Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
Kaede 4d
Lol
I hope you wouldn't feel the same way like I do.

I hope no one will leave you in the mid air while you are falling endlessly on the little things she did for you. I hope you will not doubt all the signals she sent to you. I hope you will not sleep at night overthinking the what ifs that could possibly happen. I hope your dreams will be pure dreams and that fear of losing her in reality won't come hunting you there. I hope you will not take risk if she doesn't have any plans to be in danger, because most likely, you will end up being alone in that danger. I hope her past won't make you feel any envious because you can give her love and all the past just gave her a different bunches of anger and madness and bitterness. Remember, you can give her love more than any other man could.

And while the butterflies in your stomach make creepy sounds while she stares at you, I hope you will not remember my eyes the first time you fell in love with me.

And while you heart flutters  because you make her laugh at the jokes you used to tell me, I hope you will not remember the smile I plastered on my face and how my dimpled cheeks becomes more rounded when you did all the little things to make me fall in love with you.

I hope she will choose you over and over again--the thing that you never did to me.

But if she won't, I hope you wouldn't feel the same way like I do.
Here's a piece. I made this one just now. I miss you Jobola. Pero igit ra. HAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHHA It's not easy to be in this situation. I don't want anyone to feel the same way like I do.
Kaede Jul 13
One day, you will find yourself standing alone on the same street you were standing with him few months ago and it will hurt less this time. And you will realize that he wasn't even there with you in the first place.
You think you were happy with him, but when he left you, you realize that the happiness you felt wasn't authentic. Now, all you are mandate to remember are all the nights he sent mixed signals and all the nights you doubted if what you had will work out. But no, it didn't.

That is why I am here, writing this excerpt.
Kaede Jul 12
When he left, it was never new to you. There was no such thing such as shredding of tears. There was no kaleidoscope of memories. There was no hopes urging you to pull him back. There was no poem written in your notebooks. There was no entry in your diary. There was no wishful thinking while waiting for the wishing stars. There was no such thing like trying to talk to him and discuss what and where did you go wrong, because you knew from the very beginning, everything was wrong.

And then you dated him. You talked about your recent scores in your quizzes while eating ice cream with him. You celebrated your 19th birthday with him, and it was magical, the nicest feeling you never felt for so long. You had long conversations at night with him that you even dared to each other who sleeps first must treat the other. You have shared about the little things that made your day happy. You both have prayed for true love you thought you both once have. You found yourself motivating him through rousing words and so he does the same way to you.You say every single good night every dozing off moments at 2 or 3 am. And while the rest of your family was in dreams, you were there beneath your blankets giggling at his corny jokes while yawning. Your smiles to each other was in utmost real when you bumped each other on the busy hallways at school. When everyone stares at you both because of your weird chemistry, you could not give a **** care at all. You realize you don't want the whole world, just him in it.

And when he left, right after your 19th birthday, it was never new to you. There was no such thing such as shredding of tears. There was no kaleidoscope of memories. There was no hopes urging you to pull him back. There was no poem written in your notebooks. There was no entry in your diary. There was no wishful thinking while waiting for the wishing stars. There was no such thing like trying to talk to him and discuss what and where did you go wrong, because you knew from the very beginning, everything was wrong.

With no throe in your heart, you accepted everything--the way you used to.
He really left me after we celebrated my 19th birthday. After I felt so much happiness with him is just when he left me behind. Just when I am opening my heart for them, that is when they usually leave my heart unlocked. Sad. Igit hahahaha. So I said that our smiles to each other is in UTMOST REAL? No, it was forced smile ey hahahahha
Kaede Jul 11
Standing alone,
strangers stared at me.
Confused of what to buy,
my heart is starting to get heavy.

Keep on walking,
as if something is going on.
But my mind wanders,
it is not in its right rhythm or tone.

Until I felt getting exhausted,
for no apparent reason.
I am not certain,
if I should really buy some crayons.

Twenty minutes later,
I have not chosen  anything.
Thirty minutes later,
I did not see any shadows of you coming.

I ran outside  the mall,
Someone called my nickname.
I stopped for a moment,
but only to feel tame.

Standing alone,
strangers stared at me.
Confused of what to feel,
my eyes burst into tears my baby.
I wrote this one seven months ago. We went to National Book Store together but he left me there, alone, because one of our friends asked him to accompany him. I was sad at that time but it wasn't because he left me there when we were supposed to go home together. After writing this poem in that night, I was happy. Weird ***** happened to me last year so whatever, even until now, weird ***** are still happening. HAHAHAHAHA
Kaede Jul 11
Between what you want and what you need, you always choose to leave me behind.
I realized that I am not what he needs and neither what he wants.
Kaede Jul 4
Nothing's more creepier than a dream becoming real each passing day.

Three am and I woke up gasping for air to breathe while tears streaming down in my chubby cheeks. For the first time, I don't know what is real and what is fake, and what is wrongly perceived by my senses.

As I struggled to convince myself the idea of it that it did not happened, the more I was compelled to believe that it really did. The way I cried in the dream is the way I wailed tonight. Every plot of the dream turns to be more authentic than it ever did. The vivid details of my dream are coming like a kaleidoscope of horror movies I've watched as I continue to growl in agony.

And there is nothing I can do, but to continue watching myself.

Three am and I woke up gasping for air to breathe while tears streaming down in my chubby cheeks. For the first time, I don't know what is real and what is fake, and what is wrongly perceived by my senses.

Reality felt like a little less real.

From then on, I'm becoming less much in reality and I'm becoming more in my dreams. Everything I see around in this world looks faker and faker each breathe that I take.
Go on living or go on dying? Either way, just  be brave.
Kaede Apr 26
I was never interested, I realized.

I ran, chased every tick of the clock afraid of not getting there on time, smiled at the person I just met, and answered the grammar exam like it was my quiz in Mathematics. I was even shaking during the typing exam. I was nervous during interview.

But I was never interested.

It feels weird though. The moment I heard about the company, all I thought was to get a resume and send it there. I never did a background check about the company, nor checking the possible salary I will be getting, and even the nationality of the students never came into my mind not until today.

After the HR congratulated me, I realized I don't want to have job nor the idea of getting this job or not.

And it hit me.

All the days I kept coming back in that building, running, smiling, hoping to give a shot, were all meant to be that way. I made those efforts because I should. But not because I wanted to work there.

It was because of the eagerness of emptying one's mind-- my mind. I was athirst of vacating all the thoughts inside my head, but the only way to null it is to fill it with thoughts I am not interested with.

Hopeless, as you see, unconsciously doing the things I never wanted to do just to forget the whole existence of this misery.

What do I expect? Sadness comes when you think you have almost escaped it. But fleeing is ephemeral. When sadness knocks your brain, you will always let it in, let it **** the hopes inside your head until there is only an ounce left for tomorrow. That is how it always goes.
Sudden sadness attacked me. Fck. I hate this feeling when you are almost happy, but you are just almost.
Next page