It makes me feel so alive
As i watch it bleed
It makes me feel so alive
Its such a sudden need

The pain is like a rush
If you saw me
You would definitely blush
Because this is not who im supposed to be

But im afraid
Its who i am
The price must be paid
So that i can stand

Stand myself
Without this knife
I would crumble
And i would end my life

So i continue to cut my skin
I dont care if its a sin
Its what must be done
If im to continue to see the sun

Everyone needs something
To cope with pain
This is what i need
For there to be any gain

I love the blood
I love feeling it flood
Down my leg
Im not going to beg

For help
So inwardly i yelp
In pain
And i watch the rain
Of red
That will scare me skin
And i want it to end
But i cant stop
Its out of my control
I have no soul
Im just a robot
Who must bleed
I have to feed
On this bright red sin
So i cut again and again

But there has to be more
Christ has settled my score
I wont give up
I wont stay stuck
I will keep moving
I will let go of this knife
I wont let it rule my life

Sip, sip, sip, is how it starts out
when you're feeling a little down.
Clug, clug, clug, is when it could end
when you're nearly about to drown.

Sad and depressed, motivates the hand
to delve into the cans in the fridge.
One by one, this helps you no?
By twelve I feel like slipping from a bridge.

"I'm a **** man, let's break out the Jack."
My body numb, the pain subsides away.
Emotions mean nothing, neither does life
I got in my car, and reversed out my driveway.

Not really knowing, where I would be going
my mind buried deep down in a hole.
Following the lines on the outskirt of town
they lied and took me head on in a pole.

When I was found, people couldn't believe,
the horrific picture they'd seen.
My parents never imagined, this day would come
they would suffer a funeral for their teen.

"I'm sorry if your dad left you .
I'm sorry if your dad hit you .
I'm sorry if your dad passed away .
I'm sorry if your mom left you .
I'm sorry if your mom hit you or got hit by your dad .
I'm sorry if your mom passed away .
I'm sorry if you get bullied .
I'm sorry if you cut your wrists .
I'm sorry if you can never get sleep at night .
I'm sorry if you throw up after you eat because you don't want to gain weight .
I'm sorry if you cry in your room for hours .
I'm sorry if you get called a ****** for being gay .
I'm sorry if your boyfriend or girlfriend hits you .
I'm sorry if you feel like you're not good enough .
I'm sorry if someone broke your heart .
I'm sorry if you got cheated on .
I'm sorry if you're in foster care .
I'm sorry if you're homeless .
I'm sorry if you would rather be homeless because being at home is torture .
I'm sorry if you rake your nails down your arms .
I'm sorry if you feel like nobody cares .
I'm sorry if you feel invisible .
I'm sorry if you feel you won't be as " pretty " or " handsome " as someone else . But guess what ? You are beautiful .
I'm sorry if you don't want to be saved .
I'm sorry if you do want to be saved , but nobody is around to help you .
I'm sorry if you lost a loved one .
I'm sorry if your brother or sister has a mental illness .
I'm sorry if I've hurt you .
I'm sorry if you've been sexually harassed .
I'm sorry I've not always been there when you've needed me .
I'm sorry if you have to sell drugs or do them because you hate reality .
I'm sorry for all the pain you kept inside for so long .
I'm sorry if your heart is broken .
I'm sorry if you feel this way .
But I know that with everything that is going wrong , one day it will go right .
I care about you , I want to give my all to show you how worth it you are .
I want you to live , I want you to fight this .
I need you here .
All your pain is something that probably followed you everywhere .
I know that things are hard , and nobody understands what you're going through .
You fake a smile , but I can see it .
You think you're unloved , but I love you so much . I promise you're loved .
If you think it's time for you to go , it's honestly not , this isn't worth it.
I know you want to die , nobody would miss you right ? Those thoughts are all a lie , those demons in your head are lying to you . All those people telling you to **** yourself aren't there when you need a hug , they aren't there when you're punching walls .
They assume you won't do anything, they aren't there when you're breaking down , and crying , but I promise you'll feel better soon , don't do this .
Don't leave me .
I need you .
You're worth it .
I know you're enough .
I love you .
I'm always just a message away .
Stay strong ."

I don't need to breathe
I just need to sleep
I need you to stop getting so close to me
I'm a ticking time bomb
Ready to blow
One more second
And my world will explode

I'm Dreaming of death
No regrets
**** all these demons that are filling my head
They tempt me with rest
That final escape
And I'm waiting for the moment that
I finally cave

Lost in a moment
And I'm feeling alright
Maybe even thinking
I don't hate this life
But that light came so fast
And Now it's all passed
My darkness returns
Leaving nothing in its path

I'm Dreaming of death
No regrets
**** all these demons that are filling my head
They tempt me will rest
A final escape
And I'm waiting for the minute that
I finally cave

Ugh
God save my soul
I need a way out
I've been digging my grave
And This dirts coats my mouth
But I know you cant hear me
No I don't believe
Cause I control my own destiny

But I can't do it on my own

I'm Dreaming of death
No regrets
**** all these demons that are filling my head
They tempt me will rest
A final escape
And I'm waiting for the second that
I finally cave

Please, I know you can do it
No
Baby don't give in
I swear it'll change
Just try to make it
One more day

I feel like I'm
holding my breath,
waiting,
waiting for something
to happen,
even though
I know
nothing will.

Today was the day I found reasoning.  
Reasons to all the madness you've bestowed me.  
It was true, the spark was not there anymore.  
But the deceitful lies should have been saved for yourself.  
I didn't need false hope to be okay with you again.  
A friendship would have sufficed.  
But you're so selfish that you thought you wanted more.  
Instead you've left me here again.  
Guessing why I wasn't good enough this time.  
The truth is the complete opposite though.  
Were you good enough for me?
After all these years of self-improvement on my part.. You're still the same.  
You don't know what you want, as far as love goes.  
You will never be satisfied if you're always expecting something from nothing.  
Love can't be forced, I understand that..
But a friendship after so many years of being close,
That would have been ideal.  
You wanted the whole thing.  
You wanted the comfort, the love.
You wanted all of these things from someone who was trying desperately to love themselves.
Someone who didn't even feel comfort in their own skin.
Boy oh boy did you let your colors shine this time.  
It's true, I am very devestated.. Losing you was hard for me.
Realizing that I was putting you on a pedestal where you didn't belong, is the worst part.  
Realizing that I have wasted my time and love on something, never to be appreciated, kills me.
But God works in the most beautiful ways.  
I prayed for him to show me who you really were, because of my doubts.
He answered my prayers the day you called me and said you couldn't do it anymore.  
I know it was her, the reason you left me.. the one that you believe got away...
But just wait and see, one day that girl will be me

Regardless of the tempest that embraces us
Let our branches keep holding together
Let us hear the whistle and be swayed by the wind
And let the love keep binding us forever.

You are brighter than
the shining sun.
When I believe
I cannot be happier,
you come along and
prove me wrong.

i have so many things
to consider doing with my life.
minor things, major things.
just too much for me
to handle.