here i sit
watching
watching you make new friends
whether or not they're good for you
i sit here watching you make one bad decision after another
but i don't say much in fear of upsetting you
in fear of drifting farther away from you
in fear of you going off and informing people of my worrying
here i sit
watching you tell people things that weren't yours to tell
watching you drift farther away from your innocence
farther away from your true relationships
farther away from me
here i sit
while you yell at me
while you tell me to not worry
while you tell me you "love me"
while you tell me that you will be okay
while you cry to me
while you vent to me
while you tell me you don't care
while you laugh at me for caring
while you tell me you hate him
but then tell me you miss him
while you tell me that i need to care once i say im done caring
here i sit
crying
crying because of how much pain this is causing me
crying because i can't do anything
crying because you are fine with this
crying because you are fine with them
crying because im tired of feeling this way
crying because what happened to always?
what happened to
ill never leave you
ill always love you
i would never do that
just one more
trust me
i would never lie to you
im sorry
i should've listened to you
you're my only true best friend
you're my person
here i sit
exhausted from the mental pain
being forced into feeling numb because im tired of feeling
missing what we had
what we should've still had now
what you tell me we still have
...
but we both know that we don't

Tonight, I saw you at the corner of the road,
standing, with falling shoulders and lowered head,
not lonely, rather alone with yourself,
the best company I would say,
even if it appears contrary to you at the moment

Though, your shoulders are falling,
they are gracefully carrying the excruciating pain of your heart,
those stiff muscles are holding you straight,
yes, your head is lowered down,
yet, what a marvelous posture of your body
I adore you,
your presence, existence is a source of emulation for many,
they are admiring their standing woman-man, their stoikiy muzhik,
as standing their itself is an act of courage,
that you are holding on

I don’t know what ransacked you,
must have been terrible,
but not strong enough to break your resilience,
the terseness of your being,

I adore you
Tonight, when you go back home,
don’t just reach and lay on the couch,
go in front of that mirror,
the one that you have not seen for long
let your intimate self undress you,
praise your beautiful body,
doesn’t matter whether it has gained weight or lost,
if gained, admire those layers of new flesh,
they are eager to burn themselves up for you, just for you,
if lost, praise those beautiful bones,
which are highlighting the flow of universe inside the canvas of your body,
see yourself, raise your head,
give respect to your resilient shoulders,
to your eyes which drained themselves dry to make you feel better,
see the grace and light they have when they daringly carry your vulnerability with style,
they deserve a smile,
while smiling, respect your mind, you awareness,
which is not acting as your master anymore,

when was the last time you caressed your
beautiful eyes, hair, face,
when was the last time you caressed your
breast, chest, all below,

Don’t sleep tonight,
your cupboard is waiting for your touch,
you have kept on contacting them,
but for tonight, for one last moment,
one last act of courage,
that gods themselves are not expecting from you,
shut their mouth,
defeat death, for tonight,

Touch
touch your books, shoes, clothes, diary, pen,
that beautiful lamp in the corner,
your bed that has not been made up,
touch your work, they long for your love,
and they, all of them have waited for this very moment,
just one last deed,
affirmatively whisper…

Aditya

Heart, blood filled and beating.
Lungs, fresh autumn air.
Inside, I am never reluctant to memorize your fine lines.
I hear a distant ring, slowly getting louder
the sound of you, on a continuous loop,
circling around a wooden wheel with country side view.
I allude to discussing the future you.
Blue eyed, smile lines, and softened skin.
I trace our constellations,
you are a destination within,
I thought I would not need.
I cannot help it, if only I could bury my thoughts deep.
But you’re a sunflower, a succulent, and an oak tree
Flourishing like weeds that grow between cracks in the concrete.
Roots twirl around my feet,
I feel your twigs branch out engulfing every part of me.
But I’ll let you grow along my curves.
You are defining odds. A perfect catastrophe
A pleasant hurricane, and a tsunami of love.
I am an architect who constructed the strongest of walls,
collapse my blue print,
I am ready to fall.

know you don’t miss me
you just miss the way it feels
to not be alone