The long wait is over. The big fish is finally in my hands. It is not really something worth for a cry but it isn't also something worth for laughter. It is something that brings peace in my mind, a moment of solitude. That big fish is an acceptance - a reality. The only reality that makes my heart heavy but at the same time, halfhearted.

How can be something brought you silently in pathos and in equal time, brutally in felicity?

I dared to dream about hoping for more. I dared to dream for a bigger picture of us. I dared to dream of having you beside me. I dared to dream for everything for us. But I did not dare to dream for a reality, all I dream was an exaggeration of my own fantasy.

Now, I don't want to know the price I'm gonna pay for dreaming that way, cause this reality and pain is enough. Or maybe for now it isn't, but I hope it is.

How I wish to disappear
completely, to unplug fully,
til I shut down-deep-withdrawn
and there focus on something
that's more internal
and less commercial,
less self-evidently marketable -
something less brand
and more a brand new venture,
out of sight, of mind
and of a sense of duty
to myself,
to the me I left behind -
somewhere less,
somewhere small,
where the music inside
was clearer
and nearer
to the first bars
of the first song
when I first sang along.
Oh, how can I disappear
completely and get myself ready
for my next swan song?

it seems like such a haze
my past has been set ablaze
i went on my very first date
in three years and the whole
time i was wondering back
to what it felt like when it was
me and you
everything's different this time
and i don't know where i am
floating in between hellos
and goodbyes i feel like
i'm caught in between love
and loss
its getting hard to get by
and i don't know if i really want
to try
with someone new and he's here
telling me about his daddy issues
and i'm thinking about
how you never dealt with yours

this doesn't feel good
goodnight.

Ready for new opportunities.
Ready for exciting challenges.
Ready for more adventures.
Ready to welcome beautiful souls in my life.
I know that this won't be easy. Leaving was never really my thing.
I know there might come a time that I'll regret this decision.
But, somehow, it's the best option left right now.
I look back. I smile.
And in that moment, I know "I'm ready to take off."

When we get home,
kiss me
before you start unpacking.