Shadow of death and longing
Lurking
Silent and waiting
To make their presence felt.
When the slightest sliver of light
Escapes through
the broken glass panes of the Window
That I dare not close.
I can't find the door anymore.
I have forgotten
What it looks like.
Too scared to feel through the layers of dust.
Its become easier this way.
The door was nailed shut long ago.
You might tug and pull
But those twisted lines of metal won’t be of any use anymore.
So let it be.
Let me sit and gaze
At the broken window panes.
I will wait
With the shadows.
Silent.
Waiting.
It has become easier this way
For this is familiar
And not the world outside anymore.

My heart feels lost, and shrunken enough
To move aimlessly through my body like
Floating ghosts in abandoned hallways
Hopeless, useless and just lost
At least these feelings have names.

My eyes never fear running dry
it's an endless waterfall
best kept in the shadows.
I want to scream.
but my throat disappears every time,
Invisible fingers
Groping and choking me, just enough
To disappear.

I smile and laugh sometimes,
While I feel insanity slowly creep
from under my locked doors and
carry me into the night.
Into oblivion.

I don't see a way out
For I am struggling
or maybe I have resigned myself to the end
and refuse to struggle any longer

My tears now flow without rhyme or reason
or effect
like they never mattered, nor I.
The only thing I seem to enjoy lately is self pity;
like the bitter aftertaste of my morning coffee.
I wish this was teenage angst
I wish this is just a dream that felt like another life.

but the other me has other plans
A death pact
The only choice left to make is
who goes first and
leaves the other to pull the trigger on their own.

dear anxiety, when will you leave me?
all my thoughts have gone wary
even my vision's kinda blurry
hear me out and save me hurry

dear anxiety, why are you here?
creeping me out so sheer
you won't get another tear
is anyone ever near?

dear anxiety, what do you want?
still in my dreams you do your haunt
tell it to me and i shall grant
even so, no one hears my rant

dear anxiety, who must i call?
though in the end it's me who will fall
surely you have taken its toll
when will they see it all?

dear anxiety, how are you?
so good at keeping me blue
remind me that this reality is true
those who see it are only few

my life is egg and chips
served on a plate
the size of your head
with unlimited tea
my life is You Tube
on a continuous loop
of ghost investigations
amazing facts I never knew
and documentaries about
how scientists aren’t as smart
as they think they are
my life is ***** top bottles of beer
I can open with my paw
and tip down my throat
with consummate ease
my life is poetry and art
that speaks to me
tells me how fragile the world is
people are our future will be
my life is worrying about
the planet
my children
my wife
my job
my future
death
life after death
documentaries about my death
me becoming a ghost
my diet
my drinking
how art mirrors life
how I’m not as smart
as I think I am
I am uncomplicated
just like everyone else

I went to the seaside in the early morning;
Rain cried heavily on the wet sand,
Leaving my footprints as an anchor with my real life.
I observed the murky mist covering the surface of the sea,
While the white gulls swarming upon the sea;
I stood rooted to the wet sand motionless,
Staring at the angry waves profoundly;
It seemed like my whole life was described in those waves,
Each wave had a deep notion to declare.
A wave of mistrust, betrayal, detest;
Infinite waves kept moving nearer to me,
And I kept trying to move forward dauntlessly
To overcome all the hurdles and worriments.

Stuck
In a time of worry
Stuck
In an endless loop
Stuck
Without summer camp
Stuck
Without my friends
I’m stuck
We’re all stuck
In this time and place
Stuck

it's too early to be
thinking so much, feeling
like my thoughts need to be
herded around. and i am
singling out some of them
who've been misbehaving
and i am shouting at them,
screaming, "it is too early
to be a black sheep."

it's 4:32 am, and i am awake.
what for? i ask myself. ah, i needed
a bathroom break, like i always
need a break in life. but to be
frank, life has been great and
life has been good and i am
hoping i too am good
and will someday be
great.

but the thing is, my thoughts
are often precariously swinging
from danger to safety, and
it can be such a sight
to behold, my heart
in my throat, my mind
yelling at me to get it
together. get them
together. my thoughts--

they spin
uncontrollably, like a top
that falls to the ground and cracks
a bit, tiny fragile pieces
swept under the rug.
and my life has never been
better. my thoughts have never been
cleaner, despite the need
to be collected all the time.

creeps up on you when you finally think you're ok
but the winter has finished now
we gotta wait for summer to come around
when they're out in full force
when you turn the corner and least expect it
don't worry it'll find you

My eyes sting
From searching for answers
My head aches
From the noise of my thoughts
A torturous dripping-tap of anxiety
Thought after thought
Overlapping
Like the piles of papers surrounding me
Fact, fiction, dates, past, future
The absence of now
All ******* up
Into a weighty ball of
Stuff
Rolling around
With no direction
It makes
No sense