My heart feels lost, and shrunken enough
To move aimlessly through my body like
Floating ghosts in abandoned hallways
Hopeless, useless and just lost
At least these feelings have names.

My eyes never fear running dry
it's an endless waterfall
best kept in the shadows.
I want to scream.
but my throat disappears every time,
Invisible fingers
Groping and choking me, just enough
To disappear.

I smile and laugh sometimes,
While I feel insanity slowly creep
from under my locked doors and
carry me into the night.
Into oblivion.

I don't see a way out
For I am struggling
or maybe I have resigned myself to the end
and refuse to struggle any longer

My tears now flow without rhyme or reason
or effect
like they never mattered, nor I.
The only thing I seem to enjoy lately is self pity;
like the bitter aftertaste of my morning coffee.
I wish this was teenage angst
I wish this is just a dream that felt like another life.

but the other me has other plans
A death pact
The only choice left to make is
who goes first and
leaves the other to pull the trigger on their own.