice my scars until they are brand new

I like my black and brown shoes, Vans is my favorite brand.
I’m not sure whether my funeral would be small or grand

I love drawing, I’m not very good at it yet though.
I can’t look in the mirror for fear of seeing my greatest foe

I love small cuddly soft things, i own so many teddy bears and i love them all.
I wonder if anyone can hear me when i scream and slide down to the floor in a ball

I like smiley faces, there’s so many different ones, each with their own charm.
My favorite is the one i just carved into my arm

The night sky is best when covered in stars.
My deltoid looks better covered in my blood and scars

I want to be happy, body mind and soul
I don’t know how to be happy, or how to be whole.

You didn’t notice
Because
You didn’t know us.
You were above us
Because
You didn’t love us.
You found us boring
So you were ignoring
As we suffered neglect
But yet
You demanded respect.
That we couldn’t detect
The love you didn’t reflect
Because
To you we were pains
All the proof that remained
When no profit was gained
Yet you moan about paying
Because
We're all still staying
Here around the family
Where there are no homilies
That save you from indignities
From being constantly haunted
By children you never wanted.

Hello everyone,

  I'm so very sorry … I feel horrible doing this, but I have no choice. You see, I have published my first book on Amazon/Kindle! This piece (and many others) had to be taken down because they do not allow published material to be available online for free. (Go figure) I wanted to leave the shell of the posts because I felt compelled to leave all your helpful and loving comments. (Silly sentimental, I know), but I also didn't want to just have the pieces disappear without an explanation. I feel bad enough as it is!

  I owe ALL of you so, SO much for all of your reads, love, and support. It was YOU that gave me the gumption to FINALLY get off my **** and publish! Thank you all for the warm comments, camaraderie, and encouragement! I will still be here, reading, uploading and just being the Rascal that I am. How could I EVER leave you guys?

  The book is called “The Way I See It – FictionPhilosophySoul Food” and it will be FREE for the first few days on Kindle Select, so watch for it, if you are interested. I hope that you go and grab it. If you do, I would also hope that you find it worthy, you would leave me a good review. That will help me get in the public eye! Soon afterward (2-3 days or so), it will be available in paperback.

Find the book(s) here: www.amazon.com/author/jeff.gaines

Or find the book(s), and all about me, here: www.JeffGaines.world

  Soon after, I also hope to have my first novel (a supernatural thriller), called “Wanderer” available as well!

  Wish me luck!

                                                          ­             Big, Biggest Love,

                                                          ­                    Jeff Gaines

I’ve been telling everyone

I’ve been trying to understand

I cannot even begin to comprehend all of the thoughts that run rampant until 2 am:

I love you.
Or the idea of you, I am unsure.

I hate you.
For what you have done,
I am sure.

I love you.
I would go back to you,
if only you asked.

I hate you.
For who you have become,
I am the only one who asked if
only I could come back.

I love you.
You do not love me.
You will not say it back.

I hate you.
You are the one
You are the one who said
“I love you” first.

I love you.
I am the one to say
“I love you” last.