My heart is held in the hands of people who like to break things.
Chaos is their default, and
everything is my fault.
Why do the broken always find me?

They think I am a mirror, but I am a window.
Not fractured like them, but convient and translucent.
They keep their hands firm against my cold surface and stare through me while they continue to look for something.

My mosaic is just not for them.

I hate the fact that you could have me back in a heartbeat.
I remember the bad but I’ve forgotten the worst,
So I am yours for the taking,
And that ******* ****** me off.

The stars once told me you were out of my reach.
Our secrets were hidden by night, but the constellations saw the wreckage and whispered to me:

“You are made of light. Please don’t glow for an ice that won’t be melted”

I didn’t realize you used it against me.
When day 4 was erased and turned into another day 1,
I still thought it was all my fault, that I didn’t give you enough.

Now though, I see you are a monster.
I refuse to blame myself for being naïve.
I’m no stranger to abuse, but your method will haunt me for years.
While wielding the sword of my own horrors, you whispered the vows that would save your reputation and keep my loyalty even when I’m empty and broken.
You soothed the old wound and turned my wildfire into a flickering candle. But my wax turned cold on impact when you tried to slice my flesh when I was most vulnerable.

I let you draw blood, numbed by your manipulation.
But now you are gone, and your anesthesia wore off.
I see you now.
You are not my friend.
You are not my enemy.
You are just a terrible young man who’s name I will eventually forget.
Because you are nothing to me anymore.

My body is currency.
Its been stolen and spent
and affection is costly.
Friendship is costly.
Understanding is priceless.
This money is worthless.
When the hospital asks for insurance, I am
at a loss.
Why secure my future when my usual payment
method guaranteed I wouldn't have one?