Full moon, at night.
The water shimmers in its light.
“Will you jump with me, naked?”
I ask him in the cold wind shaking,
Standing on the edge of the unknown,
Like a lion that has fully grown.
As he hesitates fearfully,
I dive into freedom fiercely.
“I must do it”, he says, following my lead,
Before surrendering to the deep.

The cigarette burns,
whiskey half-empty,
I stare at the ceiling—
my body frozen,
like time itself has died.

Maybe if I stare long enough,
you’ll walk through that door,
say, “It’s not your fault,”
and we’ll hug,
but the silence cuts through,
and you’re already gone.

Maybe I should have kept quiet,
my words too heavy for you to bear.
Your foot told me so,
and your hands agreed,
gripping the wheel,
not steering,
but letting go.

I wish I could wipe your tears,
hold your shattered heart
and stop the screaming,
but it’s too late.

So you accelerate,
and I’m left in this stillness,
a wreck that never crashed.

You're on to me.
This river comes from death.
I am not good at hiding things—
I am full of water.

The most I can do
Is to stay in my body.
It's so much, sometimes,
You know I ask the same of you.

My mind, the great bridge,
flapping fishes in my hands.
They love me,
but I can't control them.

Put them, put them
back
in the black
water.

I don't want anything more
than to gentle myself.
I'll not rage the last wave—
I'll breathe this through.

Do what you do.
Do what you do.

You're in the rushes now.
The pull is too strong.
Slowly, nature takes us all
Back to the salty ocean.

Interfering waves distort the mind,
shattered dreams freeze in their wake—
a chasm deep, sleep’s quiet grave,
where reality bends and breaks.

The ego quivers at the brink,
between the void and waking’s weight,
a struggle fierce, a war with fate—
archetypes stir, reborn to think.

Don't give those thoughts any attention
But if I won't, they will turn into action!
I am done, my patterns drain me out.
I will let everything happen just the way it does.
Just the way it wants, it needs,
It's happening. Here, now.

Turning on and off myself
Daily
Losing hope, gaining hope,
Dreams illusions
On repeat.
Self-blame and shame.
And pain.

I am here now,
How dare I not be grateful for everything I have?
I go too fast, my body says.
I am alone.
But I am truly grateful to my bone.
I am forever free.
Indeed I always have been.

Now,
Here,
This connection is everything
I ever wanted.
My relaxation
Because of the beginning cold,
And the connection with my body
That it brought ❤️
My dancing is the same as healing.
I am grateful for persevering.
:)

It is rooted to my teeth
                         my stomach
                         my nostrils
                         my nasal cavities

It rustles when I breathe in
It begs for more when I bite
It screams when I swallow

I cannot be your choir boy
And I will not kiss you
                   not today
                   not tomorrow
                   not tonight

Lord, you held nothing back, not even your life
You forgave me when I denied you thrice
You still loved me when I betrayed you with a kiss
You ran out to meet me with grace and forgiveness
You desire to give me all I could possibly need
But so often, I ignore you and pay you no heed
Help me give you everything, to abandon it all
Because I know it is Jesus who calls
If I don't surrender to the power of the love
I am missing out on all that could be
And I won't experience a more wonderful reality
I come to life in the light of your love
Help me live a life that is fully realized
Yours is the blood that courses through my veins
And when all is stripped away, only your love yet remains