you found the crack in my wall.
all of you has made its way in me.
beneath the well polished surface,
amidst the chaos and howling storms.
you feel at home.
comfortable in this awkward mess.
relating to my weirdness.
our demons nod in recognition.
we discover our compatibility
in our brokenness.

Tana,

I got sad again, and if I was like everyone else, I would blame you for it.
I care too much to say that it's your fault, maybe I like you.
I wish Maddi and I could just move out and not deal with other people and we'd be happy.

I fell again in more ways than one; I fell in love with you, I fell in love with who you are.
I fell into my sadness, shrinking into my body, confused and disoriented.
I wish I could hate you and then kiss you and make love to you all in the same night, then leave you and not speak to you for a couple weeks.
I wish I could feel shame and sorrow and then, call you up and say I was sorry really half-assed and you'd forgive me like I did.
I wish I could blow cigarette smoke in your face like the regulars at work do to me, with their slack-jawed minds and gas station lighters.
I wish I could treat you like a toy, but I can't and I won't, because I know that when you're sad, you'll call me and I'll feel bad if I treat you like you're unimportant.

A cold case of reality.
Grasping for truth, hands barely touching an answer.
Holding on to past thoughts
Tightening their meanings and their occurrence.
Forcing yourself to focus on the now.
Breathing in,
breathing out.
Letting it all out.
But shouldn’t you let it all in?
What’s the difference?
How can you tell?
Have I become numb?
I’m numb to any understanding of it.
Gentle, easy conversation.
How can I make it in presentation?
What’s the easiest way to stay focused?
My mind wanders and my heart leaks emotion.
It bottles up and you just have to let it all out.
Let it all in.
Let it all out?
Let it begin.
Just let me be me.
Let me be free from all this hiding-
this danger-
this confusion.
This different me.

It’s numb.

Whilst I must say
Im not a perfect being
I'm proud to say
I'm an inhuman thing...

dot dot dot
just three simple periods together
so little
yet they speak volumes
filling in the spaces you have no words to fill
just three mere little pixelated specs
dot dot dot

There she goes again
She pops another pill to find bliss.
Her hallucinations of the mirages she perceives to be real make her  free..free from the chains of reality.
If she could make a wish
She'd wish that this high would be eternally.

She had a beautiful smile
though she was in the dark
it evoked thoughts of fire flies.


She pops another pill..her emancipation from reality
It's the only thing that keeps her sane and afloat in this sea,her tears.

She smiled again
And ironically I saw her beauty within.
Slowly she fades away
As I woke up from my dream
A beautiful dream.

She was a deity. A beautiful deity,that awaits me to save her when my conscious to this world is no longer awakening.

you are the voice
of my most cruel thoughts
remind me of all the
tears, and nightmare i have fought

you tear me down each day
haven't seen you in years
but you're still here
one of my greatest fears

tortured by the memories
you've cursed me with
ask me if i miss you
i plead the fifth

please get out stay out
stop living in my head
stop making me scared
to live for myself instead

i can't be haunted anymore
but you linger here
never fading out
i need you to dissapear

You call it weird
I call it normal
What do you even think about
When you see these things
Do you even bother
To mind my hurt
For the things you call weird
Are the most adorable in this world