You hold pain in the center of your being and unsurprisingly, begin to shatter.

there is a tall boy living inside my chest
he is the fingerprints all over my memories
he's why i stand at the edge of this cliff,
and why the view burns my lungs
he is the reason i breathe
and the reason i can't
he is the answer to every question
and why i'm always asking more
he is the mist hovering over the ocean,
sometimes i can't see him
but i know he's always there
he is the reason i feel small
and why my hands can touch the sky
he is the tall boy living inside my chest
and even death will not take him away

I want to take her pain away,
First with my heart,
and then my hands,
lips,
and tongue

some people already have a view, a light over the horizon.
their feet are dipped into an ocean that holds many of their secrets,
but they become bored with the mundane & seek more meaning to their existence.
perhaps someone else's ocean will taste differently.
perhaps they'll finally learn how to swim.
willing hearts & open hands accept these travelers because maybe they're an adventurer just like me.
but really they're just passing through.
they only want to experience new flavors, to swim in unknown seas.
they need to escape but they'll never leave.
cowards perhaps, to temporarily give up the comfort of the river and sink into the oceans' depths.
but the ocean is not quiet & neither is the wind.
she will shred your sails & sink your ship.
she will not forget how you stirred her waves into a tsunami and left her there to drown.
when the night becomes indifferent, seek change first within yourself.
you will never find light in another if you do not love your own hands.
do not take arms you know you will eventually let go of.
do not awaken hearts you cannot call your home.

and so we go on. and the ocean waits alone, for the next light on the horizon.

Catastrophically beautiful,
Like kissing a storm,
and expecting,
Not to get blown away.

it was on a saturday night when I first saw you
a party filled with all kind of strange faces, friends and maybe enemies..

you told me I was special, a work of art with eyes that could tell a story
he wanted to know everything about me, it was scary yet warming..
what I adored in life and why, what made me cry, what made me smile

he wanted to know about the things I feared most, my demons, angels
the stories about how I always get way too drunk and the reasons why
the scars on my wrists and the tattoo on my back, like everything..

her darkness was bright like the moon and the stars in the sad sky
but she always shined like the sun, she was so full of life and beauty

it was just like the nights before, the music was smashing , it was loud
we had way too much alcohol in our veins more than was good for us
you were craving for my attention and there were moments I gave in..
he smiled this cheeky smile sweet but dangerous, my heart jumped
he was charming but oh so mysterious..

you were there in the club, in my mind and in my heart
and darling you looked so beautiful with the lights shining on you
and I was missing you so much even though you were next to me ..

I can hear your voice when Im laying in my bed, when its dark
oh baby I can hear your voice every where but I wanted his instead

I always heard you cry at night and I knew it always was because of me

maybe I do have a jet black heart.