Every drop of your sweat
is like the nectar of flowers.

But you are not a flower—
you are sweeter and more beautiful than that.

And I am not a bee,
for they taste nectar from every other flower.

I am yours alone,
devoted to no other.

Let me taste your nectar
and make me only yours.

I wish I had told you that you were my best friend
Come to realize that fact now
After your life met it's end
Nothing said or done could ever bring you back
I still beg unseen forces to reverse your passing and unfade surroundings from black
Your death hit like a bullet straight through my chest
Here on out I'll continue bleeding every sentiment left unexpressed
I can't help feeling bitter towards the world turning round and round
For taking my heaven-sent angel and burying her in the cold ground
I wake each heavy morning and barely face the sun
Swept up in a hurricane but I seem to be the only one
Driving down an unpaved road no signs saying yield
Rain is crashing so hard I can hardly see through the windshield
And know if you were here you'd be encouraging me to keep fighting
I ****** myself bit by bit
Demise I'm expediting
I'm stranded on remote island surrounded by ocean of my fears
Beach shrinking as tide rolls in
Helplessly watch as all land disappears
It is not fair you deserted me in a barren expanse of loneliness
Wilting I long for the familiar warmth of your caress
Now aching hours are blistered by regret and rage
Heating shaky hands as I spill my story onto this page
Ready to give up what is there to continue breathing for?
Nothing lasts forever and I admit I simply don't want to anguish anymore
It's like I'm held underwater by a dozen unbreakable strings
Lay in bed when night falls tormented by sound of your laughter as it rings
How is it possible to be dead as my pulse simultaneously races
Feet exhausted from sprinting in circles over the same four bases
I once was aware of my worth
Moved with purpose and care
Presently time warps wasting away as I navigate this nightmare
Drinking nostalgia like alcohol
Enjoying shot after shot
Intoxicated with reminiscence
Drowning in love I have no longer got
I caught cranium on fire in attempt to warm up insides
Pursuing this glow your presence no longer supplies
Beneath sheets I roll until my limbs become a tangled mess
Dreams only location where I am briefly unshackled from distress
Speak to you sleeping then expect you to remain
Once eyes open you are left behind in another domain
Then experience you parting to the point like it was new
For one second I forget that there is no more you
And everything comes tumbling around me in a blink
Dire circumstances are slowly nudging me towards the brink
Trying to gain some distance between me and the edge of this cliff
Spent enough energy wrestling with two words
"What if?"
To taste that state of carefree bliss bathed in as a child
Unharnessed love shadowed me before innocence was defiled
Wrapped in an insatiable yearning for arms laid to ashes
No bandages or stitches are able to close up emotional gashes
I should have savored sweetness of your affection while I could
Every last bit of maternal nurturance is gone for good

my bedroom walls are filled with framed art.
a desperate plea for me to get up in the morning,
to search for beauty that is replicated
inside the golden frames that cling to my wall.

and i tattoo pretty things
onto my arms
in an attempt to remind myself that there are
pretty things left in the world.

if i don’t remind myself with the tangible
i will forget about all the sweetness.
and i will never leave this sour.

i was born pure sweetness.
a fruit born from my mother
delightful on the tongue.

you were pure acidity.
a fruit grown bitter
hostile to taste.

how does one drop of bitterness
flood, so deeply, the sweet?
is there any way of tempering acid?
or will i stay like this… burnt?

i meander at the
depths of rock bottom stumbling
upon newfound grace and
gratitude.

the spiking stone all around
is dull to the eyes but makes
the ever-blue sky
come alive.

when i reach up to
touch it, i know that
i am too small to caress
those faint cotton candy
wisps.

but in my dreams,
i greet the sunrise by
perching on the shoulders
of those who dare to rise
above.

Feelings are funny things
I used think feelings were the sweet feelings you felt when you were very young
When you were little
(Before the emptiness came)
These were what feelings were... to me.

So it used to baffle me when I got older
After I'd gone through some traumas of my own in life
And suddenly I found much to my dismay
That I no longer felt anything inside myself anymore
Only an emptiness, a numbness, a nothingness... a void
Those lovely early feelings had now all gone
I knew...I knew there was something wrong

But then I'd hear some people say
"Oh, I feel this way or I feel that way... I feel happy, I feel sad, I feel...
And I'd think to myself What! you still feel something inside yourself
Y'know Me! I don't feel anything anymore
All my old feelings that made me who I was they've  all gone
And I have no idea how to get them back again.

But then I'd think
Y'know when you say you feel...say you feel lonely or depressed or calm and confident
Overwhelmed or in control... whatever!
all these different emotions/ so called feelings
But these aren't.... these aren't the real feelings are they
Not like the feelings you had when you were a little child
Their just... aren't they just words describing mental states where/how you find yourself during the day
You feel sad probably because you're thinking sad thoughts
Or you feel happy because you're thinking happy thoughts
But sure I could do that
Yea! I could say well I feel... I feel hungry
Or I feel a bit apprehensive about something that's coming up
Or maybe I feel excited because I'm going out to a show somewhere
But these... these aren't the real feelings are they though
Not the lovely sweet feelings you had as a little child
No! Their not the same.

Y'know when a child comes into the world they start as a clean slate
They have no words at all to begin with
Yet even then they have these incredible sweet feelings inside that make them feel so happy and so special
It makes them feel like they own the whole world
Maybe... maybe their a symptom of the Divine. I...I don't know.

And I'd say this to someone sometimes and it's like they'd look at me kind of strangely
As if to say "What do you mean... when you say... the real feelings!